Living our lives without any type of plan is almost impossible. We have to plan our studies, or how to get food on the table, how to get a job etc. But what if you have no idea what it is you want to achieve in your life? I use journaling to help me with this issue. Here are some topics you can write about and hopefully achieve some clarity from them.
If money, time and obligations wouldn’t be a thing what would you do? Is there a way to incorporate this into your life around your other obligations?
If you would die in a year, what would you regret the most not doing?
What books hit your heart and how could you incorporate what you learnt in them into your life?
What did you love doing as a child, and could you still do it now?
What things do you hate about your life, and what can you do to get rid of them or lessen their affect on it.
What 10 things should you do more on a weekly basis.
Open ended; just start writing without any goal or objective, write your feelings you thoughts our worries your happy ideas everything that you hand gets onto the paper. See if there is any answers that you didn’t even know that you were searching for.
This is a small but sure way to get some clarity. You can spend your Sunday for example thinking and writing while listening to calm music.
As always thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed the text. Don’t hesitate to comment and see you again in a week 😉 Ciao!
I have been searching for work for a while now, and I have realized this one expectation that many recruiters have, they want someone who is effective at multitasking. I have lived in a belief that multitasking is a myth and wrote on LinkedIn, that I feel like multitasking isn’t a good expectation to have. Many people agreed with me, yet many didn’t and this is why I decided to dive deeper into the whole multitasking world. What is multitasking? Is multitasking a threat or an opportunity?
What is multitasking?
Multitasking when speaking about humans, is when we do many things at the same time. This could be cooking, trying to take care of your kids and answering an email or what ever your life forces you to do.
Despite being well meaning, multiple studies have noted that multitasking can hinder ones productivity and isn’t actually as effective as expected. Some studies like 2009 Standford Univeristy study by Clifford Nass shows that multitaskers were actually less organized. It was harder for them to see the crucial details compared to non crucial ones. Another study (Bryan College) found that peoples productivity suffered from trying to multitask costing up to $450 million per year.
The issue with the concept of multitasking, is that people believe that they are actually doing more than one task at the same time, which isn’t possible. The brain needs to switch from task to task which requires quite a lot of effort. Mostly this is an issue if you are working on something hard. Since as we know certain things we can do at the same time, talk and walk, breath and move our hands etc.
The benefit or negative impact that multitasking has on productivity is subjective and depended on the task at hand
The issue comes when we try to force our brain to do many difficult things at once. “Multitasking can hurt efficiency for couple reasons: It takes time to switch between gears, and the process of switching ‘working sets’ of information can lead to errors and mistakes. Being efficient at multitasking really means trying to make those costs as small as possible”. Bob Schafer, VP of research at Lumosity states.
Bryan Collage study also has noticed millennials changing platform to platform up to 27 times per hour. There has been proof of even IQ lessening by 15 points during cognitive tasks and even emotional intelligence and brain density suffering. This for me is at least not surprising. I recognize the need to check one thing then think of another and so on.
Now some argued in my comment section on LinkedIn that there is no such things as concentrating on one thing 100% and that certain jobs like working at a café or bar could require you to multitask. And this is true, however, I would also argue that is the more different task one person has to keep track of at once the more mistakes there will be. For example: a barista has to make a cocktail for 10 people they would have way more risks in making a mistake than if they only have to serve 3 people. Also making 10 cocktails that are all the same will be way easier than to to make 10 different ones. On top of all this if you know the cocktails well its easier to do it as if automatically, rather than something you have never done before. Same thing in a café while making lattes. Or being a baker and waiting for the batter to rise while you decorate the cake. There is a reason why we have alarms and reminders set. So we actually remember to do things we are “doing” at the same time.
The neuroscience has proven over and over again that we thrive of doing one thing at a time. Only 2.5% of people can multitask effectively. Not only is multitasking mentally exhausting it could be potentially life threatening (e.g. texting and driving). While multitasking we lose out attentiveness, we hinder our learning and we lose our mindfulness.
Remember this the next time you’re tackling two tough tasks simultaneously.
This is a matter of perception. What do we count as multitasking? For example is taking notes and listening to a lecture a task or two? We can apparently form tasks better if we thing we are multitasking, because we make more effort to not make mistakes. Those who see taking notes and listening as one easy task, don’t do as well on it.
While this idea doesn’t take away the countless research done before on the negative effects of multitasking (the actual one where we try to do too many difficult tasks at once) it does show that the idea of multitasking can be motivating. And I actually have seen this in myself too. I love the idea of being efficient and for someone reason we live in a society that has romanticized multitasking.
So? Multitasking- a threat or an opportunity?
Unless a task is automatic, like breathing and driving a car or walking and talking, it most likely will cost us in our productivity if we try to force it to work with other tasks. This is why at least for me, if I drive somewhere unknown and I need to see where to make a left turn, I will stop talking (but not breathing). If someone asks me to write an essay and give a speech at the same time, I won’t be able to do it.
I will however be able to make meeting notes while listening to the meeting. I will be able to write myself a reminder to do some other task after I’ve completed the one at hand. I’ll be able to answer a question while doing something …kinda, technically I will have to stop the task at hand and answer the question and get back to it. (See, multitasking seems to be a myth)
I would argue that word multitasking is just wrong for what we try to explain with it. We need to come up with another word to explain that we can do many things intertwined with each other, and the more they are similar to one another the better.
Recruiters, I hope that by multitasking you mean the capacity to write a post-it note for a task that you need to do right after you written an email to someone. Because in that case, I also am great at multitasking! It better not be the idea that someone can write two emails and have a phone call at the same time. Cos then, sorry but our paths don’t cross, and honestly that’s sad cos I do love working hard and I would be a great addition to your team.
You do you boo
If you think you can multitask and you honestly feel you need to in order to be happy, successful, etc. Be my guest, and if you actually are a great multitasker, I am just a little bit envious of you. But if everyone who reads this says they are… then I’ll call bs, cos 2.5% of the population isn’t much…
As always thanks for reading! Hope you liked this post. It was slightly different than what I usually write. Don’t hesitate to comment!
Here is a link to a post about things you should stop right now….multitasking should be on the list 😉
I personally am a morning person. I love waking up early and great the sunrise (well, during the summer I do, in the winter sun wakes up way too late for my schedule). First a disclaimer; you don’t have to wake up at 4 or 5 or what ever time the gurus say. But a morning routine, is going to get you into gear, even if you wake up at 12. Let’s get with the 5 steps!
The early morning has gold in its mouth
Step one – Give yourself time
How many of us have woken up just in time to leave in 30 min. We made the coffee, spilled it on our white shirt. Kicked the table and almost squished the dog. Why don’t you wake up so you have 1 hour at least to get ready. You can actually drink your coffee or tea calmly? Let’s start the day in a relaxed mindset. There is time to through of the balance later too
Step two – Prep in the evening
I am sure you have hear this. Get your clothes ready, prep your breakfast etc. This take away the stress of having to prep everything in the morning and gives less time for you to make mistakes and forget important things. I have a check list that I need to have completed every evening. Work keys, phone, car keys, food ready to go. Check, check, check. I’d rather check 5 times than to run back and forth. Which I have done. (This is quite a new part in my routine)
Step three – Exercise
I don’t have too much time in the morning to think about fitness. I start work at 7. So I wake up at 5 as is ( sometimes earlier) BUT what I do have time for is stretching. And couple of jumps and getting the blood going in my body. So I get the day started. Proper fitness is an evening thing for me. I also get a friend with me to make it more appealing for me to go 😉
Step four – Attitude
I am just like anyone else. When the phone starts playing its alarm I want to smash it and throw it to Timbuktu. BUT I don’t. And I do a lot to get into the better mindset. Stretch. Breath deep in and out. Think of the good part of the following day. You get to listen to good music, you get to see your fabulous work team, you get to listen to the book on your commute. Or maybe give some scritches to you your pupper? All good reasons to get up. You will always find some shit in your life. Try not to search for it on purpose. It will find you on its own.
Step 5 – Time it
This sounds dumb. But honestly see how much time it takes for you to do all of the things you need/want to do. An example of a timetable would we; Hygiene 10 min. Makeup 10 min. Breakfast 15-20 min. Meditation 10 min. Getting dressed 5 min. Organize room and check everything is with you 10 min. All in total is 65 min. This is the time about that you need for your morning routine. For someone it could be 1.5 hours, for someone 45 minutes. Take what you need, and disregard the rest. Make it yours. A miracle morning is only a miracle if it works for you. Make sure it does!
All in all, it isn’t hard to plan it. Now you need to stick to it. What is your morning like? Do you wake up early or late?
Success seems to be this elusive, unidentified object that is always a little bit out of reach. You keep on running and all the time they change the place of the goal. Just when you think your are on the finish line some asshole just erases it and draws a new one.
New exam, new competition, new goal, new limit to what counts as financially successful! This is so frustrating, here you are ripping your hair out, because nothing you do seems to be enough. And the simple answer is…. it isn’t and it NEVER will be. Because, if you ask others what your success should be, they will always answer how they think their success should be, or what they have been told, their success should be. So number one goal, for YOUR success, is to figure out what it is for you.
Why I 100% believe that success is very subjective I do think there are certain things that all successful people, who also feel like they are successful, emulate.I have watched a lot of interviews of successful people and most of them have this recipe for success;
Over come obstacles and push yourself to be better
Be passionate about something to the point it is almost an obsession
Why are these things that make people generally happy and successful? I would see this as the affects of the Hierarchy of Needs that Maslow has coined in a paper he wrote in 1943.
The hierarchy goes in a shape of a pyramid, having the most basic needs for survival on the bottom, as a foundation and getting more into the details of human fulfillment as we go up to the point of the pyramid.
The construction is as follows(from bottom to the top):
Belonging and love: intimate relationships, friends
Esteem needs: Prestige and feeling of accomplishment
Self actualization: achieving ones’s full potential, including creative activities
What is my point with this? We often try to skip ahead on this pyramid. Obviously biologically we must take into account our need for food and safety, but what about love? Friends? Quite often when we speak of people who are monetarily successful, we hear of their break ups, hard marriages and so on. Often we are ready to compromise our relationships for money, and that in the end is what makes us ultimately fail. I also believe that we forget how much we love effort. Not too much effort. But just enough that we can feel proud in our achievements. This is why often someone who what the lottery and has nothing to do except burn money will find themselves depressed. They aren’t actualizing themselves.
Other peoples idea of success:
I asked on my LinkedIn couple of days ago, what is success to others. A lot of people said that helping others brings them the most joy. Of course doing things that are fun and well also having monetary success came through. This all in my opinion ties in quite nicely with this idea of hierarchy of needs. We want to help others, because it gives us the feeling of belonging and love, it helps give others security. We need the money in order to take care of Physiological needs, but it also often shows directly how much effort we have put into our work. A lot of answers to my positive surprise did realize that this money as a measure of success in the end isn’t that valuable.
My idea of success
I see success as over coming hardships and figuring things out. Living a life full of experiences and being surrounded by people that I love and care about. It is definitely full of laughter and sparks of inspiration. (This is why I write the blog) But there is still a lot of answers regarding success that I am missing. I am not quite sure yet what else I want to do apart writing my blog, if we think as a job. I mean blogging could be my job, I am not sure if that is all I want to do. I do want to help people and I want to have a job that no day is alike and that I keep growing and evolving. I know however that I get closer to fining out my version of success, and in the mean while I enjoy the ride. After all my success right now, isn’t the same as in 20 years. And that is OK to. Dreams, plans and you change with time, why wouldn’t your ideal version off success change too?
We live in a society that has it all! Information at our fingertips on your phones, libraries with books from the floor to the ceiling. We have internet to contact our mentors, either through books or perhaps if you are daring enough by sending them a message on LinkedIn.
Waiting for a tragedy to wake up
For some reason we decide to change the most the next week, or the next year. And quite often when something bad happens like losing a parents or getting into an accident. The shock of the tragedy just wakes us up, and we get moving. But do we actually need to wait for the New Year? Or that car crash? Of course not. The best thing for us, is to commit to making our lives the best we can today. Just because we actually deserve to be happy.
I’ve written on this subject before. But I wanted to get more into depth on this. Instead of just telling you to try something new and to write down your goals, let’s get really really deep on this! Brain and psychology deep? Sound interesting? Let’s go!
The science and Moran Cerf
Moran Cerf is a bank robber/hacker (it was an actually paid job, not criminal behavior I promise) turned neuroscientist. He has done major research on how the brain works and how to change behavior. He is also well into the research of dreams and so much more. I have seen his amazing interview on Tom Bilyeu’s show as well as his speech on training the brain. Both of those were extremely informative. If you want more data, see his own speech and if you need more info on how to make changes yourself, watch the interview with Tom.
Here are some facts. The easiest most active way we can change our habits, are by activating your brain during the sleep, long sleep to be more specific. What this looks like, that right at the right moment, you will either use smells, words or the like, to make the brain file away information in a certain way. For example, if you want to stop smoking; someone would sprits nicotine into your brain, and right after that something that smells horrid. Your brain will make a connection right away, that smoking is bad, after a while of doing this, the result stays. You can affect your brain in other ways too, nutrition, medications, exercise and so much more.
There are other studies that show that you are more likely to remember things with high emotions attached to them. Anger, sadness happiness etc. this brings me to a theory, that I haven’t checked and I am not sure if anyone else has, but we will see if it works for us! So as I want myself to learn more and study more on various different subjects, I will use studying as an example, but you can chose what ever you want to change in your life. I am using positive things to change my attitude to studying but if you want to stop doing something you can use a negative enforcer. Ok? Let’s go!
Right before you start studying for something (or doing sports etc) watch something that will lift your spirits, a good comedian, a strip of Tom and Jerry cartoon if you a re a kid at heart like me, anything along those lines. Right after that start studying. Try to think of funny ways of remembering the things your are studying. (e.g Never Eat Soggy Waffles = North, East, South, West) Once you are about to go to sleep, try to read through these fun notes you have made yourself (or listen to them if you made them in an audio version) Once you have done all of this try tho get yourself into a very happy mood. I suggest not really watching or reading anything new, but just elevate your emotions. Then go to sleep.
Now I have again now studies on how this will work. But based on the studies done on how memories are formed and how mood affects those memories, I think it is safe to assume your are more likely to remember those things. Like I said I want to get a positive connotation to studying in my brain that why I use humor and joy to remember those things, if you want to stop eating certain foods, I guess banging your leg against the corner of a table could work… or going to eat that food next to the trash… I mean depending on how desperate you are to change a habit, you will do a lot for it right?
My idea is this, that while you get yourself into a better mood while you study (or do other things you normally wouldn’t want to do) you are able to remember things better but ALSO able to trick your brain into actually liking the process of studying or doing sports etc. Two flies with one hit.
What I would love for all of you lovely readers to do is, test this theory (actually properly not just once half assed) and tell me how it went. What worked what didn’t and why do you think it didn’t? I will be doing this myself as well!
Can’t wait to hear from you guys, as always thanks for reading and I appreciate any feedback I get! I am going to link more resources below so you can learn about changing yourself, without having to wait for a tragedy to strike! Happy learning! Happy autumn everyone!
5 ways to get out of your comfort-zone…comfortably. So that you reach your potential! Yes I did say comfortably.
What did I just promise you? Something that you probably never thought to be possible. It is very much possible and I will show you how. Soon. First let me just point out that there is a time and a place for you to also force yourself out of the comfort-zone forcefully. But it isn’t always the best case. In case you have missed my posts on comfort-zone don’t check it after reading this one! Bye Bye Bye comfort-zone and Comfort-zone is necessary
Back to the topic at hand: Why should you sometimes do it in a comfortable way? Sometimes we have so much resistance to change, aka leaving the comfort-zone that we simply won’t move if the step isn’t small enough. So that is why I suggest these 5 comfortable steps.
Do something small. Do you always wake up at 6? Wake up at 5.50. Ten minutes can give you just enough extra time to not rush. If you already wake up supper early, maybe make a different breakfast, or you go to the store by walking. Or perhaps instead of typing a message to your friend you call them up. Even a small change can be good for you. Try it. If what I Tell me in the comments what you will try or have tried 🙂
Two – Accept help or ask for it
Accept help from others while you try to work towards a goal. For example, if you want to run a marathon. Try and get a friend to join you with the training and the marathon itself. Having a friend on the journey with you helps you to have more fun and for the goal not to seem so crazy/fear inducing.
Small changes now, will make your life look totally different in the future.
Three – Keep your feet on the ground… for now!
Make realistic goals for leaving your comfort zone. If you have never done any type of sport. You probably shouldn’t start with an extreme sport. Start with a group lesson or maybe just taking a walk. All exercise is good exercise.
Four– Ones step at a time
Work on only one area at once. So if you want to be out of comfort zone with routines. Concentrate on that first. Then it can be fitness. This doesn’t mean you are stuck till the end of time on one area. Maybe after 2 weeks of making slight changes to your routines, you can work on fitness, then maybe reading a book genre that you usually wouldn’t read. Then maybe upping the goal from routines changed for 2 week, make it 30 days. And so on.
