success

You choose to have a shit day!

(Disclaimer… this doesn’t apply to you if you are suffering from a mental illness but even if you are I am 100% sure you can get some take away from this post)

Or to have a great freaking day! Either way it is your choice. And yes, even if you house burned down, even if you are suffering from a loss of a loved one and any other reason you might have for having a bad day/week/life.

Everyday we have up to 80 000 thoughts….most of which are autopilot thoughts like “I need to go to bathroom, it is raining again, why is that kid screaming” etc. For the brain it is better to have autopilot thoughts most of the time because imagine if you would actually pay attention to every single fleeing thought… yeah you would drive yourself nuts.

But you still kind of do. And you can choose not to. Now don’t get me wrong this is not to say you can’t have negative thoughts ever. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel sadness, anger or frustration ever. That wouldn’t be healthy and it’d mean you are suppressing your emotions. That isn’t good either. What I mean is this:

If there is traffic, instead of going on and on about how much it sucks, just accept it. “There is traffic today, the good side is I get to listen to my music/audio book etc for longer. I’ll just let my boss know.”

I know this will feel harder if the situation that has got you angry/sad is bigger, like losing a loved one. And while you should 100% mourn and feel sadness, (if you don’t either that loved one was a horrible person or you are)…. but what you can do is remember the happy memories you shared, think of the fact that they would want you to have new happy memories even if it is without them and so on. (Note, I am not saying it is easy… however, it does get easier)

When ever you have a negative thought you can turn it around, it doesn’t have to me anything big, nor does it have to be unrealistic. If your parent died you don’t have to the next day be like “I am the happiest person alive”… you shouldn’t be.

Evolutionary we have been built in a way that makes us see everything from a lens of “Is this a threat”. Thanks to that we have survived very well until now. Most things in our lives aren’t a threat. No tigers, bears and venomous snakes haunting us at every turn. So we can relax and try to turn our brains towards the light.

Here are some tips to improve your way of thinking:

  1. Journal 3 things that are well in your life, it can be list form, just words or actual paragraphs.
  2. Visualize your day going well. Don’t think of what could go wrong, but more on the lines of if everything went perfect; how does that look?
  3. Catch your thoughts, even if you have already thought “Damn the traffic” you can turn it around “The traffic sucks but I can listen to the audio book now!”
  4. Seek people who don’t always talk negatively. This is SO HARD. I mean there has been so many times that I have talked with friends like let’s stop the negative whining. “If you can change it, change it, if not change your attitude”. When its a habit it is hard sometimes. It is possible tho, and if those friends who you have aren’t really worth the effort and they don’t want to change, you might have to find new friends.
  5. Find help… if you are stuck and you see no light at the end of the tunnel…if you are depressed, please talk to a professional. Personal development helps, but you might need that push/that helping hand to help you out of the gorge.

The fact is, everyday there is something to look at and this wow this sucks… and also wow this is amazing. It is your choice which option you spend your energy on.

I hope this helps and good luck for the spring. I know the situation in the world doesn’t really make anything easier 😀

Best regards,

Alisa

Communication skills are the key to success!

The risk of communication is that it is “lost in translation” which is most likely caused by lack of skills in communication. Lack of communicating or ineffective communication can break relationships, it can cause huge distress to others and it can even harm people beyond your wildest beliefs (e.g. bullying)

But communication isn’t just verbal or written, it is also about how you say something and the body language you use. Verbal communication is more than just the words, it is also the tone of voice you use. Written as well is way more than just having sentences strung together.

There is no risk of becoming a too great of a communicator. No one will ever come up to you and say, “You made your point entirely too clear!”  

Remember while communicating

  1. Communication is a two-way street. It isn’t enough for you to be a good communicator. You have to also be a good listener and even a greater detective. Here is why; Listening gives you clues to how your message has been received, does the person sound defensive? Do they have a relaxed or tense stance? Are their arms crossed? Did they lock their jaw? What could you have said to make them frustrated? Was your point to make them react in the way they did?
  2. No one is a great communicator right of the bat. I mean we are born lumps of flesh that can’t do more than cry. We need constant help and attention. Sometimes we even are enabled to communicate in a bad Not to point fingers at anyone but letting your kid get the candy in the store just because they yelled and screamed and you want them to shut up, isn’t a good way to teach a kid to communicate. While kids have to be kids there has to be some type of a hint for them that hissy fit isn’t a communication skill anyone appreciates. (Let’s not forget that a lot of adults have their versions of hissy fits too) We need to constantly remember that we can and should improve and it doesn’t happen by osmosis… we need to make an effort to learn.

