Lessons in life

You choose to have a shit day!

(Disclaimer… this doesn’t apply to you if you are suffering from a mental illness but even if you are I am 100% sure you can get some take away from this post)

Or to have a great freaking day! Either way it is your choice. And yes, even if you house burned down, even if you are suffering from a loss of a loved one and any other reason you might have for having a bad day/week/life.

Everyday we have up to 80 000 thoughts….most of which are autopilot thoughts like “I need to go to bathroom, it is raining again, why is that kid screaming” etc. For the brain it is better to have autopilot thoughts most of the time because imagine if you would actually pay attention to every single fleeing thought… yeah you would drive yourself nuts.

But you still kind of do. And you can choose not to. Now don’t get me wrong this is not to say you can’t have negative thoughts ever. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel sadness, anger or frustration ever. That wouldn’t be healthy and it’d mean you are suppressing your emotions. That isn’t good either. What I mean is this:

If there is traffic, instead of going on and on about how much it sucks, just accept it. “There is traffic today, the good side is I get to listen to my music/audio book etc for longer. I’ll just let my boss know.”

I know this will feel harder if the situation that has got you angry/sad is bigger, like losing a loved one. And while you should 100% mourn and feel sadness, (if you don’t either that loved one was a horrible person or you are)…. but what you can do is remember the happy memories you shared, think of the fact that they would want you to have new happy memories even if it is without them and so on. (Note, I am not saying it is easy… however, it does get easier)

When ever you have a negative thought you can turn it around, it doesn’t have to me anything big, nor does it have to be unrealistic. If your parent died you don’t have to the next day be like “I am the happiest person alive”… you shouldn’t be.

Evolutionary we have been built in a way that makes us see everything from a lens of “Is this a threat”. Thanks to that we have survived very well until now. Most things in our lives aren’t a threat. No tigers, bears and venomous snakes haunting us at every turn. So we can relax and try to turn our brains towards the light.

Here are some tips to improve your way of thinking:

  1. Journal 3 things that are well in your life, it can be list form, just words or actual paragraphs.
  2. Visualize your day going well. Don’t think of what could go wrong, but more on the lines of if everything went perfect; how does that look?
  3. Catch your thoughts, even if you have already thought “Damn the traffic” you can turn it around “The traffic sucks but I can listen to the audio book now!”
  4. Seek people who don’t always talk negatively. This is SO HARD. I mean there has been so many times that I have talked with friends like let’s stop the negative whining. “If you can change it, change it, if not change your attitude”. When its a habit it is hard sometimes. It is possible tho, and if those friends who you have aren’t really worth the effort and they don’t want to change, you might have to find new friends.
  5. Find help… if you are stuck and you see no light at the end of the tunnel…if you are depressed, please talk to a professional. Personal development helps, but you might need that push/that helping hand to help you out of the gorge.

The fact is, everyday there is something to look at and this wow this sucks… and also wow this is amazing. It is your choice which option you spend your energy on.

I hope this helps and good luck for the spring. I know the situation in the world doesn’t really make anything easier πŸ˜€

Best regards,

Alisa

Why finding your purpose kinda doesn’t matter?

It is 2020 and you have all this energy to learn what you want to do for the rest of your life? WHY? Well everyone talks about purpose and their life missions and blah blah.

I bet that most of the people who have figured out their life purpose have changed it a bunch of times, or figured it out only after 40 or maybe even only realized what their purpose was when they were retired and had time to reflect on their past. I also bet that the people who have known what they want to be at the age of 5 are rare as fuck. (Let’s be honest we can’t all be doctors, pirates, princesses or astronauts…. real life sucks, to be honest)

So why finding your purpose isn’t that important?

  1. When you spend your time trying to find something certain you usually ignore everything else. You get tunnel vision. Like if you search of a fallen earing you probably don’t see all the dirt on the floor, not cos it doesn’t exist. But because you just concentrate on the earing. If you can’t see anything else except what you assume is your purpose (whether it is because people said you are good at it or because your parents want you to be a doctor) you probably won’t see the other options.
  2. If you only want to figure out the end goal you don’t enjoy the process of getting there. I did my internship as an office assistant… is it my dream job? No… is it my purpose for life? Probably not… but I’ve had some of the greatest experiences in that job. And I learned a lot about myself and my interests during that time! So go out there and experience things!
  3. Life purpose for many is something that they understand only at the end of their lives (and usually there were more than just one). And honestly, I assume that most of us don’t want life to end at the age of 20 or 25 or even 70. So why worry about something that you can learn and understand only at the end of the journey? Enjoy the process… don’t stress so much.

