Goals

How to overcome overwhelm (or not get there at all)

Here we are again. The fall is upon us and the real life slaps us in the face an angry ex. The summer was so fun, but now we are back to the reality of everything. School started, or a new project at work. On top of that you have to do a billion of other things. Go to yoga, update blog, and with work or school (or worse yet both) you have more than just one obligation. And now you wake up at night with a feeling of a constrictor cobra squeezing your insides. Yay!

But what if we don’t have to feel overwhelmed? How to make sure, that you can enjoy almost every-single task you do, and not feel like it is sucking out the juices of life from within your soul?

First make sure you know that this isn’t something more serious like a burnout. If your overwhelm has already jumped over the edge and became a burnout I would highly suggest you check out my post about relaxing, why we should and how to do it. The link is here: https://changedlife365.net/2017/06/03/how-to-relax-and-why/

Now to the topic at hand

  1. Figure out why are you feeling like all the walls are falling on you? List all of the things you are “supposed” to do. Now from that list see if there is anything you can disregard. Do not take tasks on your plate that will make your energy bank get depleted. If you have extra things you just can’t do, then make sure you organize it so that you don’t offend anyone. If it is already promised, make a mental note not to promise things that make you feel like shit. As a side note, do not take away those things that bring you happiness in the long run or are there for your health. So, I think yoga should stay. But proofreading your friends essay for the next day, when you still have to write yours… well that can go.
  2. Now that your list looks more realistic. (Hopefully) figure out what the task monster is. A task monster is one task that seems so big and time consuming you feel like someone punched you in the gut right after reading that task. Now think of ways to make it smaller; more manageable. Make an action plan. All the tasks that are bigger than just 15 minutes of work, can be made into bite sized prices. You don’t eat a full pizza in one bite, so why should you do a huge project/essay that way?
  3. Make sure you haven’t got too much to do on one day. Make a to-do list that you know you can complete. Prioritize. If you have an essay in two days and a project in three weeks you could still work on both but definitely the essay is a priority. Even if the project is supper important. I think a smart to-do list would be: Finnish essay, do project for 30 minutes, activity you like. Or something similar.
  4. Do not do everything in one sitting. No matter who you are, people don’t concentrate well for more than 45 minutes and several studies show that even less. So don’t just sit on your butt for hours on end. Take pauses. But make them count. I can make a post about this later in detail. But if you sit in the same space with the same computer and that vacant look in your eyes, after your pause you won’t feel rejuvenated. Do anything at all but not computer or phone. Make that pause count. Stretch, meditate, visualize your dream life.
  5. Do not beat yourself over things not always being 100% perfect. Chances are that they never are. You can get an A+ on a paper and still have a couple comma mistakes. It isn’t the end. Done is better than perfect. And with every mistake you learn. So don’t beat yourself up. Make sure that every task you do is the  best that you can give at the moment, and then be proud you completed it.
  6. After you have finished the things you had time for that day. Stop. Do not do an all nighter. Do not sit for hours just to get that list less long. You will hate yourself next day and feel more overwhelmed. Make sure your evening has some time for yourself. Take a long shower. Read a book you love. Re-charge for tomorrow. You may wake up a bit earlier if you feel you need the extra time. But do not forget to take care of yourself. Sleep and food and exercise, meditation all of that is like fuel to a car. You can’t disregard it no matter how you have to get from place A to B.
  7. In order to not get overwhelmed or god forbid burnout, have one day a week with at least one afternoon just for you. It can be going out with friends. Reading a book. Making a bath. Going for a longer relaxed gym session (not the squat and go type) doing your nails or anything that will make you feel like yourself.
  8. I think this might be the most important. Do not let your negativity and self pity take you to the path of inflating the issue to be more big than it is. You can’t just not do the things you are obligated to do. So just sitting and crying for days over how unlucky you are and how life isn’t fair won’t help. I mean crying a bit can be helpful, to let out the feeling of frustration but then you have to wipe your face and get to business. No one else will do your work for you. So remember to make your health a priority but do not make it an excuse why you can’t do things.