Key Pillars of Communication

  1. Plan your communication

What are you trying to say? Are you giving feedback? Is there a chance you will offend the person? What are the world choices you might need to reconsider? For example, when giving someone feed back (in the form of criticism) we often do it a) when we have had enough and we just burst out and say something really harshly (or write it). b) we often start accusing; you never, you always, why can’t you ever do what I say. It always starts with a you and it makes a person feel attacked. Change the way you communicate to be more about yourself not the person you are talking to.

How to do this? For example, like this: “I have noticed that I need a bit more guidance in these 3 things. Could you give me directions that are even more clear?” This way we start from our needs and the other person doesn’t feel attacked. They feel like with a change of action they can improve something for you because you need it not because they suck. (Of course, there are some people who just never accept any type of suggestions or criticism. Avoid those people at all cost if at all possible)

2. Time your communication smartly

Don’t start talking to a parent about their bad parenting skills when their kid decided to run away. Don’t tell your partner they suck in bed during a fight. Don’t start giving feedback to someone about them when they are doing it to you. (even if all is actually true) Timing is often everything and quite often we communicate to defend or even offend rather than to resolve. It is also a sign of our insecurities when we defend/offend. Here is a my post on confidence. Make sure that when you speak or write it is proactive and not reactive.

3. Be present while communicating.

It is so easy to not actually listen to what the other one is saying. I do this and so does everyone else. Especially with phones being there all the time. But even when social media isn’t the culprit there are many other ones. We are thinking of what we want to say next, we get annoyed about something the other person said and we tried to keep it in but actually we are just having a monologue inside our own minds. (Go check out my Attention blog post)

Be present, that way you can be a good detective and learn more in the situation than you ever could have just by talking.

I will get back to talking about communication skills soon for couple of reasons:

  • We live in a world where we use words to start fights, even wars. The strongest weapons we have are words and I want us to use them to generate peace not war
  • We communicate with ourselves a lot and end up hurting ourselves more than anyone else hurts us. This hinders our progress in personal development because we end up not trying anything in the fear or failing, not only in front of others but especially in front ourselves.
  • Communication is a key for great well being at work. We need to be able to have clear instructions on what we need to get done and what others need to get done for us. Lack of or bad communication can cause misunderstandings, fights and lead to unnecessary stress. You should communicate to your employees, your co-workers your clients and everyone else in a clear way, in order to save time, resources and build trust between people. This is a great way to improve well being.

More on all of these topics later; don’t hesitate to comment about communication in general or if you want to read something specific related to it.

Thanks for reading as always! See you next time 😉  

Here are some recourses for you, in order to work on communication:

Back to Basics: Communication 101

Charisma on Command: BLOG and YOUTUBE

Types of Communication

Communication Theory

How To Never Run Out Of Things To Say In Conversation

Write your life live your life

Living our lives without any type of plan is almost impossible. We have to plan our studies, or how to get food on the table, how to get a job etc. But what if you have no idea what it is you want to achieve in your life? I use journaling to help me with this issue. Here are some topics you can write about and hopefully achieve some clarity from them.

  1. If money, time and obligations wouldn’t be a thing what would you do? Is there a way to incorporate this into your life around your other obligations?
  2. If you would die in a year, what would you regret the most not doing?
  3. What books hit your heart and how could you incorporate what you learnt in them into your life?
  4. What did you love doing as a child, and could you still do it now?
  5. What things do you hate about your life, and what can you do to get rid of them or lessen their affect on it.
  6. What 10 things should you do more on a weekly basis.
  7. Open ended; just start writing without any goal or objective, write your feelings you thoughts our worries your happy ideas everything that you hand gets onto the paper. See if there is any answers that you didn’t even know that you were searching for.

This is a small but sure way to get some clarity. You can spend your Sunday for example thinking and writing while listening to calm music.

As always thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed the text. Don’t hesitate to comment and see you again in a week 😉 Ciao!

Multitasking- a threat or an opportunity?

  1. Introduction
  2. What is multitasking?
  3. What are the threats of multitasking
  4. Is it also an opportunity?
  5. Conclusion

Introduction

I have been searching for work for a while now, and I have realized this one expectation that many recruiters have, they want someone who is effective at multitasking. I have lived in a belief that multitasking is a myth and wrote on LinkedIn, that I feel like multitasking isn’t a good expectation to have. Many people agreed with me, yet many didn’t and this is why I decided to dive deeper into the whole multitasking world. What is multitasking? Is multitasking a threat or an opportunity?

