I personally am a morning person. I love waking up early and great the sunrise (well, during the summer I do, in the winter sun wakes up way too late for my schedule). First a disclaimer; you don’t have to wake up at 4 or 5 or what ever time the gurus say. But a morning routine, is going to get you into gear, even if you wake up at 12. Let’s get with the 5 steps!
The early morning has gold in its mouth
Step one – Give yourself time
How many of us have woken up just in time to leave in 30 min. We made the coffee, spilled it on our white shirt. Kicked the table and almost squished the dog. Why don’t you wake up so you have 1 hour at least to get ready. You can actually drink your coffee or tea calmly? Let’s start the day in a relaxed mindset. There is time to through of the balance later too
Step two – Prep in the evening
I am sure you have hear this. Get your clothes ready, prep your breakfast etc. This take away the stress of having to prep everything in the morning and gives less time for you to make mistakes and forget important things. I have a check list that I need to have completed every evening. Work keys, phone, car keys, food ready to go. Check, check, check. I’d rather check 5 times than to run back and forth. Which I have done. (This is quite a new part in my routine)
Step three – Exercise
I don’t have too much time in the morning to think about fitness. I start work at 7. So I wake up at 5 as is ( sometimes earlier) BUT what I do have time for is stretching. And couple of jumps and getting the blood going in my body. So I get the day started. Proper fitness is an evening thing for me. I also get a friend with me to make it more appealing for me to go 😉
Step four – Attitude
I am just like anyone else. When the phone starts playing its alarm I want to smash it and throw it to Timbuktu. BUT I don’t. And I do a lot to get into the better mindset. Stretch. Breath deep in and out. Think of the good part of the following day. You get to listen to good music, you get to see your fabulous work team, you get to listen to the book on your commute. Or maybe give some scritches to you your pupper? All good reasons to get up. You will always find some shit in your life. Try not to search for it on purpose. It will find you on its own.
Step 5 – Time it
This sounds dumb. But honestly see how much time it takes for you to do all of the things you need/want to do. An example of a timetable would we; Hygiene 10 min. Makeup 10 min. Breakfast 15-20 min. Meditation 10 min. Getting dressed 5 min. Organize room and check everything is with you 10 min. All in total is 65 min. This is the time about that you need for your morning routine. For someone it could be 1.5 hours, for someone 45 minutes. Take what you need, and disregard the rest. Make it yours. A miracle morning is only a miracle if it works for you. Make sure it does!
All in all, it isn’t hard to plan it. Now you need to stick to it. What is your morning like? Do you wake up early or late?
Just last week I wrote a blog about catching up with your goals. I know that this seems like something that is rather redundant. Yes yes, we should have goals and aspirations so what?
Simple, it has been proven that we are happier when we strive for something greater, better. This doesn’t mean that everyone has to strive to be a millionaire. I mean I wouldn’t say no to a couple of million. But I don’t think it would make me happy, if after that I wouldn’t have more substance to my life.
So this is why I ask a very somber question from you my darling reader. What have you done, before you die. 80 years will go past fast as fuck. There is no point to think of what if’s when you are on your bed. So why not think of what if’s now.
What if you won’t do anything now? What if the goal you have is almost reached but you give up right before it? What if you have so much potential in you but you deside not to do anything because you are too afraid? I am not saying you shouldn’t sleep, eat or rest once in a while. Going after your goals doesn’t mean hustle till you die. It means make sure your life is off substance, so that once you die, you won’t have to think of what if’s. You won’t fear death as much if you realize that it is actually your time and you did everything you could have to live a fulfilling life.
So, after reading this post, journal a bit. What if you would die today. What would you be proud of? What would you have to achieve in your life to be on your death bed and; “Greet death like an old friend”?
As always, thank you for reading. Don’t hesitate to start a conversation in the comments and don’t forget to check my socials 😉
You might be thinking; you are a personal development blogger. How does this relate.?Everyone can talk. First things first; no, not everyone knows how to talk effectively. And secondly, if you want to learn more, become successful or connect with people you MUST know how to effectively communicate with others. Also in this society where shock value of a conversation is way more important than actually getting forward with topics that might have multiple view; I feel it is essential to learn how to communicate effectively and to learn from one another!
