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Counter-intuitive ways of forming/changing Habits

So everyone all the time talk about habits and forming or changing them and let me just tell you I am such a addict when it comes to reading about people and their habits and routines and so on. There is nothing more satisfying as seeing someone have their lives together… well maybe having your own life together would be more satisfying…. hmmmmm…. Anywhoo, I have listed 5 counter-intuitive ways of forming and or changing habits down below, so let’s start!

  1. Don’t plan as much. Yes I have mentioned this before. This is something that quite many high performing business people talk about. There is a gap often between planning and taking action. It is called analysis paralysis. We just plan the day by the minute, then realize we have way too much planned or we spent the whole time planning and now its already 12 am and we should have been asleep hours ago. This also works when planning on habits you want to incorporate into your life and how. Yes plan your habits and see where they fit, but don’t over do it. Habit is something you do, not something you plan… just saying.
  2. The easier something is to do, the more likely you are to do it….But I disagree on the effectiveness in some cases (or maybe it is just me). This is something also suggested in detail in Atomic Habits by James Clear. I just started this book but its amazing and I’m like half way through. And while in general I agree on this advice, I have noticed certain instances that the opposite works. For example, when I planned on using my nearest gym…. that is literally like a 200m walk from my house (About 656ft) I wouldn’t go there…like ever. I had this mentality of since its so close I can go when ever so now I don’t have to. And honestly this changed when I started to go to the gym further away. It became more of an actual routine because I had to make an effort and make sure I took into consideration the walking time there and back. Since I don’t know if there are any studies done on this topic, I can’t say if this is an normal phenomenon or if I am just peculiar… I am probably just peculiar, but leave a comment down bellow if this sounds familiar
  3. Don’t think about the end goal. This is also something that is discussed in the book Atomic Habits. I find this very fascinating but I do understand the logic. If you want habits that stick, you shouldn’t think about the end goal. It shouldn’t be that I want to weight X amount of kg or pounds. Because what happens to the habits you have built when you reach that “magical” number. Big chance is you lose those habits. However if you focus on becoming a healthy person. You will continue doing certain habits just because a healthy person does them. This means that instead of concentrating on goals you should concentrate on your identity and instead of just thinking about your habits think of systems you can set in place to make sure those habits work. James Clear explains this better than I ever could, so read the book. However, I will try to give an example. I want to wake up at 5 am. This is a habit I want to have. A system for it, would be having two alarms both at the other side of the room that I have to go and turn off. But this is not enough. Now that I have turned them of, while I am already standing I have to go to the bathroom do my business there and wash my face, so I wake up. After this I go back to my room. Open my blinds, make bed and this is important; I meditate on the floor/chair NOT on the bed. Because otherwise I fall asleep again. This is a system that ensures I wake up and get up at 5 am.
  4. Don’t beat yourself over if you are failing in doing something you told yourself to-do. Studies have found that people are more likely to make positive change when they get positive information about that change. And if they have a possibility of being better than someone else. So for example; if you have a calendar and you mark with an x all the days you haven’t smoked, you are more likely to keep up with that since you have a streak (side note, this is why Snapchat worked so well ;D) If you have an app that tells you that people A and B are doing 50% better than you on said habit, you will be more likely to improve your score so that you get as good of a grade or better as them. This also means that instead of telling yourself that you are an idiot. Just notice that you are breaking your streak. Or others can do better than you. This will make it easier for you to get back on track with your habits. Here is a link to the ted talk on this subject TED talk and again Atomic Habits talks about this as well.
  5. Last but not least. If you want to stop doing something. Don’t stop it cold turkey. Or if you do stop something right in that second, substitute it with another habit. For example if you have a habit of biting or fiddling with your nails. In order to stop if, get a stress toy. This way you can still do something with your hands (and studies show it isn’t actually as bad as we were lead to believe…just for the love of God, don’t let it be a clicker pen or I might just have to attack you….) This will make sure you will stop ruining your nails and it won’t rely on you to be disciplined. It is hard to be disciplined with habits that are unconscious, nail biting often is.

