Goals, Lessons in life, Personal development, Spirituality

New way of Goal Setting

Ages ago I stumbled upon a fascinating youtube interview between Marie Forleo and Daniel LaPorte. In case you are interested in taking a peak; the video is here: Goal Setting.

Instead of the basic goal setting that we are accustomed to; lose weight, travel the world, gain x amount of money. What this interview dives into, are the feelings you get when you achieve something you want. So instead of lose weight you would say you want to feel sexy/beautiful/confident. Instead of having x amount of money you want to feel free/secure/abundance. And you goal, is to achieve that feeling, not the tangible amount of money or a six pack.

Why should it be the feeling you go after? Well x amount of money that you assume is going to make you happy, might not make you happy. Usually people assume that they need way more than what they actually need. Maybe you are able to be very comfortable with a 100 000 a year instead of the million you thought. 100 000 a year is still 8, 333 thousand per month. That is definitely something you can live comfortably with. And you having a million probably wont make you that much happier. It might even just cause you stress, where to put that money, what if your friends are there because you are rich etc. etc. etc.

What about feeling sexy instead of having a six pack? Well, maybe you wouldn’t feel sexy with a six pack. Maybe you prefer the flat belly, or a little bit of more curves. As long as you are healthy and you feel sexy, that is the most important goal. That is what you should concentrate on.

So now, there is a bit over a half a year left. Instead of living your life by achieving things. Achieve feelings. How do you want to feel when 2020 rolls around the corner. It is much easier to find motivation in feeling happy, content, excited and full of life, rather than x amount of money, a job that pays well or a body that doesn’t even feel like yours anymore.

Thanks for reading! What are your feeling goals for the next 6 + months?

P.S Happy belated Easter!

Xoxo

Lessons in life

23 life lessons

Today is my birthday. I am 23 years old now and I feel like I know nothing and that I haven’t improved at all (even though I have been on a personal development journey for couple of years already, on and off) So I thought for today’s post I will give 23 of the lessons I have learned and I would be more than happy if you guys let me know about your top lessons in the comment section below ( it would be like a birthday gift for me 😉
🎂 )

  1. No one is going to save you; I know this sound very dark and harsh, but isn’t meant like that. I just mean that you have to take responsibility for your life, because everyone will eventually get tired of holding you on and themselves up. Friends and family can help you if you stumble and they should be there for you when times get tough, but eventually you have to be able to hold yourself up.
  2. The most precious things in life are experiences. Things fade away and get lost in the box of “to go through later” but your memories and lessons stay with you (unless you get amnesia or you get so old you start forgetting experiences but then you will forget where you put all the stuff you have so it still doesn’t matter)
  3. Planning only takes your so far. I know everyone of us would want to do a great plan with beautiful handwriting and execute it just like that. But most of the time we make a plan and don’t execute it at all. Or something goes wrong and we start blaming ourselves for not seeing all of the variables. Instead of being happy that we had a good base from where to start.
  4. Music makes life worth living.
  5. Good books and stories make live worth living.
  6. When everything is going to shit, it usually mean that something great is about to happen.
  7. I will never become beach ready, because in Finland its way more important to have a fat layer to live through the 8+ months of freezing weather. Instead of the 2 seconds that the beach weather lasts for. ( Please note that I am joking. I have just not worked hard enough, still a part of my goals)
  8. Life isn’t fair, but you can be.
  9. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t the primadonna of your class as long as you have the bestest people supporting you. And I 100% have the closest most amazing friends.
  10. About 80% of the times when you want to cry, you can laugh. This is not in anyway to tell anyone that they shouldn’t cry. It is just that quite often when something happens we will see it as bad but it isn’t actually that bad. And instead of shaking it off, you can laugh it off.
  11. The best thing about coming home is taking your bra off.
  12. A dog will make your life extremely messy and fucked up, and I would never change that.
  13. Parents are 99% of the time right. And when they aren’t they will still not listen to you, so don’t bother. (With all love <3)
  14. You learn more from the school of life than from a lifetime of school.
  15. People change and you will as well, don’t hold it against them. Just hope they change for the better.
  16. You can choose to see the world as a bad place or a good place that can be even better.
  17. If you have a message or opinion, share it with people who agree or are willing to listen. A brick wall won’t budge no matter how hard you bang your head against it.
  18. Exercise feels amazing, especially after it is done.
  19. Reading makes a lot of a difference. If you can’t handle paper books, at least listen to audio books.
  20. Life never goes the way you thought it would. When I was like 5 I thought I would be a stewardess who dances ballet in the airplane… not quite what I am doing now.
  21. Laughing at yourself and your mistakes makes your life way easier. It will make people more open to you and you will be more open to change.
  22. Phones are not the most important thing in the world
  23. My last and most important lesson is that I know nothing and I am willing to learn as much as possible