You aren’t off the hook tho!

Now don’t get me wrong. You should still have goals and passions and pursue them. Just don’t over analyze them. Having a goal to have an experience rich year is just as good as having a goal to become a doctor or to learn to skate. Whatever you learn this year about yourself and what you like, will take you closer to figuring out what you want to do… for now. And in 5 years you could learn it has changed. That is life.

Live your life.

I hope you guys have a great 2020!

What is the science of success?

Success seems to be this elusive, unidentified object that is always a little bit out of reach. You keep on running and all the time they change the place of the goal. Just when you think your are on the finish line some asshole just erases it and draws a new one.

New exam, new competition, new goal, new limit to what counts as financially successful! This is so frustrating, here you are ripping your hair out, because nothing you do seems to be enough. And the simple answer is…. it isn’t and it NEVER will be. Because, if you ask others what your success should be, they will always answer how they think their success should be, or what they have been told, their success should be. So number one goal, for YOUR success, is to figure out what it is for you.

Quote by Bo Bennett

Why I 100% believe that success is very subjective I do think there are certain things that all successful people, who also feel like they are successful, emulate.I have watched a lot of interviews of successful people and most of them have this recipe for success;

  1. Over come obstacles and push yourself to be better
  2. Be passionate about something to the point it is almost an obsession
  3. Help others
  4. Have fun with it
  5. Constantly grow and know thy self.

The Entrepreneur has a similar list to this. It goes like this:

  1. Create often
  2. Understand self
  3. Have fun
  4. Suspend judgments
  5. Seek challenges
  6. Pursue meaning
  7. Make change work for you
  8. Develop resilience
  9. Constantly improve

Why are these things that make people generally happy and successful? I would see this as the affects of the Hierarchy of Needs that Maslow has coined in a paper he wrote in 1943.

The hierarchy goes in a shape of a pyramid, having the most basic needs for survival on the bottom, as a foundation and getting more into the details of human fulfillment as we go up to the point of the pyramid.

The construction is as follows(from bottom to the top):

  1. Physiological needs: food, water, warmth, rest etc
  2. Safety needs: Security and safety
  3. Belonging and love: intimate relationships, friends
  4. Esteem needs: Prestige and feeling of accomplishment
  5. Self actualization: achieving ones’s full potential, including creative activities

What is my point with this? We often try to skip ahead on this pyramid. Obviously biologically we must take into account our need for food and safety, but what about love? Friends? Quite often when we speak of people who are monetarily successful, we hear of their break ups, hard marriages and so on. Often we are ready to compromise our relationships for money, and that in the end is what makes us ultimately fail. I also believe that we forget how much we love effort. Not too much effort. But just enough that we can feel proud in our achievements. This is why often someone who what the lottery and has nothing to do except burn money will find themselves depressed. They aren’t actualizing themselves.

Other peoples idea of success:

I asked on my LinkedIn couple of days ago, what is success to others. A lot of people said that helping others brings them the most joy. Of course doing things that are fun and well also having monetary success came through. This all in my opinion ties in quite nicely with this idea of hierarchy of needs. We want to help others, because it gives us the feeling of belonging and love, it helps give others security. We need the money in order to take care of Physiological needs, but it also often shows directly how much effort we have put into our work. A lot of answers to my positive surprise did realize that this money as a measure of success in the end isn’t that valuable.

My idea of success

I see success as over coming hardships and figuring things out. Living a life full of experiences and being surrounded by people that I love and care about. It is definitely full of laughter and sparks of inspiration. (This is why I write the blog) But there is still a lot of answers regarding success that I am missing. I am not quite sure yet what else I want to do apart writing my blog, if we think as a job. I mean blogging could be my job, I am not sure if that is all I want to do. I do want to help people and I want to have a job that no day is alike and that I keep growing and evolving. I know however that I get closer to fining out my version of success, and in the mean while I enjoy the ride. After all my success right now, isn’t the same as in 20 years. And that is OK to. Dreams, plans and you change with time, why wouldn’t your ideal version off success change too?