I just had this feeling of overwhelm and just self pity to be honest. Felt like no matter what I did I was banging my head against the wall. That is why I wrote this post. I hope it helped and I hope everyone will feel energized and productive this fall.

A lot of inspiration for this post I got from this video, it is great, check it out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDixLnjgRrw

As always, thanks for reading

-Alisa

Feelings, those pesky motherf****

Feelings shape our daily lives and makes life sometimes so much more complicated that it should be. And that is why I say, kick your feelings to the curb. Okay, maybe not that far. They are an important part of who we are and they make relationships of all kind work. Do not become a robot, just because feelings aren’t always logical. But I would suggest to give limited control over your life to feelings.

Let me give a couple of examples when feelings shouldn’t come into the drivers seat. (But they have been for me too once in a while, so no worries, I ain’t one to point a finger at you, my friend)

  1. When your feelings tell you, that you don’t feel like doing that thing. Do not listen to it. This is when your subconscious mind is for a reason or another telling you not to do something. Sometimes its fear of what you might achieve, and sometimes its just plain laziness. Either way, don’t listen to that feeling. Because you will never feel like doing something, unless its like super fun. So get your ass in gear and go what you got to do.
  2. Do not let yourself feel like a failure, if you didn’t reach a goal, or your grades weren’t as good as you wished etc. Look all of us feel like we aren’t enough once in a while and that is quite normal, means you do not have a unhealthy ego. But the thing is, if we let this failure mindset control our lives, we will never move forward and we will never try again. And that is a failure much greater than doing something wrong and learning from it.
  3. Jealousy. This one I think you can actually kick to the curb. I mean it doesn’t do anything to help you. Looking up to someone and getting motivated from that, that is great. But being jealous and wishing to get something by being negative about other persons success, that won’t lead you into the life of success. Hard work and consistency will.
  4. Fear. Do not silence it totally, because it  could be useful when you are about to do something stupid. But do not give it too much power, because that will paralyze you.

Thank’s for reading, I hope to hear what you think about this post, and if you have something to add please do.

Xoxo,

-Alisa

Confidence

So, you want to be confident but you don’t know where to start?

 

Let me give you some tips, that I have used myself, and that way you won’t feel the need to get surgeries, use billions to have someone give you a “makeover” (that wouldn’t do anything, anyway, if you feel insecure on the inside, just saying)

I want to first state that in my opinion, confidence comes from the inside, so do not try to boost your confidence by spending a lot of money on clothes, make up etc. I do not think it makes you confident for the long term. Let’s start, shall we?

  1. Confidence isn’t just about looks. Confidence is about ambition, about having understanding in subject other people might not. Do not hide away if you are a book worm, or you love statistical maths, just find people who know how to appreciate that in you. Knowledge and ambition makes a person so much more attractive to others, so don’t hide your brain, it is just as beautiful as your body.
  2. Accept compliments. Look I know it is trendy now to be all shy and humble. But there is a difference between humble and plain evil to yourself. “Humble is saying Oh thank you so much, you look amazing as well, where did you get this shirt it makes your eyes pop so nicely?” And mean to yourself is “Oh gosh, no way, I look like a zombie from the walking dead. I just can’t make myself look pretty unlike you, you just shine like a diamond.” Look the way we talk to ourselves and about ourselves has an amazing amount of impact. Not only do we make ourselves seem less attractive by being in this “victim mode” we also make ourselves believe what we say.
  3. Gurll/bro, please don’t apologize for how you look. If you slept bad last night then don’t even mention it and hustle on. And if someone else says “You look tired” Then you should say “Yeah, slept bad last night, but hey I still look pretty fab considering.” Not only will this make you seem like a happier person, which is always an attractive trait in a person, it will also make you seem confident. Seeming confident to others will also make yourself feel more confident, which will just improve your state of mind all in all.
  4. Listen to music that is upbeat and happy, when you are walking. Or right before a stressful event. Having purposeful strides makes you seem like someone with a mission = Confident. Also it will get you in a better mood, so you seem more alert and in the present.
  5. Don’t shy away from confidence. There is a very big difference between being confident, secure in who you are and being an egoistical ass h***. Just be you and be comfortable being you, don’t over do it, and do not disrespect others, that makes it impossible for you to be egoistical.
  6. Give it time. You won’t feel amazing and perfect in a day. Just keep working on being the best version of you and make sure not to put yourself down, and you will be confident one day. Trust me, I know what I am talking about.