What are your lessons in life? What is something you want to still learn?

Thanks for reading, until next time 😉

Goals, Lessons in life

Who am I? (2019 edition)

About a year ago I wrote a blog post on how it was OK not to know who you are. That I change all the time and that it is fine as well. And I still agree to this to a degree. Not knowing who you are and if you will like the same thing you like now in about 3 months that is fine. But there are some core things that you should know. Or should at least know that you aspire to. 

My core things I aspire to be are:

  1. Fit and healthy; Really want to feel great and look sexy, I mean who wouldn’t, but remember everyone’s sexy is their own and feeling great is very personal as well.
  2. Smart; not only book smart but also have emotional smartness.
  3. A good person; note not perfect or great… just good. I need some room for mistakes and for being human we all do. 
  4. Goal orientated; I have always wanted to achieve a shit ton of things but never really put effort nor finished what I started so this year my goal is to get shit done not just talk about things. 

But the things that don’t matter is for example; how I achieve my fitness, is it cross country skiing? Nope. What do I enjoy doing as sports? I don’t really know yet, so I am going to work on trying a lot of things and figure it out from there. 

What do I concentrate on in becoming smart? Well, I am quite good at languages so that is a good start. I have been interested in History, it never hurts to know more. Add a bit of mathematics and sciences (what aspects precisely I don’t know) and I am pretty much ahead to all those who don’t want to be bothered with anything (I think I would like to write a bit of what I learn…. one blog post a month about a new topic I have learned about in a concise form, what do you guys think?) 

Cup of coffee and a book on a new topic <3

Being a better person? Well, take others more into consideration. Get less annoyed at people for not always being thoughtful. Being honest with people. For example, if I don’t want to go out or something along those lines. Making small gestures to make people happier.  

Having goals and achieving them is something I am sure pretty much everyone can work on. How many projects do you have just kind of being there but you not working on them? 100? Yeah me too. Just chose one and work on it for a month, daily. I know you can do it 😉 

New years is about becoming a better you. But I don’t think you have to become a new you. Just work on those things that are your weaknesses and make sure that you don’t let go those things that are your strengths. Good luck for the year to come! 

Comment your goals below or ask me anything! Thanks for reading and see you in my next post 😀 

Xoxo Alisa

Goals, Lessons in life, Personal development

How to change your life: Challenge 5/5

Last but not least: 

Planning is great. But I am willing to bet you plan too damn much! The to-do list doesn’t become done list unless you actually do something.

Now the great thing about to-do lists is that it makes you see what you should do but the bad thing? Well, it makes you feel like you have already achieved things.

This way you will start feeling like you don’t have to actually do things. Just plan everything out; feel good for being so productive and do nothing on that list. Sound familiar? It probably does, at least it does to me.

So what to do? Write out the list. Chose what you are going to do, and put the list away until you have done that task so you don’t even think about the other things. If you aren’t sure what is priority number 1 just start with whichever, this way at least you get some momentum to keep on going.