Before checking my last tip. Do you have any great tips to get out of your comfort-zone to reach your potential? Share them for others to see!
Five – Girls (and boys) just want to have fun!
Have fun with this. Comfort zone is a very very very boring place to live in on long term. When you hear monitor plateaus you are declared dead. Why doesn’t this apply to real life? This doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. It is actually the opposite. You should have fun, because it will make you less resistant to getting out of your comfort-zone.
Here are my 5 ways to get out of your comfort-zone to reach your potential
What are your tips for this topic? Please let me know if you want me to write about the opposite side; how to make radical leaps out of comfort-zone?! I actually really like the idea! Anyway until the next post!
Kim Kardashians success doesn’t equal yours. Here is why I felt I needed to point this out:
I just checked the Google trends and I picked 5 search terms that I compared to each other. Entrepreneurship, studying, self-help books, personal development and Kim Kardashian. Which one was most searched by far? Our beloved Kim K. I actually have nothing against Kim K and her gang. To be honest they are resourceful as fuck and considering where it all started at they smart AF. They might not seems so, but they have so much money and they have been able to follow and build trends like no else. I can’t help but feel a bit jelly. So if you search them to learn how to build an empire go ahead! However there is a reason why I am worried.
I will insert the picture of the stats here:
So what makes this worrisome? The fact that I am willing to bet quite a bit of money that most of these people search for Kim K. for one of these reasons; body goals, make up, fashion, comparison, juicy scandals.
Now if this is just once a year to see how their business is doing or what they do to keep their bodies like they are (apart for operations, let’s be honest here….) then fine. However a lot of people look up to them and not all of these people see the big picture. And I feel like we could spend our time way better.
Kim K is just one example. We could change the name to any other celebrity. So instead of spending time on studying, self-help or figuring out how to be entrepreneurial or building a career, we check out what the person who is tooootally on their own journey is doing? Here is a post of mine that explains why attention seeking is so toxic; check it out!: Attention the second most lethal drug in the world
“We must take time to define our own path. Too quickly we can find the world defining it for us.”
I know everyone says that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. I believe we can learn a lot from others. For example it motivates me to compare myself to someone who’s past is way darker and harder, seeing them succeed makes me see how stupidly many excuses I have. My example is: Lisa Nichols . It makes me realize that chances are I will have it easier to succeed. This doesn’t come from an ego place. This comes from the realization that I have better circumstances that those who I look up to. Poverty isn’t an issue for me. We are an average family. Not rich per say, but definitely privileged. But even with me looking up to these people I want to build my own journey. Meaning I will research everything for myself. Sure I can read their bio or watch an interview. But I am not blinded and so concentrate on their story that I forget to live my own story.
Kim K is a beautiful woman and so is her gang. But we will never be her. Like I said before: Kim Kardashians success doesn’t equal yours . We will never look like her. Nor will our success be the same as hers. And we don’t have to be the same. We don’t need to see her day to day life. She can still be a role model (Thought I would argue there are better ones out there).
I would love for young people to research all of the possibilities they have now. It doesn’t matter what the dream is. Own beauty line? Go ahead! Becoming a doctor? Yes! Being an influencer? Go ahead! But don’t think that all of this is going to be easy. Nothing in life is actually easy. We think if we would be millionaires all would be simple? All the screaming fans and haters and crazy people after us? Getting all we want at the snap of our fingers but always having to wonder if we actually deserve what we get or do we get it due to our name? It isn’t a coincidence that a lot of big, rich, famous stars lose it. Get on drugs or/and kill themselves.
Even the same path walked by two different people will sound totally different in their recollections. Even if they walk it a the same time.
Search for your own journey! Money is great, being famous enough to make sure you can help people in a bigger way etc is a great goal. There is nothing wrong with that. However, don’t romanticize anything. Being rich and famous because you acted dumb, isn’t a great place to be. Here is a bit more about the topic of successful people: Stars sentenced to death. Building a career and an empire on being a good person, now that is a GOAL.
My point writing this is that I want youngsters (I am 23 myself so I count myself into it) to concentrate on their own journeys. On writing their own stories. Reading about a scandal and laughing/crying at how the world is fucked up right now it fine. Once in a while. But being obsessed with peoples lives won’t help us live our own.
So to anyone who is searching for some life advice here is mine ;
Live YOUR life to the fullest and make it so great that when you are on your death bed, you won’t be afraid to die, because you know you actually lived!
Kim Kardashians success doesn’t equal yours!
As always don’t forget to comment and like! It helps me with the content creations (like motivates me to write cos I know there are readers 😉 ) Also don’t forget my socials: FB ChangedLife, Instagram , Twitter and Pinteres
I am honestly being a bit too much of a drama queen with the title (so yes it was kind of click bait…sorry) But please read this before going. This can really be beneficial for you and potentially your friends (so please share 😉 )
Let us start with some facts. According to WHO (world health organization) each year there is 11.5 people out of 100000 that commit suicide. Meaning about every 40 seconds. There is 86400 seconds a day. Divide that by 40 makes it 2160 deaths A DAY…by their own hand. So why is this so alarming… apart for the obvious…
While death is something very natural and a healthy part of life… imagine if we all just lived forever… that would be hell on earth. But the alarming fact is that suicide has become way more prevalent in our culture. Between the years 2000 and 2016 there has been a 30% raise in suicide related deaths. 50% raise in the suicide deaths of women. In USA it is the 10th leading cause of death. This data is according to APA (American Psychological Association)
As mentioned in WHO’s page it is good to keep in mind that all of these numbers are an evaluation of the situation and due to the complexity of suicide and the lack of evidence to make sure that correlation = causation, we must be careful of taking this all as 100% truth (just like with everything else) and this applies to any recourse I use.
So what is my point of pointing out the amount of suicides and what the hell does it have to do with attention? Do I think people just are depressed for sake of attention? Do I think that this all could be preventable by giving said attention? NO….. Depression and other mental illnesses are horrible and I cannot imagine living with one. And I happen to be EXTREMELY lucky to not have thoughts of committing suicide. I recognize that and I am not trying to lessen the pain of having such an illness… BUT
The reason I do talk about it being due to the new drug called attention. With social media all of our lives are plastered all over the internet. All of our mistakes, stupid drunk choices etc. It is all over there. And other people, comment, ridicule and sometimes are right vicious. Imagine all of our starts who have committed suicide by overdosing (or accidental overdosing) they in the end did that because they were trying to escape. And this is what I am talking about.
Today we need to make the most outrageous trick to get views on YouTube; like the tide-pod challenge… like what? Or kissing random girls, or showing boobs or what ever it is. The more shock value the better. I mean honestly, imagine if someone would have been able to grow their boobs to a 38KKK (that is the biggest size there is currently in Texas… I sure as hell hope the code is accidental) Anyway imagine someone trying to run away from a tiger with them…. Hmm…? And ofc this has nothing to do with attention and shock value… right? But I digress. (Woman’s Boobs are killing her)
So does this have any correlation/causation with suicide and if so how?. Well in my views and this is with minimal research. Between 2000 and 2016 there was an uproar with social media. And I find it hard to believe that 30% raise during those years is purely a coincidence.
We are addicted to likes and views. (Yes me to… hello I’m a blogger) The more we fuck up the better our view count gets. We could get sponsored by being dicks and extremely attention seeking. We get a generation that is payed for being idiots. And let us not get on the high horse here. All generations had their dicks. And all generations will have their dicks. However they were never this visible. They were never rewarded with attention from millions of people and by million bucks.
Like these people or not. This causes pressure on this generation like no other. We have millions of opportunities to make money. Some smart, some not so much. Either way our current generation is under inspection like never before.
I argue that fighting for the 5 seconds of fame. And after achieving it, fighting to be seen as anything else, is what is so detrimental for the people. Which leads to people killing themselves when they either get attention for the wrong reason e.g. because they kissed someone they shouldn’t have or because they can’t get forwards because they will always be seen as someone who “fucked up” e.g. Logan Paul. I honestly hope that he won’t feel the need to end it all due to all the negative media he get’s right now/has gotten in the past. ( I am not a fan of his, but honestly the things people say (including the death threats) is disturbing. Since when was it ok to do that?
Yes there will always be suicide. And yes we will always see attention seeking. It is one of the greatest ways to attract a mate. Raise your hands if someone remembers being hit on by someone who made a fool of themselves while doing so? However. Today it seems everything is twisted. We have a smart youth. No matter what we think of their antics. They are smart, but the outlet we have isn’t under control. There is no rehab for attention seeking. And many of us don’t even see that we might need it.
I could easily say that I don’t care about attention. But obviously I do. I write this blog. And currently this a pretty small blog. What will happen when and if it grows? I don’t know. Hopefully I won’t make it about jumping off roofs for the amusement of my fan-base. And I hope that what I talk about (Personal development + social issues) will help people grow and move forward instead of trying to become internet sensations.
Please comment and let’s start a discussion! As someone who is part of the generation, that almost kills themselves for views and potentially kills themselves because of said views, I find this topic important. To anyone who is depressed and/or sees as death being the only solution, please seek help. From family or a professional. I know this is cliche but there is always another way.
With love, Alisa
P.S. Being an influence, YouTuber, Instagram model etc. are perfectly fine jobs to have. (Yes I personally see them as jobs, if we would know how much time and effort goes into the content (often not always) we wouldn’t question it) However don’t forget that they aren’t the only cool jobs to have nor are they always as cool as what we think.
Just last week I wrote a blog about catching up with your goals. I know that this seems like something that is rather redundant. Yes yes, we should have goals and aspirations so what?
Simple, it has been proven that we are happier when we strive for something greater, better. This doesn’t mean that everyone has to strive to be a millionaire. I mean I wouldn’t say no to a couple of million. But I don’t think it would make me happy, if after that I wouldn’t have more substance to my life.
So this is why I ask a very somber question from you my darling reader. What have you done, before you die. 80 years will go past fast as fuck. There is no point to think of what if’s when you are on your bed. So why not think of what if’s now.
What if you won’t do anything now? What if the goal you have is almost reached but you give up right before it? What if you have so much potential in you but you deside not to do anything because you are too afraid? I am not saying you shouldn’t sleep, eat or rest once in a while. Going after your goals doesn’t mean hustle till you die. It means make sure your life is off substance, so that once you die, you won’t have to think of what if’s. You won’t fear death as much if you realize that it is actually your time and you did everything you could have to live a fulfilling life.
So, after reading this post, journal a bit. What if you would die today. What would you be proud of? What would you have to achieve in your life to be on your death bed and; “Greet death like an old friend”?
As always, thank you for reading. Don’t hesitate to start a conversation in the comments and don’t forget to check my socials 😉
So, there is only half a year of 2019 left. Have you done half of the things on your goals/to-do this year list? Chances are you haven’t and there are a lot of changes I haven’t made either. Even thought I was way more committed to change this year, that the years before.
One big goal that I have been able to work more on than previous years has been this blog. But even with the blog, I haven’t gotten as much forward as what I had hoped for. So now, I must plan things a bit better for the next half a year. Including all of the other goals/to-do’s I have.
How do we achieve these goals, even if we are late? How do we make sure that the mistakes we have made in the past 6 months (or more) don’t get repeated? Where to even begin? Especially if we have accumulated even more onto the to-do list? I will go through some ways I deal with this overwhelm and hope it helps you too.
How much time do you actually have?
Analyze how much time in reality do you have free. How much time is left, if you take away the hours you sleep, the time you eat, work and take care of kids or your parents etc.
For reference we have 168 hours in a week. With 8 hours of sleep a day it will take 56 hours away/ a week. In Finland on average we work 37.5 hours in a week. I don’t have kids but I spend time with friends, let’s say i want to spend at least 12 hours in a week with them. This means I still have 62,5 hours left over.
Let’s take 8 hours a week for social media (It is way more in reality currently, but I am allowed to aspire to do better!) This leaves 54,5 hours in a week for what ever I want to do/achieve. For now I should also write a thesis. On a good week I would write 10 hours. This leaves me with 44,5 hours a week.
This means I can work towards my goals for almost 2 full days, in a week. That is a decent amount with all of the other stuff I get done in a week. How many hours would you have left for goals, without excuses?
If you have 50 different goals. You have no hope what so ever to achieve any of them. So. Chose 2. that would leave you 22hours and 15 minutes per goal/ a week. Now if you still can’t reach your goals, check the next tip.
What has been the actual reason you haven’t done what you were supposed to?
Did you have a hard time with your partner? Did you feel overwhelmed? Did you bite a huge as piece at a time and now you can’t chew? What ever it is meditate/journal with this question in mind. Because we figured out before that you indeed have hours in the week. If you just make sure you use them smartly. So what is the real reason you achieve nothing or not as much as what you want?
Have one day a week (or even daily) routine to bullshit check.
How much did you actually spend on your phone. Did you agree to see all your friends this week for full days? Did you decide you were too lazy to wake up after the 8 hours of sleep? What could you have done differently to achieve the way of life you want to?
Whether you like it or not. You don’t have to relax by watching TV. A good book will do the same and you will even learn new things. 15 minutes worked towards your goal is better than none. Have this time for your to write down, all of the bs you have told yourself during this day/ week and do your best not to repeat this next week.
Lists, lists, lists baby!
Make lists of all of your goals and to-do’s. What are the ones you have to do? A thesis so you get to graduate? A work project so you get money money money? What are the goals you want to achieve that are not obligatory? If they don’t spark anything you you. If they feel like they were put on the list because it seems cool. Cross them out. Leave only the ones that make sense.
Now don’t be lazy. All of us want to rest a bit more in bed. All of us want to hang out more with our friends. But if we ask ourselves if we want to make our lives even better. Most of us say yes. (And the rest a 99% of the time in denial) Working towards the unknown doesn’t feel fun. But after you make the list and only put those goals onto it that feel yours. You should be good to go for the next 6 months.
I believe in everyone of you. I know that reaching goals is hard. I know that most of us have complicated lives. But we don’t have to add to the by being lazy/ coming up with excuses. Work your ass off and be happy in the moment be even happier in the next one when you get close to your goals!
Thanks for reading! Let me know what sparks inspiration in you? What would you be right now if your excuses wouldn’t be in the way! Don’t hesitate to also follow me on the socials! Until next time!
You might be thinking; you are a personal development blogger. How does this relate.?Everyone can talk. First things first; no, not everyone knows how to talk effectively. And secondly, if you want to learn more, become successful or connect with people you MUST know how to effectively communicate with others. Also in this society where shock value of a conversation is way more important than actually getting forward with topics that might have multiple view; I feel it is essential to learn how to communicate effectively and to learn from one another!
Let’s define terms
What does a conversation mean. A dictionary definition is: ” a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.” How would I define a great conversations? A great conversation, is where both participants get a voice, both state their opinions/experiences and are able to; despite potentially disagreeing with other, be civil. In a great conversation, even if it ends with people “agreeing to disagreeing”, both participants feel listened and respected. This conversation, despite it being emotional, political or tied to ones identity, remains civil and no slurs, raising of the voice or argument( heated one) is anywhere to be seen.
Very short a sweet things to consider when having a conversation;
How emotionally stable am I right now, to have this conversation?
Do I actually have the facts, to base my opinions on?
Am I capable of being an adult in this situation, since I am so emotionally invested in the topic?
If I know someone wants to criticize me, can I without referring to childish ways of “You started it”, have it or should I ask them to come back to the topic later?
This is the right time, place and am I in the right mindset right now, to start this conversation.
Very great change starts from very small conversations held among people who care
Margaret J. Wheatley
Here are the 5 short tips in a longer form:
1. Don’t yell/cry/ have a tantrum
You want to seems intelligent and level headed. This doesn’t mean you can’t show feelings, just make sure that those feelings don’t come out as a protection mechanism. It often does goes like this to me, and trust me when I say that it has never helped me to get my point across… other way around. I am extremely emotional. And often I start crying if I am angry/frustrated. This just makes me seem younger and not as mature in the conversation, meaning that even the points that are valid, that I would make are disregarded… because I am crying.
2. Do not make statements that sound like you know what you are talking about, but are actually bs.
For example; “billions of women are mistreated everyday. I read about it just yesterday”. A) If you read about something yesterday, you probably remember the source. B) Unless the number is actually billion(s) you shouldn’t use that word for shock value. Stay to the facts, or make sure to make clear that that point is your understanding of the situation, not 100% fact.
3. Don’t get personal with someone just because you feel strongly about the subject.
If someone is being sexist, you should say things like “Well you were probably abused as a kid, and this is why you are being so fucked up right now.” There is no reason to assume that, and just because someone’s opinion hurts you, doesn’t mean you should hurt them back. Most of the time it is more healthy to rather not have a conversation with someone than to become verbally abusive in the situation. Even if the person is actually wrong in that case.
A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue, that’s why there are so few conversations; due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet.”
4. If someone is giving you criticism, responding back with criticism.
It is selfish, childish and it won’t take the conversation forward. There are two ways to react to criticism. 1) Note that this sound actually truthful and you should probably take this into consideration. If this thing you are criticized for hurts others, apologize. 2) Realize this doesn’t apply to you and try to explain why you disagree. If you can’t come up with an understanding, let the conversation die out and live your life
5.When starting a conversation doing it in an attacking kind of way.
