Personal development

How not to let regrets take charge of your life?

I asked you guys on Twitter what you guys wanted to read and my General Regrets suggestion won. I am not big on writing posts that just state things and don’t teach anything. So on top of talking about some of my regrets I will talk about how to not let them over power your life. Sounds good? Yeah, I thought so too. Let’s go!

Regrets are an interesting thing. Because quite often we are the ones to blow them out of proportion. We just ruminate on the same fucking topic without realizing that, no matter what the choice we made was. We can get past it an move on. ( I mean unless you killed someone… then I have some questions, but… yeah.) We all make mistakes and have regrets (yes, even those people who say they regret nothing and show crude signs to hide their pain)

My regret number 1:

I didn’t study as well as I should have/ could have. I have always been an average student. I didn’t bother to study because why put in the effort if I get OK grades anyway? But now I see how learning to learn before, learning subjects in more detail, would have given me more leverage now. I would be able to write better now, I would be able to connect dots better now and so on.

How to deal with this regret? Accept that you could have been more mature and less lazy. It is a fact and no matter how much you blame the teacher, school etc. Doesn’t take away the power that you could have put in more effort. Instead of whining and going out with friends to whine, you could have studied. Just 15 minutes or 30 minutes more. Now that you take responsibility for your actions. Make sure you make different choices now. Read the book because the topic is UNKNOWN to you. Not because it is your preference. Make notes on podcasts and seminars, don’t assume you will remember things. With the magic of internet you can learn everything you skipped before. It is just harder now. It take time from other things. But if you think it will add your life value… why the heck wouldn’t you do it? Right?

My regret number 2:

I trusted people blindly. I am not saying you shouldn’t trust people. You 100% should trust those who are close to you. And it is their shame if they betray it. If you never trust anyone you will live a very fearfull, lonely life. However, always telling everything about you to people and letting them in without having any idea who they are as people… don’t do that. A lot of people were able to hurt me this way.

How to deal with it? Accept that you put your trust in the wrong place. Accept that you were hurt. And forgive those people. Because we all end up hurting someone at some point in our lives. And while you don’t owe anyone to forgive them. You will feel way way more light about yourself if you let the hate and anger go. So forgive them for their mistakes and forgive yourself for not seeing the signs.

My regret number 3

Being too sensitive and wanting a lot of attention. When I was younger I would get hurt easily. Not really because people saying things would necessarily actually hurt me. But if I cried I’d get attention. This lasted a long long time. I am not sure when I stopped caring about attention. And honestly it probably doesn’t go 100% of the time ever. But when I was younger it was way worse than now. This affected my friendships and relationships a lot. Mostly this harmed me. But it ended up hurting others as well. I was an easy pray for bullying because I would cry so easily and the worst, most idiotic thing was I wasn’t even hurt at first. It only later on became an issue when I adopted the pain that the bullies were trying to inflict on me.

How to deal with this? I just accept I was childish and dumb. I tried to get attention in the wrong way and now I know better. I am way more confident and I live my life on my own terms. I feel embarrassed about that time of my life but I can’t change it now, so I make sure to live my life to the fullest now, concentrating on making myself proud, not making others see me.

Getting stuck in your regret is like going the wrong way, and instead of making a course correction, just stopping moving all together.

Me

My regret number 4:

Not traveling on my free time as much as I would have wanted. Fear is a interesting thing. I loved traveling with my parents but planning a trip on my own or with friends I always met myself with a block. Instead of using my money on candy and soda, I could have seen the world… How dumb.

How to deal with this? Well, we can’t always do best of choices. I have improved with this as I have been in exchange twice and I have planned more trips. I will save more money for more trips and will make sure to appreciate each trip I get to make, even more since it is my dream to travel as much as possible.

My regret number 5

We have come a full circle. I mentioned not studying that well and regreting that. But there is especially one part of studies that I regret more than most things and it sucks. And it is languages. Now I am actually decent in languages. I know , English, Finnish, Russian and French. I am pretty much fluent in all of these to varying degrees. Best in English and Finnish. But I could have worked a bit harder and maybe now I would be able to speak more languages.