Let’s define terms
What does a conversation mean. A dictionary definition is: ” a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.” How would I define a great conversations? A great conversation, is where both participants get a voice, both state their opinions/experiences and are able to; despite potentially disagreeing with other, be civil. In a great conversation, even if it ends with people “agreeing to disagreeing”, both participants feel listened and respected. This conversation, despite it being emotional, political or tied to ones identity, remains civil and no slurs, raising of the voice or argument( heated one) is anywhere to be seen.
Very short a sweet things to consider when having a conversation;
How emotionally stable am I right now, to have this conversation?
Do I actually have the facts, to base my opinions on?
Am I capable of being an adult in this situation, since I am so emotionally invested in the topic?
If I know someone wants to criticize me, can I without referring to childish ways of “You started it”, have it or should I ask them to come back to the topic later?
This is the right time, place and am I in the right mindset right now, to start this conversation.
Very great change starts from very small conversations held among people who care
Margaret J. Wheatley
Here are the 5 short tips in a longer form:
1. Don’t yell/cry/ have a tantrum
You want to seems intelligent and level headed. This doesn’t mean you can’t show feelings, just make sure that those feelings don’t come out as a protection mechanism. It often does goes like this to me, and trust me when I say that it has never helped me to get my point across… other way around. I am extremely emotional. And often I start crying if I am angry/frustrated. This just makes me seem younger and not as mature in the conversation, meaning that even the points that are valid, that I would make are disregarded… because I am crying.
2. Do not make statements that sound like you know what you are talking about, but are actually bs.
For example; “billions of women are mistreated everyday. I read about it just yesterday”. A) If you read about something yesterday, you probably remember the source. B) Unless the number is actually billion(s) you shouldn’t use that word for shock value. Stay to the facts, or make sure to make clear that that point is your understanding of the situation, not 100% fact.
3. Don’t get personal with someone just because you feel strongly about the subject.
If someone is being sexist, you should say things like “Well you were probably abused as a kid, and this is why you are being so fucked up right now.” There is no reason to assume that, and just because someone’s opinion hurts you, doesn’t mean you should hurt them back. Most of the time it is more healthy to rather not have a conversation with someone than to become verbally abusive in the situation. Even if the person is actually wrong in that case.
A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue, that’s why there are so few conversations; due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet.”
4. If someone is giving you criticism, responding back with criticism.
It is selfish, childish and it won’t take the conversation forward. There are two ways to react to criticism. 1) Note that this sound actually truthful and you should probably take this into consideration. If this thing you are criticized for hurts others, apologize. 2) Realize this doesn’t apply to you and try to explain why you disagree. If you can’t come up with an understanding, let the conversation die out and live your life
5.When starting a conversation doing it in an attacking kind of way.
We all know with extremes that it is probably not the greatest time to break up with someone if their parent just died. You shouldn’t point out someone’s problems when they are down. Having a conversation, especially where you are planning on criticizing someone, is important that you do it, when they are in a receptive mode. (This doesn’t mean you should break up with someone on their b-day or something like that either….)
If some topics interest you, say racism, feminism, religion etc etc. You should research before trying to have a debate/conversation with someone. If this conversation is totally spontaneous, explain your points clearly, or if you notice that you can’t verbalize yourself in a way you want to. Tell that to the other person. There is no shame, in saying that you don’t feel comfortable talking about something due to lack of knowledge or because you are uncomfortable.
Don’t be too emotional, don’t get on a high horse, don’t be a bitch, don’t get defensive and don’t attack. It is very simple… very very simple. And people seem to just decide to muck it all up, because of feelings and because of EGO….. Also I am noooooot on a high horse right now. I have made pretty much every single one of these mistakes in some type of fashion.
Here are some great resources in order to be more educated, be a better communicator and also just how to keep a conversation up, so that it doesn’t become awkward. I will also link some posts on similar topics written by me 🙂
Practical Psychology on YouTube. They have a great vault of new ideas, information and tips and trick, not only for communicating more “fluently” but also to just learn more things and having more interesting topics to discuss.
