Personal development

Confidence ≠ extrovert

I feel like there is a huge misunderstanding about who extroverted people are and who introverted people are and whether or not you can succeed if you are introverted. First of all, yes you definitely have to succeed. And you don’t have to change who you are in order to please others.

I am not going to deny that you need to be able to talk with people if you want success but sometimes being introverted actually helps with that. You are more likely to listen and wait for others to tell you about themselves and speak their mind. This gives you a chance to learn a huge amount of new things and on top of that it will make you very likable because you probably remember better what they said, since you aren’t just waiting to say something in return.

Being confident and being extremely outgoing isn’t a synonym to being confident. There are a lot of people who hide behind being a “clown” and making others just laugh all the time, so they don’t let people too close (This is me quite often, I’m better than I used to be but still). I honestly do think of myself as pretty confident but it is not an over all confidence. I have those areas about me that I know I am strong with and those that really really need help. A lot of it!

But this is to everyone not only to you who are shy and are afraid that you can’t be confident but also for you who are loud and think you have all going for you. Both have work to do. Both of you go and grab some paper and a pencil. And seriously take 30 minutes right now to write what is special and great about you , your skills, your ways of thinking, how you treat others and so on (the answer there is nothing good about me is not acceptable by the way). After you have written and thought about your strengths think of how you can use them to your advantage.

And your strong points don’t actually have to be your future job. Just because you are good in math, doesn’t mean you need to become a mathematician. Maybe you will start a business about something totally different, because you are curious about that other topic and want to learn more, but your math skills help you with the financial aspects. Maybe you are a great communicator but instead of becoming the communication expert at your company you actually start a blog business, etc etc.

Your skills aren’t set in stone, you can hone anything and make it better and stronger and more valuable to those who you want to serve. BUT remembering your unique skills, ways of thinking and so on, will help you build confidence that is a key for success, whether you are the person making everyone laugh, or you are the person asking if someone is OK because you remember them talking about a tough time from last week.

Neither option is a bad one, nor are they as clear cut as I made in this blog post. Anyone who meets me will tell you that I am an extrovert. And I absolutely need the contact with people and I love making others laugh and to talk with people for hours. But I hate parties that are extremely loud, and if I spend a long time with a lot of people I need a day or two to recharge.

As always thanks for reading! Can’t wait to hear from you! And I will leave all of my social media communities linked below!

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Personal development

How to: Confidence

Confidence really depends on how you feel within you. If you are going to try to search for it externally you will never have it totally. Because 5 people will things you are hot af and 5 people will find you ugly so that’s +/- 0. But if you find yourself hot/beautiful/cute/sexy (or all of those) then you have all the power. So what to do?

I have been “battling” with confidence issues for ages. I would be one who wanted acceptance and thus would try to search for it in the wrong places. It is surprising what a couple of well-placed words from the wrong people does to one ego. But what can you do?

  1. Buy a bit of sexy/pretty/cute lingerie. It doesn’t have to be risky with a lot of laze and almost nothing to leave for imagination. It can just be something simple with a little bow. Or anything that makes you feel more confident but still comfortable. (No one walks confidently if there is something riding up into their ass)
  2. Take 10 extra minutes to put yourself together. Whether it is to put a bit of makeup or so something extra with your hair. It is a lot of the little things that will make you feel bomb.com
  3. Buy some simple but cute staple pieces. I bought a black t-shirt and is very simple and even a bit sporty but it fits me well and I can make the outfit look basic with is or if I put some extra bling jewelry I can make it look pretty fancy. If you don’t want to look too dolled up for school you can just have some extra makeup and jewelry in your bag, and you can add it before you go to a cafe or whatever you do after school.  (Maybe a date with a cutie? 😉 )
  4. Make sure your clothes are clean and have no yarn sticking out. Just simple being neat does a lot to your look. White shoes that aren’t white? Bleach them. You can do it at home or if you don’t like bleach internet has a lot of tips how to whiten stuff without bleach.
  5. Organize your life. And this might be a very weird one. How does that tie into anything? Very simply. If you have all in an order you won’t run around like a headless chicken. You will have time to take the extra 10 minutes to do your hair/make up. Or maybe your shoe will break and you will still have time to change your pants to match the other shoes.
  6. Keep a cycle going. Having old good clothes is great but sometimes the fact that you bought something new will boost your confidence. And let’s be honest does that 5-year-old t-shirt that is super soft still look good? Probably not. You can wear it at home or to the gym but buy a new one. Because it will make you feel better. Trust me.
  7. Take time to build confidence that has nothing to do with looks. Find a hobby that you like so you can get better at it. Find something to read or maybe a podcast that makes you feel smarter. Looks are great and I at least won’t pretend that they don’t matter. But they are not all that there is. You might be the prettiest person in the world. But if you feel stupid and you aren’t interested in anything… you most likely won’t feel confident.
  8. Save money to buy that 100-200$ bag. Doing that all the time won’t really do anything. But saving money to buy yourself nice things that would on the daily seem like WAY too much? That will give you a boost. Not only because I am sure that bag is cute af. But also because you saved your hard earned money to treat yourself. And that is always fun.