We all know with extremes that it is probably not the greatest time to break up with someone if their parent just died. You shouldn’t point out someone’s problems when they are down. Having a conversation, especially where you are planning on criticizing someone, is important that you do it, when they are in a receptive mode. (This doesn’t mean you should break up with someone on their b-day or something like that either….)
If some topics interest you, say racism, feminism, religion etc etc. You should research before trying to have a debate/conversation with someone. If this conversation is totally spontaneous, explain your points clearly, or if you notice that you can’t verbalize yourself in a way you want to. Tell that to the other person. There is no shame, in saying that you don’t feel comfortable talking about something due to lack of knowledge or because you are uncomfortable.
Don’t be too emotional, don’t get on a high horse, don’t be a bitch, don’t get defensive and don’t attack. It is very simple… very very simple. And people seem to just decide to muck it all up, because of feelings and because of EGO….. Also I am noooooot on a high horse right now. I have made pretty much every single one of these mistakes in some type of fashion.
Here are some great resources in order to be more educated, be a better communicator and also just how to keep a conversation up, so that it doesn’t become awkward. I will also link some posts on similar topics written by me 🙂
Practical Psychology on YouTube. They have a great vault of new ideas, information and tips and trick, not only for communicating more “fluently” but also to just learn more things and having more interesting topics to discuss.
Charisma on Command : I must admit, I have binge watched these videos more than on one occasion. He has a great way to analyze a persons actions (positive and negative) and show through very clear example of how to command respect, how to be funny and how to despite not always being correct, being able to have a proper and respectful conversation. If you want to become a public speaker, a good writer or a likable person in general, you should totally check this channel out !
The capacity to learn is a gift; the ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice”
So; I had a blog post poll and twitter and 2 post ideas got the same votes; the one I am writing about right now and “How to have conversations”. So I will make the post about conversations for next Monday. But today we will talk about how to study. While the title mentions that it isn’t for school, it can be applied to school as well. I just feel like even after we are done with school, we should still continue learning and this we need to know how to study; so here we go! (I will link bellow my own posts on similar topics and other resources to help you learn! )
Tip N.1; Choose one thing (Maybe two if they are different enough)
I feel like the most important part is to figure out what you want to study. I don’t think there is a good thing and a mad thing to study. You can study languages, math, culture, history, self development. What ever feels like your own.
However this poses a problem. You aren’t at school, so no one is going to give you a limit to what to study. It isn’t realistic to study all sub parts of all of the topics listed about (plus there is like 1000’s of more of them, that I just don’t have time to list). So as my tip suggest don’t choose too many things to study. Even if it seems very tempting.
You could study a language and history. That way they are different enough. If you study Spanish you might want to learn about Spanish history, because you might understand the culture better. But don’t choose too many things, just so you don’t feel overwhelmed. I am sure we all remember how stressful it was to learn everything for our finals, why would you do that to yourself on purpose, right?
Once you stop learning you start dying.
Tip 2; How do you learn best?
Now that teachers aren’t thrusting a book into your had and telling you to read and learn 500 pages by heart. You can actually listen to yourself and figure out how you learn best. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t use multiple methods, it means you should see what works the best and after that using the other methods to bring variety into your studies. Just because you like pasta the most doesn’t mean you can never eat anything else…right? So Figure out your tastes and start planning
Tip 3; Plan your learning
This doesn’t have to be as hardcore as at schools. You don’t have to know that by the end of tomorrow you have read chapters 1-5 from a book. But making sure you have some kind of a picture is important. If you work, are a stay at home mother or go to school and want to learn things outside of school, you should make sure you have time for the thing you want to study.
So check your calendar. Is 30 minutes a day realistic? How about 1 hour every other day? Maybe study what you want for couple of hours during the weekend. Or make it a part of your morning routine. You can easily wake up 15 minutes earlier and decide to study a little bit of vocabulary before getting up. Or do that during night time, this way your brain will process the info while you sleep. Either way, make sure you have time for what you want to learn. Trust me when I say it doesn’t work if you just plan on studying “when you feel like it” it didn’t work in school and it sure as hell won’t work now, because you won’t even have you finals to force you to study…
Tip 4; Figure out a why
Just being curious is a good thing, but it won’t last you for a long time and it won’t be something constant. Obviously there is nothing wrong about once in a while reading a fascinating article. However, if you want to seriously learn something, you should have a strong why. For example; I want to learn Spanish, because I have studied it for ages and I like the sound of it. The idea that I could one day have a conversation with a Spanish person seems fantastic and I think it will help me understand their culture. Since culture and languages are often closely linked. A while a go I learned, because I had family members in France. Just thinking the languages if fun, isn’t a bad reason. But it rarely is strong enough. However if it is good enough for you, great!
Here were my 4 tips for studying even if you aren’t at school. All of these however work even if you are. Leave a comment if I forgot something and I hope this helps! Bellow I linked my own posts on similar topics and other resources to help you learn!
Do you tell yourself that you have no time? Or that it isn’t important to take care of yourself, because of kids, partner, family and friends? Answer me this; At what cost do you want to achieve success?
The real hard truth is that if you want to be successful, you need to make certain sacrifices. Your health on the long term, should not be one of those sacrifices. But the hard question is, how do we take care, of ourselves when we have more responsibilities?We all know as an entrepreneur your days are sometimes way longer than if you would work 9-5 right?
Here are my 4 tips for making sure that self care is a part of your life, letsa go!
Number 1 – Organize time for yourself
Make a morning/evening routine that is customized just for you. Yes, even if you have kids. When you have kids you must play around with the schedule a bit. Maybe your own routine can only start when they are all asleep. Maybe it starts way earlier to make sure they haven’t gotten up yet. Either way, make sure you have 15-30 minutes, just your time.
I can already hear the excuses rolling in. That is so long what if they barge in etc etc etc. What if I have just given birth. I mean on the short term you might need to sacrifice your own time. But telling a 4 year old that mommy or daddy needs a bit of alone time is perfectly acceptable. It is ok to teach your kids that you need your own time, and that it should be respected.
It is also ok to ask your partner to take care of the kids in the morning so you get your alone time then and you do it for them in the evening.(or other way around) It is all about how you organize your time. Maybe it is for you when everyone is at work/school/kindergarten. Either way mark it into your calendar, so you know it isn’t something you are willing to compromise unless the house is on fire. (Or your kid is really sick and other reasons that are not daily)
Number 2 – Make lists of self-care things
Write things that you want to do for self care, so you actually know what you want to do, when you have a certain time frame. You can even have more than one list. For example, a list with things that take 15 minutes or less (e.g. face masks, meditating, writing into a journal) a list for 30 minutes things (e.g. doing a yoga sesh, going for a walk, organizing your papers so work is easier later) things that take an hour + (movie, reading an amazing book, booking a facial, etc,etc,etc.)
The things on these lists should be 100% customized to your needs. For someone taking care of themselves is a skin care routine, for someone it is going for a hike , either way, its is great because it is your time
Number 3 – Have conversations
You might need to take your partner, family member/friend aside to talk with them. Maybe you have a friend who wants your to always go for a drink on Fridays. And you just don’t want to spend your Friday like that and Saturday morning with a head ache.
Perhaps your family wants to have you every 3 days over and you just need that one day to just be on your own. Maybe you want to plan a trip on your own and your partner things its a romantic trip. Explain to them all of them why you don’t want to do things. Instead of compromising your own well being every-time.
If someone doesn’t get the need to have alone time, then they aren’t having a healthy life, or they do and they are just selfish when it comes to you. Have open conversations, try to figure out how you can fit all those people in your life, without forgetting that you need to take care of yourself too.
Number 4- Check yourself
Mark into your calendar when you have had your time. Sometimes we are surprised of how we spent our time just scrolling the phone and that isn’t a good way to self-care. So write what you did. What ever that means to you (Sometimes it can mean spending time with friends or family. Not all self-care needs to be done alone.)
When you see weeks without any time for self care, go out of your way to take that time. It can be 5 extra minutes, preparing for work, you make time for a more in depth skin care. Or it could be 5 extra minutes stretching. It could be taking 5 minutes at the kitchen table talking with your family. You don’t have to free a whole day (thought it might be a good idea once in a while) for yourself, but if we spend 5 minutes daily being conscious about ourselves, we end up having 35 min to our selves a week. It might seem like very little but, it is better than nothing. (and lets all be honest if you don’t have 5 or even 15 minutes a day, to take care of yourself….you do not have a life.)
Should we make this topic a series?
Maybe you guys want me to make it into a series? Self care Monday? Once a month, where I give you guys ideas for self-care and how to make time for it. Like if you would like to have it every month and comment your own situation, so I can plan a realistic self-care routine for you. So you don’t come up with excuses 😉
Thanks for reading like always and don’t hesitate to reach out to me, here or on my socials!
How ironic that I am writing this one week late… But this is a great time for me to discuss this topic from a very personal point of view (with a concrete exmaple) so, let’s start
I have just started an internship, I have a thesis to write and I want to spend time with friends and family, I just spent a longer weekend with my bf in Sweden…. and I want to learn new things. So let’s put it simply I am fucking overwhelmed. And this is probably one of the most usual reason for our lives going totally of the rails.
When we hear that someone has a “fucked up” life, we assume that a lot had to have happened. It can however just be that you have more things to do and you have no idea what to start with. Or it could be something bigger, but either way you can figure it out. Here are my 3 biggest tips.
You need to write a HUGE ass list of everything that is in your head. What to buy, due dates, birthdays, gift ideas, work things, blog post ideas and so on. Don’t worry about the neatness, it doesn’t matter. You can categorize everything after it is first on paper.
Organize the list you just made into 2 (or more) lists;
List of things that takes 10 minutes or less to do
The rests in an order of priority (If you have many different categorizes, you can have a list per category, with the priority tasks first on the list)
This is a very very very hard thing to do. In fact this is something that most people fail in. This can be what makes, your breaks your success. You have to actually do the things on the list. For me usually it is easiest to do some of the task on the first list (10 min or less) because they are so fast to do. These could be like; organize your desk, send email with the question x. Call x, add the following dates to the calendar, etc.
After this I check the list of things I have in order of priorities (or if my life is really fucked up, I check multiple of those lists). I start with the ones that have to be done today or have to be done asap.
Sometimes, like for me today. I started writing this blog post way before I did that brain dump clean up thing. The reason being. I am working tomorrow, and this blog should be up by Thursday afternoon (Imma be busy most of that) so this is priority task I don’t even have to mark into the list. It is ok to just start with the task. It is sometimes even better than to write pretty lists of things you will never do. Just saying.
Thanks for reading. What are you ways of unfucking your life? Maybe leave in the comments, so others get inspiration too!
#Bodypositivity #deathpositive #drugpositve #serialkillerpositve. FIRST THINGS FIRST
I AM part of the positivity movement. I AM a positive person. I AM a fucking spiritual person who believes in Law of Attraction (we can debate that another time) but I AM NOT delusional. And you shouldn’t be either.
Being positive about something doesn’t mean you should close your eyes from facts. If I get run over by a car, no amount of Law of Attraction will stop me from dying if my injuries are fatal.
No amount of body positivity will take away your risks of heart failure or joint failure if you are obese. NOW before you start attacking me ever so “politely” in the comments saying I shame people. Absolutely I do not. If you are happy in your body and you accept the health risks, or you aren’t happy and you work hard to make sure you turn your life around. I will treat you the same. But please for the love of God do not tell people bullshit stories about how no matter what you can be healthy and that no matter what positivity is 100% the answer.
If drug positivity or alcohol positivity, serial killer positivity etc etc etc would be movements we wouldn’t stand by them. The word positivity isn’t going to change the result of something.
Where does positivity 100% make a great impact?
When you have a positive mindset about being able to change your life for the better. When you talk positively about people to people, and don’t concentrate on other peoples shortcomings, what ever those are. Taking the time to see the good in the world. The beautiful fucking butterfly, the cute ass dog/cat. Meditating while believing that this day is going t be great and taking the time and effort to see the positive things in your day. This will make life amazing. It will give you power, instead of taking away the power. It will make sure that you can be proactive instead of reactive.
Positivity shouldn’t be a cover up. You don’t have to pretend to be happy if you are depressed. But you don’t have to start a “depression positive” movement, to counter act that having a depression is a serious issue. If you are depressed you should seek help, it can be a friend, family member or someone with a medical degree. The word positive doesn’t erase the original meaning of the world.
Great idea, but what about the implimentation?
Body positivity is a great movement. Shaming anyone for having a different body that someone else, is a despicable thing to do. A) When you shame someone you hurt them and they retreat into their shell and can end up being even more unhealthy. B) Shaming and scaring people isn’t going to make them change, that is why horrible pictures on cigarette packets don’t make people want to quit smoking.
So should we incorporate more positivity into the world of fitness? Yes. You don’t have to be size 0 to be healthy. You don’t have to have six pack abs. You don’t have to have the same goal as me or a body builder. But you should do everything in power of being “health positive”. Health doesn’t look the same for everyone. But there are limits to what healthy is, and we should be aware of that. No matter how much it sucks that burgers aren’t healthy, that sugar doesn’t have any nutritional value or that if you don’t move you are in a way bigger risk for different health issues.
Ending on a positive note 😉
I love all people. No matter shape, size, color, religion, sexual orientation, gender and all of the other ways people can be shamed. I also happen to love the power we have as people to make changes in our lives. It requires effort, and it take time to change your life. But no matter what you can do it. You just have to see a reason for it. And living a fulfilling, long life with meaning and great experiences, seems like a good fucking reason to do it… wouldn’t you say?
Leave a comment bellow with your opinions on it. Let’s have this conversation. Let’s be positive yet realistic about it! Don’t hesitate to also follow me on my social media and join the community <3
I asked you guys on Twitter what you guys wanted to read and my General Regrets suggestion won. I am not big on writing posts that just state things and don’t teach anything. So on top of talking about some of my regrets I will talk about how to not let them over power your life. Sounds good? Yeah, I thought so too. Let’s go!
Regrets are an interesting thing. Because quite often we are the ones to blow them out of proportion. We just ruminate on the same fucking topic without realizing that, no matter what the choice we made was. We can get past it an move on. ( I mean unless you killed someone… then I have some questions, but… yeah.) We all make mistakes and have regrets (yes, even those people who say they regret nothing and show crude signs to hide their pain)
My regret number 1:
I didn’t study as well as I should have/ could have. I have always been an average student. I didn’t bother to study because why put in the effort if I get OK grades anyway? But now I see how learning to learn before, learning subjects in more detail, would have given me more leverage now. I would be able to write better now, I would be able to connect dots better now and so on.
How to deal with this regret? Accept that you could have been more mature and less lazy. It is a fact and no matter how much you blame the teacher, school etc. Doesn’t take away the power that you could have put in more effort. Instead of whining and going out with friends to whine, you could have studied. Just 15 minutes or 30 minutes more. Now that you take responsibility for your actions. Make sure you make different choices now. Read the book because the topic is UNKNOWN to you. Not because it is your preference. Make notes on podcasts and seminars, don’t assume you will remember things. With the magic of internet you can learn everything you skipped before. It is just harder now. It take time from other things. But if you think it will add your life value… why the heck wouldn’t you do it? Right?
My regret number 2:
I trusted people blindly. I am not saying you shouldn’t trust people. You 100% should trust those who are close to you. And it is their shame if they betray it. If you never trust anyone you will live a very fearfull, lonely life. However, always telling everything about you to people and letting them in without having any idea who they are as people… don’t do that. A lot of people were able to hurt me this way.
How to deal with it? Accept that you put your trust in the wrong place. Accept that you were hurt. And forgive those people. Because we all end up hurting someone at some point in our lives. And while you don’t owe anyone to forgive them. You will feel way way more light about yourself if you let the hate and anger go. So forgive them for their mistakes and forgive yourself for not seeing the signs.
My regret number 3
Being too sensitive and wanting a lot of attention. When I was younger I would get hurt easily. Not really because people saying things would necessarily actually hurt me. But if I cried I’d get attention. This lasted a long long time. I am not sure when I stopped caring about attention. And honestly it probably doesn’t go 100% of the time ever. But when I was younger it was way worse than now. This affected my friendships and relationships a lot. Mostly this harmed me. But it ended up hurting others as well. I was an easy pray for bullying because I would cry so easily and the worst, most idiotic thing was I wasn’t even hurt at first. It only later on became an issue when I adopted the pain that the bullies were trying to inflict on me.
How to deal with this? I just accept I was childish and dumb. I tried to get attention in the wrong way and now I know better. I am way more confident and I live my life on my own terms. I feel embarrassed about that time of my life but I can’t change it now, so I make sure to live my life to the fullest now, concentrating on making myself proud, not making others see me.
Getting stuck in your regret is like going the wrong way, and instead of making a course correction, just stopping moving all together.