What is multitasking?

Multitasking when speaking about humans, is when we do many things at the same time. This could be cooking, trying to take care of your kids and answering an email or what ever your life forces you to do.

What are the threats of multitasking?

Despite being well meaning, multiple studies have noted that multitasking can hinder ones productivity and isn’t actually as effective as expected. Some studies like 2009 Standford Univeristy study by Clifford Nass shows that multitaskers were actually less organized. It was harder for them to see the crucial details compared to non crucial ones. Another study (Bryan College) found that peoples productivity suffered from trying to multitask costing up to $450 million per year.

The issue with the concept of multitasking, is that people believe that they are actually doing more than one task at the same time, which isn’t possible. The brain needs to switch from task to task which requires quite a lot of effort. Mostly this is an issue if you are working on something hard. Since as we know certain things we can do at the same time, talk and walk, breath and move our hands etc.

The benefit or negative impact that multitasking has on productivity is subjective and depended on the task at hand

Rachel Gauthier

The issue comes when we try to force our brain to do many difficult things at once. “Multitasking can hurt efficiency for couple reasons: It takes time to switch between gears, and the process of switching ‘working sets’ of information can lead to errors and mistakes. Being efficient at multitasking really means trying to make those costs as small as possible”. Bob Schafer, VP of research at Lumosity states.

Bryan Collage study also has noticed millennials changing platform to platform up to 27 times per hour. There has been proof of even IQ lessening by 15 points during cognitive tasks and even emotional intelligence and brain density suffering. This for me is at least not surprising. I recognize the need to check one thing then think of another and so on.

Multitasking at a café
Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash and Quote from Times article

Now some argued in my comment section on LinkedIn that there is no such things as concentrating on one thing 100% and that certain jobs like working at a café or bar could require you to multitask. And this is true, however, I would also argue that is the more different task one person has to keep track of at once the more mistakes there will be. For example: a barista has to make a cocktail for 10 people they would have way more risks in making a mistake than if they only have to serve 3 people. Also making 10 cocktails that are all the same will be way easier than to to make 10 different ones. On top of all this if you know the cocktails well its easier to do it as if automatically, rather than something you have never done before. Same thing in a café while making lattes. Or being a baker and waiting for the batter to rise while you decorate the cake. There is a reason why we have alarms and reminders set. So we actually remember to do things we are “doing” at the same time.

The neuroscience has proven over and over again that we thrive of doing one thing at a time. Only 2.5% of people can multitask effectively. Not only is multitasking mentally exhausting it could be potentially life threatening (e.g. texting and driving). While multitasking we lose out attentiveness, we hinder our learning and we lose our mindfulness.

Remember this the next time you’re tackling two tough tasks simultaneously.

 CYNTHIA KUBU AND ANDRE MACHADO 

Is multitasking all bad?

This is a matter of perception. What do we count as multitasking? For example is taking notes and listening to a lecture a task or two? We can apparently form tasks better if we thing we are multitasking, because we make more effort to not make mistakes. Those who see taking notes and listening as one easy task, don’t do as well on it.

While this idea doesn’t take away the countless research done before on the negative effects of multitasking (the actual one where we try to do too many difficult tasks at once) it does show that the idea of multitasking can be motivating. And I actually have seen this in myself too. I love the idea of being efficient and for someone reason we live in a society that has romanticized multitasking.

In conclusion

So? Multitasking- a threat or an opportunity?

Unless a task is automatic, like breathing and driving a car or walking and talking, it most likely will cost us in our productivity if we try to force it to work with other tasks. This is why at least for me, if I drive somewhere unknown and I need to see where to make a left turn, I will stop talking (but not breathing). If someone asks me to write an essay and give a speech at the same time, I won’t be able to do it.

I will however be able to make meeting notes while listening to the meeting. I will be able to write myself a reminder to do some other task after I’ve completed the one at hand. I’ll be able to answer a question while doing something …kinda, technically I will have to stop the task at hand and answer the question and get back to it. (See, multitasking seems to be a myth)

I would argue that word multitasking is just wrong for what we try to explain with it. We need to come up with another word to explain that we can do many things intertwined with each other, and the more they are similar to one another the better.