Charisma on Command : I must admit, I have binge watched these videos more than on one occasion. He has a great way to analyze a persons actions (positive and negative) and show through very clear example of how to command respect, how to be funny and how to despite not always being correct, being able to have a proper and respectful conversation. If you want to become a public speaker, a good writer or a likable person in general, you should totally check this channel out !
#Bodypositivity #deathpositive #drugpositve #serialkillerpositve. FIRST THINGS FIRST
I AM part of the positivity movement. I AM a positive person. I AM a fucking spiritual person who believes in Law of Attraction (we can debate that another time) but I AM NOT delusional. And you shouldn’t be either.
Being positive about something doesn’t mean you should close your eyes from facts. If I get run over by a car, no amount of Law of Attraction will stop me from dying if my injuries are fatal.
No amount of body positivity will take away your risks of heart failure or joint failure if you are obese. NOW before you start attacking me ever so “politely” in the comments saying I shame people. Absolutely I do not. If you are happy in your body and you accept the health risks, or you aren’t happy and you work hard to make sure you turn your life around. I will treat you the same. But please for the love of God do not tell people bullshit stories about how no matter what you can be healthy and that no matter what positivity is 100% the answer.
If drug positivity or alcohol positivity, serial killer positivity etc etc etc would be movements we wouldn’t stand by them. The word positivity isn’t going to change the result of something.
Where does positivity 100% make a great impact?
When you have a positive mindset about being able to change your life for the better. When you talk positively about people to people, and don’t concentrate on other peoples shortcomings, what ever those are. Taking the time to see the good in the world. The beautiful fucking butterfly, the cute ass dog/cat. Meditating while believing that this day is going t be great and taking the time and effort to see the positive things in your day. This will make life amazing. It will give you power, instead of taking away the power. It will make sure that you can be proactive instead of reactive.
Positivity shouldn’t be a cover up. You don’t have to pretend to be happy if you are depressed. But you don’t have to start a “depression positive” movement, to counter act that having a depression is a serious issue. If you are depressed you should seek help, it can be a friend, family member or someone with a medical degree. The word positive doesn’t erase the original meaning of the world.
Great idea, but what about the implimentation?
Body positivity is a great movement. Shaming anyone for having a different body that someone else, is a despicable thing to do. A) When you shame someone you hurt them and they retreat into their shell and can end up being even more unhealthy. B) Shaming and scaring people isn’t going to make them change, that is why horrible pictures on cigarette packets don’t make people want to quit smoking.
So should we incorporate more positivity into the world of fitness? Yes. You don’t have to be size 0 to be healthy. You don’t have to have six pack abs. You don’t have to have the same goal as me or a body builder. But you should do everything in power of being “health positive”. Health doesn’t look the same for everyone. But there are limits to what healthy is, and we should be aware of that. No matter how much it sucks that burgers aren’t healthy, that sugar doesn’t have any nutritional value or that if you don’t move you are in a way bigger risk for different health issues.
Ending on a positive note 😉
I love all people. No matter shape, size, color, religion, sexual orientation, gender and all of the other ways people can be shamed. I also happen to love the power we have as people to make changes in our lives. It requires effort, and it take time to change your life. But no matter what you can do it. You just have to see a reason for it. And living a fulfilling, long life with meaning and great experiences, seems like a good fucking reason to do it… wouldn’t you say?
Leave a comment bellow with your opinions on it. Let’s have this conversation. Let’s be positive yet realistic about it! Don’t hesitate to also follow me on my social media and join the community <3
So everyone all the time talk about habits and forming or changing them and let me just tell you I am such a addict when it comes to reading about people and their habits and routines and so on. There is nothing more satisfying as seeing someone have their lives together… well maybe having your own life together would be more satisfying…. hmmmmm…. Anywhoo, I have listed 5 counter-intuitive ways of forming and or changing habits down below, so let’s start!