How to keep a to-do list manageable?  A good idea is 3 by 3. This means write 3 tasks that are pretty big like 1) Write an essay 2) Clean your room 3) Read the book. Now to those tasks write 3 smaller tasks, so they don’t seem so big. With the essay example it would look like this:  1) plan the essay and write the intro 2) write the body and 3) double check and send the essay.  This means you will get 9 smaller tasks for the day that you have to complete. Sometimes you will be able to achieve more than just them sometimes less. And if some of the tasks feel like they are too big even after you have dived them into 3, don’t hesitate to make them even smaller. A step forward is still a step forward no matter how small it is. 

Thank you for reading, I would love to know what you thought of this post and this series; if you missed out on the other ones go check them out here;

How to change your life? Challenge 1/5

How to change your life? Challenge 2/5

How to change your life: Challenge 3/5

Thanks for reading, don’t forget to comment and follow me! I really want to improve my content and write things that help others as much possible so all criticism and compliments help me 😉

xoxo

Alisa

Goals, Lessons in life

How to change your life: Challenge 4/5

Mistake number 4 is: Trying to do too much at once.

I’ve touched on this before but I am going to say this again because I still haven’t accepted this as the truth but I am working on it. You can achieve amazing amounts and you can change more that one thing at a time.

BUT not in the same capacity.

If you want to start running for a marathon and at the same time become the bulkiest bodybuilder in the world, let’s face it that won’t happen. Now if you want to run a marathon and also wake up in the morning at 6 am, this might be possible. ross-findon-303091-unsplash

There are just levels of effort that certain things require. Let’s say that Marathon is an effort lvl 100 and Being the best bodybuilder is also effort lvl 100 you will know that it will be impossible to do those things. So it makes sense to take on rather waking up at 6 am that might be only on lvl 50.

Also, marathon practice can help you achieve waking up at 6 because you will be tired from practice thus sleep better and then its easier to wake up earlier. Marathon practice is going to hinder your bodybuilding on the other hand because running so much would take away some of your bulk.

Do you see where I am going here? Just pair your goals smartly and don’t do too much at once because you will tire your brain out then the only thing you will want to do is just sleep… trust me I’ve been there

If you want to check my latest posts go here:

How to change your life? Challenge 1/5

How to change your life? Challenge 2/5

How to change your life: Challenge 3/5

Thank you for reading, and please comment below.

Xoxo

Alisa

Goals, Lessons in life, Personal development

How to change your life: Challenge 3/5

Do you suffer from that pesky little nagging 5-year old voice in your head that says; “But I don’t feel like it” Buy these pills to shut that little brat up….

Well not quite. But let’s try get some perspective shall we. Why is that voice even bad to have?

Let us go way way back. If our ancestors would have lived their lives with the “I don’t feel like it” mentality we would literally be instinct. Imagine how that would work with a wolf running after you and your family or with needing to harvest the crop but “I can totally do it tomorrow” And then tomorrow comes and you realize that the frost killed off the crop… Well, that went well…

And I know that this idea doesn’t work in today’s society because you can literally ask food to be sent to you by uber… but is that really the life you want to live. The issue that I noticed with this idea for myself was that my life was so so so boring. Go to class, check the phone for most of that class, get home be on the computer for most of that time, eat and go to sleep. If you have a due date then just work for 1h like crazy and send a meh text to the teacher… And then the same next day and next week and so on.

But what if you don’t do it that way? What if you actually do everything on time and when you do things you do them with energy?  I haven’t mastered this. BUT I did start doing more things this fall. I seriously worked on forcing myself to participate in things and got to meet new people and gained some serious opportunities. It didn’t really take that much. I mean sure we had to work for example with the volunteer project we had making the event and all but what I gained out of it was so much more valuable than the work I put in.

If you want to check more about this idea of just killing of the phrase “I don’t feel like it” you should check Mel Robbins. She also has a great TED talk on how to stop screwing yourself over:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc

The thing is also that even if you just decide to not do something, you will have it on your mind all the time. Even if just a little. You can’t relax properly. And sometimes you can get away with it. Like if you are sick or if you really have so much to do but if you don’t have that 30 min bath for yourself then you’ll literally hang yourself (Please never let yourself get that far into a burnout)  then you can actually justify having a pause. But if the pause 24/7 just because you don’t feel like doing something, it won’t do you any good.

