I am very familiar with the feeling of not being enough. Like I am supposed to be way further with my life but I just don’t seem to know where/what that further is. But the thing is I have gotten myself into a cycle that is horrible for me. Here is where I tell you the negative aspect of personal development. This is not to say that it is always bad and you shouldn’t work on yourself. This is to say that you have to watch out for your limits.
Personal development is everywhere. Social media is filled with it. There are blogs, youtube channels and all of the other platforms for it. Thousands of books, millions of success stories and often only one side, the pretty side, is visible. And let’s be real here even if people also tell about the negative things they had to overcome to be where they are now, we often only listen to the pretty little tales don’t we?
I have for a pretty long time felt like I am not enough, like I am already 21 (note the sarcasm) why aren’t I like that one person who invented that cool thing when he was 15. Or why am I not owning my own business like that other young adult? And then on top of this, I would read self-help books, or how to be successful books and blogs and all I could get my hands on. And this was bad. Not because the sources are bad or because what they say would be untrue, but because I was in the state of mind where all that I read I would see as proof that I was not good enough. And that is not what personal development is about.
Personal development is a process where you see what you aren’t that good at and make it better, with small steps. While being proud and happy of who you are at this moment. You aren’t supposed to feel like shit and be demotivated to work, just because you feel like there is always another obstacle or that you are always 3 steps behind that other success story.
If you feel like I have for a while. Close the blog, book or social media page you are looking at and just come back to who and where you are. Don’t know what you want to do? That is fine, just do things you are doing as well as you can. Take opportunities that come your way and take it one step at a time.
Do not read the books in order to feel bad about who you are at this moment. Read them as a motivational tool, to learn about new people and new things. And if you feel like you just don’t get that positive feeling from reading them right now, then don’t read them for a while. It is alright to take a personal development research pause once in a while. Just like you take pauses from social media. That doesn’t mean you are giving up, and please don’t. Because like everything in life, this is a journey with a lot of work as well as rest.
I hope my thoughts came across clearly and I wish all of you a great rest of the week.
Hacks are everywhere! How to do this faster! What is the shortcut to this place? Ugh! I really don’t want to walk there because it takes me 20 minutes more than going by car. Rush rush rush! Time is money. Everything is about being as efficient and fast as possible. But is this the way to live?
I am all about personal development, about being the best you, that you can possibly be. And that is why me talking about being more slow might be a bit of a contradicting topic but bear with me. I promise it makes sense.
We live in the world with productivity and fastness have become the new “trend”. People want to hire people who are fast as a bullet and get at least 5 things done at the same time. But what does it do to us?
Doing things at the same time has been proven not to actually work. Our brains as amazing as they are, are wired so that we can properly do one thing at the time. This has been proven for example by a Dichotic Listening test where a person listen to 2 things at the same time. They are asked after what they remember and in the end they remember mostly from just one one of the two things they were listening. (more about it here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dichotic_listening)
Now you needing to just concentrate on one thing, or do things a bit slower isn’t something you should regard as a weakness. Actually I think it is the other way around. If you just sit down and do one thing, and do it properly, chances are your results will be much better than a so called multitasker. And on top of that you will stress a lot less. Running around like a headless chicken isn’t one of the most relaxing past times.
Have you noticed that if in the morning you wake up late and have to rush out of the house you feel very disorientated and just kind of meh? That is because you didn’t have the time to just spend time doing things in order and making sure you have everything together. But if being in a rush and “multitasking” in the morning is bad, why would it be good for you later during the day?
How to lessen the feeling of a rush?
- Give yourself more time: Wake up 20 minutes earlier, it isn’t that much so you can lose that amount of sleep. But it will give you the extra 20 min to have a calm morning. If you lost your sock, you still have time to find another one.
- Give yourself more time to get to places. Sometimes walking is a good idea okay? It gives you time and space to have your own thoughts and process what is about to happen soon plus you get fresh air.
- Give yourself more time to finish tasks. Most of the time we overestimate our capacity on doing things. And when we do not reach our goal in time we feel like a failure and like we are out of time constantly because we “take away” time from the next task. So just allot yourself 20/30 minutes more time that what you originally planned the task to take. That way you will not feel stressed all the time.
Please note the common thread through all of these tips: give yourself more time!
Thanks for reading and good luck!