If you guys want tips on how to improve confidence with clothes, make up and such leave a comment below and I will be sure to touch upon the subject in a future post of mine. But keep in mind that inner confidence is much more important than outer one.

xoxo,

-Alisa

 

Goal Planning

I have a post here for you my friends that I am going to myself fill up with my goals, wishes and vision for the time periods marked below. Why you ask? Quite simply I have TOO MANY goals for a short time period. It has been proven by multiple studies that too many goals will actually hinder your progress. That is why, I plan on dividing my goals from short term to longer term to long as term goals. I want to see what I want to achieve in my life and most importantly track my progress as I go further and further into my life.

(from other blog)
8) Having too many goals.

Some people have too many goals and not enough focus. It’s like they’re standing in front of a dart board with three targets in mind. Hitting just one target is difficult enough; hitting three targets simultaneously with one dart is impossible. Therefore, determine the one goal you are focused on and move forward with that one goal only. Eliminate other goals that are secondary. This is not to say that you should never have more than one goal. Rather, you need to realize that you have only so much time and energy. Therefore, choose the goal that will give you the highest ROE (return on effort) and focus on that one goal first. Once complete, you can then focus on other goals in sequence.” (Link to the full post http://www.reliableplant.com/Read/8259/fail-achieve-goals)

My example plan for goal setting
Goals for next 6 months

  • Wake up earlier; 6 am
  • Maintain healthier diet
  • Being grateful
  • Meditating daily

Goals for the next year

  • Be able to run 5km without stopping (about 3.1 miles)
  • Learn to get out of your comfort zone

Goals for the next 3 years

  • Finish the book you are writing
  • Get back on track with playing flute
  • become an independent blogger

Goals for the next 5 years

  • Start writing your selfhelp guide
  • Learn 3 new languages till at least mediocre level
  • Own a business

Goals/Vision for the next 10 years

  • Own your own home
  • Own your dream car
  • Be able to sustain a comfortable life with traveling

I have stated some examples in this blog post that may or may not be my actual goals just to show an example what I regard as a long process goals (those require more time and patience) and what I regard as short term goals (these obviously are supposed to be easier to achieve).

This may look totally different for you. You might have smaller goals than my example or larger goals, that is totally up to you. Disclaimer: I would also like to remind that these examples will be broad and thus you should work on making yours as specific as possible, or making specific action plans for each goal.

Remember you do not have to have many goals written down, and chances are they might change or you might add new goals to your list in the future. This is normal and perfectly ok. I would hate to be a slave to my goals even if reaching them is super important for your overall well being. But say one of your goals is to travel to Mexico next year summer but right when you plan on going there, your friend is getting married in Australia and she wants you to be her bridesmaid, what is more important then? Surely then you would use your savings to travel to see her? Life is never so clear cut that you could possibly take into consideration everything. The main point is  that you don’t make excuses not to do something and there is a real reason for why you don’t want to/ can’t do it. 

You can use times I used in this blog 6months, 1 year etc. Or you can make ones that work for you. You can have goals for a week, or 3 months. What ever works for you.

Why bother with goals?

There is a lot of positive effects of having goals. It keeps you active physically and mentally. It gives you something else than just your normal routine to work on, and it is so very important to keep your mind on its toes. No one wants to become stagnant in their lives. Too much comfort, and no change can lead to serious consequences including depression.

I would love to hear from you and how you feel about goals. Do you have many goals? Do you feel pressured to reach those goals faster than you feel comfortable. If you would like some tips and tricks to reach goals, that might not have been mentioned before please like and comment on this post. Happy goal planning!