My regret number 4:
Not traveling on my free time as much as I would have wanted. Fear is a interesting thing. I loved traveling with my parents but planning a trip on my own or with friends I always met myself with a block. Instead of using my money on candy and soda, I could have seen the world… How dumb.
How to deal with this? Well, we can’t always do best of choices. I have improved with this as I have been in exchange twice and I have planned more trips. I will save more money for more trips and will make sure to appreciate each trip I get to make, even more since it is my dream to travel as much as possible.
My regret number 5
We have come a full circle. I mentioned not studying that well and regreting that. But there is especially one part of studies that I regret more than most things and it sucks. And it is languages. Now I am actually decent in languages. I know , English, Finnish, Russian and French. I am pretty much fluent in all of these to varying degrees. Best in English and Finnish. But I could have worked a bit harder and maybe now I would be able to speak more languages.
How to deal with this? I can’t do more than to just work on languages more now. It isn’t the end of the world. I still have time to learn languages. It might now be as easy as before but I can do it. And so can you.
We all have regrets in our lives. Some bigger some smaller and it is ok. We are able to live with our past choices, learn from them and move on. Instead of hitting your head against the wall because “Why bangwas bang I bang so bang stupid bang” Doesn’t change the reality of those events. Nor does it improve your future. What will change your future and make sure you live a better and more fulfilling life is if you let go and move on. Not everyone will be able to let go your mistakes if they were involved but that isn’t any longer your concern. Living forward is the only possible way to go. So we get to grow and make and impact with our lives, and make it a positive one for ourselves and for others.
Thank you for reading. Hope this was interesting and helpful. Make sure to learn from your mistakes and move forward. Sometimes things seem worse than they actually are. So breath, move on. Grow. Leave comment to let me know your regrests or if you share some of mine 🙂
So everyone all the time talk about habits and forming or changing them and let me just tell you I am such a addict when it comes to reading about people and their habits and routines and so on. There is nothing more satisfying as seeing someone have their lives together… well maybe having your own life together would be more satisfying…. hmmmmm…. Anywhoo, I have listed 5 counter-intuitive ways of forming and or changing habits down below, so let’s start!
Don’t plan as much. Yes I have mentioned this before. This is something that quite many high performing business people talk about. There is a gap often between planning and taking action. It is called analysis paralysis. We just plan the day by the minute, then realize we have way too much planned or we spent the whole time planning and now its already 12 am and we should have been asleep hours ago. This also works when planning on habits you want to incorporate into your life and how. Yes plan your habits and see where they fit, but don’t over do it. Habit is something you do, not something you plan… just saying.
The easier something is to do, the more likely you are to do it….But I disagree on the effectiveness in some cases (or maybe it is just me). This is something also suggested in detail in Atomic Habits by James Clear. I just started this book but its amazing and I’m like half way through. And while in general I agree on this advice, I have noticed certain instances that the opposite works. For example, when I planned on using my nearest gym…. that is literally like a 200m walk from my house (About 656ft) I wouldn’t go there…like ever. I had this mentality of since its so close I can go when ever so now I don’t have to. And honestly this changed when I started to go to the gym further away. It became more of an actual routine because I had to make an effort and make sure I took into consideration the walking time there and back. Since I don’t know if there are any studies done on this topic, I can’t say if this is an normal phenomenon or if I am just peculiar… I am probably just peculiar, but leave a comment down bellow if this sounds familiar
Don’t think about the end goal. This is also something that is discussed in the book Atomic Habits. I find this very fascinating but I do understand the logic. If you want habits that stick, you shouldn’t think about the end goal. It shouldn’t be that I want to weight X amount of kg or pounds. Because what happens to the habits you have built when you reach that “magical” number. Big chance is you lose those habits. However if you focus on becoming a healthy person. You will continue doing certain habits just because a healthy person does them. This means that instead of concentrating on goals you should concentrate on your identity and instead of just thinking about your habits think of systems you can set in place to make sure those habits work. James Clear explains this better than I ever could, so read the book. However, I will try to give an example. I want to wake up at 5 am. This is a habit I want to have. A system for it, would be having two alarms both at the other side of the room that I have to go and turn off. But this is not enough. Now that I have turned them of, while I am already standing I have to go to the bathroom do my business there and wash my face, so I wake up. After this I go back to my room. Open my blinds, make bed and this is important; I meditate on the floor/chair NOT on the bed. Because otherwise I fall asleep again. This is a system that ensures I wake up and get up at 5 am.
Don’t beat yourself over if you are failing in doing something you told yourself to-do. Studies have found that people are more likely to make positive change when they get positive information about that change. And if they have a possibility of being better than someone else. So for example; if you have a calendar and you mark with an x all the days you haven’t smoked, you are more likely to keep up with that since you have a streak (side note, this is why Snapchat worked so well ;D) If you have an app that tells you that people A and B are doing 50% better than you on said habit, you will be more likely to improve your score so that you get as good of a grade or better as them. This also means that instead of telling yourself that you are an idiot. Just notice that you are breaking your streak. Or others can do better than you. This will make it easier for you to get back on track with your habits. Here is a link to the ted talk on this subject TED talk and again Atomic Habits talks about this as well.
Last but not least. If you want to stop doing something. Don’t stop it cold turkey. Or if you do stop something right in that second, substitute it with another habit. For example if you have a habit of biting or fiddling with your nails. In order to stop if, get a stress toy. This way you can still do something with your hands (and studies show it isn’t actually as bad as we were lead to believe…just for the love of God, don’t let it be a clicker pen or I might just have to attack you….) This will make sure you will stop ruining your nails and it won’t rely on you to be disciplined. It is hard to be disciplined with habits that are unconscious, nail biting often is.
So here are the 5 ways to form and/ or change habits that are counter intuitive. I hope you liked the post and please comment bellow the one that seemed to make most/least sense to you.If you have questions or post ideas don’t hesitate to ask!
Also here is a link to a poll on twitter that I formed that decides the post I will be writing for Thursday, make sure to cast your vote! Twitter Poll
Don’t forget to follow on the socials and let’s form a community of Change!
I have posted a post a week no since last Sunday and today’s post will be the last one of the week. I will go back to posting couple of times a week again. This was a nice challenge that I made for myself and you should definitely try it to see how it will force you to create content…no matter what. But let us get to the topic of today. What does success to you mean? And how does defining it guarantee success.
So success to everyone looks different. For me personally success is about being fulfilled. I am fulfilled when I have variety in my life. I am fulfilled when I get to help people. Currently it is through this blog, but later on it will be through my Life Coaching.
This is not how your life will have to look. I mean fulfillment looks different for everyone. For you it could be becoming a mother. Or becoming a fitness coach or doing research. What ever it is, it is a great choice. (As long it isn’t becoming a murderer… that is not a good life path….sorry) So think what is it that brings you fulfillment.
What if I don’t know what I want to do in that much details?
This is very normal. I didn’t before either and the great thing about making life plans is that they can change. But I realized what I wanted to do was from seeing some of the things I liked/loved: I loved giving advice to people, I loved writing, I loved having an impact, I am creative, I enjoy psychology. Those things together for me = Life Coach. (Or at the moment a Personal Development blogger)
So that everyone is clear; your fulfillment doesn’t have to come from your job. It could be helping out your community, it could be helping kids learn to code during your free time. It can 100% be a hobby or “just” a side hustle.
Why is it important to define this?
Sometimes other peoples passion for things makes you think you want the same thing. Like oh they are a travel influencer? I want that too, I want to visit all those places. This doesn’t equal that you want to do that as a job. A travel influencer has to do a shit ton of photography, videos and editing + blogs. On top of that probably sponsorship’s they have to take care of so they can actually make those trips, and so so so much more. Are you ready for that? Maybe. If you are, then that is your path. However if not, then you should ask what you actually want to do. Not what someone makes look great.
Elizabeth Gilbert, the writer of Eat Pray Love and Big Magic, asks a great question. What is your favorite flavor of Shit sandwich. The idea is, that everything you do is going to have something that you will hate, and you just have to figure out if it is worth it. Let’s stick with the travel influencer topic. The shit sandwich could be getting sick because of the different bacteria somewhere, or flying a lot, or having to organize a lot of trips all the time, or not being at home much etc. IF those flavors of shit sandwiches sound like a decent trade off, you are probably prepared to become a travel influencer. (Send me pics please, I love seeing those scenes and to get insporation of just visiting there and resting and NOT having to work 😉 )
So what is that thing that would bring you fulfillment= make you successful? Leave it in the comments below! And don’t forget to connect with me and the community on the socials <3
Let’s get some things very clear. You have to work your ass off for success. It is NOT an easy journey, so if you are searching for hacks to make you successful right now… you are in the wrong place my friend. However if you want to improve you journey and you want to start hustling, let’s get to the juicy part!
Sleep. Doctors, most of the high performing and successful people talk about the importance of sleep. About 7-8 hours is what I usually hear that is recommended. At some point during a holiday for example, you could try and test what this time is for you. Say you always go to sleep at 22. What time do you wake up naturally, without an alarm. At first you will probably sleep in quite late ( depends on how much you have to catch up on) But at some point you will notice a pattern in when you wake up. That way you know about how many hours you sleep. ( It isn’t plausible for everyone to wake up without an alarm, especially if you work, that is why it is so important to do this experiment while you are on a vacation :D)
Don’t let things slide man. I know how easy it is. I instead of saying this for 30 min like I said I would 25, is good enough. Instead of doing 3 sets like I said I would 2 is good enough. Sometimes you honestly do have to listen to your body. And do what it tells you to. BUT not as a routine. You have to follow through your promises to yourself. First of all it will make you feel good about who you are. If you say you will do something you freaking do it! And then the second part is that the more you take short cuts the easier it is to always take short cuts. It will also should in your results. So quit failing yourself. Read the damn 30 minutes.
Keep everything at the place that is made for it. If it doesn’t have a place and there is no space for it… why do you have it? Do you ACTUALLY need it? Look the more stuff you have the more organization you have to do. The more organization you have to do, the more chances there is that you won’t do it and your whole office (and life) is a huuuuge as mess… well that is the way of life. Own less, you lose less.
Have a weekly check up with yo self. Look sister or mister, I know, you planned the week out REALLY well. It was like 10/10 on the organization- o -meter…. buuut how well did you actually execute on this list? Did you time table hold up? Did your mental health hold up? Did you have time to pet your dog? You didn’t?! How dare you be so cruel to your dog!?! In all seriousness thought. Making plans is just the 20% of the work. Doing them is about 20% and then 60% is figuring out if you actually did well with your plans, so you can make better plans in the future.
Take care of your own damn self. I have said it before and I will say it again. You will never be useful if you are dead. I mean ofc you can haunt the bad guys, but lets first change the world for the better and then haunt the rest of the assholes OK? So make taking care of yourself a habit. Skin care, meal prep, fitness, reading spirituality (even if you don’t identify as religious/spiritual you can take care of yourself spiritually, it could be meditating, going out into the nature, what ever makes you feel at peace with yourself you can just call it mental health care, I don’t give a rats ass, just take care of your self OK?!)
SO here is today’s post. I am sure the tone of voice is a bit different. I let a bit more of Alisa out to play (aka my crazy ass personality) so hope you enjoyed. Once in a while she will come out and do her thing. I also love being more professional and more researched so don’t worry, this ain’t the only way I act!
Thank you all for reading and don’t forget to comment and leave a like! I appreciate you all and hope you have a great weekend!
Welcome back to all of you who have been following me for a while. I am quite excited for this post! I can’t quite believe that I have been nominated for this award. Thank you for the nomination (more about it bellow) But most importantly thank you for those who read, like and comment on my posts! It makes me happy and shows me that what I am doing has an impact. Here is a link to my past post if you missed it: Latest post!
And let’s get cracking!
The Sunshine Blogger Award is per recognition award for bloggers who inspire readers by promoting positivity and bringing joy. Thank you, Hilary Tan, for nominating me for the Sunshine Blogger Award. This means a lot for me! And it makes me happy that I bring joy and sunshine to my readers!
Hilary has the most amazing blog, that mixes art, real life and a rawness that seriously touches the reader: Sereluna-Finding my Inner Goddess. I honestly must say that you are well on your way to finding your inner Goddess and it is great to see you helping others do the same! I only found you recently but will 100% and avid reader from now on!
SUNSHINE BLOGGER AWARD RULES
Here are couple of simple rules to keep in mind when you are nominating and when you nominate:
RULES FOR AWARD:
Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link back to their blog so others can find them.
Answer the 11 questions asked by the blogger who nominated you.
Nominate 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 new questions.
Notify the nominees about it by commenting on one of their blog posts.
List the rules and display a Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post and/or your blog site.
Q’s and A’s:
1. Why did you decide to start a blog?
I have enjoyed writing for as long as I can remember. I haven’t always been good at it but a while back I decided that I might as well do it anyway, since it makes me happy. Plus I get to improve everyday. I have been writing about self-help and health most of my blogging time, but especially now I have concentrated on the personal development aspect.
2. What year did you publish your first blog post?
I honestly don’t know. My current blog is not my first blog. But with the one I own now, I started it at the end of 2016.
3. What is your favorite blog post you’ve written and why?
My favorite post is “Stars Sentenced to Death“. This is a harsher, more negative post of mine and I wrote it right after Avicii died. I read about his death and about the comments on how it was to be expected because of the “music scene” and how it is so often that these people feel the need to turn to drugs/alcohol/self-harm. I found this very frustrating and point the finger to us, the people who love and hate these stars blindly leading to their lives derailing. Not saying we are the only ones at fault. But honestly we don’t let them have a normal life due to all of the fan giriling or hating on them for every move they make..
4. Do you own a pet? If so, what kind?
I have a dog, a middle sized Schnauzer! His name is Patu and he is 100% the boss of our household. Good lord who new these creatures to be so pigheaded?!
5. Do you have any routines before you write a blog post?
It honestly depends. Sometimes I will meditate and brainstorm ideas that come to me during the mediation. But quite often an event, an Instagram post or a book/podcast, will spark inspiration in me. I kind of would love to have a routine/ ritual for posting blogs to make it more organized. But then again sometimes it is great to just get inspired and let it flow 😀
6. What motivates you to write? Where do you find inspiration?
I love love love helping people. There is nothing better for me than to help people get their AHA moments in life. Like the “Fucking hell I actually am the one in charge of my life” moment is just like a drug. Honestly it hasn’t been a 100% easy road for me to get here so getting to that mindset isn’t easy, however helping others get there, I get shivers just talking about it!
The world is such a messed up and confused place right now. There is so much more hate than love and I honestly want to be a part of changing that. I believe that currently too many hurt people are in charge of the world. We can’t change the world if we don’t heal ourselves first (in what ever capacity it is for you) and this is why I write my blog. So people will find the power in themselves to change and rebuild themselves and after that attacking the issues of our planet with new vigor and passion.
7. What is your favorite social media platform and why?
I honestly don’t know. I think Twitter is cool because you are forced to think of what you say and how you say it, because you only have so many letters that you can use. Instagram on the other hand is so pretty! And it gives me inspiration to work on my photography to make it more artistic and to unite it with the text I write there (To anyone visiting my Instagram after this post; not all of the pics are mine :D)
8. Are you a coffee or tea drinker?
Coffee addict in the house! Can I get an AMEN from all of the sisters and brothers that are walking on the same journey of telling about the love of COFFEE to whom ever will listen?!
Honestly I love tea as well, but coffee makes me feel powerful and productive ( When honestly it doesn’t, it just makes my soul sing.)
9. What is the most valuable thing you’ve learned from blogging?
That it isn’t easy. That it requires work and it requires more from you than you were ever prepared to give. It makes your raw, angry vulnerable and all of those “negative” things. BUT once you get into it. Once you decide that it means a lot to you… it is the most rewarding thing you could imagine. (Especially when a blog post does well and make you feel like you did something good in the world. Even if it was just a small thing)
10. Are you satisfied with your blog’s progress so far?
Especially as someone who writes about personal development I don’t really know if that is even possible. It feels like I should be better since I write about being better. You just have to take as step back and realize you are just as much on the journey of growth as anyone else. Just a different path. So if I think realistically. Yes.
11. What do you fear the most?
Living a life that is unfulfilling and insignificant.
SUNSHINE BLOGGER AWARD NOMINEES
QUESTIONS FOR THE NOMINEES:
1. What is your favorite word? (Any language, if foreign please translate xD) 2. If you could go back in time, what would you change? 3. What is your favorite blog post you have read? 4. Are you a dog or a cat person (or perhaps a reptile person)? 5. What is the best advice you have ever gotten? 6. If your excuses wouldn’t hold you back, what would you do? 7. What is your favorite color? 8. What kind of a nature scene makes you the most at peace? (E.g. forest, ocean, mountains etc.) 9. What is your superpower (nothing isn’t an acceptable answer, nor I don’t know) ? 10. Where do you desperately want to travel and why? 11. What is your favorite childhood memory?
Well there was my blabbering, now it is your turn. If you visit the blog post mentioned (or another of them please leave a comment and tell me you visited from this post. Now feel free to write your own thank you, Q and A + nomination post. Hope you have fun searching your depths!