Let’s see if this way of thinking about it helps;  If you would give yourself a stress grade of 50 on writing that essay right? That would be if you’d just do it right now. This is without waiting at all.

  • Let’s give each day that you don’t do it, but it’s on your mind a stress grade of 5.
  • After ten days that ends up already being 50.
  • Then if you write that essay under time pressure because you have to give it in tomorrow as you waited way too long. That means you have a stress level of 90 because you have to write it NOW. So 50 + 90= 140. That is 90 stress levels more than necessary.
  • Add into that the stress of after because you know you didn’t do a good job so each day you wait if you failed the essay you have a stress level of 20. Waiting for a week would give you 140 extra stress points.
  • All together 280…. instead of the 50 that you would have otherwise had. That is a LOT of stress, that you just don’t need.

So write into your calendar a block of time when you will do it. I will talk about calendar blocking more in the future. But in short, the idea is this. You choose a block of time. Say, from 10 to 12 you do a task. Let’s keep the essay as an example. One block could be research then the next day the block could be making an essay plan and then the day after that actually writing the essay. If you cut the process of writing an essay into manageable pieces you might even lower the stress grade of 50 to way less because you realize the task isn’t as daunting and horrible as you thought.

One last thing, (I swear I will stop bothering you with this soon) if you keep just postponing it and then do it all under pressure and stress, you will be able to tell yourself “See I knew it this would be horrible, I never want to do it again. I will always leave it for the last second so I don’t have to think about it”. That idea is stupid of course because you just made it horrible for yourself because you left it for the last minute. But that doesn’t register and then you are in a vicious cycle.

So just go and do it!  Whatever it is you have right now.

Leave a comment to let me know if I made any sense and like if you like. Don’t forget to follow and see you in my next post 🙂

xoxo, Alisa

Goals, Lessons in life, Personal development

5 Ways to combat laziness

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired

-Jules Renard

1st some science: Science shows that there are people who are more likely to be lazy and those who are less likely and it is a lot to do with our genes. So there is such a thing as “couch potato gene”. Essentially what it does makes us have fewer dopamine receptors, that means that we aren’t going to be awarded as easily for the activities we do by our brains. (And while this is usually related with sports, it is just as accurate with other daily tasks) And really we don’t have many idiots who do things without awards. So when does this become a problem?

Video by AsapSCIENCE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd7wAithl7Ii

When is laziness a problem? 

It becomes a problem when instead of living your life you just exist. At least for me, that is an issue. I have realized that I am bored with life. I just go through the motions. I go to school see my friends once in a while and other than that I just watch YouTube. Don’t get me wrong. Having a pause and go through social media is great, sometimes. It can’t be your life. And really, you watching dog videos or insta pics is something that makes our brains even lazier. Why should you do anything when you get a dopamine hit right from the comfort of your bed. And this is how the vicious cycle starts. So what to do?

What are my 5 tips?

