Lessons in life, Personal development, Reading and Books

What is the science of success?

Success seems to be this elusive, unidentified object that is always a little bit out of reach. You keep on running and all the time they change the place of the goal. Just when you think your are on the finish line some asshole just erases it and draws a new one.

New exam, new competition, new goal, new limit to what counts as financially successful! This is so frustrating, here you are ripping your hair out, because nothing you do seems to be enough. And the simple answer is…. it isn’t and it NEVER will be. Because, if you ask others what your success should be, they will always answer how they think their success should be, or what they have been told, their success should be. So number one goal, for YOUR success, is to figure out what it is for you.

Quote by Bo Bennett

Why I 100% believe that success is very subjective I do think there are certain things that all successful people, who also feel like they are successful, emulate.I have watched a lot of interviews of successful people and most of them have this recipe for success;

  1. Over come obstacles and push yourself to be better
  2. Be passionate about something to the point it is almost an obsession
  3. Help others
  4. Have fun with it
  5. Constantly grow and know thy self.

The Entrepreneur has a similar list to this. It goes like this:

  1. Create often
  2. Understand self
  3. Have fun
  4. Suspend judgments
  5. Seek challenges
  6. Pursue meaning
  7. Make change work for you
  8. Develop resilience
  9. Constantly improve

Why are these things that make people generally happy and successful? I would see this as the affects of the Hierarchy of Needs that Maslow has coined in a paper he wrote in 1943.

The hierarchy goes in a shape of a pyramid, having the most basic needs for survival on the bottom, as a foundation and getting more into the details of human fulfillment as we go up to the point of the pyramid.

The construction is as follows(from bottom to the top):

  1. Physiological needs: food, water, warmth, rest etc
  2. Safety needs: Security and safety
  3. Belonging and love: intimate relationships, friends
  4. Esteem needs: Prestige and feeling of accomplishment
  5. Self actualization: achieving ones’s full potential, including creative activities

What is my point with this? We often try to skip ahead on this pyramid. Obviously biologically we must take into account our need for food and safety, but what about love? Friends? Quite often when we speak of people who are monetarily successful, we hear of their break ups, hard marriages and so on. Often we are ready to compromise our relationships for money, and that in the end is what makes us ultimately fail. I also believe that we forget how much we love effort. Not too much effort. But just enough that we can feel proud in our achievements. This is why often someone who what the lottery and has nothing to do except burn money will find themselves depressed. They aren’t actualizing themselves.

Other peoples idea of success:

I asked on my LinkedIn couple of days ago, what is success to others. A lot of people said that helping others brings them the most joy. Of course doing things that are fun and well also having monetary success came through. This all in my opinion ties in quite nicely with this idea of hierarchy of needs. We want to help others, because it gives us the feeling of belonging and love, it helps give others security. We need the money in order to take care of Physiological needs, but it also often shows directly how much effort we have put into our work. A lot of answers to my positive surprise did realize that this money as a measure of success in the end isn’t that valuable.

My idea of success

I see success as over coming hardships and figuring things out. Living a life full of experiences and being surrounded by people that I love and care about. It is definitely full of laughter and sparks of inspiration. (This is why I write the blog) But there is still a lot of answers regarding success that I am missing. I am not quite sure yet what else I want to do apart writing my blog, if we think as a job. I mean blogging could be my job, I am not sure if that is all I want to do. I do want to help people and I want to have a job that no day is alike and that I keep growing and evolving. I know however that I get closer to fining out my version of success, and in the mean while I enjoy the ride. After all my success right now, isn’t the same as in 20 years. And that is OK to. Dreams, plans and you change with time, why wouldn’t your ideal version off success change too?

Want to read more posts relating to success? Read the post about #CHANGE, 5 Simple habits for guaranteed success , and this one on the mindset of success!

