Goals, Personal development

Counter-intuitive ways of forming/changing Habits

So everyone all the time talk about habits and forming or changing them and let me just tell you I am such a addict when it comes to reading about people and their habits and routines and so on. There is nothing more satisfying as seeing someone have their lives together… well maybe having your own life together would be more satisfying…. hmmmmm…. Anywhoo, I have listed 5 counter-intuitive ways of forming and or changing habits down below, so let’s start!

  1. Don’t plan as much. Yes I have mentioned this before. This is something that quite many high performing business people talk about. There is a gap often between planning and taking action. It is called analysis paralysis. We just plan the day by the minute, then realize we have way too much planned or we spent the whole time planning and now its already 12 am and we should have been asleep hours ago. This also works when planning on habits you want to incorporate into your life and how. Yes plan your habits and see where they fit, but don’t over do it. Habit is something you do, not something you plan… just saying.
  2. The easier something is to do, the more likely you are to do it….But I disagree on the effectiveness in some cases (or maybe it is just me). This is something also suggested in detail in Atomic Habits by James Clear. I just started this book but its amazing and I’m like half way through. And while in general I agree on this advice, I have noticed certain instances that the opposite works. For example, when I planned on using my nearest gym…. that is literally like a 200m walk from my house (About 656ft) I wouldn’t go there…like ever. I had this mentality of since its so close I can go when ever so now I don’t have to. And honestly this changed when I started to go to the gym further away. It became more of an actual routine because I had to make an effort and make sure I took into consideration the walking time there and back. Since I don’t know if there are any studies done on this topic, I can’t say if this is an normal phenomenon or if I am just peculiar… I am probably just peculiar, but leave a comment down bellow if this sounds familiar
  3. Don’t think about the end goal. This is also something that is discussed in the book Atomic Habits. I find this very fascinating but I do understand the logic. If you want habits that stick, you shouldn’t think about the end goal. It shouldn’t be that I want to weight X amount of kg or pounds. Because what happens to the habits you have built when you reach that “magical” number. Big chance is you lose those habits. However if you focus on becoming a healthy person. You will continue doing certain habits just because a healthy person does them. This means that instead of concentrating on goals you should concentrate on your identity and instead of just thinking about your habits think of systems you can set in place to make sure those habits work. James Clear explains this better than I ever could, so read the book. However, I will try to give an example. I want to wake up at 5 am. This is a habit I want to have. A system for it, would be having two alarms both at the other side of the room that I have to go and turn off. But this is not enough. Now that I have turned them of, while I am already standing I have to go to the bathroom do my business there and wash my face, so I wake up. After this I go back to my room. Open my blinds, make bed and this is important; I meditate on the floor/chair NOT on the bed. Because otherwise I fall asleep again. This is a system that ensures I wake up and get up at 5 am.
  4. Don’t beat yourself over if you are failing in doing something you told yourself to-do. Studies have found that people are more likely to make positive change when they get positive information about that change. And if they have a possibility of being better than someone else. So for example; if you have a calendar and you mark with an x all the days you haven’t smoked, you are more likely to keep up with that since you have a streak (side note, this is why Snapchat worked so well ;D) If you have an app that tells you that people A and B are doing 50% better than you on said habit, you will be more likely to improve your score so that you get as good of a grade or better as them. This also means that instead of telling yourself that you are an idiot. Just notice that you are breaking your streak. Or others can do better than you. This will make it easier for you to get back on track with your habits. Here is a link to the ted talk on this subject TED talk and again Atomic Habits talks about this as well.
  5. Last but not least. If you want to stop doing something. Don’t stop it cold turkey. Or if you do stop something right in that second, substitute it with another habit. For example if you have a habit of biting or fiddling with your nails. In order to stop if, get a stress toy. This way you can still do something with your hands (and studies show it isn’t actually as bad as we were lead to believe…just for the love of God, don’t let it be a clicker pen or I might just have to attack you….) This will make sure you will stop ruining your nails and it won’t rely on you to be disciplined. It is hard to be disciplined with habits that are unconscious, nail biting often is.

So here are the 5 ways to form and/ or change habits that are counter intuitive. I hope you liked the post and please comment bellow the one that seemed to make most/least sense to you.If you have questions or post ideas don’t hesitate to ask!

Also here is a link to a poll on twitter that I formed that decides the post I will be writing for Thursday, make sure to cast your vote! Twitter Poll

Don’t forget to follow on the socials and let’s form a community of Change!

