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Category: Lessons in life

No matter how young or old you are, life always teaches something new, and I try my hardest to pass what I have learned onto those, who might need it. I by no means think that I have it all covered and all that I have learned can be debated/ disagreed on, these are just some things I believe in.

Define your success to guarantee it is YOUR success

I have posted a post a week no since last Sunday and today’s post will be the last one of the week. I will go back to posting couple of times a week again. This was a nice challenge that I made for myself and you should definitely try it to see how it will force you to create content…no matter what. But let us get to the topic of today. What does success to you mean? And how does defining it guarantee success.

So success to everyone looks different. For me personally success is about being fulfilled. I am fulfilled when I have variety in my life. I am fulfilled when I get to help people. Currently it is through this blog, but later on it will be through my Life Coaching.

This is not how your life will have to look. I mean fulfillment looks different for everyone. For you it could be becoming a mother. Or becoming a fitness coach or doing research. What ever it is, it is a great choice. (As long it isn’t becoming a murderer… that is not a good life path….sorry) So think what is it that brings you fulfillment.

What if I don’t know what I want to do in that much details?

This is very normal. I didn’t before either and the great thing about making life plans is that they can change. But I realized what I wanted to do was from seeing some of the things I liked/loved: I loved giving advice to people, I loved writing, I loved having an impact, I am creative, I enjoy psychology. Those things together for me = Life Coach. (Or at the moment a Personal Development blogger)

So that everyone is clear; your fulfillment doesn’t have to come from your job. It could be helping out your community, it could be helping kids learn to code during your free time. It can 100% be a hobby or “just” a side hustle.

Why is it important to define this?

Sometimes other peoples passion for things makes you think you want the same thing. Like oh they are a travel influencer? I want that too, I want to visit all those places. This doesn’t equal that you want to do that as a job. A travel influencer has to do a shit ton of photography, videos and editing + blogs. On top of that probably sponsorship’s they have to take care of so they can actually make those trips, and so so so much more. Are you ready for that? Maybe. If you are, then that is your path. However if not, then you should ask what you actually want to do. Not what someone makes look great.

Elizabeth Gilbert, the writer of Eat Pray Love and Big Magic, asks a great question. What is your favorite flavor of Shit sandwich. The idea is, that everything you do is going to have something that you will hate, and you just have to figure out if it is worth it. Let’s stick with the travel influencer topic. The shit sandwich could be getting sick because of the different bacteria somewhere, or flying a lot, or having to organize a lot of trips all the time, or not being at home much etc. IF those flavors of shit sandwiches sound like a decent trade off, you are probably prepared to become a travel influencer. (Send me pics please, I love seeing those scenes and to get insporation of just visiting there and resting and NOT having to work πŸ˜‰ )

So what is that thing that would bring you fulfillment= make you successful? Leave it in the comments below! And don’t forget to connect with me and the community on the socials <3

xoxo, Alisa

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Avoiding these 5 life traps will save you

Have you wondered if you are in a matrix and everything is just an illusion. That you never really even know your potential because you are trapped into a box and you don’t have a way out right now?

Well without all conspiracy theories I can honestly say you probably are in a trap. A trap you have made for yourself and I am just as much a victim of a self inflicted trap as you are. The best way to get out of these traps is to recognize them.