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Lessons in life, Personal development

Attention is the second most lethal drug in the world

I am honestly being a bit too much of a drama queen with the title (so yes it was kind of click bait…sorry) But please read this before going. This can really be beneficial for you and potentially your friends (so please share ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

Let us start with some facts. According to WHO (world health organization) each year there is 11.5 people out of 100000 that commit suicide. Meaning about every 40 seconds. There is 86400 seconds a day. Divide that by 40 makes it 2160 deaths A DAY…by their own hand. So why is this so alarming… apart for the obvious…

While death is something very natural and a healthy part of life… imagine if we all just lived forever… that would be hell on earth. But the alarming fact is that suicide has become way more prevalent in our culture. Between the years 2000 and 2016 there has been a 30% raise in suicide related deaths. 50% raise in the suicide deaths of women. In USA it is the 10th leading cause of death. This data is according to APA (American Psychological Association)

As mentioned in WHO’s page it is good to keep in mind that all of these numbers are an evaluation of the situation and due to the complexity of suicide and the lack of evidence to make sure that correlation = causation, we must be careful of taking this all as 100% truth (just like with everything else) and this applies to any recourse I use.

So what is my point of pointing out the amount of suicides and what the hell does it have to do with attention? Do I think people just are depressed for sake of attention? Do I think that this all could be preventable by giving said attention? NO….. Depression and other mental illnesses are horrible and I cannot imagine living with one. And I happen to be EXTREMELY lucky to not have thoughts of committing suicide. I recognize that and I am not trying to lessen the pain of having such an illness… BUT

The reason I do talk about it being due to the new drug called attention. With social media all of our lives are plastered all over the internet. All of our mistakes, stupid drunk choices etc. It is all over there. And other people, comment, ridicule and sometimes are right vicious. Imagine all of our starts who have committed suicide by overdosing (or accidental overdosing) they in the end did that because they were trying to escape. And this is what I am talking about.

Today we need to make the most outrageous trick to get views on YouTube; like the tide-pod challenge… like what? Or kissing random girls, or showing boobs or what ever it is. The more shock value the better. I mean honestly, imagine if someone would have been able to grow their boobs to a 38KKK (that is the biggest size there is currently in Texas… I sure as hell hope the code is accidental) Anyway imagine someone trying to run away from a tiger with them…. Hmm…? And ofc this has nothing to do with attention and shock value… right? But I digress. (Woman’s Boobs are killing her)

Photo by Michael Prewett on Unsplash

So does this have any correlation/causation with suicide and if so how?. Well in my views and this is with minimal research. Between 2000 and 2016 there was an uproar with social media. And I find it hard to believe that 30% raise during those years is purely a coincidence.

We are addicted to likes and views. (Yes me to… hello I’m a blogger) The more we fuck up the better our view count gets. We could get sponsored by being dicks and extremely attention seeking. We get a generation that is payed for being idiots. And let us not get on the high horse here. All generations had their dicks. And all generations will have their dicks. However they were never this visible. They were never rewarded with attention from millions of people and by million bucks.

Like these people or not. This causes pressure on this generation like no other. We have millions of opportunities to make money. Some smart, some not so much. Either way our current generation is under inspection like never before.

I argue that fighting for the 5 seconds of fame. And after achieving it, fighting to be seen as anything else, is what is so detrimental for the people. Which leads to people killing themselves when they either get attention for the wrong reason e.g. because they kissed someone they shouldn’t have or because they can’t get forwards because they will always be seen as someone who “fucked up” e.g. Logan Paul. I honestly hope that he won’t feel the need to end it all due to all the negative media he get’s right now/has gotten in the past. ( I am not a fan of his, but honestly the things people say (including the death threats) is disturbing. Since when was it ok to do that?

Yes there will always be suicide. And yes we will always see attention seeking. It is one of the greatest ways to attract a mate. Raise your hands if someone remembers being hit on by someone who made a fool of themselves while doing so? However. Today it seems everything is twisted. We have a smart youth. No matter what we think of their antics. They are smart, but the outlet we have isn’t under control. There is no rehab for attention seeking. And many of us don’t even see that we might need it.