  1. Force yourself to do more things. Put yourself into projects and situations from which you can’t back out of easily. I am doing to projects now where there is quite a bit on my shoulders and me backing out of them would just seem pathetic. Of course, if it would be a life or death thing, it’d be different. I wouldn’t go there if I’d be in a car crash. BUT I am not comfortable just letting them hear an excuse, you know?
  2. This is related to the last tip but: Add things to your calendar so you just don’t have time to lazy around for 5 hours. Look it’s easier to be lazy when you have only like 4 lessons a week and you seem to have so much free time. But what if you work, have a couple of extra projects and then also some of your own goals? This is not to say that you should work yourself to death. But when you don’t have too much extra time you are forced to organize your time. There is no; “I’ll do this later” because you literally don’t have any time later. Or you don’t want to risk it in case of something coming up. And I mean I am sure all of us also want to see our friends right?
  3. Do not sleep in. I know half of you hate me right now because you love to sleep and the other half because you have heard this so many times. But at least for me if I sleep more than 7 -8 hours I feel very sluggish. And sometimes it’s fine. But if you want to stop being lazy becoming sluggish and having a heavy head is not doing you any favors. Most people are at their best when they sleep 6 to 8 hours (depends on your age) and this is something I have found to be true.
  4. If you, however, sleep in, start your day slow, that doesn’t mean all your hope is gone and you have an excuse to be lazy all day. (Sorry old me and anyone who uses this as an excuse) Look just this weekend both days I slept in. I gave myself permission, to be honest, because I have been a bit sick and don’t want to make it worse and after sleeping in I got this sluggish feeling like I often do. Saturday I only started working after 4pm. I went for a walk before that and took a cool shower to wake me up. Then I just got paper and wrote the things that are on the top of my head (those things usually are the ones that bother you the most thus very likely to be a high priority) I didn’t do all on that list but I can honestly say I was productive for at least 4 hours. And that is way more than nothing  I could have done because I didn’t wake up at 5 like I would have liked to)
  5. If you don’t do the little things don’t expect yourself to have the energy to do the big things. If you are too lazy to brush your teeth, wash your face, make your bed, get dressed properly; why the f*** would you have the energy to finish a project or go for a run? All the small things count. You give yourself momentum when you finish the small tasks. And if you start your day by choosing that those things aren’t important why would anything else be? Just be a smelly blob for a day and wonder why you can’t make yourself do anything… I’ve been there and done that and you know what. It isn’t a very positive space to be in. This is why so many highly efficient people are obsessed with routines. If they can finish up a good routine be it in the morning, gym or evening. It builds momentum for the day or the next day.

Bonus tip:  Do not burn yourself up. I don’t want you to faint one day and say it was because I told you to keep yourself so busy you can’t ever be lazy, because that is not my goal at all. Quite frankly once I have perfected my calendar I want to cross out Sunday totally and make it just a funday. It doesn’t matter if it’s for friends or for me to just be in bed and watch a movie. The main point is just for it to be free for whatever I want it to be. Also, this isn’t the only day you have a right to be lazy or to have fun. If your steps for your goals have been met on a Monday by say 4pm you have a right to go out with friends or whatever you want. Don’t have to form an army routine. BUT at first, an army routine might be helpful so that the “couch potato gene” doesn’t get you.

Thanks for reading and good luck with battling laziness!

More posts by me: 

5 things I’ve learned while trying to change my life

Stars sentenced to death

-Alisa

Goals, Lessons in life, Personal development

Does money/success make us happy?

Does it suck that I have to say yes and no?

If we only concentrate on becoming rich so we can blow the money on drinks and yachts and never do anything smart with the money, you won’t be happy. You can ask anyone who gets rich without real purpose. Money for the sake of money isn’t fulfilling. And that is ok.

So in what ways does money make you happy?

  1. You have stability you will not have without money. It is important to know you can go home to sleep for the night. That if you are sick you can go to the doctors. That in case your car breaks down, you can afford to repair it.
  2. It gives you a chance to sometimes get some luxury when you need to have a vacation from stressful work you can see a bit of the world. You can share some fun times with your friends.
  3. If someone needs help you can do that. Money just for you, in the end, serves its purpose and then it no longer helps. It’s like how many pairs of shoes do you need to make you happy? After that, how about you share that joy and give someone else some of that joy. The pair you gift them might be the only pair they will own for next 6 months. They need it more than you anyway. You did a good job and you will feel better about it. (And it doesn’t have to be to someone you don’t know, could be taking a friend out for dinner cos  you know they can’t afford that luxury right now or something of the like)

The post has been inspired by this video. You should definitely check it out 🙂 And their channel, in general, is very beneficial for inspiring young people getting a healthier relationship with money: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0XR9yLTZJk

What do you think about money and how it affects your life? Do you have a healthy relationship with money? I must admit  I don’t really,  but I am working on it.