Xoxo, Alisa

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Goals, Personal development

5 simple habits for guaranteed success

Let’s get some things very clear. You have to work your ass off for success. It is NOT an easy journey, so if you are searching for hacks to make you successful right now… you are in the wrong place my friend. However if you want to improve you journey and you want to start hustling, let’s get to the juicy part!

Number 1:

Sleep. Doctors, most of the high performing and successful people talk about the importance of sleep. About 7-8 hours is what I usually hear that is recommended. At some point during a holiday for example, you could try and test what this time is for you. Say you always go to sleep at 22. What time do you wake up naturally, without an alarm. At first you will probably sleep in quite late ( depends on how much you have to catch up on) But at some point you will notice a pattern in when you wake up. That way you know about how many hours you sleep. ( It isn’t plausible for everyone to wake up without an alarm, especially if you work, that is why it is so important to do this experiment while you are on a vacation :D)

Number 2

Don’t let things slide man. I know how easy it is. I instead of saying this for 30 min like I said I would 25, is good enough. Instead of doing 3 sets like I said I would 2 is good enough. Sometimes you honestly do have to listen to your body. And do what it tells you to. BUT not as a routine. You have to follow through your promises to yourself. First of all it will make you feel good about who you are. If you say you will do something you freaking do it! And then the second part is that the more you take short cuts the easier it is to always take short cuts. It will also should in your results. So quit failing yourself. Read the damn 30 minutes.

Number 3

Keep everything at the place that is made for it. If it doesn’t have a place and there is no space for it… why do you have it? Do you ACTUALLY need it? Look the more stuff you have the more organization you have to do. The more organization you have to do, the more chances there is that you won’t do it and your whole office (and life) is a huuuuge as mess… well that is the way of life. Own less, you lose less.

Number 4

Have a weekly check up with yo self. Look sister or mister, I know, you planned the week out REALLY well. It was like 10/10 on the organization- o -meter…. buuut how well did you actually execute on this list? Did you time table hold up? Did your mental health hold up? Did you have time to pet your dog? You didn’t?! How dare you be so cruel to your dog!?! In all seriousness thought. Making plans is just the 20% of the work. Doing them is about 20% and then 60% is figuring out if you actually did well with your plans, so you can make better plans in the future.

Number 5

Take care of your own damn self. I have said it before and I will say it again. You will never be useful if you are dead. I mean ofc you can haunt the bad guys, but lets first change the world for the better and then haunt the rest of the assholes OK? So make taking care of yourself a habit. Skin care, meal prep, fitness, reading spirituality (even if you don’t identify as religious/spiritual you can take care of yourself spiritually, it could be meditating, going out into the nature, what ever makes you feel at peace with yourself you can just call it mental health care, I don’t give a rats ass, just take care of your self OK?!)

SO here is today’s post. I am sure the tone of voice is a bit different. I let a bit more of Alisa out to play (aka my crazy ass personality) so hope you enjoyed. Once in a while she will come out and do her thing. I also love being more professional and more researched so don’t worry, this ain’t the only way I act!

Thank you all for reading and don’t forget to comment and leave a like! I appreciate you all and hope you have a great weekend!

Xoxo, Alisa

Personal development

Why you will never have success without habits?

You don’t have to have goals to become the best CEO in the world or have a net worth of billion as your goal. Success at least for me is more about doing better than you did yesterday and that you are proud of who you are. It doesn’t matter if it is being a great mother or a business owner. Your success is yours, don’t make anyone else decide it for you.

Despite your what your success looks like, you must work for it. And the best way to have success is to have a routine. If you own a business your routines are going to be different from being a mother. But you will still have routines and habits. I will first talk about why you will never amount to anything without habits and after I will mention some habits that I think are the best for those who are just starting out on this journey.

Why can’t you amount to anything without habits?

Think of all the habits you have in place right now…. brushing teeth twice a day (hopefully). Drinking 8 cups of water a day. Taking the stairs instead of the elevator and so on. Now imagine if you couldn’t even achieve these small habits, like brushing your teeth. If you don’t have enough will power, determination to hold a toothbrush for 4 minutes in total in a day, how could you do anything else? You build momentum in a day by starting it right and you start building moment for the next day by ending the day right. If you can’t do the small things well then you can’t be responsible for a child or a business or school work or anything.


Photo by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash

How do you form habits? And what habits should you form?

Starting to form habits isn’t easy. I have started new habits and stopped doing them over and over again. And I have noticed that sometimes habits are really difficult to rationalize for yourself, especially if the award for it would be visible in a year or the consequence if you didn’t do it. For example, if you skip brushing your teeth once or twice, you probably won’t die. But if you never brush your teeth… well that won’t look pretty.