I could easily say that I don’t care about attention. But obviously I do. I write this blog. And currently this a pretty small blog. What will happen when and if it grows? I don’t know. Hopefully I won’t make it about jumping off roofs for the amusement of my fan-base. And I hope that what I talk about (Personal development + social issues) will help people grow and move forward instead of trying to become internet sensations.

Please comment and let’s start a discussion! As someone who is part of the generation, that almost kills themselves for views and potentially kills themselves because of said views, I find this topic important. To anyone who is depressed and/or sees as death being the only solution, please seek help. From family or a professional. I know this is cliche but there is always another way.

With love, Alisa

P.S. Being an influence, YouTuber, Instagram model etc. are perfectly fine jobs to have. (Yes I personally see them as jobs, if we would know how much time and effort goes into the content (often not always) we wouldn’t question it) However don’t forget that they aren’t the only cool jobs to have nor are they always as cool as what we think.

Lessons in life

More questions less answers

We go to school, we learn daily new things. We answer thousands of questions. We read for exams that ask us factual questions. Questions we can answer with a date, a vocabulary word, or explaining chain of events in a way or another.ย  And that is great. It is important to learn how to answer straight forward questions with straight answers. But is that enough?

I do not think so. I believe that it would be so very important for people to analyse more philosophical questions. Questions that like of “What makes you happy, in day to day life?”. Or ” What do you think the world would need to make it a better place?” And these are hard questions. And chances are if you as this from a 7 year old the answer will be candy or more toys, or maybe nowadays it’d be WI-FI. But it doesn’t hurt to ask those things. Because even if one of 10 students actually gives something worthy of using in our day to day life, isn’t worth a shot? And sure, it is possible that no one else would getย anyย value out of their answers. But it would make the students think. Like oh yeah, going on a walk with my dog makes meย  happy, or hmmm my moms apple pie is to die for. And isn’t that just as important to teach about or if not teach make them think about it?

And this thinking about bigger questions could be added to actual subjects as well. For example in History. “What little things in this chain of events could have changed everything?” And then people would have to analyse History deeper, and maybe actually understand that history is not just dates and chains of events. It is people, feelings, pains and joys. And I believe in order to actuallyย know history, you must understand the people the thoughts and actions not just the dates and names.

What I am trying to say here is that factual questions are great, but they do not do much on their own. We people question everything. And in order to remember somethings we have to be able to empathise with the situation. The feelings and thoughts we have are like the bones that add the meat to; which is the dates and names that otherwise mean nothing to us. That way we can somehow make these situations, questions and ideas important to us, and maybe even remember them better. For example in maths; “What should your monthly pay be in order to pay for rent that is X for water and electricity that is Y and for other stuff that is Z, remember to add taxes to your payments.”

What do you guys think, should we be asking more complex, feeling induced questions at school as well as in our personal life?

As always thanks for reading

-Alisa

Health, Personal development, Spirituality

Why is meditation hyped? Should it be?

Here we are again my friends. Talking about meditation. Well why is it hyped? Meditation is an simple yet effective way to shut that monkey in our brain. It makes easier for us to focus on the tasks we should, but still gives us a possibility to go through out thoughts, without judgment of course.

A study done in Harvard University has scientific proof that not only is meditation good psychologicaly it enhances our brains physical performance, by building more gray matter. In as short time as 8 weeks MRI scans showed a increase in grey matter. This is something that explains why many people say that the benefits they reap from meditation aren’t plainly psychological or emotional, but also cognitive.

(Find the article here http://www.collective-evolution.com/2014/12/11/harvard-study-unveils-what-meditation-literally-does-to-the-brain/ )

This is great information. I am sure there are studies that show how meditation decreses risk for heart failure and for different forms of dementia. But is all the hype really necessary?

Yes and no. Look for me to tell that meditation is just bogus and stop waisting your time, would be hilarious considering I try to do it as much as possible. It helps me in so many ways, (all listed above) and I just want to make it a daily habit. So what is the down side of meditation?