So let me guess? You never have time for anything. You have a full time job, 4 kids and a high maintenance husband … or dog… I will tell you that you very much have the time. This is proven by a speaker and author Laura Vanderkam. She has interviewed many busy people. Resulting in a very simple theory that you can achieve way more than you think if you just believe in yourself, make time for priorities and plan things out. I happen to agree. Her ted talk is absolutely amazing and highly recommend it. Here is the link: Ted
What Laura points out to us that there is 168 hours a week. If you work a full time job of 40 hours a week and sleep a solid 8 hours per night (making it 56 hours a week of sleep) you still end up with 72 hours for your own things. As one of the people she interviewed said; instead of saying you don’t have time you should say that you chose not to do xyz because they aren’t your priority. Which is true. I shall soon demonstrate how.
10 ways to make time when you are 100% sure you don’t have it!
Unsubscribe from all unnecessary emails!
You don’t need to be signed up to 50 news letters you don’t need. You will save time organizing your email and you won’t feel the pull to check that one thing out just in case you are missing out. Rather save it into your bookmarks. If you actually think about that great page like you think. You will visit on your own, without an email telling you to. Saves you time because you choose when you check the page, instead of being sidetracked when answering an email.
Make priority lists:
Laura mentioned in her Ted talk that we have 3 categories we should allocate time to. Career, Relationships and Self. Make lists of 3 things into each of the categories you want to do daily or at least weekly. This could look something like this: Career; meeting with an important person, networking and doing that one course that will 10x your income. Realtionships: date night with your significant other, seeing/being in contact with your closes friends, calling your family. Self; skin care, gym, reading/online course. This doens’tmean that you don’t get to do anything else. You most certainly will have to answer emails, make calls, and so much more. BUT if the things that are on the lists make you fulfilled you should schedule them into your calendar first.
Make people priority lists.
This sounds weird and harsh but it is effective. No matter what some people are more important to you than others. Your family is probably number 1, then your significant other and then your friends. But if you have say 20 friends that you are quite often in touch with, you have to see which ones of them you need to prioritize.
How you do this is up to you. You might want to prioritize those you haven’t seen in a while or maybe those who are closer to you are the ones who get the most attention. There is no wrong answer. Just make sure that you take care of your social side in a smart way. You can book 20 meetings with friends in a week. I am sure it is easy even if you see couple of them at once. But do you want to put yourself through that?
What are your time wasters?
How do you spend the time you commute? How about the time you wait for the doctor to call you into his office? What do you do during your lunch break? Most of you will answer that you check emails or social media or something else not important. Doing some of those is fine. But instead of scrolling insta on the bus, why not read/listen to a book?
During lunch break why not talk with co-workers, you will get some socializing in and build stronger networks. If you work from home you could go for a walk for 15 minutes and then eat. So many choices, check from the self category what is on the priority list; reading? Gym? Could you make it happen instead of being is social media?
See what can you outsource or automatize.
Certain emails you can mark as junk or make them go into the right folder. Bills you can pay automatically in online banks, so you don’t have to worry about anything else except that there is money on your bank account. You can outsource some of your emails. For example if something is to do with marketing and you have a marketing team, you can make sure those emails forward automatically to your team.
Or you can ask your office assistant to bring you a latte (if it is part of her job, no need to make her run just cos you are a coffee addict.) You can ask someone else to do almost anything. Make sure that only those tasks you absolutely need to do will get done by you.
Look its is sooooo hard. I know. We live in a world where A) we get bombarded with new things all the time and B) everything is marketed in “you don’t want to miss out on this”. The fear of missing out is real! But the actual truth is that you can’t attend all the concerts, movie premiers, trips to all over the world, still have a family, job plus a social life. So you have to say no to opportunities, to people asking for your help and to your own wants as well.
If you don’t know whether to say no or yes, check your priority list. Does it take care one of them, for example seeing friends. Cool say yes. If it doesn’t do anything for you but actually takes time off the priorities say no. It is normal to miss out on things. But missing out on a concert is way better than feeling stressed about how to fit in the important things.
Don’t overbook yourself.
This might seem counter intuitive. Why should I mark that I commute to work place in 45 minutes when I know it takes only 30. Because, sometimes the car breaks down, the traffic is weird, the bus driver doesn’t see you and doesn’t stop etc. The 15 minutes is a buffer time, that makes it possible for you to be late and still be on time. If you however are the 15 minutes earlier, you can walk to your favorite cafe and get that latte, so your assistant doesn’t have to be running around. Genius!
Look this is one of those wtf are you talking about, but seriously just listen. If you have only 10 outfits to chose from you will be way faster than if you have 100 of them. The same thing goes if you have one pen, your favorite, you don’t have to try the 30 ones out. If you have 50 books that you have on the to read shelf, you will take your whole reading time trying to choose what you feel like. (And you will change the book choice next time.) So owning less will save you time. A while back I have talked about minimalism and how to pick and choose from trends in this post. : Picking and Choosing
Don’t bother over thinking.
Laura has a quote: “Most stuff doesn’t matter. Think about today’s date two years ago. Can you remember what you were worried about then?” Probably not and the truth is it probably wasn’t a big deal then either. But you stressed about it. You lost sleep over it. Didn’t work as well due to the lack of sleep etc. Stop stressing all the time.
Take time to do things that are “time wasters”
Now don’t you dare only read this and tell all of your friends how Alisa told you to waste your time. Nu-uh! However this is an actual tip from me. Sometimes we deserve to just watch a silly comedy on the TV with a bucket of ice cream. Or scroll on Instagrams cat video page. It is perfectly fine to take this time to switch out brains off. As long as we don’t forget to put them back on.
Key take away from the Ted Talk:
In Laura’s Ted talk there was something that really resonated with me: She tells about a busy woman who had no extra time. But then her water cooler broke, which resulted in a huge mess. As you can imagine. It took 7 hours from her week to get rid of the water and to clean everything up. Now if you had asked that woman if she had 7 extra hours in her week. She would have probably said hell no. But because there was a crisis, she found the 7 hours.
What Laura says is that “We can’t make time but it will stretch to accommodate what we choose to put into it.” So in short, our priories should be treated like that water cooler crisis. We just have to find time for them. After all it is what will make us actually fulfilled.
Thanks for reading , don’t forget to comment your favorite tip. Also please follow me on my socials, seen on the left, or from the 3 lines if you are on a mobile device 🙂
Here is some more links that I used for inspiration or that I feel you should 😉
Have you wondered if you are in a matrix and everything is just an illusion. That you never really even know your potential because you are trapped into a box and you don’t have a way out right now?
Well without all conspiracy theories I can honestly say you probably are in a trap. A trap you have made for yourself and I am just as much a victim of a self inflicted trap as you are. The best way to get out of these traps is to recognize them.
5 Traps to avoid
Needing to be always right. I get it. It is so fun to be right and seem smart. I like that feeling too. However most of the time being right doesn’t really do anything. Being wrong and accepting that doesn’t make you weak. It makes your aware of things and forces you to learn new facts and skills. Saying that you were wrong is one of the hardest things in life. I know… but, the thing is that if you don’t claim to be right in the first place you don’t have to take it back…simple
Cursing that life isn’t fair. It isn’t and that sometimes sucks BUT the thing is that talking about how life isn’t fair and all of the rich people have everything and blah blah blah, it doesn’t do anything. Won’t turn life fair all of a sudden. It’s not like life hears your whining and is like “Shit, I have been a right bitch, must change” Instead of using your time to talk about how like isn’t fair, work hard with the rules that life has. Life is a bitch? Be a bitch back. Work hard and make sure you get ahead. It will require effort, but so does bitching about things. You might as well choose the one that brings you more value.
Living by other peoples rules. I am knee deep in this trap. Honestly it is one of the hardest things in life. Especially when it comes to friends and family. If someone in your family has a certain way of seeing things, then you all of a sudden feel like shit if you go against those “rules”. I have big goals. But I often feel the need to make them smaller because they scare other people. Not even myself, but others. It is so easy to start thinking the same way as others. “That is too risky/too hard/” and all of a sudden you start wondering… “well maybe it is too risky/too hard/” You have just as much of a chance to fail and the things that are “safe”. Being miserable and safe is still a failure. Above all you end up hurting yourself by listening to others too much.
Wanting things to be easy. This is a trap like no other. It is what makes people want to play lotto, or “buy into make money easy and fast by just clicking thing thing and paying 0.99 cents”. Life isn’t supposed to be easy. People get into a flow state when something isn’t too easy, we need a bit or a challenge to motivate us. Of course this also means that we can’t do things that are way too hard, because we need at least small successes to keep us interested. However if life would be easy, people who for instance got rich fast and now “have everything”, would be the happiest. And they aren’t. Work hard, achieve your goals, be of service to others. Easy isn’t the answer.
Having pity party all the damn time. We get it. Life sucks. Teachers suck. Politicians suck…Everything suckity sucks sucks sucks. The problem is that whining about it doesn’t do anything. Talking about how someone is an idiot won’t change them into a fantastic person. You have two choices. Talk to them and say what bothers you. You delete them out of your life. Doing things that aren’t fun will always be in our lives. Either its taxes, or you have to have a war with papers or something else. Talking about how much it sucks and poor you, won’t take the tasks away. It will however prolong your suffering. So cut the pity party and just do the shit and move on.
This post might sound to many that we shouldn’t ever allow negativity enter our lives. This isn’t my goal. Crying is healthy, talking through shit is great. What isn’t great, is getting stuck in that shit. As a result not getting forward in your life. Life isn’t fair and some days suck. You can make choices and act in a way that makes life less shitty. One way is by getting out of the traps listed above.
I am most trapped into traps 3 and 5. Which one is the most problematic for you?
I am sure if you follow certain successful people, you have noticed certain aspects. Now there are exceptions to these rules and the reason they work, is exactly because of that, they are exceptions. So once you learn this receipt, you are free to try and get out of the box. I actually implore that you do. But first; let’s find out the clear ones:
Be nice. Don’t over do it. Don’t let others walk over you. But while being nice and sweet is usually seen as a personality trait. It can totally be your mindset. You can choose to be nice. If someone steps on your shoes, and you want to bark at them, instead just smile and say it isn’t an issue. If a customer is being rude, just apologize for the inconvenience and wish them a good rest of a day. Not in a sarcastic voice ( tho you might want to, trust me I’ve been there….) but honestly. Most of the time it makes the customer get a bit flustered and makes them regret being rude.
Be a problem solver.Sometimes you will get questions you don’t know an answer to. Instead of just saying: “Sorry, I have no idea”. Figure it out. Make a call, google it anything. It might not even be something relating to your job. A great attention from someone who isn’t even your customer can reach to someone who is a potential customer. And the chance is that if they already are a customer they will stay that way and tell about you to others. So, you don’t lose anything.
Everything is figureoutable. Ties in a lot with the one before: This is something that Marie Forleo preaches and if I am not mistaken she was the one to coin the term. But having this mindset will help you with building a business, figuring out a homework, figuring out how to help a customer. Anything and everything. There is something supper powerful in a person who finds a solution.
Be charming: There is nothing more amazing than a person who is great at achieving things, being nice and on top of all that a charmer. It can be simple like helping someone carry things you see them struggling with. It can be your boss, co-worker, customer. Comment on someones outfit. Smile when ever possible. People often tell that saying good morning to your co-workers does amazing things and I absolutely agree to that. However you can say hi even if you are on the phone and both hands are busy, just smile, or blink at them. Problem solving, remember?
Have a humor: This has its risks. Obviously. Everyone will find different things fun. I happen to be sarcastic. But I don’t have to use sarcasm if I sense that the “audience” isn’t on the same page on that. It can be a dad joke, or even just laughing at someone else’s joke. It can be laughing at being clumsy. The more you smile and laugh (in a professional way)
So in short; be someone with an entrepreneurial mindset. Get shit done and be fun, nice and charming about it!
Success is a long ass road. So don’t come barking at me for not becoming a millionaire yesterday just because you have these mindsets. You need to do so much more than just these. BUT these mindsets will make you go extremely far. You might not become successful just having these mindsets but without these you definitely won’t be. Trust me.
Which of these have worked for you in the past? Or which do you need to implement for the future?
P.S Don’t forget to follow me on the socials seen on the left 😉
I love this quote. It is so simple, fun and so very true. I mean who doesn’t love a quote that rhymes but is still smart?
If you follow my Facebook page you would have seen this quote already. So if you don’t follow the page yet, go ahead and check it out here: Facebook
How can this quote change your life?
If you live by the rule of this quote it becomes very simple. Just do a bit more. When you are good at something change the goal to being better at it and after that best at it. Of course you get to chose what those things are and no one is telling you to become the best at everything. But striving for something better everyday is a great way to change your life.
Instead of just laying in bed today go on a walk. It is better than what you had in plans. Instead of doing only 8 reps at the gym do 9 this time. Instead of accepting that you study a language only 15 minutes today, study it for 30 minutes. Push yourself just a bit more. Not till you drop. So obviously listen to your body. But don’t make it an excuse. Instead of turning the TV on, you can just learn couple of more words from the language you want to learn or something similar.
Which quote motivates you? Leave it in the comments! I would love to read them!
What is personal development? Get rich fast scheme. Work non stop till you drop so you can die becoming a millionaire. Well, I am sure someone could think of it that way… but no.
I am very fascinated with personal development. But I think there is a misconception that there is one way of doing personal development. And that just isn’t accurate. It is call personal for a reason. It is the development you instill in yourself. And it can look different for different people.
If someone would ask what I think personal development is, I would say it is someone working on their weaknesses and getting out of the comfort zone. There must be a part which is not comfortable to you. Because those things that are easy and nice to do, don’t make you grow. They are still important to have in your life, but they don’t make you grow (sorry)
How ever what you do in order to grow is up to you. It could be traveling; there is so much to learn about yourself and the world with traveling. It forces you to think about your finances and it makes you be more organized, since ofc. you don’t want to miss your train/bus/plane etc.
It can just as well be reading books on the topics that you don’t know. It can be fitness, it can be going to courses. Anything. But you have to do it well.
I started personal development about 5 ish years ago. And I can’t say I have come far. Not because I have some extremely hard story to tell. Simply because I haven’t before given my all to working on myself. You can always find something to work on. But it is very easy to come up with excuses. Just like with anything. And I sure did.
Personal development is very important. It requires self discipline and awareness. You must realize what you must change or work on in yourself and stick to it. That isn’t easy. But if you want to go from where you are to somewhere better. Something that you have dreamed about, you must work on yourself.
Why do I think it is extremely important? We as a society constantly look at everyone else. Judging and saying how everyone else is so dumb and “I would have done it better”…would you have? I mean maybe. If so then just go and do those things differently. Work hard to make sure you can make a change. If we work on ourselves to be the best us we can be. Then things we achieve when we come all together are magnificent.
Many broken people aren’t going to make a full society. So working on ourselves is way more important than pointing fingers at others.
Running after happiness is like running after someone who will kiss you and then punch you in the face.
Happiness is such a broad word and I at least feel like it doesn’t actually mean anything. It is just a filler in a conversation: “Are you happy?” I will try to explain why happiness is kinda bs. However to make sure we don’t have to start studying biology and chemistry, I have simplified everything a lot. So please if you want more information, check the links I have left at the end, and research yourself. Let’s get into it:
There is a reason why the world happy is in quotes, in the title. I don’t think we understand what happiness means. And the truth is that my happiness and your happiness are two very different things. For some reasons though, we always try to copy others in the hope of getting the same kind of hit that the other person got. The we get bitter when it doesn’t make us feel good and we feel like we’ve been lied to…
So let’s talk about what is happiness scientifically (very simplified). DOSE (Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin and Endorphin) are in charge of the feelings of happiness, in very different ways. Endorphins come out to play when you do something that you have to power through like fitness goal. While oxytocin makes you bond with people and serotonin is a regulator. You get dopamine actually when you anticipate something. Why is this important to understand? Well this means there at least 4 different ways to be “happier”. Actually more because there are other chemicals in the brain that work to make you feel “good” but I won’t get into them all.
However this gets us to the next point I have. The happiness chemicals don’t work in the sense that we think that they do. Easy example would be serotonin. The chemical that makes you feel hungry and happy after you eat. (simplified a lot). So then you would think that food makes you happy. And it does, in a way. That is why it is easy to start over eating. Because who doesn’t like food. This means that we will get happy from over eating. And from expecting the food we get dopamine… but when have you ever hear about an actually happy food addict. Someone who is over weight is not happy. They might act happy with food in front of them but a little while after they eat they get sad and guilty and then there is the cycle. Eat be happy stop eating feel bad. What do you think we end up doing? … Yeah … eating some more.
So, if we think about happiness as the surge of chemicals and lack of happiness when chemicals aren’t having a party, this means we must always DO something, in order to be happy. BUT this is again where our brains will work against us. Because what better way than get a DOSE than to sit around all day, scroll the phone, order uber eats and then just do the same thing when you feel the guilt and self loathing raise? This is the reason “happiness” isn’t such a great concept and feeling good for a while doesn’t mean you are happy overall.