How to deal with this? I can’t do more than to just work on languages more now. It isn’t the end of the world. I still have time to learn languages. It might now be as easy as before but I can do it. And so can you.

Conclution

We all have regrets in our lives. Some bigger some smaller and it is ok. We are able to live with our past choices, learn from them and move on. Instead of hitting your head against the wall because “Why bang was bang I bang so bang stupid bang” Doesn’t change the reality of those events. Nor does it improve your future. What will change your future and make sure you live a better and more fulfilling life is if you let go and move on. Not everyone will be able to let go your mistakes if they were involved but that isn’t any longer your concern. Living forward is the only possible way to go. So we get to grow and make and impact with our lives, and make it a positive one for ourselves and for others.

Thank you for reading. Hope this was interesting and helpful. Make sure to learn from your mistakes and move forward. Sometimes things seem worse than they actually are. So breath, move on. Grow. Leave comment to let me know your regrests or if you share some of mine πŸ™‚

Xoxo, Alisa

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Lessons in life

23 life lessons

Today is my birthday. I am 23 years old now and I feel like I know nothing and that I haven’t improved at all (even though I have been on a personal development journey for couple of years already, on and off) So I thought for today’s post I will give 23 of the lessons I have learned and I would be more than happy if you guys let me know about your top lessons in the comment section below ( it would be like a birthday gift for me πŸ˜‰
πŸŽ‚ )

  1. No one is going to save you; I know this sound very dark and harsh, but isn’t meant like that. I just mean that you have to take responsibility for your life, because everyone will eventually get tired of holding you on and themselves up. Friends and family can help you if you stumble and they should be there for you when times get tough, but eventually you have to be able to hold yourself up.
  2. The most precious things in life are experiences. Things fade away and get lost in the box of “to go through later” but your memories and lessons stay with you (unless you get amnesia or you get so old you start forgetting experiences but then you will forget where you put all the stuff you have so it still doesn’t matter)
  3. Planning only takes your so far. I know everyone of us would want to do a great plan with beautiful handwriting and execute it just like that. But most of the time we make a plan and don’t execute it at all. Or something goes wrong and we start blaming ourselves for not seeing all of the variables. Instead of being happy that we had a good base from where to start.
  4. Music makes life worth living.
  5. Good books and stories make live worth living.
  6. When everything is going to shit, it usually mean that something great is about to happen.
  7. I will never become beach ready, because in Finland its way more important to have a fat layer to live through the 8+ months of freezing weather. Instead of the 2 seconds that the beach weather lasts for. ( Please note that I am joking. I have just not worked hard enough, still a part of my goals)
  8. Life isn’t fair, but you can be.
  9. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t the primadonna of your class as long as you have the bestest people supporting you. And I 100% have the closest most amazing friends.
  10. About 80% of the times when you want to cry, you can laugh. This is not in anyway to tell anyone that they shouldn’t cry. It is just that quite often when something happens we will see it as bad but it isn’t actually that bad. And instead of shaking it off, you can laugh it off.
  11. The best thing about coming home is taking your bra off.
  12. A dog will make your life extremely messy and fucked up, and I would never change that.
  13. Parents are 99% of the time right. And when they aren’t they will still not listen to you, so don’t bother. (With all love <3)
  14. You learn more from the school of life than from a lifetime of school.
  15. People change and you will as well, don’t hold it against them. Just hope they change for the better.
  16. You can choose to see the world as a bad place or a good place that can be even better.
  17. If you have a message or opinion, share it with people who agree or are willing to listen. A brick wall won’t budge no matter how hard you bang your head against it.
  18. Exercise feels amazing, especially after it is done.
  19. Reading makes a lot of a difference. If you can’t handle paper books, at least listen to audio books.
  20. Life never goes the way you thought it would. When I was like 5 I thought I would be a stewardess who dances ballet in the airplane… not quite what I am doing now.
  21. Laughing at yourself and your mistakes makes your life way easier. It will make people more open to you and you will be more open to change.
  22. Phones are not the most important thing in the world
  23. My last and most important lesson is that I know nothing and I am willing to learn as much as possible

What are your lessons in life? What is something you want to still learn?

Thanks for reading, until next time πŸ˜‰