5 Traps to avoid

  1. Needing to be always right. I get it. It is so fun to be right and seem smart. I like that feeling too. However most of the time being right doesn’t really do anything. Being wrong and accepting that doesn’t make you weak. It makes your aware of things and forces you to learn new facts and skills. Saying that you were wrong is one of the hardest things in life. I know… but, the thing is that if you don’t claim to be right in the first place you don’t have to take it back…simple
  2. Cursing that life isn’t fair. It isn’t and that sometimes sucks BUT the thing is that talking about how life isn’t fair and all of the rich people have everything and blah blah blah, it doesn’t do anything. Won’t turn life fair all of a sudden. It’s not like life hears your whining and is like “Shit, I have been a right bitch, must change” Instead of using your time to talk about how like isn’t fair, work hard with the rules that life has. Life is a bitch? Be a bitch back. Work hard and make sure you get ahead. It will require effort, but so does bitching about things. You might as well choose the one that brings you more value.
  3. Living by other peoples rules. I am knee deep in this trap. Honestly it is one of the hardest things in life. Especially when it comes to friends and family. If someone in your family has a certain way of seeing things, then you all of a sudden feel like shit if you go against those “rules”. I have big goals. But I often feel the need to make them smaller because they scare other people. Not even myself, but others. It is so easy to start thinking the same way as others. “That is too risky/too hard/” and all of a sudden you start wondering… “well maybe it is too risky/too hard/” You have just as much of a chance to fail and the things that are “safe”. Being miserable and safe is still a failure. Above all you end up hurting yourself by listening to others too much.
  4. Wanting things to be easy. This is a trap like no other. It is what makes people want to play lotto, or “buy into make money easy and fast by just clicking thing thing and paying 0.99 cents”. Life isn’t supposed to be easy. People get into a flow state when something isn’t too easy, we need a bit or a challenge to motivate us. Of course this also means that we can’t do things that are way too hard, because we need at least small successes to keep us interested. However if life would be easy, people who for instance got rich fast and now “have everything”, would be the happiest. And they aren’t. Work hard, achieve your goals, be of service to others. Easy isn’t the answer.
  5. Having pity party all the damn time. We get it. Life sucks. Teachers suck. Politicians suck…Everything suckity sucks sucks sucks. The problem is that whining about it doesn’t do anything. Talking about how someone is an idiot won’t change them into a fantastic person. You have two choices. Talk to them and say what bothers you. You delete them out of your life. Doing things that aren’t fun will always be in our lives. Either its taxes, or you have to have a war with papers or something else. Talking about how much it sucks and poor you, won’t take the tasks away. It will however prolong your suffering. So cut the pity party and just do the shit and move on.

In conclusion

This post might sound to many that we shouldn’t ever allow negativity enter our lives. This isn’t my goal. Crying is healthy, talking through shit is great. What isn’t great, is getting stuck in that shit. As a result not getting forward in your life. Life isn’t fair and some days suck. You can make choices and act in a way that makes life less shitty. One way is by getting out of the traps listed above.

I am most trapped into traps 3 and 5. Which one is the most problematic for you?

Xoxo, Alisa

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Clearing up personal development

What is personal development? Get rich fast scheme. Work non stop till you drop so you can die becoming a millionaire. Well, I am sure someone could think of it that way… but no.

I am very fascinated with personal development. But I think there is a misconception that there is one way of doing personal development. And that just isn’t accurate. It is call personal for a reason. It is the development you instill in yourself. And it can look different for different people.

If someone would ask what I think personal development is, I would say it is someone working on their weaknesses and getting out of the comfort zone. There must be a part which is not comfortable to you. Because those things that are easy and nice to do, don’t make you grow. They are still important to have in your life, but they don’t make you grow (sorry)

How ever what you do in order to grow is up to you. It could be traveling; there is so much to learn about yourself and the world with traveling. It forces you to think about your finances and it makes you be more organized, since ofc. you don’t want to miss your train/bus/plane etc.

It can just as well be reading books on the topics that you don’t know. It can be fitness, it can be going to courses. Anything. But you have to do it well.

I started personal development about 5 ish years ago. And I can’t say I have come far. Not because I have some extremely hard story to tell. Simply because I haven’t before given my all to working on myself. You can always find something to work on. But it is very easy to come up with excuses. Just like with anything. And I sure did.

Personal development is very important. It requires self discipline and awareness. You must realize what you must change or work on in yourself and stick to it. That isn’t easy. But if you want to go from where you are to somewhere better. Something that you have dreamed about, you must work on yourself.

Why do I think it is extremely important? We as a society constantly look at everyone else. Judging and saying how everyone else is so dumb and “I would have done it better”…would you have? I mean maybe. If so then just go and do those things differently. Work hard to make sure you can make a change. If we work on ourselves to be the best us we can be. Then things we achieve when we come all together are magnificent.

Many broken people aren’t going to make a full society. So working on ourselves is way more important than pointing fingers at others.

