Personal development

How to: Confidence

Confidence really depends on how you feel within you. If you are going to try to search for it externally you will never have it totally. Because 5 people will things you are hot af and 5 people will find you ugly so that’s +/- 0. But if you find yourself hot/beautiful/cute/sexy (or all of those) then you have all the power. So what to do?

I have been “battling” with confidence issues for ages. I would be one who wanted acceptance and thus would try to search for it in the wrong places. It is surprising what a couple of well-placed words from the wrong people does to one ego. But what can you do?

  1. Buy a bit of sexy/pretty/cute lingerie. It doesn’t have to be risky with a lot of laze and almost nothing to leave for imagination. It can just be something simple with a little bow. Or anything that makes you feel more confident but still comfortable. (No one walks confidently if there is something riding up into their ass)
  2. Take 10 extra minutes to put yourself together. Whether it is to put a bit of makeup or so something extra with your hair. It is a lot of the little things that will make you feel bomb.com
  3. Buy some simple but cute staple pieces. I bought a black t-shirt and is very simple and even a bit sporty but it fits me well and I can make the outfit look basic with is or if I put some extra bling jewelry I can make it look pretty fancy. If you don’t want to look too dolled up for school you can just have some extra makeup and jewelry in your bag, and you can add it before you go to a cafe or whatever you do after school.  (Maybe a date with a cutie? 😉 )
  4. Make sure your clothes are clean and have no yarn sticking out. Just simple being neat does a lot to your look. White shoes that aren’t white? Bleach them. You can do it at home or if you don’t like bleach internet has a lot of tips how to whiten stuff without bleach.
  5. Organize your life. And this might be a very weird one. How does that tie into anything? Very simply. If you have all in an order you won’t run around like a headless chicken. You will have time to take the extra 10 minutes to do your hair/make up. Or maybe your shoe will break and you will still have time to change your pants to match the other shoes.
  6. Keep a cycle going. Having old good clothes is great but sometimes the fact that you bought something new will boost your confidence. And let’s be honest does that 5-year-old t-shirt that is super soft still look good? Probably not. You can wear it at home or to the gym but buy a new one. Because it will make you feel better. Trust me.
  7. Take time to build confidence that has nothing to do with looks. Find a hobby that you like so you can get better at it. Find something to read or maybe a podcast that makes you feel smarter. Looks are great and I at least won’t pretend that they don’t matter. But they are not all that there is. You might be the prettiest person in the world. But if you feel stupid and you aren’t interested in anything… you most likely won’t feel confident.
  8. Save money to buy that 100-200$ bag. Doing that all the time won’t really do anything. But saving money to buy yourself nice things that would on the daily seem like WAY too much? That will give you a boost. Not only because I am sure that bag is cute af. But also because you saved your hard earned money to treat yourself. And that is always fun.

Confidence makes a huge change in your life. Not only will it make you feel better. But it can be the difference between whether or not you get the job or whether you go on that trip with your friends that might change your life. Confidence makes you feel less scared. And the less useless fear you have in your life the more you get out of it.

As always thank you for reading. Leave comments, they are appreciated.

xoxo

Alisa

Lessons in life

What should I do?

Endless questions day in and day out.  Should I travel to Thailand for a much needed stress free vacation? Should I go on that date? Do I even like this job? And so on and so on. I am sure you catch my train of thought. Well, what are you supposed to do when your mind is going 100 miles an hour and your body is stuck? There  was a great post on Psychology Today on this topic, and I will add some of my own ideas to it.

  1. Think of how you want to feel.  Sometimes a job seems like too true to be true but there is just this voice at the back of your head that is like: ” Ummmmm I am not so sure this is a good idea.” Don’t disregard that voice. Think about how you want to feel if you take that job. Is it that you want to feel like you are financial stable? Or is it that you want to feel like you job has purpose? If the job environment seems shit and you know you will lose your will to loose? Well no amount of money, is going to make you feel happy doing that job. (Do remember that no job is always fun. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made)
  2. What do you value the most? Look everyone has different ideas of what is fun and great. You might be ok working just for money because your side hustle keeps your soul happy.  And just because your parents or friends would like something doesn’t mean you have to.
  3. #Just do itLame, yes but yet so very true. I swear to you, not making a choice and being in this limbo of to do or not to do, is so much worse than a wrong choice. You have to accept this fact, that you do not always make the right choice. And that is okay. Look if you do the wrong choice, next time you will know better. At least with a wrong decision you have a change of taking an action to damage control. If you do nothing, you will notice that in the end, you have sailed with the current somewhere far far away from where you want to be. A wrong decision might be a step back, but it doesn’t stop you from taking steps forward after.
  4. Talk it out…notice it says OUT. Look yes you have a lot of thoughts and yes you may want to think everything through and think about all the options from A to Z… the thing is, most of the time if you just talk and talk and talk about the same issue with the people you ask advice from…. well it is because you want them to give the advice you want to hear. That way you don’t have to take the responsibility for what you are doing. And I am hear to give you a reality check (also known as a figurative bitch slap). No matter what someone tells you to do, it is YOU who makes the choice and thus it is YOU who is fully the blame. (Unless someone holds you at gun point, but that is black mail, and that’s just something totally different)
  5. Sleep on it and then trust your gut. Just because something looks good on paper doesn’t meen that it is actually good. Research everything and figure out if what the paper says is actually true. After sleeping on it, with all the information you have how does this thing feel? Does it feel right? Is it something you want to do? If yes go for it. If no, say no. But do not be a “no man” just because you are scared. Learn to differentiate between fear that is just because of your limiting believes and fear that is so crippling that, you know, if you do what you are thinking of doing will kill you.

Action is the best way to figure things out. It doesn’t matter if it is about a life path, job, family  or choices that are smaller. It is rare that people do such huge mistakes that they can’t turn their life around later on. I for one rather go to the wrong direction than just stay always where I am and wither like a plant after a while.

Hope you liked this post and please don’t hesitate to comment, it’d be much appreciated.

-Alisa

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