So here are the 5 ways to form and/ or change habits that are counter intuitive. I hope you liked the post and please comment bellow the one that seemed to make most/least sense to you.If you have questions or post ideas don’t hesitate to ask!

Also here is a link to a poll on twitter that I formed that decides the post I will be writing for Thursday, make sure to cast your vote! Twitter Poll

Don’t forget to follow on the socials and let’s form a community of Change!

Xoxo, Alisa

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New way of Goal Setting

Ages ago I stumbled upon a fascinating youtube interview between Marie Forleo and Daniel LaPorte. In case you are interested in taking a peak; the video is here: Goal Setting.

Instead of the basic goal setting that we are accustomed to; lose weight, travel the world, gain x amount of money. What this interview dives into, are the feelings you get when you achieve something you want. So instead of lose weight you would say you want to feel sexy/beautiful/confident. Instead of having x amount of money you want to feel free/secure/abundance. And you goal, is to achieve that feeling, not the tangible amount of money or a six pack.

Why should it be the feeling you go after? Well x amount of money that you assume is going to make you happy, might not make you happy. Usually people assume that they need way more than what they actually need. Maybe you are able to be very comfortable with a 100 000 a year instead of the million you thought. 100 000 a year is still 8, 333 thousand per month. That is definitely something you can live comfortably with. And you having a million probably wont make you that much happier. It might even just cause you stress, where to put that money, what if your friends are there because you are rich etc. etc. etc.

What about feeling sexy instead of having a six pack? Well, maybe you wouldn’t feel sexy with a six pack. Maybe you prefer the flat belly, or a little bit of more curves. As long as you are healthy and you feel sexy, that is the most important goal. That is what you should concentrate on.

So now, there is a bit over a half a year left. Instead of living your life by achieving things. Achieve feelings. How do you want to feel when 2020 rolls around the corner. It is much easier to find motivation in feeling happy, content, excited and full of life, rather than x amount of money, a job that pays well or a body that doesn’t even feel like yours anymore.

Thanks for reading! What are your feeling goals for the next 6 + months?

P.S Happy belated Easter!

Xoxo

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Who am I? (2019 edition)

About a year ago I wrote a blog post on how it was OK not to know who you are. That I change all the time and that it is fine as well. And I still agree to this to a degree. Not knowing who you are and if you will like the same thing you like now in about 3 months that is fine. But there are some core things that you should know. Or should at least know that you aspire to. 

My core things I aspire to be are:

  1. Fit and healthy; Really want to feel great and look sexy, I mean who wouldn’t, but remember everyone’s sexy is their own and feeling great is very personal as well.
  2. Smart; not only book smart but also have emotional smartness.
  3. A good person; note not perfect or great… just good. I need some room for mistakes and for being human we all do. 
  4. Goal orientated; I have always wanted to achieve a shit ton of things but never really put effort nor finished what I started so this year my goal is to get shit done not just talk about things. 

But the things that don’t matter is for example; how I achieve my fitness, is it cross country skiing? Nope. What do I enjoy doing as sports? I don’t really know yet, so I am going to work on trying a lot of things and figure it out from there. 

What do I concentrate on in becoming smart? Well, I am quite good at languages so that is a good start. I have been interested in History, it never hurts to know more. Add a bit of mathematics and sciences (what aspects precisely I don’t know) and I am pretty much ahead to all those who don’t want to be bothered with anything (I think I would like to write a bit of what I learn…. one blog post a month about a new topic I have learned about in a concise form, what do you guys think?) 

Cup of coffee and a book on a new topic <3

Being a better person? Well, take others more into consideration. Get less annoyed at people for not always being thoughtful. Being honest with people. For example, if I don’t want to go out or something along those lines. Making small gestures to make people happier.  

Having goals and achieving them is something I am sure pretty much everyone can work on. How many projects do you have just kind of being there but you not working on them? 100? Yeah me too. Just chose one and work on it for a month, daily. I know you can do it 😉 

New years is about becoming a better you. But I don’t think you have to become a new you. Just work on those things that are your weaknesses and make sure that you don’t let go those things that are your strengths. Good luck for the year to come! 