I suggest a very easy cure for you all who feel like happiness is always running away from you. Instead of grabbing that burger, phone, having sex(All of which are btw good things in moderation) What I suggest is making a list of things that make you feel good AND proud/fulfilled after you do it. Want to feel good about bonding with people? Help someone. Want to feel the anticipation of something? Try planning a trip or organize a get together with friends. Or try something new that you have never done before. The key is to feel good even after you are done doing it. Not that you have failed yourself. This takes away the huge crashes you might get.
So happiness isn’t only about getting some chemicals to party in your brain. You must also make them party in a good way, instead of making them feel hangover after 10 minutes. Doing good things, smart things will make you feel good for longer, because the memory of those good things will make you feel happy again instead of sad.
Now to the last but maybe the most important point: HAPPY isn’t the same thing as easy. Happy isn’t about getting the biggest hit of DOSE, often. It is about balancing out things. It is about making yourself proud, fulfilled. This is why I strongly suggest to run after fulfillment, about feeling good in a smart way. Running after happiness on its own is like running after someone who kisses you and then punches you right after it… and I don’t think that is a healthy relationship to be in. Even if its just inside our brains. Run after being fulfilled and proud of who you are. That will be more like running after someone who isn’t actually running away from you. They are just playing tag with you and once you catch them, they will kiss you and take you out on a date. (Better than the punch in the face right?)
What are the smart things that make you happy? What makes you fulfilled and proud of yourself after? If you have questions, about this or something else, let me know! I will be happy to try and answer or to even write a blog post on the topic!
Here are the resources I used for the blog: 4 Chemicals and Psychology Today Also don’t forget to check out the communities we have (and take part in them 😉 ) over here:
I have written a blog post about this a while ago. But I feel that this is so important that I want to do it again. And hopefully I add even more ideas and value to you guys 🙂
Write about the perfect life in your eyes. How would you feel about yourself. What would you do. Who would you spend time with. How would you bring value to the world. What would your salary be. Every single little detail. Write it out. And then start taking action, even if just a small little step like reading about the industry you want to work in or if you already have a degree sending out a well planned job application.
Write about what you have learned this day. It doesn’t have to be anything too extravagant, because we obviously aren’t going to learn the same amount daily. Some days we actually have a course we attend or a lecture, while others we scroll internet for the whole day (yea…I see you 😀 ) This will help make you see you are actually evolving and especially so, if you make learning your priority n.1 and you go out of your way to have something new to tell your dear diary (yes the boys too, everyone gotta learn. If you want to keep it masculine get a blue one. If you like pink 😉 nothing wrong with a bit of pink with glitter :D)
Write out the amazing and positive stuff. Yes, even if your day sucked. Don’t write about the negativity (at least not on the norm) Your brain will remember the negative shit anyway. But write out the positive. Even if it is; well I got a parking spot fast. Yes, it counts as a positive.
Journal of all of the opportunities you said yes to and no to. This way you can track if you are too much of a yes-person or a no person. If you always say no, you will realize that you might miss out on stuff (smart no saying is essential tho) and if you say yes too much, you aren’t reliable because you have to go back on your promises and that is worse than just saying no right away.
Keep a goal journal. Write about how you achieve the goal. What you did right/wrong. What didn’t go as you assumed. Write what steps seem to repeat themselves no matter the goal. Make sure to keep it positive, the idea is to make yourself see the goals you have accomplished. This will give you the boost you need when you get into the dark place of ” I never do anything right”. BUT be realistic. If you could have reached that goal in half the time if you have been more disciplined. Write that. It’s still great that you achieved it and you should feel proud. But you have to learn from each goal, to make it easier next time, because you are prepared.
Whoop Whoop keep lets get it! I would love for you to tag me into pictures when you write these. On instagram @changedlife365 and on twitter same @changedlife365! Lets go let go lets go! I’m so excited for this! I really think these are great topics to write about. It can be daily, like with the positivity prompt or once in a while like the goals prompt. Make it your own!
I love personal development. If we change ourselves we are able to change the world. I honestly believe that. Here are my 5 recommended resources to get on your journey!
Tom Bilyeu: Let this man and his youtube channel lead you into the amazing, fascinating and mind blowing crevices of personal development. While this man himself if a legend in my eyes, his guests phenomenal. If you don’t want to get rid of your excuses of why you can’t do something, don’t watch this. Because Tom Bilyeu and his guests will cut through all the BS you tell yourself.
SkillShare: I am not sponsored by them (But I would love to be). I have not at all used this amazing tool to its fullest capacity. I wish I could say how I watch something from here everyday…but that would be a lie. However what I have watched thus far, and the idea of it as a whole is spectacular. Check it out. Considering the platforms amazing selection of lessons and the pretty decent price; I would assume that everyone would already be on this platform.
The5amClub, Robin Sharma: A personal development book that feels like a casual read. This is a perfect mix of fictional story telling with lessons for life that will change your life, if you let them. I can’t recommend this enough!
Meditation: This in itself isn’t a recourse like the others. But you can find so many guided meditations on YouTube that, its a recourse in itself. Meditation has helped me immensely. There are a lot of things I still have to manage and organize and plan but this has been a great tool for me not to let my stress get overwhelming!
LinkedIn: You probably didn’t expect this. And I get it. It is seen as a tool to get ahead in your career, but isn’t that personal development? You can follow anyone you respect on LinkedIn, who will share their insights with you. You can read about anything on this platform from slide share or from people you follow sharing resources. And you can network with fascinating people who will help you on your personal path for growth. In turn you will help other when you share your success and things you have learned along your journey!
What are you favorite personal development resources? Have you tried anything from above, if so, what did you think? Don’t forget to like, comment and share :3
People alive today have a tremendous responsibility to change the world. And I absolutely feel the same responsibility. As I should. BUT there are couple of messages on the media today that I don’t agree with.
One: If you don’t fight for all of the issues and causes in the world today you are an asshole; Honestly we can’t expect everyone to worry about every single issue in the world.
If you try to seriously fight against all the issues at the same time, you will fail. Not because you would suck as a person but because no person has the energy to fight against 1000+ things that are currently wrong in a world, and still have enough money and time for themselves and their family.
If you try to do 1000+ at once, we all know that none of those things will be done properly. So it is OK to choose only one or a couple of battles that you are willing to fight. No one is going to be useful if they are in an early grave due to lack of sleep/taking care of themselves.
“When the well’s dry, we know the worth of water.”
This quite is talking about how we notice the worth of something when there is a lack of it. BUT this works just as well when talking of people who have exhausted themselves. When you are no longer able to fight for anything, people will realize that you are missing.
“Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness.”
This quote aswell isn’t a direct representation of what I am trying to say. But there is a point to it being here. When you don’t have time for yourself you end up in pain and suffering and sickness and that is when you are of no use to anyone else.
Two: There is this idea that if you believe in something and it is currently your mission in life, you have to become a recruiter and try and get everyone on board. There is this idea that if you can force someone to agree with you then somehow you have won. But actually you haven’t. Because you spent time trying to make someone agree with something they don’t want to do. Rather than actually getting people with the same mission and passion to join your cause.
Look nothing good has ever come from forcing people to see your way. It has been a catalyst for fights, violence and just plain negativity. Show the worth of your cause by fighting for it, show it by talking about it and by informing about it to the people.
If someone reads a blog post about it, or sees you take action, they are much more likely to start following and researching things. If you however yell at them for saying no once and call them an asshole they will never again want to hear anything from you or your cause. Most likely they will be turned off from the message totally, so no one else will get through to them either.
Three: My cause is better than your cause…. it sounds so similar to my religion is better than your religion… Seriously we aren’t five anymore. Every cause is important. Different causes help different things. Saving elephants is important for our ecosystem. Making sure that people get an education is important for over all improvement of the world. Helping people to succeed and to find their purpose is important, even if they would be “privileged”. Because they in turn can help those who aren’t so privileged after they have found their voice and their mission in life. Plus lets be honest. It is easier to help a lot of people at once when you have a voice and money. Sometimes saving ourselves first is the only way to save someone else. It is hard to save someone from drowning if we drowned first.
Honestly fighting who’s cause is more important and who’s money should be put in which charity is idiotic. It is common sense that someone who has lost a family member to cancer will be more likely to care about cancer care than about alcoholism. Someone who has seen poverty a lot will be more likely to fight against that than planting trees and so on.
Let’s spend less time fighting and way more time having discussion. Because sometimes two causes can be unified. Poverty, bettering education and girls rights can have some common ground. Planting trees and taking care of elephants might have something in common. When we join forces we are stronger. When we get stuck on someone not being exactly the same as us, we end up shooting ourselves in the ankle.
Wise men do not quarrel with each other.
What’s your mission in life? Leave a comment below I would love to have a discussion about this with you guys! And let’s remember, the more of us fight for different things, the more things will be taken care of 🙂
Since the invention of alcohol, drugs and unhealthy food, we have had addictions. This is nothing new. But I honestly am extremely worried of the current and future generations. (yeah that means myself too)
It is so easy to find something to get addicted to. And you honestly don’t need to use much money for it, if at all. Porn, social media, junk food, over the counter medicine. Some of these things aren’t bad in small doses. But we do quite often forget where the limit is.
If you click on Youtube, you will find huge amounts of content. You can get addicted to always clicking the next video. And if that already isn’t enough, a huge trend right now is to look at people eat huge amounts of foods and make 15 000- 20 000 calorie challenges. And as it is human nature we end up craving food and chances are we watch those videos while eating food or go get junk food after watching them.
Is this type of content inherently bad? No. I honestly don’t think there is anything bad at watching someone sharing stories while eating and eating yourself. If you know where the limit goes…. but like with most addictions, they start from going over the limit couple of times too much. And not noticing it becoming a habit and an issue.
Our brain are amazing and at the same time they are very sensitive to over stimulation. They like it and they get used to it. Not only do we chemically get addicted to the dopamine hit that we get from food, porn or constant new content from social media. Our brains also form neurological pathways that make it hard to stop the habit of doing something. For a smoker it might be about holding the cigarette between their fingers, for someone addicted to coffee its about the making of the coffee, or having a cup to hold.
So how do we stop this from happening. I honestly think that having a conversation at schools and at home is something that is really important. Make it a family thing to go on walks as often as possible. Have a family dinner that is always without any phones (the parents included, no work is so important you can’t eat with your family) Make sure that kids under 8 don’t even use their phones/ipads etc unless absolutely necessary. And so on.
I am one of the children almost born with a phone in my hands. I know how hard parents and schools have to fight against kids using it. But honestly we will thank them later on. I am extremely thankful today for the limitations my parents had on my games and phone/computer. Did I fight them and think they were stupid at the time? Absolutely! Did I actually have a good childhood where I could have my own imaginary friends without having to have virtual reality glasses? Yes, and honestly it is the best thing ever.
Today’s world is an amazing place. There is so much that is changing and becoming better. The thing is, that we make things better and invent things because we have an imagination and creativity. If the future generations won’t get to play themselves and won’t become creative because all of the brain stimulation is given to them in the form of AR and VR, we will eventually stagnate.
This is why I implore all of the parents new and future ones, to form limits. Make your kids read books, make them draw, let them have their imaginary friends and play in the sand and get all dirty. This is all part of childhood. I get it is hard to do all of this, because everyone has the news gadget and then your kid wonders why you can’t have it. But when they are older they will thank you.
Thank you for reading! I hope this resonated with you. What do you think about all of the new technology and how much kids get to spend time online?
In this age it is so normal to have an opinion about everything. But does this opinion stem from something else except just “well I think this way”… perhaps jealousy?
More often than not I hear about how rich people are so selfish and if you have money then you sold your soul to the devil. If you look beautiful then of course you are shallow and you probably just got an operation done to enhance your looks. (If you have done an operation to enhance your look as long as it doesn’t harm you I don’t have anything against it)
But honestly, a lot of those people who have a lot of money actually do fight against every day issues. Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to fight against climate change iiSuperwomanii also known as Lily Singh is known to work for girls right (she also happens to have over 10 million subscribers on her platforms and is a millionaire and happens to be amazing)
Here is also a link to 30 most generous celebrities on Forbes.
My point is that just because you are rich doesn’t make you a bad person. Or if you look amazing or if you are famous or what ever it is that people feel the need to be jealous about…
The jealous are troublesome to others but a torment to themselves
Money doesn’t make anyone good or bad. Money helps it show to others who you were before you got it. Selfish or not. Good looks don’t make you bad. A lot of beautiful people work hard in order to bring body positivity to the world.
Maybe people who talk about others in a negative, jealous way just want to be rich but they try to come up with excuses not to actually put the hard work required to become rich. It easier to say rich people are bad, because of course then you don’t need to work to become successful, who would inherently want to become a bad person?
The world as it is doesn’t have space for jealousy. If you want something go and work for it. Become a good successful person. You think of all people who are rich to be bad? Become the exception. But don’t let your jealousy and your excuses make you a bitter person. Because just like a successful person can be bad so can a poor/bitter person.
I would also like to add that those people who are extremely rich and are not interested in anyone else except themselves, who just harm others. They aren’t actually successful. Success is having a family, friends, health and great experiences in life. You can have those things without money. How ever you can’t buy loved ones with money, nor health. This is why I don’t ever think a horrible and selfish rich person will ever be actually successful nor happy.
I honestly think it would be a good thing to talk more about money. Not in the sense of I have this much and I can buy this many Channel products. But in the form of like here are all the good things you can get with money; you can take care of your family, you can help people achieve more things, you can have positive experiences that inspire you, you can study things and bring more value to others. You can donate to people in crisis, you can donate to hospitals. And yes, you can use the money on yourself as well, taking care of yourself, wanting good and wonderful things for yourself isn’t a sin. When you care for yourself, what ever that means to you, you can better serve others. As long as not everything is about you, money bad.
I honestly believe we will do way better as a nation if we just hate on people less. Instead of acting as if a mean tweet or youtube comment will change something, make sure we change the world with the way we live our lives. Like Tom Bilyeu always asks the people who he interviews ” What’s the impact you want to have on the world?” Ask yourself that and work on achieving it, instead of acting as if bitching about how someone has a Lamborghini and you don’t is unfair. Cos this might come as a shock… but life isn’t usually fair; but you can be.
Thank you for reading! I hope you resonated with what I had to say and I hope that now you can feel good about working hard to be successful. Just become the most friendlies, loveliest and caring billionaire in the world who gives a lot of extra value and care to the planet and the people.
I feel like there is a huge misunderstanding about who extroverted people are and who introverted people are and whether or not you can succeed if you are introverted. First of all, yes you definitely have to succeed. And you don’t have to change who you are in order to please others.
I am not going to deny that you need to be able to talk with people if you want success but sometimes being introverted actually helps with that. You are more likely to listen and wait for others to tell you about themselves and speak their mind. This gives you a chance to learn a huge amount of new things and on top of that it will make you very likable because you probably remember better what they said, since you aren’t just waiting to say something in return.
Being confident and being extremely outgoing isn’t a synonym to being confident. There are a lot of people who hide behind being a “clown” and making others just laugh all the time, so they don’t let people too close (This is me quite often, I’m better than I used to be but still). I honestly do think of myself as pretty confident but it is not an over all confidence. I have those areas about me that I know I am strong with and those that really really need help. A lot of it!
But this is to everyone not only to you who are shy and are afraid that you can’t be confident but also for you who are loud and think you have all going for you. Both have work to do. Both of you go and grab some paper and a pencil. And seriously take 30 minutes right now to write what is special and great about you , your skills, your ways of thinking, how you treat others and so on (the answer there is nothing good about me is not acceptable by the way). After you have written and thought about your strengths think of how you can use them to your advantage.
And your strong points don’t actually have to be your future job. Just because you are good in math, doesn’t mean you need to become a mathematician. Maybe you will start a business about something totally different, because you are curious about that other topic and want to learn more, but your math skills help you with the financial aspects. Maybe you are a great communicator but instead of becoming the communication expert at your company you actually start a blog business, etc etc.
Your skills aren’t set in stone, you can hone anything and make it better and stronger and more valuable to those who you want to serve. BUT remembering your unique skills, ways of thinking and so on, will help you build confidence that is a key for success, whether you are the person making everyone laugh, or you are the person asking if someone is OK because you remember them talking about a tough time from last week.
Neither option is a bad one, nor are they as clear cut as I made in this blog post. Anyone who meets me will tell you that I am an extrovert. And I absolutely need the contact with people and I love making others laugh and to talk with people for hours. But I hate parties that are extremely loud, and if I spend a long time with a lot of people I need a day or two to recharge.
As always thanks for reading! Can’t wait to hear from you! And I will leave all of my social media communities linked below!
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So you have a huge to do list to complete and you really want to sleep, but you know you can’t because there would be no power in the whole world that would get you out of bed if you’ll lay on it? Yeah, I know that feeling all too well. As a student… let’s just say it is almost a daily struggle. So what to do? I have seriously quite many ideas for you but since I know you are supposed to be working/ studying right now, I will give you five. Maybe we can make this into a series if you feel interested 😉
Get up and do some jumping jacks or push ups or just walk. Honestly I know this feels like the dumbest thing ever. What, I’m supposed to do fitness stuff when I want to sleep. Yeah not gonna happen. But honestly you don’t have to do it for hours. Just a couple of movements and a little bit of stretching will get your blood pumping and your heart beating and the best part is since you are moving your brain gets activated because it is getting a signal that stuff is happening. So, move you booty!