What should you work on? Leave in the comments! πŸ™‚

Xoxo, Alisa

To follow me on my socials click here. FB ChangedLife, Instagram , Twitter and Pinterest

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How can we change the world?

People alive today have a tremendous responsibility to change the world. And I absolutely feel the same responsibility. As I should. BUT there are couple of messages on the media today that I don’t agree with.

One: If you don’t fight for all of the issues and causes in the world today you are an asshole; Honestly we can’t expect everyone to worry about every single issue in the world.

If you try to seriously fight against all the issues at the same time, you will fail. Not because you would suck as a person but because no person has the energy to fight against 1000+ things that are currently wrong in a world, and still have enough money and time for themselves and their family.

If you try to do 1000+ at once, we all know that none of those things will be done properly. So it is OK to choose only one or a couple of battles that you are willing to fight. No one is going to be useful if they are in an early grave due to lack of sleep/taking care of themselves.

β€œWhen the well’s dry, we know the worth of water.”

Benjamin Franklin

This quite is talking about how we notice the worth of something when there is a lack of it. BUT this works just as well when talking of people who have exhausted themselves. When you are no longer able to fight for anything, people will realize that you are missing.

β€œThose who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness.”

Edward Stanley

This quote aswell isn’t a direct representation of what I am trying to say. But there is a point to it being here. When you don’t have time for yourself you end up in pain and suffering and sickness and that is when you are of no use to anyone else.

Two: There is this idea that if you believe in something and it is currently your mission in life, you have to become a recruiter and try and get everyone on board. There is this idea that if you can force someone to agree with you then somehow you have won. But actually you haven’t. Because you spent time trying to make someone agree with something they don’t want to do. Rather than actually getting people with the same mission and passion to join your cause.

Look nothing good has ever come from forcing people to see your way. It has been a catalyst for fights, violence and just plain negativity. Show the worth of your cause by fighting for it, show it by talking about it and by informing about it to the people.

If someone reads a blog post about it, or sees you take action, they are much more likely to start following and researching things. If you however yell at them for saying no once and call them an asshole they will never again want to hear anything from you or your cause. Most likely they will be turned off from the message totally, so no one else will get through to them either.

Three: My cause is better than your cause…. it sounds so similar to my religion is better than your religion… Seriously we aren’t five anymore. Every cause is important. Different causes help different things. Saving elephants is important for our ecosystem. Making sure that people get an education is important for over all improvement of the world. Helping people to succeed and to find their purpose is important, even if they would be “privileged”. Because they in turn can help those who aren’t so privileged after they have found their voice and their mission in life. Plus lets be honest. It is easier to help a lot of people at once when you have a voice and money. Sometimes saving ourselves first is the only way to save someone else. It is hard to save someone from drowning if we drowned first.

Honestly fighting who’s cause is more important and who’s money should be put in which charity is idiotic. It is common sense that someone who has lost a family member to cancer will be more likely to care about cancer care than about alcoholism. Someone who has seen poverty a lot will be more likely to fight against that than planting trees and so on.

Let’s spend less time fighting and way more time having discussion. Because sometimes two causes can be unified. Poverty, bettering education and girls rights can have some common ground. Planting trees and taking care of elephants might have something in common. When we join forces we are stronger. When we get stuck on someone not being exactly the same as us, we end up shooting ourselves in the ankle.

Wise men do not quarrel with each other.

Danish Proverb

What’s your mission in life? Leave a comment below I would love to have a discussion about this with you guys! And let’s remember, the more of us fight for different things, the more things will be taken care of πŸ™‚

xoxo, Alisa

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The addicted generation

Since the invention of alcohol, drugs and unhealthy food, we have had addictions. This is nothing new. But I honestly am extremely worried of the current and future generations. (yeah that means myself too)

It is so easy to find something to get addicted to. And you honestly don’t need to use much money for it, if at all. Porn, social media, junk food, over the counter medicine. Some of these things aren’t bad in small doses. But we do quite often forget where the limit is.

If you click on Youtube, you will find huge amounts of content. You can get addicted to always clicking the next video. And if that already isn’t enough, a huge trend right now is to look at people eat huge amounts of foods and make 15 000- 20 000 calorie challenges. And as it is human nature we end up craving food and chances are we watch those videos while eating food or go get junk food after watching them.