Don’t plan as much. Yes I have mentioned this before. This is something that quite many high performing business people talk about. There is a gap often between planning and taking action. It is called analysis paralysis. We just plan the day by the minute, then realize we have way too much planned or we spent the whole time planning and now its already 12 am and we should have been asleep hours ago. This also works when planning on habits you want to incorporate into your life and how. Yes plan your habits and see where they fit, but don’t over do it. Habit is something you do, not something you plan… just saying.
The easier something is to do, the more likely you are to do it….But I disagree on the effectiveness in some cases (or maybe it is just me). This is something also suggested in detail in Atomic Habits by James Clear. I just started this book but its amazing and I’m like half way through. And while in general I agree on this advice, I have noticed certain instances that the opposite works. For example, when I planned on using my nearest gym…. that is literally like a 200m walk from my house (About 656ft) I wouldn’t go there…like ever. I had this mentality of since its so close I can go when ever so now I don’t have to. And honestly this changed when I started to go to the gym further away. It became more of an actual routine because I had to make an effort and make sure I took into consideration the walking time there and back. Since I don’t know if there are any studies done on this topic, I can’t say if this is an normal phenomenon or if I am just peculiar… I am probably just peculiar, but leave a comment down bellow if this sounds familiar
Don’t think about the end goal. This is also something that is discussed in the book Atomic Habits. I find this very fascinating but I do understand the logic. If you want habits that stick, you shouldn’t think about the end goal. It shouldn’t be that I want to weight X amount of kg or pounds. Because what happens to the habits you have built when you reach that “magical” number. Big chance is you lose those habits. However if you focus on becoming a healthy person. You will continue doing certain habits just because a healthy person does them. This means that instead of concentrating on goals you should concentrate on your identity and instead of just thinking about your habits think of systems you can set in place to make sure those habits work. James Clear explains this better than I ever could, so read the book. However, I will try to give an example. I want to wake up at 5 am. This is a habit I want to have. A system for it, would be having two alarms both at the other side of the room that I have to go and turn off. But this is not enough. Now that I have turned them of, while I am already standing I have to go to the bathroom do my business there and wash my face, so I wake up. After this I go back to my room. Open my blinds, make bed and this is important; I meditate on the floor/chair NOT on the bed. Because otherwise I fall asleep again. This is a system that ensures I wake up and get up at 5 am.
Don’t beat yourself over if you are failing in doing something you told yourself to-do. Studies have found that people are more likely to make positive change when they get positive information about that change. And if they have a possibility of being better than someone else. So for example; if you have a calendar and you mark with an x all the days you haven’t smoked, you are more likely to keep up with that since you have a streak (side note, this is why Snapchat worked so well ;D) If you have an app that tells you that people A and B are doing 50% better than you on said habit, you will be more likely to improve your score so that you get as good of a grade or better as them. This also means that instead of telling yourself that you are an idiot. Just notice that you are breaking your streak. Or others can do better than you. This will make it easier for you to get back on track with your habits. Here is a link to the ted talk on this subject TED talk and again Atomic Habits talks about this as well.
Last but not least. If you want to stop doing something. Don’t stop it cold turkey. Or if you do stop something right in that second, substitute it with another habit. For example if you have a habit of biting or fiddling with your nails. In order to stop if, get a stress toy. This way you can still do something with your hands (and studies show it isn’t actually as bad as we were lead to believe…just for the love of God, don’t let it be a clicker pen or I might just have to attack you….) This will make sure you will stop ruining your nails and it won’t rely on you to be disciplined. It is hard to be disciplined with habits that are unconscious, nail biting often is.
So here are the 5 ways to form and/ or change habits that are counter intuitive. I hope you liked the post and please comment bellow the one that seemed to make most/least sense to you.If you have questions or post ideas don’t hesitate to ask!
Also here is a link to a poll on twitter that I formed that decides the post I will be writing for Thursday, make sure to cast your vote! Twitter Poll
Don’t forget to follow on the socials and let’s form a community of Change!
I have posted a post a week no since last Sunday and today’s post will be the last one of the week. I will go back to posting couple of times a week again. This was a nice challenge that I made for myself and you should definitely try it to see how it will force you to create content…no matter what. But let us get to the topic of today. What does success to you mean? And how does defining it guarantee success.