Comment your goals below or ask me anything! Thanks for reading and see you in my next post 😀 

Xoxo Alisa

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10 next things I want to do/achieve

1) Read 4 books a month (or more if you are feeling extra) – This is not to say that I have to read 3 books with 500 pages. One of the books could be a poem collection, one could be a longer book based on fiction and since I am at the stage in my studies that I have to write my final work, I will have to read for that too. 

2) Act according to what you read Whether you learn something from a book or a youtube video or from a friend. The only way you will actually change your life with that knowledge is if you implement it to your life. 

3) Go to the gym 4 times a week ( this won’t be easy for me) I really want to get my fitness back on track. I do not feel like I am at my best and I want to lose a little bit of my body fat and gain muscle. I really don’t want to be overboard and become a bodybuilder (nothing wrong if that is your goal tho) but I really want to get my health better.

4) Get things done even when I don’t feel like it.  I can’t say that this will happen every day without a fault. But imagine how much you can achieve if you do everything you say you will.

5) See my friends more often but with something interesting planned. I do not think we need to go always for coffee. Or even be at my or their place. I really think we could make more memories that will stick after 10 years too. 

6) Make a bit more effort with friendships. I do not mean that I would be a bad friend… I hope not. But I could make a bit more of an effort. Make a card for a birthday. Remember to send them something once in a while even if you would be busy and so on. 

7) Make an effort to get to know other people What is better than to meet new people and learn new things. It is comfortable to always just see the same friends. And they are great, but especially if you want to achieve new things then that is easiest to be done by learning new things from new people. 

8) Spend only up to 1 hour a day online Not counting work, because at work  I am quite a bit online and on the computer. But free time online shouldn’t be more than that per day. Apart from the weekends. I think I can’t let myself be online a bit more then (especially if I want to keep writing a blog too) 

9) Eat out less and eat healthier. I want to eat fewer foods with flour. I want to eat more greens and fruits. Maybe making my work food always vegan, if possible. I am not vegan and don’t really have a plan to become one. But eating less milk and meat-based products couldn’t be bad. Eat way fewer things with sugar or extra fat. 

10) Spend less money. I am horrible with money. I spend a lot of money on food, and mostly food that isn’t healthy. So, if I want to go out to eat, it shouldn’t be more often than once a month. If I go out more often I should only go for coffee and not buy anything more than that. Get a snack from the store before or eat before going for coffee. 

What are the 10 things you want to do achieve? Leave a comment 

xoxo Alisa

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5 Habits before 2019

1) Structure

I want to wake up around 4.30 and 5. I know many people will get very tired of hearing this. Especially if you feel you are a night owl.  I understand as someone who kept telling myself I prefer to work at night. And well sometimes I do. But if I have to do creative things and/or concentrate on myself once in a while I do like to do it in the morning. 

  1. When you wake up early you balance out your hormones. You can read more about this here: 4 Sneaky Benefits to Waking Up at 5 AM but science states that because waking up early requires going to sleep early you balance out your hormones. The best sleep time for being the healthiest happens between 10 PM and 2 AM. That is the reason you might now wake up tired even if you wake up super early. 
  2. Waking up this early would also give me more structure. Especially if I have days I go to work later or if I don’t have work/ school at all. 
  3. Waking up at 4.30 or 5 requires some decipline. If you succeed in that it means you start your day right away with saying yes to the hard things.  

2) Going to sleep early 

This probably should have been the first goal for me, because this is what ensures that I actually have the energy to wake up. But we will roll with it. I actually don’t have an issue to go to sleep early. But I don’t have a routine set for the night and that can cause some issues…especially after a long work day when my brain runs around like a hamster in a wheel. “Gonna be late, gonna be late… for what? I dunno, just gonna be late” 

Gnight sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite 😀

3) Use my phone less…

 We already established earlier on in the blog post about phone addiction that I use my phone too much (and that you probably do as well…). I mean 5+ hours a day… that is WAY too much. Even if I use my phone a lot for work.  The phone distracts me from work, studying and from going to sleep. I usually do end up putting it away by 22 or very least 23 PM but, that doesn’t mean I get good quality sleep. And 5 hours from the day is like one third of my whole day…. so that is very scary. 