Is this type of content inherently bad? No. I honestly don’t think there is anything bad at watching someone sharing stories while eating and eating yourself. If you know where the limit goes…. but like with most addictions, they start from going over the limit couple of times too much. And not noticing it becoming a habit and an issue.

Our brain are amazing and at the same time they are very sensitive to over stimulation. They like it and they get used to it. Not only do we chemically get addicted to the dopamine hit that we get from food, porn or constant new content from social media. Our brains also form neurological pathways that make it hard to stop the habit of doing something. For a smoker it might be about holding the cigarette between their fingers, for someone addicted to coffee its about the making of the coffee, or having a cup to hold.

So how do we stop this from happening. I honestly think that having a conversation at schools and at home is something that is really important. Make it a family thing to go on walks as often as possible. Have a family dinner that is always without any phones (the parents included, no work is so important you can’t eat with your family) Make sure that kids under 8 don’t even use their phones/ipads etc unless absolutely necessary. And so on.

I am one of the children almost born with a phone in my hands. I know how hard parents and schools have to fight against kids using it. But honestly we will thank them later on. I am extremely thankful today for the limitations my parents had on my games and phone/computer. Did I fight them and think they were stupid at the time? Absolutely! Did I actually have a good childhood where I could have my own imaginary friends without having to have virtual reality glasses? Yes, and honestly it is the best thing ever.

Today’s world is an amazing place. There is so much that is changing and becoming better. The thing is, that we make things better and invent things because we have an imagination and creativity. If the future generations won’t get to play themselves and won’t become creative because all of the brain stimulation is given to them in the form of AR and VR, we will eventually stagnate.

This is why I implore all of the parents new and future ones, to form limits. Make your kids read books, make them draw, let them have their imaginary friends and play in the sand and get all dirty. This is all part of childhood. I get it is hard to do all of this, because everyone has the news gadget and then your kid wonders why you can’t have it. But when they are older they will thank you.

Thank you for reading! I hope this resonated with you. What do you think about all of the new technology and how much kids get to spend time online?

Xoxo, Alisa

And go follow me on my socials and join the community (is this ironic or what): FB ChangedLife, Instagram , Twitter and Pinterest

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New way of Goal Setting

Ages ago I stumbled upon a fascinating youtube interview between Marie Forleo and Daniel LaPorte. In case you are interested in taking a peak; the video is here: Goal Setting.

Instead of the basic goal setting that we are accustomed to; lose weight, travel the world, gain x amount of money. What this interview dives into, are the feelings you get when you achieve something you want. So instead of lose weight you would say you want to feel sexy/beautiful/confident. Instead of having x amount of money you want to feel free/secure/abundance. And you goal, is to achieve that feeling, not the tangible amount of money or a six pack.

Why should it be the feeling you go after? Well x amount of money that you assume is going to make you happy, might not make you happy. Usually people assume that they need way more than what they actually need. Maybe you are able to be very comfortable with a 100 000 a year instead of the million you thought. 100 000 a year is still 8, 333 thousand per month. That is definitely something you can live comfortably with. And you having a million probably wont make you that much happier. It might even just cause you stress, where to put that money, what if your friends are there because you are rich etc. etc. etc.

What about feeling sexy instead of having a six pack? Well, maybe you wouldn’t feel sexy with a six pack. Maybe you prefer the flat belly, or a little bit of more curves. As long as you are healthy and you feel sexy, that is the most important goal. That is what you should concentrate on.

So now, there is a bit over a half a year left. Instead of living your life by achieving things. Achieve feelings. How do you want to feel when 2020 rolls around the corner. It is much easier to find motivation in feeling happy, content, excited and full of life, rather than x amount of money, a job that pays well or a body that doesn’t even feel like yours anymore.

Thanks for reading! What are your feeling goals for the next 6 + months?

P.S Happy belated Easter!