Recruiters, I hope that by multitasking you mean the capacity to write a post-it note for a task that you need to do right after you written an email to someone. Because in that case, I also am great at multitasking! It better not be the idea that someone can write two emails and have a phone call at the same time. Cos then, sorry but our paths don’t cross, and honestly that’s sad cos I do love working hard and I would be a great addition to your team.

You do you boo

If you think you can multitask and you honestly feel you need to in order to be happy, successful, etc. Be my guest, and if you actually are a great multitasker, I am just a little bit envious of you. But if everyone who reads this says they are… then I’ll call bs, cos 2.5% of the population isn’t much…

As always thanks for reading! Hope you liked this post. It was slightly different than what I usually write. Don’t hesitate to comment!

Here is a link to a post about things you should stop right now….multitasking should be on the list 😉

5 steps to a Miracle Morning

I personally am a morning person. I love waking up early and great the sunrise (well, during the summer I do, in the winter sun wakes up way too late for my schedule). First a disclaimer; you don’t have to wake up at 4 or 5 or what ever time the gurus say. But a morning routine, is going to get you into gear, even if you wake up at 12. Let’s get with the 5 steps!

The early morning has gold in its mouth

Benjamin Franklin

Step one – Give yourself time

How many of us have woken up just in time to leave in 30 min. We made the coffee, spilled it on our white shirt. Kicked the table and almost squished the dog. Why don’t you wake up so you have 1 hour at least to get ready. You can actually drink your coffee or tea calmly? Let’s start the day in a relaxed mindset. There is time to through of the balance later too

Step two – Prep in the evening

I am sure you have hear this. Get your clothes ready, prep your breakfast etc. This take away the stress of having to prep everything in the morning and gives less time for you to make mistakes and forget important things. I have a check list that I need to have completed every evening. Work keys, phone, car keys, food ready to go. Check, check, check. I’d rather check 5 times than to run back and forth. Which I have done. (This is quite a new part in my routine)

Step three – Exercise

I don’t have too much time in the morning to think about fitness. I start work at 7. So I wake up at 5 as is ( sometimes earlier) BUT what I do have time for is stretching. And couple of jumps and getting the blood going in my body. So I get the day started. Proper fitness is an evening thing for me. I also get a friend with me to make it more appealing for me to go 😉

Make the morning work for you <3

Step four – Attitude

I am just like anyone else. When the phone starts playing its alarm I want to smash it and throw it to Timbuktu. BUT I don’t. And I do a lot to get into the better mindset. Stretch. Breath deep in and out. Think of the good part of the following day. You get to listen to good music, you get to see your fabulous work team, you get to listen to the book on your commute. Or maybe give some scritches to you your pupper? All good reasons to get up. You will always find some shit in your life. Try not to search for it on purpose. It will find you on its own.

Step 5 – Time it

This sounds dumb. But honestly see how much time it takes for you to do all of the things you need/want to do. An example of a timetable would we; Hygiene 10 min. Makeup 10 min. Breakfast 15-20 min. Meditation 10 min. Getting dressed 5 min. Organize room and check everything is with you 10 min. All in total is 65 min. This is the time about that you need for your morning routine. For someone it could be 1.5 hours, for someone 45 minutes. Take what you need, and disregard the rest. Make it yours. A miracle morning is only a miracle if it works for you. Make sure it does!

All in all, it isn’t hard to plan it. Now you need to stick to it. What is your morning like? Do you wake up early or late?

Here are some links to my past blog posts to help you reach your goals! 4 things to do, to make your next 6 months a success, Gamify your success, 5 steps back

What is the science of success?

Success seems to be this elusive, unidentified object that is always a little bit out of reach. You keep on running and all the time they change the place of the goal. Just when you think your are on the finish line some asshole just erases it and draws a new one.

New exam, new competition, new goal, new limit to what counts as financially successful! This is so frustrating, here you are ripping your hair out, because nothing you do seems to be enough. And the simple answer is…. it isn’t and it NEVER will be. Because, if you ask others what your success should be, they will always answer how they think their success should be, or what they have been told, their success should be. So number one goal, for YOUR success, is to figure out what it is for you.

Quote by Bo Bennett

Why I 100% believe that success is very subjective I do think there are certain things that all successful people, who also feel like they are successful, emulate.I have watched a lot of interviews of successful people and most of them have this recipe for success;

  1. Over come obstacles and push yourself to be better
  2. Be passionate about something to the point it is almost an obsession
  3. Help others
  4. Have fun with it
  5. Constantly grow and know thy self.