Want to read more posts relating to success? Read the post about #CHANGE, 5 Simple habits for guaranteed success , and this one on the mindset of success!

Kim Kardashian won’t make you successful

Kim Kardashians success doesn’t equal yours. Here is why I felt I needed to point this out:

I just checked the Google trends and I picked 5 search terms that I compared to each other. Entrepreneurship, studying, self-help books, personal development and Kim Kardashian. Which one was most searched by far? Our beloved Kim K. I actually have nothing against Kim K and her gang. To be honest they are resourceful as fuck and considering where it all started at they smart AF. They might not seems so, but they have so much money and they have been able to follow and build trends like no else. I can’t help but feel a bit jelly. So if you search them to learn how to build an empire go ahead! However there is a reason why I am worried.

I will insert the picture of the stats here:

So what makes this worrisome? The fact that I am willing to bet quite a bit of money that most of these people search for Kim K. for one of these reasons; body goals, make up, fashion, comparison, juicy scandals.

Now if this is just once a year to see how their business is doing or what they do to keep their bodies like they are (apart for operations, let’s be honest here….) then fine. However a lot of people look up to them and not all of these people see the big picture. And I feel like we could spend our time way better.

Kim K is just one example. We could change the name to any other celebrity. So instead of spending time on studying, self-help or figuring out how to be entrepreneurial or building a career, we check out what the person who is tooootally on their own journey is doing? Here is a post of mine that explains why attention seeking is so toxic; check it out!: Attention the second most lethal drug in the world

β€œWe must take time to define our own path. Too quickly we can find the world defining it for us.”

Anonymous

I know everyone says that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. I believe we can learn a lot from others. For example it motivates me to compare myself to someone who’s past is way darker and harder, seeing them succeed makes me see how stupidly many excuses I have. My example is: Lisa Nichols . It makes me realize that chances are I will have it easier to succeed. This doesn’t come from an ego place. This comes from the realization that I have better circumstances that those who I look up to. Poverty isn’t an issue for me. We are an average family. Not rich per say, but definitely privileged. But even with me looking up to these people I want to build my own journey. Meaning I will research everything for myself. Sure I can read their bio or watch an interview. But I am not blinded and so concentrate on their story that I forget to live my own story.

Kim K is a beautiful woman and so is her gang. But we will never be her. Like I said before: Kim Kardashians success doesn’t equal yours . We will never look like her. Nor will our success be the same as hers. And we don’t have to be the same. We don’t need to see her day to day life. She can still be a role model (Thought I would argue there are better ones out there).

Kim Kardashians success doesn't equal yours. Work on your own success. What ever it is. Even if it would be beauty line and fashion. You can do it your own!
Search for your own success! Not Kim. K; We have so much other potential!

I would love for young people to research all of the possibilities they have now. It doesn’t matter what the dream is. Own beauty line? Go ahead! Becoming a doctor? Yes! Being an influencer? Go ahead! But don’t think that all of this is going to be easy. Nothing in life is actually easy. We think if we would be millionaires all would be simple? All the screaming fans and haters and crazy people after us? Getting all we want at the snap of our fingers but always having to wonder if we actually deserve what we get or do we get it due to our name? It isn’t a coincidence that a lot of big, rich, famous stars lose it. Get on drugs or/and kill themselves.

Even the same path walked by two different people will sound totally different in their recollections. Even if they walk it a the same time.

– Me

Search for your own journey! Money is great, being famous enough to make sure you can help people in a bigger way etc is a great goal. There is nothing wrong with that. However, don’t romanticize anything. Being rich and famous because you acted dumb, isn’t a great place to be. Here is a bit more about the topic of successful people: Stars sentenced to death. Building a career and an empire on being a good person, now that is a GOAL.

My point writing this is that I want youngsters (I am 23 myself so I count myself into it) to concentrate on their own journeys. On writing their own stories. Reading about a scandal and laughing/crying at how the world is fucked up right now it fine. Once in a while. But being obsessed with peoples lives won’t help us live our own.

So to anyone who is searching for some life advice here is mine ;

Live YOUR life to the fullest and make it so great that when you are on your death bed, you won’t be afraid to die, because you know you actually lived!

– Me

Kim Kardashians success doesn’t equal yours!