Confidence makes a huge change in your life. Not only will it make you feel better. But it can be the difference between whether or not you get the job or whether you go on that trip with your friends that might change your life. Confidence makes you feel less scared. And the less useless fear you have in your life the more you get out of it.

As always thank you for reading. Leave comments, they are appreciated.

xoxo

Alisa

Personal development

Confidence

So, you want to be confident but you don’t know where to start?

 

Let me give you some tips, that I have used myself, and that way you won’t feel the need to get surgeries, use billions to have someone give you a “makeover” (that wouldn’t do anything, anyway, if you feel insecure on the inside, just saying)

I want to first state that in my opinion, confidence comes from the inside, so do not try to boost your confidence by spending a lot of money on clothes, make up etc. I do not think it makes you confident for the long term. Let’s start, shall we?

  1. Confidence isn’t just about looks. Confidence is about ambition, about having understanding in subject other people might not. Do not hide away if you are a book worm, or you love statistical maths, just find people who know how to appreciate that in you. Knowledge and ambition makes a person so much more attractive to others, so don’t hide your brain, it is just as beautiful as your body.
  2. Accept compliments. Look I know it is trendy now to be all shy and humble. But there is a difference between humble and plain evil to yourself. “Humble is saying Oh thank you so much, you look amazing as well, where did you get this shirt it makes your eyes pop so nicely?” And mean to yourself is “Oh gosh, no way, I look like a zombie from the walking dead. I just can’t make myself look pretty unlike you, you just shine like a diamond.” Look the way we talk to ourselves and about ourselves has an amazing amount of impact. Not only do we make ourselves seem less attractive by being in this “victim mode” we also make ourselves believe what we say.
  3. Gurll/bro, please don’t apologize for how you look. If you slept bad last night then don’t even mention it and hustle on. And if someone else says “You look tired” Then you should say “Yeah, slept bad last night, but hey I still look pretty fab considering.” Not only will this make you seem like a happier person, which is always an attractive trait in a person, it will also make you seem confident. Seeming confident to others will also make yourself feel more confident, which will just improve your state of mind all in all.
  4. Listen to music that is upbeat and happy, when you are walking. Or right before a stressful event. Having purposeful strides makes you seem like someone with a mission = Confident. Also it will get you in a better mood, so you seem more alert and in the present.
  5. Don’t shy away from confidence. There is a very big difference between being confident, secure in who you are and being an egoistical ass h***. Just be you and be comfortable being you, don’t over do it, and do not disrespect others, that makes it impossible for you to be egoistical.
  6. Give it time. You won’t feel amazing and perfect in a day. Just keep working on being the best version of you and make sure not to put yourself down, and you will be confident one day. Trust me, I know what I am talking about.

If you guys want tips on how to improve confidence with clothes, make up and such leave a comment below and I will be sure to touch upon the subject in a future post of mine. But keep in mind that inner confidence is much more important than outer one.

xoxo,

-Alisa