4) Read for 30 min- 1h a day

Yes, this is very much possible. Instead of being on youtube for 3 hours… I could read for that time. And since I know that I won’t be able to do it for that long right away I will start slow with  30 minutes  to an hour. Obviously I can do more, but to start of slow and steady. I really can’t use the excuse of not having time to read when I literally kill it by scrolling on my phone… 

 A great time to read when everything else is silent. Morning and evening

Photo by Yuri Efremov on Unsplash

5) Gratitude/Meditation 

So this is something that many people kind of want to brush off as a bit of whoo whoo. But well, first of all, I am a bit whoo whoo and second science actually backs this up. Soooo…. let’s get to the point. Gratitude makes you stop that hamster wheel and makes you be happy right now. Instead of always thinking about the day you get/achieve something and “Then I will be happy” … nope, you won’t be, because there is always another shinier goal you have to get. So be thankful now.

The other part of it is meditation (or you could do a thankfulness meditation and that way kill two birds with one stone). Meditation has been shown to change the way your brain is wired and if you do it in nature it is even better. Meditation clears out the clutter in your brain, making it easier for you to do what you set out to do. This is why I really need this goal in my life. Because I always have 50 things on my to-do list. But then I just feel like my brain explodes because I can’t concentrate on the one thing I am doing.

In conclusion 

This year has been about changing my life for the better. It has been about executing more and thinking less. Planning less and just doing it. And I have achieved a lot of that …. but not as much as I want. So with these habits. Which I hope to actually make constant before 2019 … I hope I will step up my game.  

 Thanks for reading…. tell me what are your goals for before 2019? 

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Which mindset should you have? Growth vs Fixed.

Until very recently I’ve felt that if I fail I have no reason to try anymore. I have always been the one to hate being wrong and thus failing felt like the end of the world. Which it, of course, wasn’t.

I am curious to know why I am this way, but at the same time, it doesn’t matter. If I could pinpoint it on being raised a certain way or because my friends are that way or anything else, maybe I’ll just make myself believe that it isn’t my fault and thus I can’t do anything about it. So I might as well accept that I just have been in a fixed mindset state and now I don’t want to be.

I am reading Dr. Carol S. Dweck‘s book Mindset- Changing the way you think to fulfill your potential. It has hit me very very hard. It is unimaginable how much of a fixed mindset person I am. I loathe to admit it but I have only read 38 pages and on almost every page when Dr. Dweck explained the features of a fixed mindset individual I was like “Shit that is exactly like me!?” “And my poor family friends and boyfriend.”

What does it mean if you have a fixed mindset?

  • You believe you can’t amount to anything because you aren’t smart enough
  • Failure defines you.
  • You will have issues in relationships because you feel the need to be correct
  • Other people succeeding will make you feel horrible (thus you will be jealous and bitter etc)

What does it mean to have a growth mindset?

  • You get excited about the challenges
  • You are happy when others succeed
  • You do everything in your power to be better after failing
  • You don’t let challenges get to you.

I love the idea of having a growth mindset. I love love love the idea of being able to improve myself.

Now, why would I even care? Why should I bother?

Because always being right (even when you aren’t but you fight everyone till they say you are right just so you’ll shut up) feels lonely. Feeling bad and negative when others are happy feels bad. Believing you can’t amount to anything because you got a C- on an exams feels like an end of the world sucks. And most importantly isn’t true.

I think it would be exciting to challenge myself more. To know that even if right now I am not that good at writing blogs or math (I suck in math) or well pretty much anything because I have fought to try to improve as if I’d be fighting cancer (Because if I have to improve it means I am a failure) I can still make changes and get better.

Thanks for reading now it is your turn to think and write: Which mindset do you have? How do you plan to change it for the better? Comment down below!

