Personal development

Why “HAPPINESS” is bullshit

Running after happiness is like running after someone who will kiss you and then punch you in the face.

Alisa

Happiness is such a broad word and I at least feel like it doesn’t actually mean anything. It is just a filler in a conversation: “Are you happy?” I will try to explain why happiness is kinda bs. However to make sure we don’t have to start studying biology and chemistry, I have simplified everything a lot. So please if you want more information, check the links I have left at the end, and research yourself. Let’s get into it:

There is a reason why the world happy is in quotes, in the title. I don’t think we understand what happiness means. And the truth is that my happiness and your happiness are two very different things. For some reasons though, we always try to copy others in the hope of getting the same kind of hit that the other person got. The we get bitter when it doesn’t make us feel good and we feel like we’ve been lied to…

So let’s talk about what is happiness scientifically (very simplified). DOSE (Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin and Endorphin) are in charge of the feelings of happiness, in very different ways. Endorphins come out to play when you do something that you have to power through like fitness goal. While oxytocin makes you bond with people and serotonin is a regulator. You get dopamine actually when you anticipate something. Why is this important to understand? Well this means there at least 4 different ways to be “happier”. Actually more because there are other chemicals in the brain that work to make you feel “good” but I won’t get into them all.

However this gets us to the next point I have. The happiness chemicals don’t work in the sense that we think that they do. Easy example would be serotonin. The chemical that makes you feel hungry and happy after you eat. (simplified a lot). So then you would think that food makes you happy. And it does, in a way. That is why it is easy to start over eating. Because who doesn’t like food. This means that we will get happy from over eating. And from expecting the food we get dopamine… but when have you ever hear about an actually happy food addict. Someone who is over weight is not happy. They might act happy with food in front of them but a little while after they eat they get sad and guilty and then there is the cycle. Eat be happy stop eating feel bad. What do you think we end up doing? … Yeah … eating some more.

So, if we think about happiness as the surge of chemicals and lack of happiness when chemicals aren’t having a party, this means we must always DO something, in order to be happy. BUT this is again where our brains will work against us. Because what better way than get a DOSE than to sit around all day, scroll the phone, order uber eats and then just do the same thing when you feel the guilt and self loathing raise? This is the reason “happiness” isn’t such a great concept and feeling good for a while doesn’t mean you are happy overall.

I suggest a very easy cure for you all who feel like happiness is always running away from you. Instead of grabbing that burger, phone, having sex(All of which are btw good things in moderation) What I suggest is making a list of things that make you feel good AND proud/fulfilled after you do it. Want to feel good about bonding with people? Help someone. Want to feel the anticipation of something? Try planning a trip or organize a get together with friends. Or try something new that you have never done before. The key is to feel good even after you are done doing it. Not that you have failed yourself. This takes away the huge crashes you might get.

So happiness isn’t only about getting some chemicals to party in your brain. You must also make them party in a good way, instead of making them feel hangover after 10 minutes. Doing good things, smart things will make you feel good for longer, because the memory of those good things will make you feel happy again instead of sad.

Now to the last but maybe the most important point: HAPPY isn’t the same thing as easy. Happy isn’t about getting the biggest hit of DOSE, often. It is about balancing out things. It is about making yourself proud, fulfilled. This is why I strongly suggest to run after fulfillment, about feeling good in a smart way. Running after happiness on its own is like running after someone who kisses you and then punches you right after it… and I don’t think that is a healthy relationship to be in. Even if its just inside our brains. Run after being fulfilled and proud of who you are. That will be more like running after someone who isn’t actually running away from you. They are just playing tag with you and once you catch them, they will kiss you and take you out on a date. (Better than the punch in the face right?)

What are the smart things that make you happy? What makes you fulfilled and proud of yourself after? If you have questions, about this or something else, let me know! I will be happy to try and answer or to even write a blog post on the topic!

Here are the resources I used for the blog: 4 Chemicals and Psychology Today Also don’t forget to check out the communities we have (and take part in them 😉 ) over here:

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Xoxo, Alisa

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Personal development

5 steps back


This is a post to reminiscent the “good old days”. This is not to say that the current days aren’t good. They are, just different. Why am I talking about this? I thought I would go back in time. As much as I can. And work on things I used to like. I had a lot of them. But I am going to choose 5.

Doing art. I loved painting and working with clay. I don’t think I will go back to art school (I used to go in a hobby sense) but I can do almost anything at home too.

Writing poetry. I loved to write poetry. It is so simple and short and you get to pour your heart out it a couple of sentences. I mean sure it can be long as well but it isn’t the same thing as writing a 500-page book.


Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

Being outside without distraction. Like music in my ears. Don’t get me wrong. If I go out for a walk I love listening to music and it gives a rhythm for my steps too. But listening to the sounds of nature… it is so relaxing and takes you to the moment at hand, something that especially right now is very rare.

Dancing. I miss dancing. I mean once in a while I’ll dance like a crazy person in my own room while no one can see me. But I don’t do it enough. Plus I could go to dancing classes and actually improve too.

Climbing. When I was younger I would climb all the time. Everything. I loved it. And I might now be able to get away from doing it the “normal” way but I can go to climbing parks and hey it works on my fitness as well.

What are some of the things you used to do but quit for a reason or another? Leave down in the comments 🙂 Share this post and like it if you like it 😛 It helps me see how I’m doing as a blogger 😉

As always thanks for reading and see you in the next post.

Xoxo Alisa

Goals, Lessons in life, Personal development

Does money/success make us happy?

Does it suck that I have to say yes and no?

If we only concentrate on becoming rich so we can blow the money on drinks and yachts and never do anything smart with the money, you won’t be happy. You can ask anyone who gets rich without real purpose. Money for the sake of money isn’t fulfilling. And that is ok.

So in what ways does money make you happy?

  1. You have stability you will not have without money. It is important to know you can go home to sleep for the night. That if you are sick you can go to the doctors. That in case your car breaks down, you can afford to repair it.
  2. It gives you a chance to sometimes get some luxury when you need to have a vacation from stressful work you can see a bit of the world. You can share some fun times with your friends.
  3. If someone needs help you can do that. Money just for you, in the end, serves its purpose and then it no longer helps. It’s like how many pairs of shoes do you need to make you happy? After that, how about you share that joy and give someone else some of that joy. The pair you gift them might be the only pair they will own for next 6 months. They need it more than you anyway. You did a good job and you will feel better about it. (And it doesn’t have to be to someone you don’t know, could be taking a friend out for dinner cos  you know they can’t afford that luxury right now or something of the like)

The post has been inspired by this video. You should definitely check it out 🙂 And their channel, in general, is very beneficial for inspiring young people getting a healthier relationship with money: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0XR9yLTZJk

What do you think about money and how it affects your life? Do you have a healthy relationship with money? I must admit  I don’t really,  but I am working on it.

Remember to like and comment! Have a nice beginning of the new week tomorrow 🙂

Lessons in life, Personal development

Why can’t you find happiness?

There are obviously so many different things that make us unhappy in life. But I think that the biggest reason, honestly is that we define happiness in a fundamentally wrong way.

Let’s make a very very clear point here: Happiness is NOT the total 100% rainbow and unicorn existence with rainbows and sprinkles! The only way you will achieve that kind of happiness is by using drugs and even then it won’t last forever and if you try to make it last forever you will die of an overdose (that is not today’s topic though)

So how does this relate anything to the reason why we can’t find the happiness you may ask? Very simply put, I think people say I am not happy, and I want to find happiness because they don’t realize that they will never be happy all the time. I am not talking for all people here of course. My point is probably best described by Jay Shetty. He is a rebel turned monk, turned influencer and you should really check him out. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoErccq0vw)

What he has said is that we should look at life from the perspective of a  lifeline. If your life is going up and down it means that your heart is beating, the only way you can have a constant happiness (or sadness) is when you have a flat line. Essentially that means that you are dead. In the interview, I linked this is explained at about 16min 22s.

My point is that we don’t want to accept that we will never be constantly happy. It is normal to feel sad once in a while. Anger as well. This is one of the reasons I like the French language. There are 2 different words to use for the English word happy. Meaning different things…

Joyeux means happy. You would say it to a person having a birthday party (Joyeux Anniversaire) but heureuse, that is beyond happiness. It is being contented. It would be something someone would say about getting married to the love of their life or giving birth to a child. It isn’t as if the marriage never has any issues or that raising a kid will always be fun. But is about the feeling of contentment and peace that you know you wouldn’t have it any other way.  (Obviously, these things can be achieved by more than just having kids or getting married they are just the most common examples I can come up with. )

So think beyond just the bursts of feelings you have on the daily basis. If you aren’t laughing all the time doesn’t mean you aren’t heureuse. But if you all the time feel like nothing matters, nothing brings joy then you can safely say you aren’t happy(heureuse)  and you should search for answers. But on avergage, I think that we just assume life is supposed to be easy, and we are supposed to laugh and never have a shitty day at work. And that is just not the case.

As always I thank you for reading. I hope you found the post interesting and helpful and I would love to have a conversation about this in the comment section below.

xoxo

-Alisa