Xoxo,

The Writer

What is Personal Development?

Personal Development is a lifestyle, at least in my opinion. It is a choice to make sure that you do not get stuck, that you keep moving forward and growing as a person. It is this idea, that no matter how much you know you never know enough and no matter how good you are at something you can always do better.

This doesn’t mean you should beat yourself over not being Mozart at the age of 15 or not being able to do the same kind of discoveries as Einstein. Look all of us have the things that we are either better or worse at. We get inspired by different things and that is fine. The important part is to be inspired. To find interest in whatever it is that we find interesting.

Personal Development is a healthy choice. It is a choice where you have control over the kind of person you are and want to become. It makes a huge difference when you can be educated and interesting to not only others but to yourself. Reading, writing, being an artist of any kind. Being sportive being a motivator, all of those things fall under being interested in developing, improving and growing yourself. To each their own. Really what makes you happy while trying to develop is your own business. It could be meditation, praying, reading 50 books in 2 weeks, watching documentaries. Whatever it is that you do, if it makes you grow, it really is worth the time and the effort.

But remember you do not have to pay 1000000000$$$ to someone to become a better version. Getting a book on the thing that interests you is great. Sitting and being mindful for 10 minutes, or even just 3 is great. In the end, it doesn’t take that much effort if you use about 30 minutes of your day, to become better, and who knows you might get hooked on it like me, and be doing it as much as possible.

Please comment below, how you like to better yourself. Let me know how your personal development journey started.

Xoxo,

The Writer

What does your success look like?

Look I know that the idea of having millions a swimming pool and thirty Gucci bags seems appealing but is that what your success really looks like? There are so many different ways to be successfully.

When I was younger I felt like success was becoming a doctor or a lawyer and having loads of money and obviously traveling like crazy and all that jazz. And sure traveling still appeals to me BUT, now I want my success to be more about how I feel rather than what I have.

I am not saying that money doesn’t appeal to me, because of course it does. And I would love to one day be able to do things that I can’t right now because I feel like I do not have enough money. But the thing is, no matter how much money you have, if you aren’t at peace within you, you will never be happy.

But you have to figure out what your success feels like, not just how it looks like. Because as we all know, not everything is as it seems.

Do you want to be able to help a lot of people? Do you want people to recognize you? Do you want to be a mysterious  person with an amazing talent but no-one knows your real name? Maybe your success is having 50 puppies, maybe its having 5 kids in a house near a beach and you can write your blog every other day. Who knows. But you should figure out, what will make you actually happy.

Some questions to ask yourself while thinking about this:

  1. Will having X make me want to wake up early in the morning to get my day started?
  2. What am I ready to give up in order to feel like that?
  3. Do I want it out of jealousy/ because it looks nice or because it will make me happy?
  4. Do I want this or does someone else want  this for me?

Good luck on your journey!

xoxo,

The Writer

 

Why the rush?

Hacks are everywhere! How to do this faster! What is the shortcut to this place? Ugh! I really  don’t want to walk there because it takes me 20 minutes more than going by car. Rush rush rush! Time is money. Everything is about being as efficient and fast as possible. But is this the way to live?

I am all about personal development, about being the best you, that you can possibly be. And that is why me talking about being more slow might be a bit of a contradicting topic but bear with me. I promise it makes sense.

We live in the world with productivity and fastness have become the new “trend”. People want to hire people who are fast as a bullet and get at least 5 things done at the same time. But what does it do to us?

Doing things at the same time has been proven not to actually work. Our brains as amazing as they are, are wired so  that we can properly do one thing at the time. This has been proven for example by a Dichotic Listening test where a person listen to 2 things at the same time. They are asked after what they remember and in the end they remember mostly from just one one of the two things they were listening.  (more about it here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dichotic_listening)

Now you needing to just concentrate on one thing, or do things a bit slower isn’t something you should regard as a weakness. Actually I think it is the other way around. If you just sit down and do one thing, and do it properly, chances are your results will be much better than a so called multitasker. And on top of that you will stress a lot less. Running around like a headless chicken isn’t one of the most relaxing past times.

Have you noticed that if in the morning you wake up late and have to rush out of the house you feel very disorientated and just kind of meh? That is because you didn’t have the time to just spend time doing things in order and making sure you have everything together. But if being in a rush and “multitasking” in the morning is bad, why would it be good for you later during the day?

How to lessen the feeling of a rush? 

  1. Give yourself more time: Wake up 20 minutes earlier, it isn’t that much so you can lose that amount of sleep. But it will give you the extra 20 min to have a calm morning. If you lost your sock, you still have time to find another one.
  2. Give yourself more time to get to places. Sometimes walking is a good idea okay? It gives you time and space to have your own thoughts and process what is about to happen soon plus you get fresh air.
  3. Give yourself more time to finish tasks. Most of the time we overestimate our capacity on doing things. And when we do not reach our goal in time we feel like a failure and like we are out of time constantly because we “take away” time from the next task. So just allot yourself 20/30 minutes more time that what you originally planned the task to take. That way you will not feel stressed all the time.

Please note the common thread through all of these tips: give yourself more time! 

Thanks for reading and good luck!

xoxo

The Writer

Just DO IT

In case you were waiting for motivation:

Decide-Commit-Succeed-324x235

Here you go. Now go do what you should be doing. Good luck!

xoxo,

The Writer

The 15 minute Rule, Caroline Buchanan Book Review+extra

 

You can do almost anything for 15 minutes at a time

I have started reading this book: The 15-minute rule- How to stop procrastinating and take control of your life book, by Caroline Buchanan. I must say that this book is amazing at least thus far. This is a very technical book, not in how it is written but due to the subject of the book, so If you are looking for a book that is written with poetic mastery, this is not for you. But if you realize that there are some aspects of your life that you aren’t mastering to the best of your potential, I urge you to grab this book and read it. Not all of it is for everyone, and that is the beauty of this book, that I think you can find the parts that apply mostly to you and concentrate on those.

So, what is the 15-minute rule? The idea behind this rule is that no matter what your task is you can do it for 15 minutes. Just fifteen minutes, that isn’t so long, right? After you get started you find momentum and then you can continue for another 15 min and so on. The catch here is that a huge reason for procrastinating is that we over think every task and make everything seem more daunting than it is, and 15 minutes gets us started. 15-minutes is enough to properly get the wheels turning and still not so much time that you would really have time to over think the task. Some ways to make the 15-minute rule even more effective were these:

Divide your 15 minutes into 3 parts:

1st 5 min: What is bothering your productivity the most right now? A messy desk? Clean it for 5 minutes.

2nd 5 min: Brain dump, everything you should be doing/have done (make sure to be able to find this paper/note later on)

3rd 5 min: Prepare for the next 15-minute session, take some snack with you, some tea and get started again.

Divide your 15-minutes into 3’s as well:

1st 15 min is about brainstorming and preparing for the work you are about to achieve.

2nd 15 min is about prioritizing what is essential in your project. If you have 15 calls to make, which ones are urgent?

3rd 15 min Start making the calls, or planning what you need to discuss in said calls.

Once you get started you will find it hard to stop. But you should stop. If you do not give yourself a pause after 15 minutes your brain will start to think of the 15-minute rule as a fake one, and you will have another reason to postpone your to-do’s. “It won’t actually be just 15 minutes, I’ll get stuck and I will do it for an hour, I don’t have an hour right now.”

One of the most important things is to also get to know yourself. Why do you procrastinate? For me the biggest reasons are these:

  1. I do not know where to start, and I am afraid that I am doing the wrong task. “Hey psst, you; brain, maybe you should actually be studying Spanish, not French.”
  2. “You won’t be able to do a good enough post anyway, never mind, maybe one day, when you know how to write better you can make a good blog post.” That would be me trying to reach perfection or being scared of failure.
  3. “What if you do become something, and then you become this snob, or the people who don’t like you will spread lies about you or something”: That would be the fear of success.
  • Done is better than perfect and the only failure is not trying.