So how have I found it easiest to form habits? Give yourself a reason to do it. You want to study for 3 hours a day? Why? Simon Sinek has written a book about it, and while his tips are often related to business, trust me the tips are important to your personal life as well. If you don’t have a strong enough why you will not continue the habit. If you feel like “Well then there isn’t a point because I know I don’t have a strong why so whatever”. Don’t quit quite yet. You can make yourself a why. Let’s stick with the studying example. (this can be applied to work or anything, to be honest. ) Here are some why’s you could implement for yourself even if they aren’t something that you believe 100% quite yet.

  1. Wanting to improve in subject XYZ; it makes sense that if you want to study well you have to be better than before. The only way is to have a consistent habit of studying after school or before school and on weekends (or all of them together)
  2. Wanting to be proud of yourself: This for me is super important. I feel like shit about being lazy and not amounting to as much as I want. I actually study relatively well. But I’m around the average, a little bit over. And I haven’t really put much effort into my studies. Expect at the last moment… That makes me wonder what could I have achieved if I had always done my best.
  3. Having all the doors still open for you. The simple truth is, people rarely are aware of what they will want in the future. You might feel like you will never need math… well I thought that too. Thus I didn’t work hard for my math grades. But then I learned that I needed a very complete understanding of math to study Psychology in Finland… and now I am not studying Psychology. And really, it is all my fault. I am still shitty in math, but I could learn. It would take a lot of effort. It would have taken a lot less when I was in my 9th grade or even in high school…

So find your why. And think it through very carefully. Visualize every possible outcome that could happen in case of implementing and not implementing a habit into your life.


Photo by Ken Treloar on Unsplash

Best habits to implement right now!

  1. If you have decided something stick to it. It is probably one of the most difficult habits to implement. I know that. But it will help you with all of your habit forming. If you are used to not sticking to what you promise yourself. Then you will never hold yourself accountable for anything. I mean if you just let yourself talk yourself out of studying every day… in the end, it won’t be a habit. If you will explain to yourself why you really need to eat that pie… well eating healthy/losing weight is going to be hella hard. You catch my point? So make it a habit to keep the promises you make to yourself. (to others too, but to yourself especially).
  2. If you assume something will take x amount of time…double it, or even triple it. ย It doesn’t really matter what the task you are doing is. If you think you can finish an essay in 2 hours. Then assume it will be 4. Not so you can have time to scroll Instagram. But so you don’t fill your day too full. If you think about this in form of habits? Don’t assume that it will take only 21 days to form a habit. First of all, 21 days is a short time if you are used to doing something for more than 20 years… and some habits are easier to form than others. So assume it will take you up to 50 days. If it takes less then great, but at least you won’t have the possibility of being like “well it didn’t work in 21 days, so it probably won’t for me at all”.
  3. If you fail, get back up. Do not change the habit you are trying to do. If every time you fail you give up. that becomes your habit. So make it your habit to get up when you fail.
  4. Pick one routine and make it your backbone for everything. If it is your evening routine, it will make your morning better. If it is your morning routine it will make your day better. After that just build routines on top of the other routines. Until all of your life will be filled with habits.

If you are still unsure of the benefits and reasons to implement habits be sure to check out Tim Ferris, Tom Bilyeu, Tony Robbins, Oprah, Mel Robbins, Sorelle Amore or anyone who is successful on some level. If you find someone who is going to tell us that habits are not good for us and they have a hectic life and that is why they are so successful, I want you to link them for me. I really wanna read about them ๐Ÿ˜€

Thank you for reading! Here are some of my favorite habit and routine videos if you are interested and want to get inspiration. Before assuming you can change everything at ones and implement all of the habits and routines of famous successful people, remember my list ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thanks for reading and comment your thoughts!

xoxo,
Changed Life

 

Personal development

5 Habits before 2019

1) Structure

I want to wake up around 4.30 and 5. I know many people will get very tired of hearing this. Especially if you feel you are a night owl.  I understand as someone who kept telling myself I prefer to work at night. And well sometimes I do. But if I have to do creative things and/or concentrate on myself once in a while I do like to do it in the morning. 

  1. When you wake up early you balance out your hormones. You can read more about this here: 4 Sneaky Benefits to Waking Up at 5 AM but science states that because waking up early requires going to sleep early you balance out your hormones. The best sleep time for being the healthiest happens between 10 PM and 2 AM. That is the reason you might now wake up tired even if you wake up super early. 
  2. Waking up this early would also give me more structure. Especially if I have days I go to work later or if I don’t have work/ school at all. 
  3. Waking up at 4.30 or 5 requires some decipline. If you succeed in that it means you start your day right away with saying yes to the hard things.  

