Personal development

How not to let regrets take charge of your life?

I asked you guys on Twitter what you guys wanted to read and my General Regrets suggestion won. I am not big on writing posts that just state things and don’t teach anything. So on top of talking about some of my regrets I will talk about how to not let them over power your life. Sounds good? Yeah, I thought so too. Let’s go!

Regrets are an interesting thing. Because quite often we are the ones to blow them out of proportion. We just ruminate on the same fucking topic without realizing that, no matter what the choice we made was. We can get past it an move on. ( I mean unless you killed someone… then I have some questions, but… yeah.) We all make mistakes and have regrets (yes, even those people who say they regret nothing and show crude signs to hide their pain)

My regret number 1:

I didn’t study as well as I should have/ could have. I have always been an average student. I didn’t bother to study because why put in the effort if I get OK grades anyway? But now I see how learning to learn before, learning subjects in more detail, would have given me more leverage now. I would be able to write better now, I would be able to connect dots better now and so on.

How to deal with this regret? Accept that you could have been more mature and less lazy. It is a fact and no matter how much you blame the teacher, school etc. Doesn’t take away the power that you could have put in more effort. Instead of whining and going out with friends to whine, you could have studied. Just 15 minutes or 30 minutes more. Now that you take responsibility for your actions. Make sure you make different choices now. Read the book because the topic is UNKNOWN to you. Not because it is your preference. Make notes on podcasts and seminars, don’t assume you will remember things. With the magic of internet you can learn everything you skipped before. It is just harder now. It take time from other things. But if you think it will add your life value… why the heck wouldn’t you do it? Right?

My regret number 2:

I trusted people blindly. I am not saying you shouldn’t trust people. You 100% should trust those who are close to you. And it is their shame if they betray it. If you never trust anyone you will live a very fearfull, lonely life. However, always telling everything about you to people and letting them in without having any idea who they are as people… don’t do that. A lot of people were able to hurt me this way.

How to deal with it? Accept that you put your trust in the wrong place. Accept that you were hurt. And forgive those people. Because we all end up hurting someone at some point in our lives. And while you don’t owe anyone to forgive them. You will feel way way more light about yourself if you let the hate and anger go. So forgive them for their mistakes and forgive yourself for not seeing the signs.

My regret number 3

Being too sensitive and wanting a lot of attention. When I was younger I would get hurt easily. Not really because people saying things would necessarily actually hurt me. But if I cried I’d get attention. This lasted a long long time. I am not sure when I stopped caring about attention. And honestly it probably doesn’t go 100% of the time ever. But when I was younger it was way worse than now. This affected my friendships and relationships a lot. Mostly this harmed me. But it ended up hurting others as well. I was an easy pray for bullying because I would cry so easily and the worst, most idiotic thing was I wasn’t even hurt at first. It only later on became an issue when I adopted the pain that the bullies were trying to inflict on me.

How to deal with this? I just accept I was childish and dumb. I tried to get attention in the wrong way and now I know better. I am way more confident and I live my life on my own terms. I feel embarrassed about that time of my life but I can’t change it now, so I make sure to live my life to the fullest now, concentrating on making myself proud, not making others see me.

Getting stuck in your regret is like going the wrong way, and instead of making a course correction, just stopping moving all together.

Me

My regret number 4:

Not traveling on my free time as much as I would have wanted. Fear is a interesting thing. I loved traveling with my parents but planning a trip on my own or with friends I always met myself with a block. Instead of using my money on candy and soda, I could have seen the world… How dumb.

How to deal with this? Well, we can’t always do best of choices. I have improved with this as I have been in exchange twice and I have planned more trips. I will save more money for more trips and will make sure to appreciate each trip I get to make, even more since it is my dream to travel as much as possible.

My regret number 5

We have come a full circle. I mentioned not studying that well and regreting that. But there is especially one part of studies that I regret more than most things and it sucks. And it is languages. Now I am actually decent in languages. I know , English, Finnish, Russian and French. I am pretty much fluent in all of these to varying degrees. Best in English and Finnish. But I could have worked a bit harder and maybe now I would be able to speak more languages.

How to deal with this? I can’t do more than to just work on languages more now. It isn’t the end of the world. I still have time to learn languages. It might now be as easy as before but I can do it. And so can you.

Conclution

We all have regrets in our lives. Some bigger some smaller and it is ok. We are able to live with our past choices, learn from them and move on. Instead of hitting your head against the wall because “Why bang was bang I bang so bang stupid bang” Doesn’t change the reality of those events. Nor does it improve your future. What will change your future and make sure you live a better and more fulfilling life is if you let go and move on. Not everyone will be able to let go your mistakes if they were involved but that isn’t any longer your concern. Living forward is the only possible way to go. So we get to grow and make and impact with our lives, and make it a positive one for ourselves and for others.