The Entrepreneur has a similar list to this. It goes like this:

  1. Create often
  2. Understand self
  3. Have fun
  4. Suspend judgments
  5. Seek challenges
  6. Pursue meaning
  7. Make change work for you
  8. Develop resilience
  9. Constantly improve

Why are these things that make people generally happy and successful? I would see this as the affects of the Hierarchy of Needs that Maslow has coined in a paper he wrote in 1943.

The hierarchy goes in a shape of a pyramid, having the most basic needs for survival on the bottom, as a foundation and getting more into the details of human fulfillment as we go up to the point of the pyramid.

The construction is as follows(from bottom to the top):

  1. Physiological needs: food, water, warmth, rest etc
  2. Safety needs: Security and safety
  3. Belonging and love: intimate relationships, friends
  4. Esteem needs: Prestige and feeling of accomplishment
  5. Self actualization: achieving ones’s full potential, including creative activities

What is my point with this? We often try to skip ahead on this pyramid. Obviously biologically we must take into account our need for food and safety, but what about love? Friends? Quite often when we speak of people who are monetarily successful, we hear of their break ups, hard marriages and so on. Often we are ready to compromise our relationships for money, and that in the end is what makes us ultimately fail. I also believe that we forget how much we love effort. Not too much effort. But just enough that we can feel proud in our achievements. This is why often someone who what the lottery and has nothing to do except burn money will find themselves depressed. They aren’t actualizing themselves.

Other peoples idea of success:

I asked on my LinkedIn couple of days ago, what is success to others. A lot of people said that helping others brings them the most joy. Of course doing things that are fun and well also having monetary success came through. This all in my opinion ties in quite nicely with this idea of hierarchy of needs. We want to help others, because it gives us the feeling of belonging and love, it helps give others security. We need the money in order to take care of Physiological needs, but it also often shows directly how much effort we have put into our work. A lot of answers to my positive surprise did realize that this money as a measure of success in the end isn’t that valuable.

My idea of success

I see success as over coming hardships and figuring things out. Living a life full of experiences and being surrounded by people that I love and care about. It is definitely full of laughter and sparks of inspiration. (This is why I write the blog) But there is still a lot of answers regarding success that I am missing. I am not quite sure yet what else I want to do apart writing my blog, if we think as a job. I mean blogging could be my job, I am not sure if that is all I want to do. I do want to help people and I want to have a job that no day is alike and that I keep growing and evolving. I know however that I get closer to fining out my version of success, and in the mean while I enjoy the ride. After all my success right now, isn’t the same as in 20 years. And that is OK to. Dreams, plans and you change with time, why wouldn’t your ideal version off success change too?

Want to read more posts relating to success? Read the post about #CHANGE, 5 Simple habits for guaranteed success , and this one on the mindset of success!

Kim Kardashian won’t make you successful

Kim Kardashians success doesn’t equal yours. Here is why I felt I needed to point this out:

I just checked the Google trends and I picked 5 search terms that I compared to each other. Entrepreneurship, studying, self-help books, personal development and Kim Kardashian. Which one was most searched by far? Our beloved Kim K. I actually have nothing against Kim K and her gang. To be honest they are resourceful as fuck and considering where it all started at they smart AF. They might not seems so, but they have so much money and they have been able to follow and build trends like no else. I can’t help but feel a bit jelly. So if you search them to learn how to build an empire go ahead! However there is a reason why I am worried.

I will insert the picture of the stats here:

So what makes this worrisome? The fact that I am willing to bet quite a bit of money that most of these people search for Kim K. for one of these reasons; body goals, make up, fashion, comparison, juicy scandals.

Now if this is just once a year to see how their business is doing or what they do to keep their bodies like they are (apart for operations, let’s be honest here….) then fine. However a lot of people look up to them and not all of these people see the big picture. And I feel like we could spend our time way better.

Kim K is just one example. We could change the name to any other celebrity. So instead of spending time on studying, self-help or figuring out how to be entrepreneurial or building a career, we check out what the person who is tooootally on their own journey is doing? Here is a post of mine that explains why attention seeking is so toxic; check it out!: Attention the second most lethal drug in the world

“We must take time to define our own path. Too quickly we can find the world defining it for us.”