As always don’t forget to comment and like! It helps me with the content creations (like motivates me to write cos I know there are readers πŸ˜‰ ) Also don’t forget my socials: FB ChangedLife, Instagram , Twitter and Pinteres

-Alisa

Attention is the second most lethal drug in the world

I am honestly being a bit too much of a drama queen with the title (so yes it was kind of click bait…sorry) But please read this before going. This can really be beneficial for you and potentially your friends (so please share πŸ˜‰ )

Let us start with some facts. According to WHO (world health organization) each year there is 11.5 people out of 100000 that commit suicide. Meaning about every 40 seconds. There is 86400 seconds a day. Divide that by 40 makes it 2160 deaths A DAY…by their own hand. So why is this so alarming… apart for the obvious…

While death is something very natural and a healthy part of life… imagine if we all just lived forever… that would be hell on earth. But the alarming fact is that suicide has become way more prevalent in our culture. Between the years 2000 and 2016 there has been a 30% raise in suicide related deaths. 50% raise in the suicide deaths of women. In USA it is the 10th leading cause of death. This data is according to APA (American Psychological Association)

As mentioned in WHO’s page it is good to keep in mind that all of these numbers are an evaluation of the situation and due to the complexity of suicide and the lack of evidence to make sure that correlation = causation, we must be careful of taking this all as 100% truth (just like with everything else) and this applies to any recourse I use.

So what is my point of pointing out the amount of suicides and what the hell does it have to do with attention? Do I think people just are depressed for sake of attention? Do I think that this all could be preventable by giving said attention? NO….. Depression and other mental illnesses are horrible and I cannot imagine living with one. And I happen to be EXTREMELY lucky to not have thoughts of committing suicide. I recognize that and I am not trying to lessen the pain of having such an illness… BUT

The reason I do talk about it being due to the new drug called attention. With social media all of our lives are plastered all over the internet. All of our mistakes, stupid drunk choices etc. It is all over there. And other people, comment, ridicule and sometimes are right vicious. Imagine all of our starts who have committed suicide by overdosing (or accidental overdosing) they in the end did that because they were trying to escape. And this is what I am talking about.

Today we need to make the most outrageous trick to get views on YouTube; like the tide-pod challenge… like what? Or kissing random girls, or showing boobs or what ever it is. The more shock value the better. I mean honestly, imagine if someone would have been able to grow their boobs to a 38KKK (that is the biggest size there is currently in Texas… I sure as hell hope the code is accidental) Anyway imagine someone trying to run away from a tiger with them…. Hmm…? And ofc this has nothing to do with attention and shock value… right? But I digress. (Woman’s Boobs are killing her)

Photo by Michael Prewett on Unsplash

So does this have any correlation/causation with suicide and if so how?. Well in my views and this is with minimal research. Between 2000 and 2016 there was an uproar with social media. And I find it hard to believe that 30% raise during those years is purely a coincidence.

We are addicted to likes and views. (Yes me to… hello I’m a blogger) The more we fuck up the better our view count gets. We could get sponsored by being dicks and extremely attention seeking. We get a generation that is payed for being idiots. And let us not get on the high horse here. All generations had their dicks. And all generations will have their dicks. However they were never this visible. They were never rewarded with attention from millions of people and by million bucks.

Like these people or not. This causes pressure on this generation like no other. We have millions of opportunities to make money. Some smart, some not so much. Either way our current generation is under inspection like never before.

I argue that fighting for the 5 seconds of fame. And after achieving it, fighting to be seen as anything else, is what is so detrimental for the people. Which leads to people killing themselves when they either get attention for the wrong reason e.g. because they kissed someone they shouldn’t have or because they can’t get forwards because they will always be seen as someone who “fucked up” e.g. Logan Paul. I honestly hope that he won’t feel the need to end it all due to all the negative media he get’s right now/has gotten in the past. ( I am not a fan of his, but honestly the things people say (including the death threats) is disturbing. Since when was it ok to do that?

Yes there will always be suicide. And yes we will always see attention seeking. It is one of the greatest ways to attract a mate. Raise your hands if someone remembers being hit on by someone who made a fool of themselves while doing so? However. Today it seems everything is twisted. We have a smart youth. No matter what we think of their antics. They are smart, but the outlet we have isn’t under control. There is no rehab for attention seeking. And many of us don’t even see that we might need it.

I could easily say that I don’t care about attention. But obviously I do. I write this blog. And currently this a pretty small blog. What will happen when and if it grows? I don’t know. Hopefully I won’t make it about jumping off roofs for the amusement of my fan-base. And I hope that what I talk about (Personal development + social issues) will help people grow and move forward instead of trying to become internet sensations.