So success to everyone looks different. For me personally success is about being fulfilled. I am fulfilled when I have variety in my life. I am fulfilled when I get to help people. Currently it is through this blog, but later on it will be through my Life Coaching.
This is not how your life will have to look. I mean fulfillment looks different for everyone. For you it could be becoming a mother. Or becoming a fitness coach or doing research. What ever it is, it is a great choice. (As long it isn’t becoming a murderer… that is not a good life path….sorry) So think what is it that brings you fulfillment.
What if I don’t know what I want to do in that much details?
This is very normal. I didn’t before either and the great thing about making life plans is that they can change. But I realized what I wanted to do was from seeing some of the things I liked/loved: I loved giving advice to people, I loved writing, I loved having an impact, I am creative, I enjoy psychology. Those things together for me = Life Coach. (Or at the moment a Personal Development blogger)
So that everyone is clear; your fulfillment doesn’t have to come from your job. It could be helping out your community, it could be helping kids learn to code during your free time. It can 100% be a hobby or “just” a side hustle.
Why is it important to define this?
Sometimes other peoples passion for things makes you think you want the same thing. Like oh they are a travel influencer? I want that too, I want to visit all those places. This doesn’t equal that you want to do that as a job. A travel influencer has to do a shit ton of photography, videos and editing + blogs. On top of that probably sponsorship’s they have to take care of so they can actually make those trips, and so so so much more. Are you ready for that? Maybe. If you are, then that is your path. However if not, then you should ask what you actually want to do. Not what someone makes look great.
Elizabeth Gilbert, the writer of Eat Pray Love and Big Magic, asks a great question. What is your favorite flavor of Shit sandwich. The idea is, that everything you do is going to have something that you will hate, and you just have to figure out if it is worth it. Let’s stick with the travel influencer topic. The shit sandwich could be getting sick because of the different bacteria somewhere, or flying a lot, or having to organize a lot of trips all the time, or not being at home much etc. IF those flavors of shit sandwiches sound like a decent trade off, you are probably prepared to become a travel influencer. (Send me pics please, I love seeing those scenes and to get insporation of just visiting there and resting and NOT having to work 😉 )
So what is that thing that would bring you fulfillment= make you successful? Leave it in the comments below! And don’t forget to connect with me and the community on the socials <3
Have you wondered if you are in a matrix and everything is just an illusion. That you never really even know your potential because you are trapped into a box and you don’t have a way out right now?
Well without all conspiracy theories I can honestly say you probably are in a trap. A trap you have made for yourself and I am just as much a victim of a self inflicted trap as you are. The best way to get out of these traps is to recognize them.
5 Traps to avoid
Needing to be always right. I get it. It is so fun to be right and seem smart. I like that feeling too. However most of the time being right doesn’t really do anything. Being wrong and accepting that doesn’t make you weak. It makes your aware of things and forces you to learn new facts and skills. Saying that you were wrong is one of the hardest things in life. I know… but, the thing is that if you don’t claim to be right in the first place you don’t have to take it back…simple
Cursing that life isn’t fair. It isn’t and that sometimes sucks BUT the thing is that talking about how life isn’t fair and all of the rich people have everything and blah blah blah, it doesn’t do anything. Won’t turn life fair all of a sudden. It’s not like life hears your whining and is like “Shit, I have been a right bitch, must change” Instead of using your time to talk about how like isn’t fair, work hard with the rules that life has. Life is a bitch? Be a bitch back. Work hard and make sure you get ahead. It will require effort, but so does bitching about things. You might as well choose the one that brings you more value.
Living by other peoples rules. I am knee deep in this trap. Honestly it is one of the hardest things in life. Especially when it comes to friends and family. If someone in your family has a certain way of seeing things, then you all of a sudden feel like shit if you go against those “rules”. I have big goals. But I often feel the need to make them smaller because they scare other people. Not even myself, but others. It is so easy to start thinking the same way as others. “That is too risky/too hard/” and all of a sudden you start wondering… “well maybe it is too risky/too hard/” You have just as much of a chance to fail and the things that are “safe”. Being miserable and safe is still a failure. Above all you end up hurting yourself by listening to others too much.
