Personal development

Negativity- how to quit it

Negativity has been hot wired into our brain. It is one of the secret powers with which we have survived this far. But we do not really need negativity as we used to. I mean we don’t have to assume we will be attacked or anything along the lines. So why do we still hold on to negativity. Well evolution does happen very slowly, and thus it is our job to rewire our brains.

Disclaimer: This post isn’t about turning you into this rainbow pooping unicorn with no worries in the world. This is to help you see more good than bad, beaucause there really is a lot of good in the world as well.

  1. Be grateful. I am sure you have been shoved this from every person who is even a bit into personal development. But it is true. It is so easy to get stuck on thinking about what you do not have. That you totally disregard what is already there. So remind yourself every couple of days, of the things that make you smile. Maybe its your parents, your dog, your significant other, maybe it was the fact you got to read a great book. Just keep those things in mind as well, especially when your mind starts to wonder to the negative side.
  2. Write what you feel. You can call this a diary, journal what ever. Maybe just bullet points of  “Things that annoyed me today” and then write them out, and chances are that at least 3 things were just very silly. Someone walked onto your heel on a busy street. (and didn’t even ruin your shoes and apologized). One waited in the lights 3,5 seconds after the light turned green. And urg that cashier didn’t even say good day. After you have written those out, doesn’t it feel silly that the whole 16 hours that you are awake a day on average, you say has been shit for those reasons?
  3. Kind of a continuation from the last point. Don’t churn the negative things all the time. Let it goooo, let it gooo. Ok, I will stop singing now I swear. But really, a) no one needs to hear your whining ( unless its an actual legit reason why you need to open up to someone, never hesitate to talk or seek help). But talking for hours about how that driver was an asshole won’t do anything. It will just make you get into a negative cycle that will be very hard to exit. Trust me. I know what I am talking about.
  4. If the things that bother you are actual problem try to figure out if you can do something about. Had a fight with a friend. Could there be a way to have a discussion and sort it out? Yes there probably is, unless you murdered their dog or something. What about sh***** I JUST came up with a perfect come back to that thing that bully said to me over 10 years ago. Can you change that? Well not really without seeming very pathetic. (I mean can you imagine calling Billy at 2 am, 10 years later to tell him” hey, yo momma is so big…?)
  5. Do things you know will make you feel better. Read a book, go for a walk, buy a candle and burn it. What ever it is that you know that no matter what the day was like, you i will enjoy doing it. Watch a stupid comedy, what ever rocks your boat. I for one love to laugh after a shit day. I mean I am 21 but I still watch the pink panther cartoon once in while. I mean it is satisfying how the person who does everything wrong and is mean always gets a lesson at the end ( and Pink Panther gets away with everything 😀 )

I hope those tips help and I would love love love to hear what you do to be more positive if I didn’t mention it above. Or even if I did. ^^ Thanks for reading and as always comments are appreciated. (Also I have no idea why Billy is the bully’s name, nothing against Billy’s here 😀 )

-Alisa

Goals

Goal Planning

I have a post here for you my friends that I am going to myself fill up with my goals, wishes and vision for the time periods marked below. Why you ask? Quite simply I have TOO MANY goals for a short time period. It has been proven by multiple studies that too many goals will actually hinder your progress. That is why, I plan on dividing my goals from short term to longer term to long as term goals. I want to see what I want to achieve in my life and most importantly track my progress as I go further and further into my life.

(from other blog)
8) Having too many goals.

Some people have too many goals and not enough focus. It’s like they’re standing in front of a dart board with three targets in mind. Hitting just one target is difficult enough; hitting three targets simultaneously with one dart is impossible. Therefore, determine the one goal you are focused on and move forward with that one goal only. Eliminate other goals that are secondary. This is not to say that you should never have more than one goal. Rather, you need to realize that you have only so much time and energy. Therefore, choose the goal that will give you the highest ROE (return on effort) and focus on that one goal first. Once complete, you can then focus on other goals in sequence.” (Link to the full post http://www.reliableplant.com/Read/8259/fail-achieve-goals)

My example plan for goal setting
Goals for next 6 months

  • Wake up earlier; 6 am
  • Maintain healthier diet
  • Being grateful
  • Meditating daily

Goals for the next year

  • Be able to run 5km without stopping (about 3.1 miles)
  • Learn to get out of your comfort zone

Goals for the next 3 years

  • Finish the book you are writing
  • Get back on track with playing flute
  • become an independent blogger

Goals for the next 5 years

  • Start writing your selfhelp guide
  • Learn 3 new languages till at least mediocre level
  • Own a business

Goals/Vision for the next 10 years

  • Own your own home
  • Own your dream car
  • Be able to sustain a comfortable life with traveling

I have stated some examples in this blog post that may or may not be my actual goals just to show an example what I regard as a long process goals (those require more time and patience) and what I regard as short term goals (these obviously are supposed to be easier to achieve).

This may look totally different for you. You might have smaller goals than my example or larger goals, that is totally up to you. Disclaimer: I would also like to remind that these examples will be broad and thus you should work on making yours as specific as possible, or making specific action plans for each goal.

Remember you do not have to have many goals written down, and chances are they might change or you might add new goals to your list in the future. This is normal and perfectly ok. I would hate to be a slave to my goals even if reaching them is super important for your overall well being. But say one of your goals is to travel to Mexico next year summer but right when you plan on going there, your friend is getting married in Australia and she wants you to be her bridesmaid, what is more important then? Surely then you would use your savings to travel to see her? Life is never so clear cut that you could possibly take into consideration everything. The main point is  that you don’t make excuses not to do something and there is a real reason for why you don’t want to/ can’t do it. 

You can use times I used in this blog 6months, 1 year etc. Or you can make ones that work for you. You can have goals for a week, or 3 months. What ever works for you.

Why bother with goals?

There is a lot of positive effects of having goals. It keeps you active physically and mentally. It gives you something else than just your normal routine to work on, and it is so very important to keep your mind on its toes. No one wants to become stagnant in their lives. Too much comfort, and no change can lead to serious consequences including depression.

I would love to hear from you and how you feel about goals. Do you have many goals? Do you feel pressured to reach those goals faster than you feel comfortable. If you would like some tips and tricks to reach goals, that might not have been mentioned before please like and comment on this post. Happy goal planning!

Xoxo,

The Writer

Goals

What does your success look like?

Look I know that the idea of having millions a swimming pool and thirty Gucci bags seems appealing but is that what your success really looks like? There are so many different ways to be successfully.

When I was younger I felt like success was becoming a doctor or a lawyer and having loads of money and obviously traveling like crazy and all that jazz. And sure traveling still appeals to me BUT, now I want my success to be more about how I feel rather than what I have.

I am not saying that money doesn’t appeal to me, because of course it does. And I would love to one day be able to do things that I can’t right now because I feel like I do not have enough money. But the thing is, no matter how much money you have, if you aren’t at peace within you, you will never be happy.

But you have to figure out what your success feels like, not just how it looks like. Because as we all know, not everything is as it seems.

Do you want to be able to help a lot of people? Do you want people to recognize you? Do you want to be a mysterious  person with an amazing talent but no-one knows your real name? Maybe your success is having 50 puppies, maybe its having 5 kids in a house near a beach and you can write your blog every other day. Who knows. But you should figure out, what will make you actually happy.

Some questions to ask yourself while thinking about this:

  1. Will having X make me want to wake up early in the morning to get my day started?
  2. What am I ready to give up in order to feel like that?
  3. Do I want it out of jealousy/ because it looks nice or because it will make me happy?
  4. Do I want this or does someone else want  this for me?

Good luck on your journey!

xoxo,

The Writer

 

Health, Lessons in life

Frustration

Some of you, scratch that ALL of  you know this feeling. It is this knife turning in your gut, reminding you daily that you are not where you want to be. That no one understands you. You are all alone. The blog isn’t catching off as you would like and your instagram isn’t looking the way you want it to. Your beach body is more like the whale on the beach (please don’t think that you are awesome!) and why didn’t I get A* from that exam? I am sooooo stupid. There is this misconception that for everyone else who was trying to make something of themselves, it was easier, faster that they have something that we don’t.

And of course, most of us know logically, that there is no secret recipe. There is not formula for short cut to success. But still, there is thing nagging voice at the back of your head, laughing at you and making small comments on how you are so slow, and who the heck are you kidding, you can’t even write a full on sentence without at least 2 mistakes. You a blogger? Eh, what a joke! 

But in the world of success, no matter what success looks like for  you, there really isn’t the right way of doing things is there? I mean unless of course you do nothing. But there is no set time limit for success or learning something new. The only thing that is rushing us is well ourselves. We are discouraging ourselves by looking at these pictures on Instagram or videos online. And everything is soooo neat and crisp and clean and put together and I am not like that at all- what is wrong with me?

Let me tell you what is wrong with me, and do not worry I have this exactly same issue. YOU keep rushing, you keep expecting magic to happen where it isn’t supposed to happen. You are comparing someone on level 500 to your level 5. You are looking at everything  else except your own journey. And that will make you suffer. It will make you cry and it will make you feel empty inside. Because you assume that things should be easy.

And we all know life isn’t easy. It isn’t fair. It isn’t just rainbows and sunshine, come one, there can’t even be a rainbow without rain (too cliche?). Look I know you won’t listen to me, heck do not listen to me. But I hope you at least take something away from me writing this, because I write this truly from the bottom of my heart, (just as much for me as for you). Let go of expectations! Work hard. Try your best and that is what will make you success. Sure you can look up to people, but do not end up staring so much you miss your own journey.

What hinders you the most in your journey to success or bettering yourself? Please let us know in the comments and don’t forget to share ^^

With a lot of love,

The Writer

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