Books, Goals, Personal development

Which mindset should you have? Growth vs Fixed.

Until very recently I’ve felt that if I fail I have no reason to try anymore. I have always been the one to hate being wrong and thus failing felt like the end of the world. Which it, of course, wasn’t.

I am curious to know why I am this way, but at the same time, it doesn’t matter. If I could pinpoint it on being raised a certain way or because my friends are that way or anything else, maybe I’ll just make myself believe that it isn’t my fault and thus I can’t do anything about it. So I might as well accept that I just have been in a fixed mindset state and now I don’t want to be.

I am reading Dr. Carol S. Dweck‘s book Mindset- Changing the way you think to fulfill your potential. It has hit me very very hard. It is unimaginable how much of a fixed mindset person I am. I loathe to admit it but I have only read 38 pages and on almost every page when Dr. Dweck explained the features of a fixed mindset individual I was like “Shit that is exactly like me!?” “And my poor family friends and boyfriend.”

What does it mean if you have a fixed mindset?

  • You believe you can’t amount to anything because you aren’t smart enough
  • Failure defines you.
  • You will have issues in relationships because you feel the need to be correct
  • Other people succeeding will make you feel horrible (thus you will be jealous and bitter etc)

What does it mean to have a growth mindset?

  • You get excited about the challenges
  • You are happy when others succeed
  • You do everything in your power to be better after failing
  • You don’t let challenges get to you.

I love the idea of having a growth mindset. I love love love the idea of being able to improve myself.

Now, why would I even care? Why should I bother?

Because always being right (even when you aren’t but you fight everyone till they say you are right just so you’ll shut up) feels lonely. Feeling bad and negative when others are happy feels bad. Believing you can’t amount to anything because you got a C- on an exams feels like an end of the world sucks. And most importantly isn’t true.

I think it would be exciting to challenge myself more. To know that even if right now I am not that good at writing blogs or math (I suck in math) or well pretty much anything because I have fought to try to improve as if I’d be fighting cancer (Because if I have to improve it means I am a failure) I can still make changes and get better.

Thanks for reading now it is your turn to think and write: Which mindset do you have? How do you plan to change it for the better? Comment down below!

-Alisa

Goals, Lessons in life, Personal development

How to change your life: Challenge 5/5

Last but not least: 

Planning is great. But I am willing to bet you plan too damn much! The to-do list doesn’t become done list unless you actually do something.

Now the great thing about to-do lists is that it makes you see what you should do but the bad thing? Well, it makes you feel like you have already achieved things.

This way you will start feeling like you don’t have to actually do things. Just plan everything out; feel good for being so productive and do nothing on that list. Sound familiar? It probably does, at least it does to me.

So what to do? Write out the list. Chose what you are going to do, and put the list away until you have done that task so you don’t even think about the other things. If you aren’t sure what is priority number 1 just start with whichever, this way at least you get some momentum to keep on going.

How to keep a to-do list manageable?  A good idea is 3 by 3. This means write 3 tasks that are pretty big like 1) Write an essay 2) Clean your room 3) Read the book. Now to those tasks write 3 smaller tasks, so they don’t seem so big. With the essay example it would look like this:  1) plan the essay and write the intro 2) write the body and 3) double check and send the essay.  This means you will get 9 smaller tasks for the day that you have to complete. Sometimes you will be able to achieve more than just them sometimes less. And if some of the tasks feel like they are too big even after you have dived them into 3, don’t hesitate to make them even smaller. A step forward is still a step forward no matter how small it is. 

Thank you for reading, I would love to know what you thought of this post and this series; if you missed out on the other ones go check them out here;

How to change your life? Challenge 1/5

How to change your life? Challenge 2/5

How to change your life: Challenge 3/5

Thanks for reading, don’t forget to comment and follow me! I really want to improve my content and write things that help others as much possible so all criticism and compliments help me 😉

xoxo

Alisa

Goals, Lessons in life

How to change your life: Challenge 4/5

Mistake number 4 is: Trying to do too much at once.

I’ve touched on this before but I am going to say this again because I still haven’t accepted this as the truth but I am working on it. You can achieve amazing amounts and you can change more that one thing at a time.

BUT not in the same capacity.

If you want to start running for a marathon and at the same time become the bulkiest bodybuilder in the world, let’s face it that won’t happen. Now if you want to run a marathon and also wake up in the morning at 6 am, this might be possible. ross-findon-303091-unsplash

There are just levels of effort that certain things require. Let’s say that Marathon is an effort lvl 100 and Being the best bodybuilder is also effort lvl 100 you will know that it will be impossible to do those things. So it makes sense to take on rather waking up at 6 am that might be only on lvl 50.