What are some of your fears?

One of the most amazing points in this book is that to act on something you do not have to be motivated. For example; if you feel like going to the loo, no matter how lazy; uninspired you feel. At some point, you get up and go, because you must. So why not with the small, or big tasks in your life? Setting a timer for 15-minutes isn’t hard. And sitting on your butt for 15-minutes isn’t that bad either.

Procrastination is a habit. It is something that we have taught our brain to do, to achieve instant gratification. The 5 minutes we scroll Instagram instead of writing a blog post, doing school work, calling that client; is instant gratification. We get to do something “fun” and forget our responsibilities. This is something that Charles Duhigg talks about in the Tony Robbins podcast the #1 secret to productivity. You should really listen to the podcast if you are interested in the psychology behind habits and changing them.

“If you keep doing what you keep doing, you keep getting what you keep getting.”

The sad fact of today’s society is that we are trying to achieve goals right away and we want to see results right now. That is why social media appeals to us, because we get new interesting stimuli all the time. Just scroll down the Instagram feed and you will see something pretty and flashy every 3 seconds. But this has led to the fact that procrastination is now more common that ever up to 85% of us procrastinate daily (according to the research company: ICD). This is a humongous issue, because procrastination is proven to cause health issues; unhappiness, weight gain and causes us to become poorer. Is that really the way we want to live our lives?

So I urge you, if you notice the signs of procrastination in you, read this book, and apply the 15 minute rule into your life.

“It is our attitude at eh beginning of a difficult task, which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.” – William James, psychologist.

If you are interested in the podcast with Charles Duhigg it is to be found on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4VPoQAb8a9kzYUQallhoKQ

Thanks for reading!

Xoxo,

The Writer

Self love for 2017

Daily we hear of how we are supposed to look like. I mean we are trying to get into the “everyone is beautiful” mentality and I think it’s great BUT I don’t think it is enough for the media to be telling us these things. I quite frankly do not like that we are all the time told that it is media’s fault that we feel that we aren’t beautiful enough.  I don’t think we can blame someone else for how we feel inside. If we are sure of who we are and we love ourselves the way we are, no matter what someone says we won’t start changing for their “personal preference”.

And let’s be brutally honest here, who is actually buying the gossip about who got implants and where and who is the prettiest woman on the planet in 2016.

We are the ones who buy magazines or follow articles about the new celebrities and their butt implants or botox or something of the sort.

Today those models who still work for the mainstream model industry could just all say no to the way they are treated, told not to eat or photoshopped to look like alien gods and goddesses. We have a lot of power if we unite our forces, but it is scary and sometimes seems impossible, but I personally think we make it seem impossible because it is easier to pretend that we can’t affect things.

Now I am a young woman from Finland and I feel like the pressure here to look “perfect” isn’t as bad as in warmer countries. We kinda have to look like penguins with all of those layers of clothes we wear during the cold season. (About 9 months out of the year). But even I have had my issues with how I look. Comments of you look ugly, you are too thin etc. from people who you are close with isn’t always easy to hear. Especially when you logically know that there is really nothing wrong with you.

But what if we, me and you and everyone just say fuck you to media. I’m not saying you can’t acknowledge that someone looks pretty. What I am saying that we don’t let that standard of pretty define us. I will never look like some supermodel. Not only do I like pizza too much, I just don’t have the same proportions to become one. And that is fine. I will also never look like Kim Kardashian, mostly because I do not have such money, but also because we have different parents and genetically will never be able to look the same.

So what we really should be doing is just realizing that we are beautiful ourselves. I for example love the fact that I have green eyes. I have a nice lithe body. I am not in anyway fit, but I am working on it. For health reasons not to gain bikini body.

So let’s all make this year about loving ourselves the way we are. Fuck the media. Fuck how everyone one else looks ( not in a disrespectful way to all of the beautiful people in world). 2017- The year or self love.

Sincerely,

The Writer