-Alisa

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How to: Confidence

Confidence really depends on how you feel within you. If you are going to try to search for it externally you will never have it totally. Because 5 people will things you are hot af and 5 people will find you ugly so that’s +/- 0. But if you find yourself hot/beautiful/cute/sexy (or all of those) then you have all the power. So what to do?

I have been “battling” with confidence issues for ages. I would be one who wanted acceptance and thus would try to search for it in the wrong places. It is surprising what a couple of well-placed words from the wrong people does to one ego. But what can you do?

  1. Buy a bit of sexy/pretty/cute lingerie. It doesn’t have to be risky with a lot of laze and almost nothing to leave for imagination. It can just be something simple with a little bow. Or anything that makes you feel more confident but still comfortable. (No one walks confidently if there is something riding up into their ass)
  2. Take 10 extra minutes to put yourself together. Whether it is to put a bit of makeup or so something extra with your hair. It is a lot of the little things that will make you feel bomb.com
  3. Buy some simple but cute staple pieces. I bought a black t-shirt and is very simple and even a bit sporty but it fits me well and I can make the outfit look basic with is or if I put some extra bling jewelry I can make it look pretty fancy. If you don’t want to look too dolled up for school you can just have some extra makeup and jewelry in your bag, and you can add it before you go to a cafe or whatever you do after school.  (Maybe a date with a cutie? 😉 )
  4. Make sure your clothes are clean and have no yarn sticking out. Just simple being neat does a lot to your look. White shoes that aren’t white? Bleach them. You can do it at home or if you don’t like bleach internet has a lot of tips how to whiten stuff without bleach.
  5. Organize your life. And this might be a very weird one. How does that tie into anything? Very simply. If you have all in an order you won’t run around like a headless chicken. You will have time to take the extra 10 minutes to do your hair/make up. Or maybe your shoe will break and you will still have time to change your pants to match the other shoes.
  6. Keep a cycle going. Having old good clothes is great but sometimes the fact that you bought something new will boost your confidence. And let’s be honest does that 5-year-old t-shirt that is super soft still look good? Probably not. You can wear it at home or to the gym but buy a new one. Because it will make you feel better. Trust me.
  7. Take time to build confidence that has nothing to do with looks. Find a hobby that you like so you can get better at it. Find something to read or maybe a podcast that makes you feel smarter. Looks are great and I at least won’t pretend that they don’t matter. But they are not all that there is. You might be the prettiest person in the world. But if you feel stupid and you aren’t interested in anything… you most likely won’t feel confident.
  8. Save money to buy that 100-200$ bag. Doing that all the time won’t really do anything. But saving money to buy yourself nice things that would on the daily seem like WAY too much? That will give you a boost. Not only because I am sure that bag is cute af. But also because you saved your hard earned money to treat yourself. And that is always fun.

Confidence makes a huge change in your life. Not only will it make you feel better. But it can be the difference between whether or not you get the job or whether you go on that trip with your friends that might change your life. Confidence makes you feel less scared. And the less useless fear you have in your life the more you get out of it.

As always thank you for reading. Leave comments, they are appreciated.

xoxo

Alisa

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Changes changes changes

So, I have not been a bit over 2 months in exchange and I only have one month until exams (yes it is a short exchange, but I’ll have a couple of months to just enjoy the local life after exams 😉 )

While I have been here, I have been slacking off the blog, for that I am sorry. It has to do with the changes I am going through here and I feel like I want to change my blog up (again).

I feel I have been writing a lot of my opinions and views and not many things that would teach not only you but also me, while I research the subject. So from now on, that is my goal. To research new things, relating to health, wealth and overall life, and bring it to you in a concise little blog post. (Sometimes might not be that little.)

In order to make all those changes, I want to make sure that my blog is up to date and I have planned a couple of posts in advance so I always have something to post, even if I am very busy doing something. Therefore, please excuse me while the blog is under construction. I will keep all of my old posts, I still think they have a lot of insight and I also like having something I can look at and see how far I have come.