Also, marathon practice can help you achieve waking up at 6 because you will be tired from practice thus sleep better and then its easier to wake up earlier. Marathon practice is going to hinder your bodybuilding on the other hand because running so much would take away some of your bulk.

Do you see where I am going here? Just pair your goals smartly and don’t do too much at once because you will tire your brain out then the only thing you will want to do is just sleep… trust me I’ve been there

If you want to check my latest posts go here:

How to change your life? Challenge 1/5

How to change your life? Challenge 2/5

How to change your life: Challenge 3/5

Thank you for reading, and please comment below.

Xoxo

Alisa

Goals, Lessons in life, Personal development

How to change your life: Challenge 3/5

Do you suffer from that pesky little nagging 5-year old voice in your head that says; “But I don’t feel like it” Buy these pills to shut that little brat up….

Well not quite. But let’s try get some perspective shall we. Why is that voice even bad to have?

Let us go way way back. If our ancestors would have lived their lives with the “I don’t feel like it” mentality we would literally be instinct. Imagine how that would work with a wolf running after you and your family or with needing to harvest the crop but “I can totally do it tomorrow” And then tomorrow comes and you realize that the frost killed off the crop… Well, that went well…

And I know that this idea doesn’t work in today’s society because you can literally ask food to be sent to you by uber… but is that really the life you want to live. The issue that I noticed with this idea for myself was that my life was so so so boring. Go to class, check the phone for most of that class, get home be on the computer for most of that time, eat and go to sleep. If you have a due date then just work for 1h like crazy and send a meh text to the teacher… And then the same next day and next week and so on.

But what if you don’t do it that way? What if you actually do everything on time and when you do things you do them with energy?  I haven’t mastered this. BUT I did start doing more things this fall. I seriously worked on forcing myself to participate in things and got to meet new people and gained some serious opportunities. It didn’t really take that much. I mean sure we had to work for example with the volunteer project we had making the event and all but what I gained out of it was so much more valuable than the work I put in.

If you want to check more about this idea of just killing of the phrase “I don’t feel like it” you should check Mel Robbins. She also has a great TED talk on how to stop screwing yourself over:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc

The thing is also that even if you just decide to not do something, you will have it on your mind all the time. Even if just a little. You can’t relax properly. And sometimes you can get away with it. Like if you are sick or if you really have so much to do but if you don’t have that 30 min bath for yourself then you’ll literally hang yourself (Please never let yourself get that far into a burnout)  then you can actually justify having a pause. But if the pause 24/7 just because you don’t feel like doing something, it won’t do you any good.

Let’s see if this way of thinking about it helps;  If you would give yourself a stress grade of 50 on writing that essay right? That would be if you’d just do it right now. This is without waiting at all.

  • Let’s give each day that you don’t do it, but it’s on your mind a stress grade of 5.
  • After ten days that ends up already being 50.
  • Then if you write that essay under time pressure because you have to give it in tomorrow as you waited way too long. That means you have a stress level of 90 because you have to write it NOW. So 50 + 90= 140. That is 90 stress levels more than necessary.
  • Add into that the stress of after because you know you didn’t do a good job so each day you wait if you failed the essay you have a stress level of 20. Waiting for a week would give you 140 extra stress points.
  • All together 280…. instead of the 50 that you would have otherwise had. That is a LOT of stress, that you just don’t need.

So write into your calendar a block of time when you will do it. I will talk about calendar blocking more in the future. But in short, the idea is this. You choose a block of time. Say, from 10 to 12 you do a task. Let’s keep the essay as an example. One block could be research then the next day the block could be making an essay plan and then the day after that actually writing the essay. If you cut the process of writing an essay into manageable pieces you might even lower the stress grade of 50 to way less because you realize the task isn’t as daunting and horrible as you thought.

One last thing, (I swear I will stop bothering you with this soon) if you keep just postponing it and then do it all under pressure and stress, you will be able to tell yourself “See I knew it this would be horrible, I never want to do it again. I will always leave it for the last second so I don’t have to think about it”. That idea is stupid of course because you just made it horrible for yourself because you left it for the last minute. But that doesn’t register and then you are in a vicious cycle.

So just go and do it!  Whatever it is you have right now.

Leave a comment to let me know if I made any sense and like if you like. Don’t forget to follow and see you in my next post 🙂

xoxo, Alisa

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