It isn’t the act of meditating itself. It is the hype culture around it. Everyone in the personal development world makes it some kind of a super drug that will solve all your problem. Look mate, I am sorry to break it for you, but it isn’t. It really really isn’t.

First of all let us talk about the basic idea for mediation:ย Sit down in a lotus position, back straight and relax.ย Okay, let’s stop right there. My back hurts like hell in that position. Albeit it is my own fault because my back is just super weak, but I am not gonna get any relaxing done in that position.ย Try to make sure you aren’t thinking about anything. If a thought comes by, just let if float past.ย  What kind of a witch do you think I am. If I could just let it fly away I wouldn’t need meditation in the first place. Catch my drift here?

Get this misconception of meditation being this easy hack, out of your head. It is simple. It isn’t rocket science but it isn’t easy. You won’t even maybe feel the benefits of it, until you do it for a week. If you aren’t consistent then it might take you longer. So it isn’t a magic pill. It is a habit that you have to grow, in order to become better.

Then the second part why I think meditation is overrated, at least online, is how it is marketed. Sit, breath, ommm, relax. But the thing is that isn’t the only way to meditate. For someone it could be a walk. For some drinking coffee and listening to birds chirp. For someone its going riding on a horse etc etc. ย There is no right way to mediate. Now I am sure that different ways affect us differently but in my opinion, the most important thing, is that you enjoy the process ( you are more likely to do it more often) and that your mind gets some peace and calm.

Personally I love to lay down and listen to a guided meditation. That way I can concentrate on the voice that guides me and breathing as told. Thus I am not as tempted to get sucked into my thoughts and worries.

How do you like to meditate? ย Comment below what you think!

-Alisa

 

Health, Lessons in life

Frustration

Some of you, scratch that ALL of ย you know this feeling. It is this knife turning in your gut, reminding you daily that you are not where you want to be. Thatย no one understands you.ย You are all alone. The blog isn’t catching off as you would like and your instagram isn’t looking the way you want it to. Your beach body is more like the whale on the beach (please don’t think that you are awesome!) and why didn’t I get A* from that exam? I am sooooo stupid. There is this misconception that for everyone else who was trying to make something of themselves, it was easier, faster that they have something that we don’t.

And of course, most of us know logically, that there is no secret recipe. There is not formula for short cut to success. But still, there is thing nagging voice at the back of your head, laughing at you and making small comments on how you are so slow, and who the heck are you kidding, you can’t even write a full on sentence without at least 2 mistakes. You a blogger?ย Eh, what a joke!ย 

But in the world of success, no matter what success looks like for ย you, there really isn’t the right way of doing things is there? I mean unless of course you do nothing. But there is no set time limit for success or learning something new. The only thing that is rushing us is well ourselves. We are discouraging ourselves by looking at these pictures on Instagram or videos online. And everything is soooo neat and crisp and clean and put together andย I am not like that at all- what is wrong with me?

Let me tell you what is wrong with me, and do not worry I have this exactly same issue.ย YOUย keep rushing, you keep expecting magic to happen where it isn’t supposed to happen. You are comparing someone on level 500 to your level 5. You are looking at everything ย else except your own journey. And that will make you suffer. It will make you cry and it will make you feel empty inside. Because you assume that things should be easy.

And we all know life isn’t easy. It isn’t fair. It isn’t just rainbows and sunshine, come one, there can’t even be a rainbow without rain (too cliche?). Look I know you won’t listen to me, heckย Iย do not listen to me. But I hope you at least take something away from me writing this, because I write this truly from the bottom of my heart, (just as much for me as for you).ย Let go of expectations!ย Work hard. Try your best and that is what will make you success. Sure you can look up to people, but do not end up staring so much you miss your own journey.

What hinders you the most in your journey to success or bettering yourself? Please let us know in the comments and don’t forget to share ^^

With a lot of love,

The Writer