Anonymous

I know everyone says that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. I believe we can learn a lot from others. For example it motivates me to compare myself to someone who’s past is way darker and harder, seeing them succeed makes me see how stupidly many excuses I have. My example is: Lisa Nichols . It makes me realize that chances are I will have it easier to succeed. This doesn’t come from an ego place. This comes from the realization that I have better circumstances that those who I look up to. Poverty isn’t an issue for me. We are an average family. Not rich per say, but definitely privileged. But even with me looking up to these people I want to build my own journey. Meaning I will research everything for myself. Sure I can read their bio or watch an interview. But I am not blinded and so concentrate on their story that I forget to live my own story.

Kim K is a beautiful woman and so is her gang. But we will never be her. Like I said before: Kim Kardashians success doesn’t equal yours . We will never look like her. Nor will our success be the same as hers. And we don’t have to be the same. We don’t need to see her day to day life. She can still be a role model (Thought I would argue there are better ones out there).

Kim Kardashians success doesn't equal yours. Work on your own success. What ever it is. Even if it would be beauty line and fashion. You can do it your own!
Search for your own success! Not Kim. K; We have so much other potential!

I would love for young people to research all of the possibilities they have now. It doesn’t matter what the dream is. Own beauty line? Go ahead! Becoming a doctor? Yes! Being an influencer? Go ahead! But don’t think that all of this is going to be easy. Nothing in life is actually easy. We think if we would be millionaires all would be simple? All the screaming fans and haters and crazy people after us? Getting all we want at the snap of our fingers but always having to wonder if we actually deserve what we get or do we get it due to our name? It isn’t a coincidence that a lot of big, rich, famous stars lose it. Get on drugs or/and kill themselves.

Even the same path walked by two different people will sound totally different in their recollections. Even if they walk it a the same time.

– Me

Search for your own journey! Money is great, being famous enough to make sure you can help people in a bigger way etc is a great goal. There is nothing wrong with that. However, don’t romanticize anything. Being rich and famous because you acted dumb, isn’t a great place to be. Here is a bit more about the topic of successful people: Stars sentenced to death. Building a career and an empire on being a good person, now that is a GOAL.

My point writing this is that I want youngsters (I am 23 myself so I count myself into it) to concentrate on their own journeys. On writing their own stories. Reading about a scandal and laughing/crying at how the world is fucked up right now it fine. Once in a while. But being obsessed with peoples lives won’t help us live our own.

So to anyone who is searching for some life advice here is mine ;

Live YOUR life to the fullest and make it so great that when you are on your death bed, you won’t be afraid to die, because you know you actually lived!

– Me

Kim Kardashians success doesn’t equal yours!

As always don’t forget to comment and like! It helps me with the content creations (like motivates me to write cos I know there are readers 😉 ) Also don’t forget my socials: FB ChangedLife, Instagram , Twitter and Pinteres

-Alisa

How to successfully study (even if you aren’t at school)

The capacity to learn is a gift; the ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice”

Brian Herbert

So; I had a blog post poll and twitter and 2 post ideas got the same votes; the one I am writing about right now and “How to have conversations”. So I will make the post about conversations for next Monday. But today we will talk about how to study. While the title mentions that it isn’t for school, it can be applied to school as well. I just feel like even after we are done with school, we should still continue learning and this we need to know how to study; so here we go! (I will link bellow my own posts on similar topics and other resources to help you learn! )

Tip N.1; Choose one thing (Maybe two if they are different enough)

I feel like the most important part is to figure out what you want to study. I don’t think there is a good thing and a mad thing to study. You can study languages, math, culture, history, self development. What ever feels like your own.

However this poses a problem. You aren’t at school, so no one is going to give you a limit to what to study. It isn’t realistic to study all sub parts of all of the topics listed about (plus there is like 1000’s of more of them, that I just don’t have time to list). So as my tip suggest don’t choose too many things to study. Even if it seems very tempting.

You could study a language and history. That way they are different enough. If you study Spanish you might want to learn about Spanish history, because you might understand the culture better. But don’t choose too many things, just so you don’t feel overwhelmed. I am sure we all remember how stressful it was to learn everything for our finals, why would you do that to yourself on purpose, right?

Once you stop learning you start dying.

Albert Einstein

Tip 2; How do you learn best?