Xoxo

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23 life lessons

Today is my birthday. I am 23 years old now and I feel like I know nothing and that I haven’t improved at all (even though I have been on a personal development journey for couple of years already, on and off) So I thought for today’s post I will give 23 of the lessons I have learned and I would be more than happy if you guys let me know about your top lessons in the comment section below ( it would be like a birthday gift for me πŸ˜‰
πŸŽ‚ )

  1. No one is going to save you; I know this sound very dark and harsh, but isn’t meant like that. I just mean that you have to take responsibility for your life, because everyone will eventually get tired of holding you on and themselves up. Friends and family can help you if you stumble and they should be there for you when times get tough, but eventually you have to be able to hold yourself up.
  2. The most precious things in life are experiences. Things fade away and get lost in the box of “to go through later” but your memories and lessons stay with you (unless you get amnesia or you get so old you start forgetting experiences but then you will forget where you put all the stuff you have so it still doesn’t matter)
  3. Planning only takes your so far. I know everyone of us would want to do a great plan with beautiful handwriting and execute it just like that. But most of the time we make a plan and don’t execute it at all. Or something goes wrong and we start blaming ourselves for not seeing all of the variables. Instead of being happy that we had a good base from where to start.
  4. Music makes life worth living.
  5. Good books and stories make live worth living.
  6. When everything is going to shit, it usually mean that something great is about to happen.
  7. I will never become beach ready, because in Finland its way more important to have a fat layer to live through the 8+ months of freezing weather. Instead of the 2 seconds that the beach weather lasts for. ( Please note that I am joking. I have just not worked hard enough, still a part of my goals)
  8. Life isn’t fair, but you can be.
  9. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t the primadonna of your class as long as you have the bestest people supporting you. And I 100% have the closest most amazing friends.
  10. About 80% of the times when you want to cry, you can laugh. This is not in anyway to tell anyone that they shouldn’t cry. It is just that quite often when something happens we will see it as bad but it isn’t actually that bad. And instead of shaking it off, you can laugh it off.
  11. The best thing about coming home is taking your bra off.
  12. A dog will make your life extremely messy and fucked up, and I would never change that.
  13. Parents are 99% of the time right. And when they aren’t they will still not listen to you, so don’t bother. (With all love <3)
  14. You learn more from the school of life than from a lifetime of school.
  15. People change and you will as well, don’t hold it against them. Just hope they change for the better.
  16. You can choose to see the world as a bad place or a good place that can be even better.
  17. If you have a message or opinion, share it with people who agree or are willing to listen. A brick wall won’t budge no matter how hard you bang your head against it.
  18. Exercise feels amazing, especially after it is done.
  19. Reading makes a lot of a difference. If you can’t handle paper books, at least listen to audio books.
  20. Life never goes the way you thought it would. When I was like 5 I thought I would be a stewardess who dances ballet in the airplane… not quite what I am doing now.
  21. Laughing at yourself and your mistakes makes your life way easier. It will make people more open to you and you will be more open to change.
  22. Phones are not the most important thing in the world
  23. My last and most important lesson is that I know nothing and I am willing to learn as much as possible

What are your lessons in life? What is something you want to still learn?

Thanks for reading, until next time πŸ˜‰

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Who am I? (2019 edition)

About a year ago I wrote a blog post on how it was OK not to know who you are. That I change all the time and that it is fine as well. And I still agree to this to a degree. Not knowing who you are and if you will like the same thing you like now in about 3 months that is fine. But there are some core things that you should know. Or should at least know that you aspire to. 

My core things I aspire to be are:

  1. Fit and healthy; Really want to feel great and look sexy, I mean who wouldn’t, but remember everyone’s sexy is their own and feeling great is very personal as well.
  2. Smart; not only book smart but also have emotional smartness.
  3. A good person; note not perfect or great… just good. I need some room for mistakes and for being human we all do. 
  4. Goal orientated; I have always wanted to achieve a shit ton of things but never really put effort nor finished what I started so this year my goal is to get shit done not just talk about things. 

But the things that don’t matter is for example; how I achieve my fitness, is it cross country skiing? Nope. What do I enjoy doing as sports? I don’t really know yet, so I am going to work on trying a lot of things and figure it out from there. 