2) Going to sleep early 

This probably should have been the first goal for me, because this is what ensures that I actually have the energy to wake up. But we will roll with it. I actually don’t have an issue to go to sleep early. But I don’t have a routine set for the night and that can cause some issues…especially after a long work day when my brain runs around like a hamster in a wheel. “Gonna be late, gonna be late… for what? I dunno, just gonna be late” 

Gnight sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite ๐Ÿ˜€

3) Use my phone less…

 We already established earlier on in the blog post about phone addiction that I use my phone too much (and that you probably do as well…). I mean 5+ hours a day… that is WAY too much. Even if I use my phone a lot for work.  The phone distracts me from work, studying and from going to sleep. I usually do end up putting it away by 22 or very least 23 PM but, that doesn’t mean I get good quality sleep. And 5 hours from the day is like one third of my whole day…. so that is very scary. 

4) Read for 30 min- 1h a day

Yes, this is very much possible. Instead of being on youtube for 3 hours… I could read for that time. And since I know that I won’t be able to do it for that long right away I will start slow with  30 minutes  to an hour. Obviously I can do more, but to start of slow and steady. I really can’t use the excuse of not having time to read when I literally kill it by scrolling on my phone… 

 A great time to read when everything else is silent. Morning and evening

Photo by Yuri Efremov on Unsplash

5) Gratitude/Meditation 

So this is something that many people kind of want to brush off as a bit of whoo whoo. But well, first of all, I am a bit whoo whoo and second science actually backs this up. Soooo…. let’s get to the point. Gratitude makes you stop that hamster wheel and makes you be happy right now. Instead of always thinking about the day you get/achieve something and “Then I will be happy” … nope, you won’t be, because there is always another shinier goal you have to get. So be thankful now.

The other part of it is meditation (or you could do a thankfulness meditation and that way kill two birds with one stone). Meditation has been shown to change the way your brain is wired and if you do it in nature it is even better. Meditation clears out the clutter in your brain, making it easier for you to do what you set out to do. This is why I really need this goal in my life. Because I always have 50 things on my to-do list. But then I just feel like my brain explodes because I can’t concentrate on the one thing I am doing.

In conclusion 

This year has been about changing my life for the better. It has been about executing more and thinking less. Planning less and just doing it. And I have achieved a lot of that …. but not as much as I want. So with these habits. Which I hope to actually make constant before 2019 … I hope I will step up my game.  

 Thanks for reading…. tell me what are your goals for before 2019? 

Goals, Lessons in life, Personal development

Why we Fail With New Habits

I’ve mentioned this before but let’s start with the basics. What is habit forming like? When we form habits the brain stops working as hard to make us achieve a task. That is why we might forget how we got to work or whether or not we locked the door. Brains just go on autopilot.

That is also an issue when you are trying to stop doing something and change it to a good thing, e.g stop eating too much junk food and eat something healthy instead. For our brain, it is easier to just fall back into the old routine of getting a burger from BurgerKing after work rather than going to the store to buy healthy alternatives and actually making food.

So what do we do that makes us fail at forming new habits, even if we take into account how the brain forms these habits?

We try to achieve all our new dream habits at once.

  • I will go to the gym five times a week
  • Iโ€™ll never eat a burger in my life, ever
  • I will start getting A*โ€™s on all my exams

That is just not realistic. First of all most habits have many steps to them. If you want to lose weight, you must start exercising, eating healthy and if you are very serious probably start counting macros and maybe doing food prep. That is four habits (if you are going really hardcore) that you want/have to change. It wonโ€™t all happen in one night. So if on top of that you have 50 other habits with each of them having 2-3 sub-habits. Boy, are you in for hell! And you will fail. Trust me, been there done that. 

The more you do in a day that will cause you resistance, the more likely you are to give up after say 2 hours. This issue also ties into trying to change a huge thing in your life as the example of losing weight; it is technically just one goal. But if you have never climbed a mountain you wouldnโ€™t start your goal by climbing Mount Everest. So why do that with your habits?

If we are only thinking about the outcome, we will never be motivated by the process. You will not change your life around in one day. And some days you will probably not do anything towards your goal and that will suck. It is the reality though. If you are only waiting to see how your life is magically transformed, you will never reach your goal, because you feel defeated before you properly get started.