Please comment and let’s start a discussion! As someone who is part of the generation, that almost kills themselves for views and potentially kills themselves because of said views, I find this topic important. To anyone who is depressed and/or sees as death being the only solution, please seek help. From family or a professional. I know this is cliche but there is always another way.

With love, Alisa

P.S. Being an influence, YouTuber, Instagram model etc. are perfectly fine jobs to have. (Yes I personally see them as jobs, if we would know how much time and effort goes into the content (often not always) we wouldn’t question it) However don’t forget that they aren’t the only cool jobs to have nor are they always as cool as what we think.

How to have great conversations?

You might be thinking; you are a personal development blogger. How does this relate.?Everyone can talk. First things first; no, not everyone knows how to talk effectively. And secondly, if you want to learn more, become successful or connect with people you MUST know how to effectively communicate with others. Also in this society where shock value of a conversation is way more important than actually getting forward with topics that might have multiple view; I feel it is essential to learn how to communicate effectively and to learn from one another!

Let’s define terms

What does a conversation mean. A dictionary definition is: ” a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.” How would I define a great conversations? A great conversation, is where both participants get a voice, both state their opinions/experiences and are able to; despite potentially disagreeing with other, be civil. In a great conversation, even if it ends with people “agreeing to disagreeing”, both participants feel listened and respected. This conversation, despite it being emotional, political or tied to ones identity, remains civil and no slurs, raising of the voice or argument( heated one) is anywhere to be seen.

Very short a sweet things to consider when having a conversation;

  1. How emotionally stable am I right now, to have this conversation?
  2. Do I actually have the facts, to base my opinions on?
  3. Am I capable of being an adult in this situation, since I am so emotionally invested in the topic?
  4. If I know someone wants to criticize me, can I without referring to childish ways of “You started it”, have it or should I ask them to come back to the topic later?
  5. This is the right time, place and am I in the right mindset right now, to start this conversation.

Very great change starts from very small conversations held among people who care

Margaret J. Wheatley

Here are the 5 short tips in a longer form:

1. Don’t yell/cry/ have a tantrum

You want to seems intelligent and level headed. This doesn’t mean you can’t show feelings, just make sure that those feelings don’t come out as a protection mechanism. It often does goes like this to me, and trust me when I say that it has never helped me to get my point across… other way around. I am extremely emotional. And often I start crying if I am angry/frustrated. This just makes me seem younger and not as mature in the conversation, meaning that even the points that are valid, that I would make are disregarded… because I am crying.

2. Do not make statements that sound like you know what you are talking about, but are actually bs.

For example; “billions of women are mistreated everyday. I read about it just yesterday”. A) If you read about something yesterday, you probably remember the source. B) Unless the number is actually billion(s) you shouldn’t use that word for shock value. Stay to the facts, or make sure to make clear that that point is your understanding of the situation, not 100% fact.

3. Don’t get personal with someone just because you feel strongly about the subject.

If someone is being sexist, you should say things like “Well you were probably abused as a kid, and this is why you are being so fucked up right now.” There is no reason to assume that, and just because someone’s opinion hurts you, doesn’t mean you should hurt them back. Most of the time it is more healthy to rather not have a conversation with someone than to become verbally abusive in the situation. Even if the person is actually wrong in that case.

A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue, that’s why there are so few conversations; due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet.”

Truman Capote

4. If someone is giving you criticism, responding back with criticism.

It is selfish, childish and it won’t take the conversation forward. There are two ways to react to criticism. 1) Note that this sound actually truthful and you should probably take this into consideration. If this thing you are criticized for hurts others, apologize. 2) Realize this doesn’t apply to you and try to explain why you disagree. If you can’t come up with an understanding, let the conversation die out and live your life

5.When starting a conversation doing it in an attacking kind of way.

We all know with extremes that it is probably not the greatest time to break up with someone if their parent just died. You shouldn’t point out someone’s problems when they are down. Having a conversation, especially where you are planning on criticizing someone, is important that you do it, when they are in a receptive mode. (This doesn’t mean you should break up with someone on their b-day or something like that either….)