Wanting things to be easy. This is a trap like no other. It is what makes people want to play lotto, or “buy into make money easy and fast by just clicking thing thing and paying 0.99 cents”. Life isn’t supposed to be easy. People get into a flow state when something isn’t too easy, we need a bit or a challenge to motivate us. Of course this also means that we can’t do things that are way too hard, because we need at least small successes to keep us interested. However if life would be easy, people who for instance got rich fast and now “have everything”, would be the happiest. And they aren’t. Work hard, achieve your goals, be of service to others. Easy isn’t the answer.
Having pity party all the damn time. We get it. Life sucks. Teachers suck. Politicians suck…Everything suckity sucks sucks sucks. The problem is that whining about it doesn’t do anything. Talking about how someone is an idiot won’t change them into a fantastic person. You have two choices. Talk to them and say what bothers you. You delete them out of your life. Doing things that aren’t fun will always be in our lives. Either its taxes, or you have to have a war with papers or something else. Talking about how much it sucks and poor you, won’t take the tasks away. It will however prolong your suffering. So cut the pity party and just do the shit and move on.
This post might sound to many that we shouldn’t ever allow negativity enter our lives. This isn’t my goal. Crying is healthy, talking through shit is great. What isn’t great, is getting stuck in that shit. As a result not getting forward in your life. Life isn’t fair and some days suck. You can make choices and act in a way that makes life less shitty. One way is by getting out of the traps listed above.
I am most trapped into traps 3 and 5. Which one is the most problematic for you?
I love this quote. It is so simple, fun and so very true. I mean who doesn’t love a quote that rhymes but is still smart?
If you follow my Facebook page you would have seen this quote already. So if you don’t follow the page yet, go ahead and check it out here: Facebook
How can this quote change your life?
If you live by the rule of this quote it becomes very simple. Just do a bit more. When you are good at something change the goal to being better at it and after that best at it. Of course you get to chose what those things are and no one is telling you to become the best at everything. But striving for something better everyday is a great way to change your life.
Instead of just laying in bed today go on a walk. It is better than what you had in plans. Instead of doing only 8 reps at the gym do 9 this time. Instead of accepting that you study a language only 15 minutes today, study it for 30 minutes. Push yourself just a bit more. Not till you drop. So obviously listen to your body. But don’t make it an excuse. Instead of turning the TV on, you can just learn couple of more words from the language you want to learn or something similar.
Which quote motivates you? Leave it in the comments! I would love to read them!
What is personal development? Get rich fast scheme. Work non stop till you drop so you can die becoming a millionaire. Well, I am sure someone could think of it that way… but no.
I am very fascinated with personal development. But I think there is a misconception that there is one way of doing personal development. And that just isn’t accurate. It is call personal for a reason. It is the development you instill in yourself. And it can look different for different people.
If someone would ask what I think personal development is, I would say it is someone working on their weaknesses and getting out of the comfort zone. There must be a part which is not comfortable to you. Because those things that are easy and nice to do, don’t make you grow. They are still important to have in your life, but they don’t make you grow (sorry)
How ever what you do in order to grow is up to you. It could be traveling; there is so much to learn about yourself and the world with traveling. It forces you to think about your finances and it makes you be more organized, since ofc. you don’t want to miss your train/bus/plane etc.
It can just as well be reading books on the topics that you don’t know. It can be fitness, it can be going to courses. Anything. But you have to do it well.
I started personal development about 5 ish years ago. And I can’t say I have come far. Not because I have some extremely hard story to tell. Simply because I haven’t before given my all to working on myself. You can always find something to work on. But it is very easy to come up with excuses. Just like with anything. And I sure did.
Personal development is very important. It requires self discipline and awareness. You must realize what you must change or work on in yourself and stick to it. That isn’t easy. But if you want to go from where you are to somewhere better. Something that you have dreamed about, you must work on yourself.
Why do I think it is extremely important? We as a society constantly look at everyone else. Judging and saying how everyone else is so dumb and “I would have done it better”…would you have? I mean maybe. If so then just go and do those things differently. Work hard to make sure you can make a change. If we work on ourselves to be the best us we can be. Then things we achieve when we come all together are magnificent.