Now that teachers aren’t thrusting a book into your had and telling you to read and learn 500 pages by heart. You can actually listen to yourself and figure out how you learn best. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t use multiple methods, it means you should see what works the best and after that using the other methods to bring variety into your studies. Just because you like pasta the most doesn’t mean you can never eat anything else…right? So Figure out your tastes and start planning

Tip 3; Plan your learning

Learning can be a great way to pass time and relaxing without having to check your phone
Learning can be fun!

This doesn’t have to be as hardcore as at schools. You don’t have to know that by the end of tomorrow you have read chapters 1-5 from a book. But making sure you have some kind of a picture is important. If you work, are a stay at home mother or go to school and want to learn things outside of school, you should make sure you have time for the thing you want to study.

So check your calendar. Is 30 minutes a day realistic? How about 1 hour every other day? Maybe study what you want for couple of hours during the weekend. Or make it a part of your morning routine. You can easily wake up 15 minutes earlier and decide to study a little bit of vocabulary before getting up. Or do that during night time, this way your brain will process the info while you sleep. Either way, make sure you have time for what you want to learn. Trust me when I say it doesn’t work if you just plan on studying “when you feel like it” it didn’t work in school and it sure as hell won’t work now, because you won’t even have you finals to force you to study…

Tip 4; Figure out a why

Just being curious is a good thing, but it won’t last you for a long time and it won’t be something constant. Obviously there is nothing wrong about once in a while reading a fascinating article. However, if you want to seriously learn something, you should have a strong why. For example; I want to learn Spanish, because I have studied it for ages and I like the sound of it. The idea that I could one day have a conversation with a Spanish person seems fantastic and I think it will help me understand their culture. Since culture and languages are often closely linked. A while a go I learned, because I had family members in France. Just thinking the languages if fun, isn’t a bad reason. But it rarely is strong enough. However if it is good enough for you, great!


Here were my 4 tips for studying even if you aren’t at school. All of these however work even if you are. Leave a comment if I forgot something and I hope this helps! Bellow I linked my own posts on similar topics and other resources to help you learn!

My posts; Growth VS. Fixed mindset , Be taught and teach, 5 life changing challenges

Other helpful sources; AsapSCIENCE, Charisma On Command, Fastcompany, How to learn books

Xoxo, Alisa

Self-care is a guaranteed way to make yourself succeed!

Do you tell yourself that you have no time? Or that it isn’t important to take care of yourself, because of kids, partner, family and friends? Answer me this; At what cost do you want to achieve success?

The real hard truth is that if you want to be successful, you need to make certain sacrifices. Your health on the long term, should not be one of those sacrifices. But the hard question is, how do we take care, of ourselves when we have more responsibilities?We all know as an entrepreneur your days are sometimes way longer than if you would work 9-5 right?

Here are my 4 tips for making sure that self care is a part of your life, letsa go!

Number 1 – Organize time for yourself

Make a morning/evening routine that is customized just for you. Yes, even if you have kids. When you have kids you must play around with the schedule a bit. Maybe your own routine can only start when they are all asleep. Maybe it starts way earlier to make sure they haven’t gotten up yet. Either way, make sure you have 15-30 minutes, just your time.

I can already hear the excuses rolling in. That is so long what if they barge in etc etc etc. What if I have just given birth. I mean on the short term you might need to sacrifice your own time. But telling a 4 year old that mommy or daddy needs a bit of alone time is perfectly acceptable. It is ok to teach your kids that you need your own time, and that it should be respected.

It is also ok to ask your partner to take care of the kids in the morning so you get your alone time then and you do it for them in the evening.(or other way around) It is all about how you organize your time. Maybe it is for you when everyone is at work/school/kindergarten. Either way mark it into your calendar, so you know it isn’t something you are willing to compromise unless the house is on fire. (Or your kid is really sick and other reasons that are not daily)

Number 2 – Make lists of self-care things

Write things that you want to do for self care, so you actually know what you want to do, when you have a certain time frame. You can even have more than one list. For example, a list with things that take 15 minutes or less (e.g. face masks, meditating, writing into a journal) a list for 30 minutes things (e.g. doing a yoga sesh, going for a walk, organizing your papers so work is easier later) things that take an hour + (movie, reading an amazing book, booking a facial, etc,etc,etc.)

The things on these lists should be 100% customized to your needs. For someone taking care of themselves is a skin care routine, for someone it is going for a hike , either way, its is great because it is your time

Number 3 – Have conversations

You might need to take your partner, family member/friend aside to talk with them. Maybe you have a friend who wants your to always go for a drink on Fridays. And you just don’t want to spend your Friday like that and Saturday morning with a head ache.