If some topics interest you, say racism, feminism, religion etc etc. You should research before trying to have a debate/conversation with someone. If this conversation is totally spontaneous, explain your points clearly, or if you notice that you can’t verbalize yourself in a way you want to. Tell that to the other person. There is no shame, in saying that you don’t feel comfortable talking about something due to lack of knowledge or because you are uncomfortable.

So shortly;

Don’t be too emotional, don’t get on a high horse, don’t be a bitch, don’t get defensive and don’t attack. It is very simple… very very simple. And people seem to just decide to muck it all up, because of feelings and because of EGO….. Also I am noooooot on a high horse right now. I have made pretty much every single one of these mistakes in some type of fashion.

Here are some great resources in order to be more educated, be a better communicator and also just how to keep a conversation up, so that it doesn’t become awkward. I will also link some posts on similar topics written by me πŸ™‚

Ted Talk – Celeste Headlee: How to have a good conversation

Practical Psychology on YouTube. They have a great vault of new ideas, information and tips and trick, not only for communicating more “fluently” but also to just learn more things and having more interesting topics to discuss.

How to not be that polarizing in conversations

Charisma on Command : I must admit, I have binge watched these videos more than on one occasion. He has a great way to analyze a persons actions (positive and negative) and show through very clear example of how to command respect, how to be funny and how to despite not always being correct, being able to have a proper and respectful conversation. If you want to become a public speaker, a good writer or a likable person in general, you should totally check this channel out !

Now to the posts I have written that I think you will benefit from: Not everyone listens; do you? , Learning and age, 10 simple things I do for a positivity boost

As always thank you for reading. Please don’t hesitate to comment and let’s start conversations.

Define your success to guarantee it is YOUR success

I have posted a post a week no since last Sunday and today’s post will be the last one of the week. I will go back to posting couple of times a week again. This was a nice challenge that I made for myself and you should definitely try it to see how it will force you to create content…no matter what. But let us get to the topic of today. What does success to you mean? And how does defining it guarantee success.

So success to everyone looks different. For me personally success is about being fulfilled. I am fulfilled when I have variety in my life. I am fulfilled when I get to help people. Currently it is through this blog, but later on it will be through my Life Coaching.

This is not how your life will have to look. I mean fulfillment looks different for everyone. For you it could be becoming a mother. Or becoming a fitness coach or doing research. What ever it is, it is a great choice. (As long it isn’t becoming a murderer… that is not a good life path….sorry) So think what is it that brings you fulfillment.

What if I don’t know what I want to do in that much details?

This is very normal. I didn’t before either and the great thing about making life plans is that they can change. But I realized what I wanted to do was from seeing some of the things I liked/loved: I loved giving advice to people, I loved writing, I loved having an impact, I am creative, I enjoy psychology. Those things together for me = Life Coach. (Or at the moment a Personal Development blogger)

So that everyone is clear; your fulfillment doesn’t have to come from your job. It could be helping out your community, it could be helping kids learn to code during your free time. It can 100% be a hobby or “just” a side hustle.

Why is it important to define this?

Sometimes other peoples passion for things makes you think you want the same thing. Like oh they are a travel influencer? I want that too, I want to visit all those places. This doesn’t equal that you want to do that as a job. A travel influencer has to do a shit ton of photography, videos and editing + blogs. On top of that probably sponsorship’s they have to take care of so they can actually make those trips, and so so so much more. Are you ready for that? Maybe. If you are, then that is your path. However if not, then you should ask what you actually want to do. Not what someone makes look great.

Elizabeth Gilbert, the writer of Eat Pray Love and Big Magic, asks a great question. What is your favorite flavor of Shit sandwich. The idea is, that everything you do is going to have something that you will hate, and you just have to figure out if it is worth it. Let’s stick with the travel influencer topic. The shit sandwich could be getting sick because of the different bacteria somewhere, or flying a lot, or having to organize a lot of trips all the time, or not being at home much etc. IF those flavors of shit sandwiches sound like a decent trade off, you are probably prepared to become a travel influencer. (Send me pics please, I love seeing those scenes and to get insporation of just visiting there and resting and NOT having to work πŸ˜‰ )

So what is that thing that would bring you fulfillment= make you successful? Leave it in the comments below! And don’t forget to connect with me and the community on the socials <3

xoxo, Alisa

Avoiding these 5 life traps will save you

Have you wondered if you are in a matrix and everything is just an illusion. That you never really even know your potential because you are trapped into a box and you don’t have a way out right now?