Many broken people aren’t going to make a full society. So working on ourselves is way more important than pointing fingers at others.
Running after happiness is like running after someone who will kiss you and then punch you in the face.
Happiness is such a broad word and I at least feel like it doesn’t actually mean anything. It is just a filler in a conversation: “Are you happy?” I will try to explain why happiness is kinda bs. However to make sure we don’t have to start studying biology and chemistry, I have simplified everything a lot. So please if you want more information, check the links I have left at the end, and research yourself. Let’s get into it:
There is a reason why the world happy is in quotes, in the title. I don’t think we understand what happiness means. And the truth is that my happiness and your happiness are two very different things. For some reasons though, we always try to copy others in the hope of getting the same kind of hit that the other person got. The we get bitter when it doesn’t make us feel good and we feel like we’ve been lied to…
So let’s talk about what is happiness scientifically (very simplified). DOSE (Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin and Endorphin) are in charge of the feelings of happiness, in very different ways. Endorphins come out to play when you do something that you have to power through like fitness goal. While oxytocin makes you bond with people and serotonin is a regulator. You get dopamine actually when you anticipate something. Why is this important to understand? Well this means there at least 4 different ways to be “happier”. Actually more because there are other chemicals in the brain that work to make you feel “good” but I won’t get into them all.
However this gets us to the next point I have. The happiness chemicals don’t work in the sense that we think that they do. Easy example would be serotonin. The chemical that makes you feel hungry and happy after you eat. (simplified a lot). So then you would think that food makes you happy. And it does, in a way. That is why it is easy to start over eating. Because who doesn’t like food. This means that we will get happy from over eating. And from expecting the food we get dopamine… but when have you ever hear about an actually happy food addict. Someone who is over weight is not happy. They might act happy with food in front of them but a little while after they eat they get sad and guilty and then there is the cycle. Eat be happy stop eating feel bad. What do you think we end up doing? … Yeah … eating some more.
So, if we think about happiness as the surge of chemicals and lack of happiness when chemicals aren’t having a party, this means we must always DO something, in order to be happy. BUT this is again where our brains will work against us. Because what better way than get a DOSE than to sit around all day, scroll the phone, order uber eats and then just do the same thing when you feel the guilt and self loathing raise? This is the reason “happiness” isn’t such a great concept and feeling good for a while doesn’t mean you are happy overall.
I suggest a very easy cure for you all who feel like happiness is always running away from you. Instead of grabbing that burger, phone, having sex(All of which are btw good things in moderation) What I suggest is making a list of things that make you feel good AND proud/fulfilled after you do it. Want to feel good about bonding with people? Help someone. Want to feel the anticipation of something? Try planning a trip or organize a get together with friends. Or try something new that you have never done before. The key is to feel good even after you are done doing it. Not that you have failed yourself. This takes away the huge crashes you might get.
So happiness isn’t only about getting some chemicals to party in your brain. You must also make them party in a good way, instead of making them feel hangover after 10 minutes. Doing good things, smart things will make you feel good for longer, because the memory of those good things will make you feel happy again instead of sad.
Now to the last but maybe the most important point: HAPPY isn’t the same thing as easy. Happy isn’t about getting the biggest hit of DOSE, often. It is about balancing out things. It is about making yourself proud, fulfilled. This is why I strongly suggest to run after fulfillment, about feeling good in a smart way. Running after happiness on its own is like running after someone who kisses you and then punches you right after it… and I don’t think that is a healthy relationship to be in. Even if its just inside our brains. Run after being fulfilled and proud of who you are. That will be more like running after someone who isn’t actually running away from you. They are just playing tag with you and once you catch them, they will kiss you and take you out on a date. (Better than the punch in the face right?)
What are the smart things that make you happy? What makes you fulfilled and proud of yourself after? If you have questions, about this or something else, let me know! I will be happy to try and answer or to even write a blog post on the topic!
Here are the resources I used for the blog: 4 Chemicals and Psychology Today Also don’t forget to check out the communities we have (and take part in them 😉 ) over here: