Personal development

Not everyone listens, do you?

We are more separated from each other than ever. Everything or close to everything is about being correct. Everyone has that vice in them. To be honest I think it should be 8th of the deadly sins. The feeling, the need to always have something to say. And to have an opinion about things that you have only heard from a friend of a friend of a friend. (x 10 of a friend).
 

I am so so guilty of this. Ask my boyfriend, he will tell you. I pretend to be right about some political subject or business subject and I don’t even follow political or business news. I am such a fraud!  And chances are that so are you. And that is ok if you are willing to work on it. Because a society, the world cannot function if we all act like 5-year-olds and pretend that we don’t know that we can’t get through a wall no matter how hard we bang our head against it. “But I want to get through the wall, it is a stupid wall if I can’t through it, mom you are so stupid why didn’t you say it would hurt if I’d bang my head against the wall 20 times.” Sadly we are no longer 5. The world’s issues aren’t as small as whether or not we get to go to a birthday party. (Remember how the biggest offense you could do to someone was to say they weren’t invited to your birthday? Anyway…) 

Now more than ever we must open our mouths not to yell out how correct we are about everything, but to say “Hmmm that is interesting, please explain your point of view.” Look, chances are you won’t agree. There are some cultural, religious and political opinions that I just won’t agree because my brain even without factual information doesn’t feel like it makes any sense. But listening. Trying actually trying to understand what the other person says doesn’t cost you anything. That is the key to communication and accepting that sometimes people don’t agree with each other. That doesn’t mean that you have to hate them, cut all ties to them and be ready to punch them in the face the moment they walk towards you. (It might be impossible to be friends with them, but you can still be polite!)

There is enough hate, violence and just plain darkness in our world, and by not listening, by needing to always be right (and to cut ties to a person who disagrees with you) we are inherently building a society that will collapse. If a bridge that is made of many pieces, will all of a sudden crumble because it has too many cracks in them the same thing happens to our social structure. 

Don’t burn bridges when you don’t even know how to build them in the first place


No structure human-made or made of humans will hold if everything is going to be separated. I myself believe that internet, social media and the “old” media all are contributing to this. The Internet is such a huge huge source of information, but you can pick and choose what you want to read on. Online texts and videos don’t go through the same kind of process that books do and still there are also books that are total bullshit. 

On social media, it is so easy to say our point of view, without our faces ever shown, without anyone ever knowing who we are. It gives us the feeling of safety to say whatever we want, without needing to feel accountable for those words. No need to research what I say, (from the different point of views) cos no one will actually know it was me.  The fact that the more clickbaity the headline is the more reads you get is sadly very true. Even for me, I am way more attracted to a  shocking headline that is meant to provoke than an article that describes actual information about new cancer studies. 

We live in a world where what we say has to have shock value more than it has to have information value. But we have to make sure that we are smarter than that. We have great communication skills if we practice them beyond sending a WhatsApp msg “whazzup” or telling some to go fuck themselves.

Some information makes my blood boil. And makes me mad and sad. But reacting to it in a harsh way is not going to help anything or anyone. You can use words as a weapon, but only if you are saying something that is researched and true (please realize that with many subjects your truth will be different from someone else’s truth) , so that is someone is going to read both of your comments/stories, then they can pick the smarter sounding one (for them) to believe and support. 

The other part to this thing about being calm and researched rather than exploding like a bomb is that no matter how much you yell. How much you scream and how hysterical you become it probably won’t change their minds. It won’t make them all of a sudden wake-up and be ” oh now that you screamed at me and told me that my mom is a wh*** I am going think the way you think”

It is possible to look from afar and not agree with something and still do your thing without judging. Judging is something that religions also frown upon yet many people still feel the need to judge someone in the name of God. (“I am not judging you but what you are doing is wrong and you will burn in hell, and I hope you know that “<– that is still judging, just btw.)

We think that is we don’t judge them then it shows our morals. But really it doesn’t. Morals are shown by us acting in a certain way when those choices come to us and our lives. Somethings like murder, things that affect other people like trying to make groups of people submit or situations that are radical to that extent, I can understand trying to work against that in a more radical way. But if someone doesn’t believe in your God or doesn’t think that certain people should have rights or that people shouldn’t have the power to choose about their own lives and bodies, the best way to fight them off, to change things, isn’t to fight with those who have chosen not to listen, but to talk openly with those who want to listen and change things and come to compromises. 

We all need to be more open on becoming those people who are open to talking, coming to a compromise and to work together to make the world a better and safer place to live. There is always going to be judgment, hate, anger, and resentment. There are always going to be people who instead of just disagreeing with you and saying it in a polite way, will try to make you the villain. Don’t let them have the power to do so.

I should totally not get this cup πŸ˜€

If anything, pity those, who can’t open their minds and hearts for possibilities beyond their noses. And remember no matter who it is. People are just that, people. Whether we are the creation of God, something spiritual that we will never figure out or just purely what Darwin has written about, we are flawed. We are so flawed all of us and there is no such thing as perfection. 

This is a bit different from what I usually write, but I really needed to put this out there. I hope all of us will work to at least improving the harshness of our opinions and views, some that we can open the lines of communication and all live in a world that is more peaceful and less of a time bomb ready to explode. 

What do you guys think? I am sure all of you have a lot of opinions, leave them down below. Just remember openness to discuss will get us further than building a wall of “I am correct I don’t need to listen to what they have to say, and I should curse them just to feel more secure about myself” 

Xoxo Alisa

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