Well without all conspiracy theories I can honestly say you probably are in a trap. A trap you have made for yourself and I am just as much a victim of a self inflicted trap as you are. The best way to get out of these traps is to recognize them.

5 Traps to avoid

  1. Needing to be always right. I get it. It is so fun to be right and seem smart. I like that feeling too. However most of the time being right doesn’t really do anything. Being wrong and accepting that doesn’t make you weak. It makes your aware of things and forces you to learn new facts and skills. Saying that you were wrong is one of the hardest things in life. I know… but, the thing is that if you don’t claim to be right in the first place you don’t have to take it back…simple
  2. Cursing that life isn’t fair. It isn’t and that sometimes sucks BUT the thing is that talking about how life isn’t fair and all of the rich people have everything and blah blah blah, it doesn’t do anything. Won’t turn life fair all of a sudden. It’s not like life hears your whining and is like “Shit, I have been a right bitch, must change” Instead of using your time to talk about how like isn’t fair, work hard with the rules that life has. Life is a bitch? Be a bitch back. Work hard and make sure you get ahead. It will require effort, but so does bitching about things. You might as well choose the one that brings you more value.
  3. Living by other peoples rules. I am knee deep in this trap. Honestly it is one of the hardest things in life. Especially when it comes to friends and family. If someone in your family has a certain way of seeing things, then you all of a sudden feel like shit if you go against those “rules”. I have big goals. But I often feel the need to make them smaller because they scare other people. Not even myself, but others. It is so easy to start thinking the same way as others. “That is too risky/too hard/” and all of a sudden you start wondering… “well maybe it is too risky/too hard/” You have just as much of a chance to fail and the things that are “safe”. Being miserable and safe is still a failure. Above all you end up hurting yourself by listening to others too much.
  4. Wanting things to be easy. This is a trap like no other. It is what makes people want to play lotto, or “buy into make money easy and fast by just clicking thing thing and paying 0.99 cents”. Life isn’t supposed to be easy. People get into a flow state when something isn’t too easy, we need a bit or a challenge to motivate us. Of course this also means that we can’t do things that are way too hard, because we need at least small successes to keep us interested. However if life would be easy, people who for instance got rich fast and now “have everything”, would be the happiest. And they aren’t. Work hard, achieve your goals, be of service to others. Easy isn’t the answer.
  5. Having pity party all the damn time. We get it. Life sucks. Teachers suck. Politicians suck…Everything suckity sucks sucks sucks. The problem is that whining about it doesn’t do anything. Talking about how someone is an idiot won’t change them into a fantastic person. You have two choices. Talk to them and say what bothers you. You delete them out of your life. Doing things that aren’t fun will always be in our lives. Either its taxes, or you have to have a war with papers or something else. Talking about how much it sucks and poor you, won’t take the tasks away. It will however prolong your suffering. So cut the pity party and just do the shit and move on.

In conclusion

This post might sound to many that we shouldn’t ever allow negativity enter our lives. This isn’t my goal. Crying is healthy, talking through shit is great. What isn’t great, is getting stuck in that shit. As a result not getting forward in your life. Life isn’t fair and some days suck. You can make choices and act in a way that makes life less shitty. One way is by getting out of the traps listed above.

I am most trapped into traps 3 and 5. Which one is the most problematic for you?

Xoxo, Alisa

Clearing up personal development

What is personal development? Get rich fast scheme. Work non stop till you drop so you can die becoming a millionaire. Well, I am sure someone could think of it that way… but no.

I am very fascinated with personal development. But I think there is a misconception that there is one way of doing personal development. And that just isn’t accurate. It is call personal for a reason. It is the development you instill in yourself. And it can look different for different people.

If someone would ask what I think personal development is, I would say it is someone working on their weaknesses and getting out of the comfort zone. There must be a part which is not comfortable to you. Because those things that are easy and nice to do, don’t make you grow. They are still important to have in your life, but they don’t make you grow (sorry)

How ever what you do in order to grow is up to you. It could be traveling; there is so much to learn about yourself and the world with traveling. It forces you to think about your finances and it makes you be more organized, since ofc. you don’t want to miss your train/bus/plane etc.

It can just as well be reading books on the topics that you don’t know. It can be fitness, it can be going to courses. Anything. But you have to do it well.