Go make yourself a tea or coffee, eat some fruit. This is helpful again because you actually move, you get some nutrients in ya that you brain might just like, annnnd you get to do something else than just stare at the screen or book, without actually understanding shit. But after the pause actually get back to work….no honestly, yeah… I see you on the Instagram… you can’t fool me. I’m the queen of procrastination, I know whats going down when no ones watching.
Chew gum. It activates your brain more because again you are actually doing something. Don’t over do it. But especially if you know you have to remember something, chew gum and use the same flavor in the exam. 😉
Make a realistic to do list. And this is kind of a tip for before you even start working. In the morning (or the night before) you think you are a superwoman(or man) and you can get anything done. Writing a report in 5 minutes? No problem! Then the next day you look at the 50 item to-do list and you start snoring before you finish reading it… So actually make it realistic.
Meditate, journal and/or do some breathing exercises. This make you get to the present moment. To some this will sound very spiritual, but honestly it is just as well psychological. (If you want to make it spiritual be my guest, I myself do it so) How ever if you aren’t into the “voovoo” stuff; here is how I would do it. I would sit down, put calm nature/classical music on and concentrate on the breathing. Nothing more nothing less. This makes you calm down your nervous system and makes you more creative and relaxed. This in turn especially if you make it a routine makes you, more productive. Journaling is also great because it releases all of your brain space. Instead of having 50 things in your mind, you know you have it written down and you can get back to it later, and surprisingly enough you don’t get tired as easily. Why? Because you aren’t busy trying to make you brain shut up. Ever had those moments of writing an essay and having to constantly tell yourself to stop thinking about xyz and no you don’t have to do that other task now rather than writing etc. All of this is by the way also proven scientifically, so go ahead give it a try!
As you might have noticed none of these tips were how to miraculously work through 48 hours and not sleep at all. What this was; plan things smarter and take smart breaks not to be dead. It seriously does work. So go and have a try. Oh and make sure not to disregard these tips because you can’t apply them 100% If you work a very busy job while going to the bathroom do a breathing exercise, or on the bus. If you can go get a cup of coffee, stand up at you desk. If nothing else with a pretense of searching for a paper etc. You can always do something for self-care. And if your company doesn’t allow that, trust me when I say you can find better. Maybe not right now, but you can.
As always thanks for reading and comment down below if you want to ask something or add something!
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Contradicting queen in da house! How could this be accurate? Well, in multiple ways actually. You know feeling you have of wanting to plan things to the t, make everything perfect. But you actually never start executing?
If you want to get a six-pack, think less of the how. Let’s be honest here; you have already read all the info on how to do it. And you know there is no shortcut sooo; Now you just go and fucking do it. Will you fail? Yes. Depending on who you are maybe a couple of times or maybe even more times. Then you learn what food amount and exercise amount works for you. And I know this might come as a shock to you (not really) but you can’t know if a routine/food etc. works for you before giving it a try. Just by thinking about getting abs, isn’t going to cut it (Sorry to break it to you)
How else are we more likely to achieve more if we think less? Well, let’s stick with the six-pack example. If we are obsessively checking ourselves in the mirror and on the scale, going to the gym 5 times a day and eating 12 eggs breakfast, lunch and dinner… Our results will be; early grave. (Was I exaggerating a little or what…?!)
Instead of just thinking of why things aren’t changing and what to do to make it happen faster, we just concentrate on working out routinely, fueling our body to the best of our abilities and having fun on the daily, our months go by so much faster, and then seeing the results come to us way faster (well it feels that way, because if you wait for something it usually feels like an eternity)
Why not thinking about it makes it feel like comes faster: Well, if you everyday look at your body and expect a change, you just won’t see it (even if it had changed) and this will make you feel disappointed and make you more likely to quit. Now there are ways of making you see change better, by taking before and after pictures etc. I will write about that another time. But if you concentrate on how things aren’t changing and think of they ways to make it happen fast, you can actually make things worse for yourself. For example like starting a fad diet that messes up your metabolism, or just getting very depressed because nothing changes.
Now, this is all is not to say you can’t be working hard towards you goals. Absolutely work hard af. BUT, don’t get stuck on it. You have a goal, you know you work hard for it. And you make good, healthy and realistic steps to achieve it? Great that is all you can do right now. Now just relax and enjoy the process. It will all come to you, whether its a six-pack, a great job or anything else you are working towards.
I always make sure I keep changing things up. Whether it is my room or my style a bit or my blog. Now I haven’t made any visual changes because I actually quite like it. My goal at some point is to take my own pictures for my blog, but that I know will happen at some point.
What has changed now: “Drum rollllll” is that I have a Facebook group for us life changers! I love love love the idea of many people talking about books read, goals achieved and life changes they are planning on making/ or have made. I just find the energy in that so freaking positive and uplifting I can’t even begin to explain my excitement. This how ever doesn’t work if you guys don’t get into the groove as well. Let’s build our own little community (and big one day) that help each other reach their dreams and goals.
I have often felt like I don’t really have this community for personal development with people who have the same goals. So if you feel the same and want to surround yourself with like minded people come and hit me a like! Here: ChangedLife365
There are also other links to my social media and to the Facebook page that you find in the upper right corner. Go and follow and let’s have communities there as well! Can’t wait till we grow as a community and share out thoughts and ideas with everyone.
Warning n.1 This page is a safe place for everyone. No matter your sexuality, gender, religion, race etc. As long as you don’t try to push any other agenda apart for personal development, we are all good.
Warning n.2 This page is not a pity party. I don’t think it serves anyone to talk about how everything is going bad and how change is hard. Ofc it is. Your brain works against you, your circumstances might be shit and the idea of getting up from bed sucks. But if you are expecting me to just tap you on the head and say I understand… this is not going to be the place for you (sorry) You must really be serious about change.
Can’t wait to hear from all of you! And hope we get a bomb ass conversation started! Good luck to all on your journeys and lets share it others who are just as determined!
Ages ago I stumbled upon a fascinating youtube interview between Marie Forleo and Daniel LaPorte. In case you are interested in taking a peak; the video is here: Goal Setting.
Instead of the basic goal setting that we are accustomed to; lose weight, travel the world, gain x amount of money. What this interview dives into, are the feelings you get when you achieve something you want. So instead of lose weight you would say you want to feel sexy/beautiful/confident. Instead of having x amount of money you want to feel free/secure/abundance. And you goal, is to achieve that feeling, not the tangible amount of money or a six pack.
Why should it be the feeling you go after? Well x amount of money that you assume is going to make you happy, might not make you happy. Usually people assume that they need way more than what they actually need. Maybe you are able to be very comfortable with a 100 000 a year instead of the million you thought. 100 000 a year is still 8, 333 thousand per month. That is definitely something you can live comfortably with. And you having a million probably wont make you that much happier. It might even just cause you stress, where to put that money, what if your friends are there because you are rich etc. etc. etc.
What about feeling sexy instead of having a six pack? Well, maybe you wouldn’t feel sexy with a six pack. Maybe you prefer the flat belly, or a little bit of more curves. As long as you are healthy and you feel sexy, that is the most important goal. That is what you should concentrate on.
So now, there is a bit over a half a year left. Instead of living your life by achieving things. Achieve feelings. How do you want to feel when 2020 rolls around the corner. It is much easier to find motivation in feeling happy, content, excited and full of life, rather than x amount of money, a job that pays well or a body that doesn’t even feel like yours anymore.
Thanks for reading! What are your feeling goals for the next 6 + months?
We are told daily to work on ourselves and to improve and develop. And I agree 100% on that. Personal development, constructing a healthy amazing you with great goals is amazing. It is what will make the world a better place, because better people make better communities and nations. BUT, where do you start with this journey.
Saying that I want to be successful or I want to be healthy and all those things are extremely large as concepts. So what should we do? I am all for being positive and loving yourself, but sometimes loving yourself is being about being a realist. So let’s be realists shall we.
What are the 5 things you hate about yourself ? For me currently the list would look like this:
I am lazy; I often fail to push myself that one inch more
I love to plan, fail to execute
I talk more than I listen
I don’t take good care of myself
Everyone has their moments of laziness and it isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes however it is the thing that makes you feel all icky and disappointing in yourself. Part of the laziness is that I get excited and I plan the shit out of everything and then I fail to act on those plans. I am sure many of you can see yourself in that.
I talk way more than I listen. And it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But my goal in the future is to help people with their problems, whether it is in their personal life or work life. But in order to do that I must learn about them, their problems, as much as possible. The only way to do that is to listen.
I don’t take good care about myself. In order to be the most productive and healthy me I must eat healthy, exercise (I have been pretty good with exercise actually) and meditate etc. If I don’t do all of those things at least to a certain degree that helps me then I can’t reach my fullest potential. And this is hardly anything new. I know this very well I even have experiences of how I feel when I do “everything right” so why not do it?
I am negative. And I can hear you guys kinda laughing there and being like well we are reading your post/posts; we know you are negative, but bear with me. I don’t think that seeing your issues and working on them being negative. But I am quite often stuck in this idea of things not going my way and why is that person like that and why doesn’t our school make this work better. And that type of negativity isn’t really helpful because those are the things I currently can’t change. I can change myself and the way I react to things however.
Why should we think about these things? I personally thing it is way easier to start working on yourself if you know what is not working out for you currently. If I don’t like that I am negative, its way easier to figure out action steps to help with it (journaling,meditation etc) than just saying I want to be successful or I want to be a good person.
What are your 5 things currently, or even a couple. If you have something precise you want hints and help with, comment it down bellow and I will do my best to answer. As always thanks for reading
Have you noticed that on some days you are supper productive and efficient. You get an amazing amount of tasks done and you feel like you are on top of the world? But to balance those days out some days you have a feeling that a sloth could get more done and you are no smarter than an amoeba….sound familiar? For me too.
There are many reasons why you might have an unproductive/ sluggish day; lack of sleep, dehydration, lack of exercise. Then what we will concentrate on today; bad nutrition. Now before you start to attack me with your (pitch)forks, I would like to mention that your meals can be generally healthy and you still could be feeling like a blob. And if you can honestly say that you are healthy with your diet, hydration, sleep and fitness and you still feel bad; please contact a doctor. Heck contact them anyway. But for those people who can’t honestly claim even 90% healthy habits, this post is for them. (ME)
why you might have an unproductive/ sluggish day; lack of sleep, dehydration, lack of exercise. Then what we will concentrate on today; bad nutrition. Now before you start to attack me with your (pitch)forks, I would like to mention that your meals can be generally healthy and you still could be feeling like a blob. And if you can honestly say that you are healthy with your diet, hydration, sleep and fitness and you still feel bad; please contact a doctor. Heck contact them anyway. But for those people who can’t honestly claim even 90% healthy habits, this post is for them. (ME)
Through out history we have been developing and adapting. Many theories suggest that one of the biggest changes for us humans, and why we as a species have survived was first introducing fish and meat into our diet and then learning how to cook it as well. This however has within couple of decades turned against us. While I honestly believe that some fish and meat products in our diet can be healthy, I will be first one to admit that being mostly meat based is probably no the healthiest (especially not when it is part of fast food).
Heavy saturated fat based foods make us groggy as it is more difficult to digest, making the blood from our head go to our digestive system. On the other hand too many carbs/sugars makes us have a spike of energy and then we are all of a sudden very tired. Usually this is followed by us eating again or drinking coffee/energy drinks to get us back to being able to work. Then we crash again and it ends up being a vicious cycle.
How should we eat? I don’t think I can answer that without some disclaimers: 1) I am not a doctor, nutritionist nor have I researched the topic enough to promise miracle results. 2) I don’t think there is a diet that fits everyone (and I don’t think there are miracle diets). I can however suggest some things by what I have read. This is based on my research on what are healthiest foods for productivity A well balanced diet with healthy fats from nuts and seeds, avocados (can I hear a YAY from all the millennials) Some good carbs; for example vegetables, fruits, whole grains. And proteins from either plant sources, like legumes and if you aren’t vegan then some fish and lean meats. Now even if you are vegan I know you can have a balanced diet. Just don’t restrict yourself and remember to take supplements. Especially B12 and iron. B12 is very hard to get from plants only and iron while possible, is often something that will be lacking on a vegan diet.
Speaking of vitamins and minerals, some that are supposed to help with productivity are B-vitamins, vitamin D3 (D-vitamin deficiency is especially common in northern countries due to the lack of sun light, just keep that in mind, especially during winter months.) Omega 3 Fatty acids, vitamin C and magnesium. Most of these are reasonably easy to have in your diet. But if you have some dietary restrictions, like being vegan, not being able to eat fish or being allergic to some fruits/veggies with these vitamins/mineral, please do take the time to supplement. More info about these vitamins and where to find them: 5 Vitamins & Minerals to boost focus, concentration and productivity
Productivity is a result of many things. Healthy lifestyle, good habits and systems that make it easier to do things than to procrastinate.
What do you think is the biggest aspect of your lack of productivity? (If you lack it) Eating habits, lack of exercise, lack or sleep (perhaps them all?) Being unorganized, not having discipline(actually meaning having good systems in place)
Comment down below, I would love to engage with you! And as always thanks for reading 🙂
When you play Super Mario, despite sometimes killing him of, you usually try again, and again…. and again. Sometimes this lasts for so long, you end up losing track of time, causing you to fail at doing something actually productive. But you can actually learn a lot from your games. There are numerous studies done, showing how gaming (a reasonable amount) is actually healthy and good for development. It helps with problem solving, motor skills and improves creativity. But today I am not talking about those benefits. I am however very open to write about that, if you are interested.
My topic today is about turning your actual life into a game. This is not originally my idea, a lot of people on YouTube and on their blogs, do challenges and use apps to make their life into a game. Some examples are Thomas Frank, The Goal Guys and Max Hertan.
What does it mean in practice? It means first of all that you have a goal. It could be writing a 10 page essay, or learning to do a split in 30 days. What ever your goal is, it can be gamefied. How to do it? I will break it down bellow, just like a real life video game, everyone will have their own approach, so feel free to tweak anything that you feel necessary.
Have a goal. In a video game like Super Mario, it could be getting through a level or defeating Bowser. If it is defeating Bowser, you use the levels as your steps, until you are at the final showdown. If it is getting through a level your steps will be on a shorter scale, like jumping in the right place and killing the right enemy at the write time. So just like in a game, with a goal you have to come up with steps to win.
Track your progress in a visible way. It wouldn’t be fun to play Mario or any other game, if you could never see how many enemies you have killed, or if you would never level up. That is the same in a real life goal. If you want to learn splits, make sure you document your progress. Even if you aren’t as close as you want to be to a split, at least you can see how far you have come, if you for example take pictures. Or you could mark in your calendar daily how many minutes you have stretched etc.
Reward yourself. This is slightly controversial. There are a lot of people who are super successful, that think this is not helpful. And if you only do things because of a treat, instead of feeling the pride for getting healthier or for getting the project done. I can understand the concern. However I assume, that people don’t want to do things that seem big and daunting without some kind of small wins in between. So stretch while you watch a series you love. It’s two birds with one stone and it is more fun that way as well. Or after each page you have written of the essay you can go scratch your puppy. Make sure it is something that you don’t over do the rewarding tho. You don’t deserve to binge watch youtube for stretching your hamstrings for 2 seconds.
Keep it real. if you start too many goals, too many projects and you try to make everything into a game, you might lose. You can’t play Mario, Call of Duty and solve the Rubik’s Cube all at the same time. The same thing with goals. Don’t beat yourself up for falling down or not getting through a level. Only beat yourself up, if you didn’t get back up to try again.
Here are some apps to helps you gamify your goals/tasks:
Habitica: Gamify Your tasks
Forest: Stay Focused
Fitness RPG- Gamify your Pedometer
Do it Now- RPG To Do List/ Task List
These are some of the apps you will get on an android device. I am sure there are many for the Apple phones as well.
Thanks for reading! This post was really fun to write, as this is something I want to incorporate more into my life, to get more exciting and interesting things done (as well as the mandatory ones). What are some of your goals you would like to turn into a game?
Having freedom is dangerous. What if you never do anything actually good for you and your health, whether it is mental or physical? What if when you make your choices you don’t think about how they will affect you in a couple of years?
I am a lazy person. I could easily just veg out and watch YouTube for my whole life. How ever I try really hard not to do that, so what can I or us do that will make us feel rested but still not be a total waste of time.
I want to put a disclaimer here because I am sure someone is feeling very threatened that someone dares to tell them not to watch YouTube. You can do it. Just keep your head in the game and don’t over do it.
If you would die today. Would you feel like you had a fulfilled life? Would you feel like you did all that you could to achieve goals? Did you get anything done from your bucket list? No? Me neither.