Perhaps your family wants to have you every 3 days over and you just need that one day to just be on your own. Maybe you want to plan a trip on your own and your partner things its a romantic trip. Explain to them all of them why you don’t want to do things. Instead of compromising your own well being every-time.

If someone doesn’t get the need to have alone time, then they aren’t having a healthy life, or they do and they are just selfish when it comes to you. Have open conversations, try to figure out how you can fit all those people in your life, without forgetting that you need to take care of yourself too.

Number 4- Check yourself

Mark into your calendar when you have had your time. Sometimes we are surprised of how we spent our time just scrolling the phone and that isn’t a good way to self-care. So write what you did. What ever that means to you (Sometimes it can mean spending time with friends or family. Not all self-care needs to be done alone.)

When you see weeks without any time for self care, go out of your way to take that time. It can be 5 extra minutes, preparing for work, you make time for a more in depth skin care. Or it could be 5 extra minutes stretching. It could be taking 5 minutes at the kitchen table talking with your family. You don’t have to free a whole day (thought it might be a good idea once in a while) for yourself, but if we spend 5 minutes daily being conscious about ourselves, we end up having 35 min to our selves a week. It might seem like very little but, it is better than nothing. (and lets all be honest if you don’t have 5 or even 15 minutes a day, to take care of yourself….you do not have a life.)

Should we make this topic a series?

Maybe you guys want me to make it into a series? Self care Monday? Once a month, where I give you guys ideas for self-care and how to make time for it. Like if you would like to have it every month and comment your own situation, so I can plan a realistic self-care routine for you. So you don’t come up with excuses 😉

Thanks for reading like always and don’t hesitate to reach out to me, here or on my socials!

Xoxo, Alisa

Define your success to guarantee it is YOUR success

I have posted a post a week no since last Sunday and today’s post will be the last one of the week. I will go back to posting couple of times a week again. This was a nice challenge that I made for myself and you should definitely try it to see how it will force you to create content…no matter what. But let us get to the topic of today. What does success to you mean? And how does defining it guarantee success.

So success to everyone looks different. For me personally success is about being fulfilled. I am fulfilled when I have variety in my life. I am fulfilled when I get to help people. Currently it is through this blog, but later on it will be through my Life Coaching.

This is not how your life will have to look. I mean fulfillment looks different for everyone. For you it could be becoming a mother. Or becoming a fitness coach or doing research. What ever it is, it is a great choice. (As long it isn’t becoming a murderer… that is not a good life path….sorry) So think what is it that brings you fulfillment.

What if I don’t know what I want to do in that much details?

This is very normal. I didn’t before either and the great thing about making life plans is that they can change. But I realized what I wanted to do was from seeing some of the things I liked/loved: I loved giving advice to people, I loved writing, I loved having an impact, I am creative, I enjoy psychology. Those things together for me = Life Coach. (Or at the moment a Personal Development blogger)

So that everyone is clear; your fulfillment doesn’t have to come from your job. It could be helping out your community, it could be helping kids learn to code during your free time. It can 100% be a hobby or “just” a side hustle.

Why is it important to define this?

Sometimes other peoples passion for things makes you think you want the same thing. Like oh they are a travel influencer? I want that too, I want to visit all those places. This doesn’t equal that you want to do that as a job. A travel influencer has to do a shit ton of photography, videos and editing + blogs. On top of that probably sponsorship’s they have to take care of so they can actually make those trips, and so so so much more. Are you ready for that? Maybe. If you are, then that is your path. However if not, then you should ask what you actually want to do. Not what someone makes look great.

Elizabeth Gilbert, the writer of Eat Pray Love and Big Magic, asks a great question. What is your favorite flavor of Shit sandwich. The idea is, that everything you do is going to have something that you will hate, and you just have to figure out if it is worth it. Let’s stick with the travel influencer topic. The shit sandwich could be getting sick because of the different bacteria somewhere, or flying a lot, or having to organize a lot of trips all the time, or not being at home much etc. IF those flavors of shit sandwiches sound like a decent trade off, you are probably prepared to become a travel influencer. (Send me pics please, I love seeing those scenes and to get insporation of just visiting there and resting and NOT having to work 😉 )

So what is that thing that would bring you fulfillment= make you successful? Leave it in the comments below! And don’t forget to connect with me and the community on the socials <3

xoxo, Alisa