I started personal development about 5 ish years ago. And I can’t say I have come far. Not because I have some extremely hard story to tell. Simply because I haven’t before given my all to working on myself. You can always find something to work on. But it is very easy to come up with excuses. Just like with anything. And I sure did.

Personal development is very important. It requires self discipline and awareness. You must realize what you must change or work on in yourself and stick to it. That isn’t easy. But if you want to go from where you are to somewhere better. Something that you have dreamed about, you must work on yourself.

Why do I think it is extremely important? We as a society constantly look at everyone else. Judging and saying how everyone else is so dumb and “I would have done it better”…would you have? I mean maybe. If so then just go and do those things differently. Work hard to make sure you can make a change. If we work on ourselves to be the best us we can be. Then things we achieve when we come all together are magnificent.

Many broken people aren’t going to make a full society. So working on ourselves is way more important than pointing fingers at others.

What should you work on? Leave in the comments! πŸ™‚

Xoxo, Alisa

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How can we change the world?

People alive today have a tremendous responsibility to change the world. And I absolutely feel the same responsibility. As I should. BUT there are couple of messages on the media today that I don’t agree with.

One: If you don’t fight for all of the issues and causes in the world today you are an asshole; Honestly we can’t expect everyone to worry about every single issue in the world.

If you try to seriously fight against all the issues at the same time, you will fail. Not because you would suck as a person but because no person has the energy to fight against 1000+ things that are currently wrong in a world, and still have enough money and time for themselves and their family.

If you try to do 1000+ at once, we all know that none of those things will be done properly. So it is OK to choose only one or a couple of battles that you are willing to fight. No one is going to be useful if they are in an early grave due to lack of sleep/taking care of themselves.

β€œWhen the well’s dry, we know the worth of water.”

Benjamin Franklin

This quite is talking about how we notice the worth of something when there is a lack of it. BUT this works just as well when talking of people who have exhausted themselves. When you are no longer able to fight for anything, people will realize that you are missing.

β€œThose who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness.”

Edward Stanley

This quote aswell isn’t a direct representation of what I am trying to say. But there is a point to it being here. When you don’t have time for yourself you end up in pain and suffering and sickness and that is when you are of no use to anyone else.

Two: There is this idea that if you believe in something and it is currently your mission in life, you have to become a recruiter and try and get everyone on board. There is this idea that if you can force someone to agree with you then somehow you have won. But actually you haven’t. Because you spent time trying to make someone agree with something they don’t want to do. Rather than actually getting people with the same mission and passion to join your cause.

Look nothing good has ever come from forcing people to see your way. It has been a catalyst for fights, violence and just plain negativity. Show the worth of your cause by fighting for it, show it by talking about it and by informing about it to the people.

If someone reads a blog post about it, or sees you take action, they are much more likely to start following and researching things. If you however yell at them for saying no once and call them an asshole they will never again want to hear anything from you or your cause. Most likely they will be turned off from the message totally, so no one else will get through to them either.

Three: My cause is better than your cause…. it sounds so similar to my religion is better than your religion… Seriously we aren’t five anymore. Every cause is important. Different causes help different things. Saving elephants is important for our ecosystem. Making sure that people get an education is important for over all improvement of the world. Helping people to succeed and to find their purpose is important, even if they would be “privileged”. Because they in turn can help those who aren’t so privileged after they have found their voice and their mission in life. Plus lets be honest. It is easier to help a lot of people at once when you have a voice and money. Sometimes saving ourselves first is the only way to save someone else. It is hard to save someone from drowning if we drowned first.

Honestly fighting who’s cause is more important and who’s money should be put in which charity is idiotic. It is common sense that someone who has lost a family member to cancer will be more likely to care about cancer care than about alcoholism. Someone who has seen poverty a lot will be more likely to fight against that than planting trees and so on.

Let’s spend less time fighting and way more time having discussion. Because sometimes two causes can be unified. Poverty, bettering education and girls rights can have some common ground. Planting trees and taking care of elephants might have something in common. When we join forces we are stronger. When we get stuck on someone not being exactly the same as us, we end up shooting ourselves in the ankle.

Wise men do not quarrel with each other.

Danish Proverb

What’s your mission in life? Leave a comment below I would love to have a discussion about this with you guys! And let’s remember, the more of us fight for different things, the more things will be taken care of πŸ™‚

xoxo, Alisa

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