Thank you for reading. Hope this was interesting and helpful. Make sure to learn from your mistakes and move forward. Sometimes things seem worse than they actually are. So breath, move on. Grow. Leave comment to let me know your regrests or if you share some of mine πŸ™‚

Xoxo, Alisa

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Goals, Personal development

Productive resting

Having freedom is dangerous. What if you never do anything actually good for you and your health, whether it is mental or physical? What if when you make your choices you don’t think about how they will affect you in a couple of years?

I am a lazy person. I could easily just veg out and watch YouTube for my whole life. How ever I try really hard not to do that, so what can I or us do that will make us feel rested but still not be a total waste of time.

I want to put a disclaimer here because I am sure someone is feeling very threatened that someone dares to tell them not to watch YouTube. You can do it. Just keep your head in the game and don’t over do it.

If you would die today. Would you feel like you had a fulfilled life? Would you feel like you did all that you could to achieve goals? Did you get anything done from your bucket list? No? Me neither.

So here are some ideas for you to start resting productively, letssaaa go πŸ˜‰


Photo byΒ Sidney M.Β onΒ Unsplash
  • Make a bucket list of things you want to try. This can be an event you want to participate in, a habit you want to try, anything. I will next list out ideas that could go into your bucket list.
  • Date night; this can be with you and your partner, you and yourself or maybe you and your friends. Whom ever you will share this time with, try to plan. Don’t make it too simple like; Veg out and watch YouTube. That is what we want to avoid doing. Maybe plan an outing or a game night. Of if you are doing a date night alone, plan a pamper routine. Read a book you have put aside for “when I have time”…. yeah the time is this date night πŸ˜‰
  • Travel to a destination that you want to visit. This could be near or far away, what ever suits your life right now. If you can’t afford to go on a road trip on your own, how about you save up for a while and ask your friends/partner join you. This way you will be able to have more money and not be alone. However there is nothing wrong with going on your own. It might just be a bit of a longer time that you have to save, depending where you want to go. Plan it out.
  • Meditate
  • Watch a Skillshare video that will teach you something and actually implement it: Skillshare To try out click here and get a 2 months free try out. (I am not sponsored at all I will however get one month free for everyone who becomes a premium member after the 2 months are up)

Photo byΒ JESHOOTS.COMΒ onΒ Unsplash
  • Watch a documentary. And don’t be passive about it. Write up notes as you watch. Check out some details after. It might never do anything for you or one day you might impress your potential boss by knowing about something that they wouldn’t have expected you to have know. (You can obviously do for the sake of curiosity as well)
  • Practice a skill. It might be doing a handstand, maybe a Yoga pose. What ever it is. Just use a couple of hours to work on that skill. Who knows it might become your thing πŸ˜‰
  • I kind of already mentioned this but read. Read read read. It makes you rest from what ever you have to do. But it is still keeping your brain active. If you read a non fiction book you can learn and maybe implement new ideas. But even with a fiction book, you will get a lot of benefits. Making up a world in your head and escaping the reality can do great things for your health and creativity in your own projects. I personally at least feel like I am a lot more rested after reading a fiction book than just staring at the screen for ages.
  • Go for a walk. Yes it is that simple
  • Figure yourself out. Journal, have a journal prompt. Figure out anything you can about you. Isn’t it weird sometimes that we know a friend better than we know ourselves? I mean why can we give advice to a friend but when it comes to ourselves we are clueless? Well…. maybe after journaling and figuring things out, you can give advice to yourself
  • In case my ideas didn’t show case my point I shall write it here in a more clear way. When I am mentioning productive resting I mean getting our mind of work/studies or what ever else is stressing you out, and giving it a break, while not shutting it totally off. Shutting off is sometimes a good thing. But when it becomes a method to procrastinate, or to veg out totally, it becomes unhealthy. And while I am sure that the ideas I mentioned in this post are something you can still over do, but most of the time the risk is smaller than with say Instagram, YouTube or other social media.

If you want some ideas for challenges you could do or things to put on bucket lists check out the Goal Guys on YouTube (no the irony isn’t lost on me) Goal Guys My favourite video from them right now is this : I tried to go 7 Days Without Procrastination One of the reasons why I love them is because they inspire you to gamefy your goals and try new things without huge commitment fear πŸ˜‰

Also here is a link to my bucket list on Pinterest: Bucket list Pinterest

Thanks for reading and hope to hear from you in the comments. What should I write about next? What are your bucket list items?

Xoxo, Changed Life