What do I concentrate on in becoming smart? Well, I am quite good at languages so that is a good start. I have been interested in History, it never hurts to know more. Add a bit of mathematics and sciences (what aspects precisely I don’t know) and I am pretty much ahead to all those who don’t want to be bothered with anything (I think I would like to write a bit of what I learn…. one blog post a month about a new topic I have learned about in a concise form, what do you guys think?) 

Cup of coffee and a book on a new topic <3

Being a better person? Well, take others more into consideration. Get less annoyed at people for not always being thoughtful. Being honest with people. For example, if I don’t want to go out or something along those lines. Making small gestures to make people happier.  

Having goals and achieving them is something I am sure pretty much everyone can work on. How many projects do you have just kind of being there but you not working on them? 100? Yeah me too. Just chose one and work on it for a month, daily. I know you can do it πŸ˜‰ 

New years is about becoming a better you. But I don’t think you have to become a new you. Just work on those things that are your weaknesses and make sure that you don’t let go those things that are your strengths. Good luck for the year to come! 

Comment your goals below or ask me anything! Thanks for reading and see you in my next post πŸ˜€ 

Xoxo Alisa

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How to change your life: Challenge 5/5

Last but not least:Β 

Planning is great. But I am willing to bet you plan too damn much! The to-do list doesn’t become done list unless you actually do something.

Now the great thing about to-do lists is that it makes you see what you should do but the bad thing? Well, it makes you feel like you have already achieved things.

This way you will start feeling like you don’t have to actually do things. Just plan everything out; feel good for being so productive and do nothing on that list. Sound familiar? It probably does, at least it does to me.

So what to do? Write out the list. Chose what you are going to do, and put the list away until you have done that task so you don’t even think about the other things. If you aren’t sure what is priority number 1 just start with whichever, this way at least you get some momentum to keep on going.

How to keep a to-do list manageable?Β  A good idea is 3 by 3. This means write 3 tasks that are pretty big like 1) Write an essay 2) Clean your room 3) Read the book. Now to those tasks write 3 smaller tasks, so they don’t seem so big. With the essay example it would look like this:Β  1) plan the essay and write the intro 2) write the body and 3) double check and send the essay. Β This means you will get 9 smaller tasks for the day that you have to complete. Sometimes you will be able to achieve more than just them sometimes less. And if some of the tasks feel like they are too big even after you have dived them into 3, don’t hesitate to make them even smaller. A step forward is still a step forward no matter how small it is.Β 

Thank you for reading, I would love to know what you thought of this post and this series; if you missed out on the other ones go check them out here;

How to change your life? Challenge 1/5

How to change your life? Challenge 2/5

How to change your life: Challenge 3/5

Thanks for reading, don’t forget to comment and follow me! I really want to improve my content and write things that help others as much possible so all criticism and compliments help me πŸ˜‰

xoxo

Alisa

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How to change your life: Challenge 4/5

Mistake number 4 is:Β Trying to do too much at once.

I’ve touched on this before but I am going to say this again because I still haven’t accepted this as the truth but I am working on it. You can achieve amazing amounts and you can change more that one thing at a time.

BUT not in the same capacity.

If you want to start running for a marathon and at the same time become the bulkiest bodybuilder in the world, let’s face it that won’t happen. Now if you want to run a marathon and also wake up in the morning at 6 am, this might be possible.Β ross-findon-303091-unsplash

There are just levels of effort that certain things require. Let’s say that Marathon is an effort lvl 100 and Being the best bodybuilder is also effort lvl 100 you will know that it will be impossible to do those things. So it makes sense to take on rather waking up at 6 am that might be only on lvl 50.

Also, marathon practice can help you achieve waking up at 6 because you will be tired from practice thus sleep better and then its easier to wake up earlier. Marathon practice is going to hinder your bodybuilding on the other hand because running so much would take away some of your bulk.

Do you see where I am going here? Just pair your goals smartly and don’t do too much at once because you will tire your brain out then the only thing you will want to do is just sleep… trust me I’ve been there

If you want to check my latest posts go here:

How to change your life? Challenge 1/5

How to change your life? Challenge 2/5

How to change your life: Challenge 3/5

Thank you for reading, and please comment below.

Xoxo

Alisa

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