If you have something certain you would like to learn about, maybe tips for me on how to write better or anything that comes to mind, please put it in the comments. As always feedback is very appreciated.

xoxo

Alisa

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More questions less answers

We go to school, we learn daily new things. We answer thousands of questions. We read for exams that ask us factual questions. Questions we can answer with a date, a vocabulary word, or explaining chain of events in a way or another.  And that is great. It is important to learn how to answer straight forward questions with straight answers. But is that enough?

I do not think so. I believe that it would be so very important for people to analyse more philosophical questions. Questions that like of “What makes you happy, in day to day life?”. Or ” What do you think the world would need to make it a better place?” And these are hard questions. And chances are if you as this from a 7 year old the answer will be candy or more toys, or maybe nowadays it’d be WI-FI. But it doesn’t hurt to ask those things. Because even if one of 10 students actually gives something worthy of using in our day to day life, isn’t worth a shot? And sure, it is possible that no one else would get any value out of their answers. But it would make the students think. Like oh yeah, going on a walk with my dog makes me  happy, or hmmm my moms apple pie is to die for. And isn’t that just as important to teach about or if not teach make them think about it?

And this thinking about bigger questions could be added to actual subjects as well. For example in History. “What little things in this chain of events could have changed everything?” And then people would have to analyse History deeper, and maybe actually understand that history is not just dates and chains of events. It is people, feelings, pains and joys. And I believe in order to actually know history, you must understand the people the thoughts and actions not just the dates and names.

What I am trying to say here is that factual questions are great, but they do not do much on their own. We people question everything. And in order to remember somethings we have to be able to empathise with the situation. The feelings and thoughts we have are like the bones that add the meat to; which is the dates and names that otherwise mean nothing to us. That way we can somehow make these situations, questions and ideas important to us, and maybe even remember them better. For example in maths; “What should your monthly pay be in order to pay for rent that is X for water and electricity that is Y and for other stuff that is Z, remember to add taxes to your payments.”

What do you guys think, should we be asking more complex, feeling induced questions at school as well as in our personal life?

As always thanks for reading

-Alisa

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Make a decision and stick to it

I know what you are thinking. Thanks Alisa, that helped a lot. I sure as hell didn’t think you could have said anything more basic. And to that I will say, chill my friend. Just stick along and for what I have to say.

I am currently reading a book by Anthony Robbins; The Giant Within. Technically I am listening to it but you get my point. I am just starting up, but I am now in the part where he speaks about making decisions and how the choices we make can impact our whole life. But he makes a distinction between just a choice to see how things go and making a conscious decision to work for something. He goes as far as to state and we are so un used to making decisions we get lazy with it. That is why making a difficult important decision is so hard. And this got me thinking, how long I have lived my life in a way of just letting the current take me where it wants to.

What is Robbins idea for making our decision making muscle grow? Practice of course. Start making small decisions and sticking with them. You can do a big and a small decision just to see how it feels. And practice until you making a life changing decision won’t seem like “Oh well, but I wouldn’t be able to do that anyway.” Hell yeah you can, if you chose to do it.

I haven’t gotten further in the book, but I assume that Tony will talk about this at some point. I will still mention this as a thought. It isn’t enough to decide that I want thing A or I want to reach a million followers or what ever it is that your goal is. I would assume that a real decision requires action. You decide to do everything in your power to reach that goal, that idea, that step in your life.

How would this look in practice? I would think that not only do you decide what you want to do you make decisions on how to make it work and take action. Let’s try to see with an example shall we.  Let’s say you want to be a business owner:

  1. Decide what business you would want to own. Personal Development? Helping people find their missing relatives? What ever it is, just chose that.
  2. Decide to research the crap out of that topic. What type a business should it be. How much money to invest. How to market this project.
  3. Decide and make a email list, to whom you tell about this opportunity. (Beneficial if they are your targeted audience.
  4. Decide to invest, and do it.
  5. Start making daily decisions that make it possible to work on your business. If you are broke and investing right away isn’t a choice, make a decision to find a job to help pay for your dreams.
  6. Baby steps, even small decisions can have a big impact.

As always thank you for reading. If you have read the book please let me know what you thought  and if you want to read the book or listen to it you can find it online 🙂

-Alisa

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