We assume that just because some change in our life is small. It doesnโ€™t matter. But big things are made up of many small things. If you make sure to always take the stairs,  you will have better health even if itโ€™s just a little bit. Writing one page from a 10-page essay means that you have less to do later. Both of those are small changes but they make a difference. So going to the gym only once a week doesnโ€™t make you weak, just because Becky can do it 5 times a week. It just means you arenโ€™t in the same place as her. (And let’s be honest here, she probably just lifts her phone to take insta pictures and that isnโ€™t working out properly)

What if we have an issue deciding what it is that we want to do? Well, try picking a keystone habit. This is a habit that makes it easier to change other habits after you have mastered it. For example; Doing sports. Becoming active will ensure that you are more healthy and thus have more energy and quite often that can mean better results at school or being able to wake up earlier and that way you can get more done in a day.  This could also be drinking water, getting better sleep or eating healthier.

One more thing. You must choose one habit you concentrate on. But that doesnโ€™t have to be the only thing you do. I am right now working on waking up at 5.30. (I swear Iโ€™m not insane, I will just have a hella busy summer) Anyway, just because that is my goal. Doesnโ€™t mean I donโ€™t do anything else for the rest of the day. I am also working on not being on social media so much and trying to study better during the day. But if there is one thing I want to achieve in each day (the minimum) it is to wake up at 5.30.

Since I am on the journey to change my life, changing habits is a very interesting and important for me right now. While I was searching for information for this blog post I stumble on these sites. How they give you more information if you need it:

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320874.php

As always, thank you for reading. Don’t forget to leave a comment. What did you think of this blog post and what would you like to hear next.

xoxo

– Alisa

Personal development

Negativity- how to quit it

Negativity has been hot wired into our brain. It is one of the secret powers with which we have survived this far. But we do not really need negativity as we used to. I mean we don’t have to assume we will be attacked or anything along the lines. So why do we still hold on to negativity. Well evolution does happen very slowly, and thus it is our job to rewire our brains.

Disclaimer: This post isn’t about turning you into this rainbow pooping unicorn with no worries in the world. This is to help you see more good than bad, beaucause there really is a lot of good in the world as well.

  1. Be grateful. I am sure you have been shoved this from every person who is even a bit into personal development.ย But it is true. It is so easy to get stuck on thinking about what you do not have. That you totally disregard what is already there. So remind yourself every couple of days, of the things that make you smile. Maybe its your parents, your dog, your significant other, maybe it was the fact you got to read a great book. Just keep those things in mind as well, especially when your mind starts to wonder to the negative side.
  2. Write what you feel. You can call this a diary, journal what ever. Maybe just bullet points of ย “Things that annoyed me today” and then write them out, and chances are that at least 3 things were just very silly. Someone walked onto your heel on a busy street. (and didn’t even ruin your shoes and apologized). One waited in the lights 3,5 seconds after the light turned green. And urg that cashier didn’t even say good day. After you have written those out, doesn’t it feel silly that the whole 16 hours that you are awake a day on average, you say has been shit for those reasons?
  3. Kind of a continuation from the last point. Don’t churn the negative things all the time. Let it goooo, let it gooo. Ok, I will stop singing now I swear. But really, a) no one needs to hear your whining ( unless its an actual legit reason why you need to open up to someone, never hesitate to talk or seek help). But talking for hours about how that driver was an asshole won’t do anything. It will just make you get into a negative cycle that will be very hard to exit. Trust me. I know what I am talking about.
  4. If the things that bother you are actual problem try to figure out if you can do something about. Had a fight with a friend. Could there be a way to have a discussion and sort it out? Yes there probably is, unless you murdered their dog or something. What about sh***** I JUST came up with a perfect come back to that thing that bully said to me over 10 years ago. Can you change that? Well not really without seeming very pathetic. (I mean can you imagine calling Billy at 2 am, 10 years later to tell him” hey, yo momma is so big…?)
  5. Do things you know will make you feel better. Read a book, go for a walk, buy a candle and burn it. What ever it is that you know that no matter what the day was like, you i will enjoy doing it. Watch a stupid comedy, what ever rocks your boat. I for one love to laugh after a shit day. I mean I am 21 but I still watch the pink panther cartoon once in while. I mean it is satisfying how the person who does everything wrong and is mean always gets a lesson at the end ( and Pink Panther gets away with everything ๐Ÿ˜€ )

I hope those tips help and I would love love love to hear what you do to be more positive if I didn’t mention it above. Or even if I did. ^^ Thanks for reading and as always comments are appreciated. (Also I have no idea why Billy is the bully’s name, nothing against Billy’s here ๐Ÿ˜€ )

-Alisa