Remember to like and comment! Have a nice beginning of the new week tomorrow 🙂

Health, Lessons in life

Concentrating on me…blog comes second

So I have been writing blogs on and off since I was like…. 17? And I like writing but I do not hold myself to a great standard and that kind of sucks… I mean for me to be a good blogger who advocated for personal development I should actually lead by example and to be honest I don’t.

I feel like a fake doctor writing the blog and talking about how to live your life but still not even doing so myself… And I think it is time for me to take a long long pause. And just concentrate on the things I can change in me and my life, one step at a time. Without this feeling of pressure of already needing to be there…

I will most likely once in a while write. But this blog is going to be a hobby mostly. Maybe I will pick it up soon again maybe it will take years time… maybe it will never be my thing again. But for now. Do not expect consistency I need to concentrate on my actual life goals right now and that is to improve my health, mental physical and spiritual if you will 🙂

Thanks for understanding

xoxo

Alisa

Lessons in life, Personal development

What is wrong with Social media?

I love love love love social media. I love looking at amazing pictures on Instagram or Weheartit or watching videos on Youtube. Learning about new things, talents and people through social media is great. Being able to connect with your friends whether they live next door or if they are 5000km away. But there so many issues and I think the sooner we accept that these are issues and we aren’t supposed to just “take it” the better.

  1. We aren’t supposed to post everything about everything. This is so so fake and sometimes mean. If you are about to help a homeless person. You do NOT need to take a video of it. That is just asking for thanks from other people. If you see a fight do not stop to take a video but call 911 or 112 depending on where you live. If you are about to go to the bathroom to take a dump, stop taking selfies every time in the bathroom. There is nothing with the concept of selfies but if it means that your friends have to wait on the outside for 10 minutes (or more) for you take the perfect on… that’s just sad.
  2. We do not have to accept that our attention span is soon shorter than a what a goldfish has.  I have a teacher in school who is a social marketing guru. And he is great don’t get me wrong. But I noticed that he kind of seemed to confuse marketing and day to day life. I took his course on Social media marketing and he taught us with videos. All of the videos were 3-10 minutes long maximum 15. And every time the video would be almost 15 min long he would keep apologizing for it being so long. Look in marketing the shorter the video with your point still getting spread the better BUT when we are learning something short ass videos is just frustrating. I had to all the time click for the next vid and to click it to start and all of that isn’t hard to do. It just made the subject really fragmented. What I mean is that we don’t have to just accept that our attention span is getting shorter. Just because digitalization is a real thing and to accept it doesn’t mean that we have to accept everything that comes with it. We need to still be able to concentrate for more than 30 seconds or 3 minutes at a time. It is impossible to write a 30-second book or to have a movie play out in 30 seconds (and for us to actually get the value out of them.)
  3. Beauty standards. We do not and never have to accept it. Here is why. If we look at a photo of a scientifically beautiful person. They are in every way symmetrical. Their eyes are on the same line (exactly) there nose is right down the middle of the face and so on. The issue is that of an actual human this “perfect” human looks alien like. They do not look good. So what I am trying to say is that there is no such thing as perfection because even scientific perfection doesn’t really look that good. What we do have to concentrate is on health. Actual overall health. Shape and size don’t automatically mean anything. Just like whether or not you have a “perfect” nose or something of the like. (Also what is a perfect nose?)
  4. Life standards. We aren’t all going to live in a villa near a beach with pool boys surrounding us. I mean we can do that. If we work hard and we achieve our goals (but I don’t even know if that should be everyone’s goal… to each their own) But let’s stop comparing our lives to the perfectly constructed story we are told on social media. It isn’t healthy.

Social media is interesting and fun. But we have to draw a line somewhere. How many hours do we scroll the feeds? How shitty do we feel when we see that person have everything we don’t? What about the way it affects our brains in a negative way? All these things aren’t something we have to accept!

Thanks for reading! Comment below what you think 🙂 What bothers you the most in Social Media?

Xoxo

-Alisa

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