So here are some ideas for you to start resting productively, letssaaa go 😉
Make a bucket list of things you want to try. This can be an event you want to participate in, a habit you want to try, anything. I will next list out ideas that could go into your bucket list.
Date night; this can be with you and your partner, you and yourself or maybe you and your friends. Whom ever you will share this time with, try to plan. Don’t make it too simple like; Veg out and watch YouTube. That is what we want to avoid doing. Maybe plan an outing or a game night. Of if you are doing a date night alone, plan a pamper routine. Read a book you have put aside for “when I have time”…. yeah the time is this date night 😉
Travel to a destination that you want to visit. This could be near or far away, what ever suits your life right now. If you can’t afford to go on a road trip on your own, how about you save up for a while and ask your friends/partner join you. This way you will be able to have more money and not be alone. However there is nothing wrong with going on your own. It might just be a bit of a longer time that you have to save, depending where you want to go. Plan it out.
Watch a Skillshare video that will teach you something and actually implement it: Skillshare To try out click here and get a 2 months free try out. (I am not sponsored at all I will however get one month free for everyone who becomes a premium member after the 2 months are up)
Watch a documentary. And don’t be passive about it. Write up notes as you watch. Check out some details after. It might never do anything for you or one day you might impress your potential boss by knowing about something that they wouldn’t have expected you to have know. (You can obviously do for the sake of curiosity as well)
Practice a skill. It might be doing a handstand, maybe a Yoga pose. What ever it is. Just use a couple of hours to work on that skill. Who knows it might become your thing 😉
I kind of already mentioned this but read. Read read read. It makes you rest from what ever you have to do. But it is still keeping your brain active. If you read a non fiction book you can learn and maybe implement new ideas. But even with a fiction book, you will get a lot of benefits. Making up a world in your head and escaping the reality can do great things for your health and creativity in your own projects. I personally at least feel like I am a lot more rested after reading a fiction book than just staring at the screen for ages.
Go for a walk. Yes it is that simple
Figure yourself out. Journal, have a journal prompt. Figure out anything you can about you. Isn’t it weird sometimes that we know a friend better than we know ourselves? I mean why can we give advice to a friend but when it comes to ourselves we are clueless? Well…. maybe after journaling and figuring things out, you can give advice to yourself
In case my ideas didn’t show case my point I shall write it here in a more clear way. When I am mentioning productive resting I mean getting our mind of work/studies or what ever else is stressing you out, and giving it a break, while not shutting it totally off. Shutting off is sometimes a good thing. But when it becomes a method to procrastinate, or to veg out totally, it becomes unhealthy. And while I am sure that the ideas I mentioned in this post are something you can still over do, but most of the time the risk is smaller than with say Instagram, YouTube or other social media.
If you want some ideas for challenges you could do or things to put on bucket lists check out the Goal Guys on YouTube (no the irony isn’t lost on me) Goal Guys My favourite video from them right now is this : I tried to go 7 Days Without Procrastination One of the reasons why I love them is because they inspire you to gamefy your goals and try new things without huge commitment fear 😉
Tomorrow, I will start my new life. I will get 25 things done (half of which take 5h each) I will learn 20 languages and I will never, ever put things off ever again. And what happens the next morning at 5 am? Snooooooooooze.
So what what is the act of putting things of called? Procrasitnation.
Why do we procrastinate? If we are talking from a human experience point of view I would say we procrastinate for couple of reasons. Some more acceptable than others.
Fear of Failure We as humans need to succeed. Failing has often this humiliating affect on us. Instead of accepting that we learned how not to do something, we think we just failed for the rest of our lives. So the next time we don’t even try (and lets be honest. That is the real failure)
Bad health habits. Now there is a lot of research done on how to optimize your brain and one of those ways is to be healthy. So eating a healthy balanced diet, exercising and sleeping enough. It is quite simple … how ever sometimes we seem to procrastinate on becoming healthy… what a vicious cycle it is.
Being addicted to something; in today’s age it is increasingly easy to boast about how you don’t drink, smoke or do drugs. BUT do you perhaps touch your phone every 6 minutes? Because that is an addiction. If someone would alcohol every 6 minutes or smoke a cigarette that often, you wouldn’t question that they have an addiction but somehow with phones it isn’t the same?
If we discuss why we procrastinate from a biological/ physical point of view its due to our brains being structured to not want to do things that are difficult or that we are afraid of. So if our brain senses a danger (aka we dread a project) it automatically puts us into a mode of resistance to the hard thing, and we reach for the phone or what ever it is that we rather do. (Even though we are more adapted to resist difficult things do not make this your excuse, you’ll just live a miserable life.) Read more here: Science Behind Procrastination
How do we make sure that we leave procrastination to the minimal? (sometimes we are allowed to stumble)
Place in routines that help you. Start your morning smartly. Instead of procrastinating getting up, make your alarm ring across your room (and don’t let it be your phone) Do maybe a couple of jumping jacks so you don’t feel like going back into bed. Wash your face with cold water …or take a cold shower. (it suck to take it btw.) But when you do difficult things right in the morning, when you are somehow still able to resist temptation it makes your rest of the day less resistance based.
Figure out the issues you have: Is the project too large to conceptualize right away? Well make it into small sections, e.g. research, take notes, write paragraph 1-3 and 4-6 and lastly 6-10, proof read, come up with a good title, write down the resources you used and send it. Often times people get into this head space of the end goal. If you are obese and your eventual goal is to be a body builder, you will have to find small wins along the way. It can’t count as a failure if you don’t wake up next morning with six pack abs after eating healthy once or going to the gym once. With this logic it can’t be counted as a failure to take smaller steps in completing a project either.
Figure out what motivates you. Not on a short term. But on a bigger scale. Is it being proud of doing the things you promised yourself you would do. Maybe you want to feel beautiful and healthy. Maybe you don’t like being stressed all the time. What ever it is for you, link your goals to feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction and joy. Things won’t bring joy on a longer time line. So don’t count yourself to deserve a coffee if you get done with a project. It is very easy to talk yourself into having a coffee because your need a pick me up. Trying to believe that you will be proud of yourself even if you fail in an exam, isn’t that easy.
What do you guys struggle with the most when it comes to procrastination? Leave it down in the comments. Would love to hear from you.
Today is my birthday. I am 23 years old now and I feel like I know nothing and that I haven’t improved at all (even though I have been on a personal development journey for couple of years already, on and off) So I thought for today’s post I will give 23 of the lessons I have learned and I would be more than happy if you guys let me know about your top lessons in the comment section below ( it would be like a birthday gift for me 😉 🎂 )
No one is going to save you; I know this sound very dark and harsh, but isn’t meant like that. I just mean that you have to take responsibility for your life, because everyone will eventually get tired of holding you on and themselves up. Friends and family can help you if you stumble and they should be there for you when times get tough, but eventually you have to be able to hold yourself up.
The most precious things in life are experiences. Things fade away and get lost in the box of “to go through later” but your memories and lessons stay with you (unless you get amnesia or you get so old you start forgetting experiences but then you will forget where you put all the stuff you have so it still doesn’t matter)
Planning only takes your so far. I know everyone of us would want to do a great plan with beautiful handwriting and execute it just like that. But most of the time we make a plan and don’t execute it at all. Or something goes wrong and we start blaming ourselves for not seeing all of the variables. Instead of being happy that we had a good base from where to start.
Music makes life worth living.
Good books and stories make live worth living.
When everything is going to shit, it usually mean that something great is about to happen.
I will never become beach ready, because in Finland its way more important to have a fat layer to live through the 8+ months of freezing weather. Instead of the 2 seconds that the beach weather lasts for. ( Please note that I am joking. I have just not worked hard enough, still a part of my goals)
Life isn’t fair, but you can be.
It doesn’t matter if you aren’t the primadonna of your class as long as you have the bestest people supporting you. And I 100% have the closest most amazing friends.
About 80% of the times when you want to cry, you can laugh. This is not in anyway to tell anyone that they shouldn’t cry. It is just that quite often when something happens we will see it as bad but it isn’t actually that bad. And instead of shaking it off, you can laugh it off.
The best thing about coming home is taking your bra off.
A dog will make your life extremely messy and fucked up, and I would never change that.
Parents are 99% of the time right. And when they aren’t they will still not listen to you, so don’t bother. (With all love <3)
You learn more from the school of life than from a lifetime of school.
People change and you will as well, don’t hold it against them. Just hope they change for the better.
You can choose to see the world as a bad place or a good place that can be even better.
If you have a message or opinion, share it with people who agree or are willing to listen. A brick wall won’t budge no matter how hard you bang your head against it.
Exercise feels amazing, especially after it is done.
Reading makes a lot of a difference. If you can’t handle paper books, at least listen to audio books.
Life never goes the way you thought it would. When I was like 5 I thought I would be a stewardess who dances ballet in the airplane… not quite what I am doing now.
Laughing at yourself and your mistakes makes your life way easier. It will make people more open to you and you will be more open to change.
Phones are not the most important thing in the world
My last and most important lesson is that I know nothing and I am willing to learn as much as possible
What are your lessons in life? What is something you want to still learn?
Paint this picture in your mind. You are just sitting around a campfire and you are listening to the chirping of the evening birds, you hear the crickets singing and the fire crackling? Now, most of you will be like that sounds like a calm, romantic and nice environment to be in. And I agree with it 100%. However, if you would be there with your phone, a possibility to watch a film even read a book, would you despite all those distractions concentrate on nature and the moment? I would bet on no. And calm your horses, I know you would want to say that you would enjoy the moment. I know you would want to say you are strong enough to ignore the automatic curiosity your brain has to check that bling on your phone. But you (probably)wouldn’t and nor would I (unless I really put my mind to it)
The reason I am talking about this is that in society today it is more appreciated that you react to that bing and answer the email right away. It is cool to have an Instagram account and post every 5 minutes. And since this is the norm, our brain, that is formed so that we are easily bored, to adapt the fastest, now is bored with those things that make us healthier.
It has been proven by various studies that even just a little walk in nature will lower your stress. For one of the most recent examples science daily has posted a report 6th of July 2018. The report is based on gathered evidence from over 140 studies with more 290 million people included. “The report reveals that expose to greenspace, reduces the risk of type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease, premature death, preterm birth, stress, and high blood pressure” To read in more, visit here: ScienceDaily. So, what happens when we are bored with the most natural aspects of life? When we must have some kind of noise on the daily? To have music on when you get dressed, take your phone with you to the bathroom, because you are too bored to take a fucking shit without having something to check all the time. What does this lead to?
I don’t mean the literal kind where you raise the stairs to say good day to St. Peter or where the lights are turned off or whatever you believe is death. Though it leads to it indirectly. But what I mean is the death where you don’t enjoy life, being depressed or just existing without purpose. Isn’t it disturbing that we see breathing unimportant? Sure, we will think about it if we can’t take a breath. But what about enjoying breathing during a crisp winter morning or the smell of petrichor; the sent right after the rain. Instead of going through the emotions about your family member passing away you feel you owe to tell it to your followers. And instead of those followers living and feeling their own lives they feel they have the right to demand of you to tell your private lives for thousands of people just because they are bored with their own lives. Bored with the silence. Bored of not having attention from others.
Boredom is simply the absence of an interesting perspective.
Brandon A. Trean
If day in and day out your brain is used to watching constantly new videos, pictures, and memes or whatever else you come up with. It gets used to it. The brain becomes bored with the constant similarity of listening to birds or the wind in the trees or whatever else because it becomes too “boring”. The thing is that in the past having a concentration that is broken fast by a twig breaking under an animal’s foot etc. But even then, people were able to stay focused and do “boring” things all the time. Have you ever gone berry gathering? That is boring and hard, but you had to do it to have food. So how was it that people then were able to do it but now it is way too difficult to even have silence in the room for 5 minutes? Or not have content to feed on?
As I am not a health professional I would suggest you do an honest check with yourself and see a doctor if you feel like you are addicted to your phone/Internet. There are a lot of health issues linked to internet addiction, like being more depressed, more anxious and even aggressive. And on top of this there are many ways of being addicted online, being a shopaholic, feeling the constant need to be social; with the fear, of missing out if you don’t check Facebook.
If you were already calming yourself up thinking that you aren’t addicted because you would never be interested in something as stupid as Facebook, wait up. I will disrupt your calm. If you are constantly researching things online, watching to educational videos that can be an addiction as well, and since it is technically productive it feels like it can’t be a bad thing. But just like you can be addicted to going to the gym in an unhealthy manner or feeling you must restrict eating even after you’ve lost weight already, you can be addicted to research. To read more about this addiction visit: Mentalhealthamerica
retrain your brain to be ok with the silence. To concentrate on one thing for
hours. The issue is that if you want to develop yourself you must become
comfortable with what today we see as boring. You might need to learn a
presentation so by heart that even if someone interrupts it you will be able to
answer the question and continue. You might be a dancer and need to train for
hours so you finally master something. Or you might have forgotten that those
things you are bored with now, used to fill you with joy. The calm romantic
evening around a campfire. The walking in the forest, without the phone or the camera
without any company. Just you.
the basic day to day life. You must learn to make sure your brain is ok with
silence. If going to nature is so healthy for us, but we feel bored doing it,
we won’t go. And that will cause huge risks for us. Not only with considering
the stress factor but also fitness and getting cleaner air.
One of my biggest fears is to wake up one day and not want to do anything but lay in bed and scroll Instagram. To find it too difficult to get up to get out for a walk. To hate doing the basic things to such an extent I would rather be on the phone watching others live their lives while I waste away and die. Boredom, trying to get a quick fix of whatever instant gratification you have chosen can lead to actual premature death. Whether this is due to overeating and not moving or becoming depressed enough due to self-comparison you end up killing yourself. Or it can be less dramatic at this moment, it could just mean wasting your life away and regretting it on your death bed. And that freaks the crap out of me. Living 80+ years (if I get that far) and regretting my life.
What is your biggest fear? What is it that you spend the most time doing online? So much so that it ends up affecting how much actual work you get done in a day? If you feel like you need help please seek help. Sometimes, however, we can figure these things on our own, if we see the issues early enough. Then we must work hard on disrupting out patterns. So, I challenge all of you who spend way too much time online, to go and do 5 push ups every time you feel like reaching for your phone/computers or if you realize you are scrolling mindlessly already. Once 5 push-ups get too easy (or if it is easy already) push yourself further. We can change our lives and make it interesting putting some effort into things we do. And pushing ourselves to enjoy the silence and appreciate it as well will help enjoy our lives.
One of my biggest goals is to become proud of myself and of what I’ve been able to achieve by pushing myself. Therefore personal development and learning about successful people has become so addicting for me. I shouldn’t confuse inspiration for action. Therefore I write these posts, and this is why especially today’s topic was so important for me. What is your biggest current goal? And what is the one thing that is standing in your way, regarding your habits/addictions?
Thanks for reading and don’t forget to comment below, let’s have a conversation! 🙂
I have no idea who I write for. I mean I have the ideal people I hope I am writing for. Age 16- 30 (if you are older or younger come aboard, this will be helpful for you as well) But as I am myself 23 in a month, I really want to motivate people around my own age. And be the young mentor I didn’t have when I was around 16 years old.
But I have no clue what you guys want to read apart obviously something to do with personal development since that is what my whole blog is about. (and something I am constantly working on myself, trust me, I know it isn’t easy. I ain’t got my shit together. Just saying)
But what is it that you want to read? I am willing to delve into almost any topic (related to the grand idea of the blog). I am willing to research it and post it but, I really want you guys to reach out to me and tell me what it is that you want to read. Now I do have ideas already in my mind, but I would love to hear from you too!
You don’t have to have goals to become the best CEO in the world or have a net worth of billion as your goal. Success at least for me is more about doing better than you did yesterday and that you are proud of who you are. It doesn’t matter if it is being a great mother or a business owner. Your success is yours, don’t make anyone else decide it for you.
Despite your what your success looks like, you must work for it. And the best way to have success is to have a routine. If you own a business your routines are going to be different from being a mother. But you will still have routines and habits. I will first talk about why you will never amount to anything without habits and after I will mention some habits that I think are the best for those who are just starting out on this journey.
Why can’t you amount to anything without habits?
Think of all the habits you have in place right now…. brushing teeth twice a day (hopefully). Drinking 8 cups of water a day. Taking the stairs instead of the elevator and so on. Now imagine if you couldn’t even achieve these small habits, like brushing your teeth. If you don’t have enough will power, determination to hold a toothbrush for 4 minutes in total in a day, how could you do anything else? You build momentum in a day by starting it right and you start building moment for the next day by ending the day right. If you can’t do the small things well then you can’t be responsible for a child or a business or school work or anything.
How do you form habits? And what habits should you form?
Starting to form habits isn’t easy. I have started new habits and stopped doing them over and over again. And I have noticed that sometimes habits are really difficult to rationalize for yourself, especially if the award for it would be visible in a year or the consequence if you didn’t do it. For example, if you skip brushing your teeth once or twice, you probably won’t die. But if you never brush your teeth… well that won’t look pretty.
So how have I found it easiest to form habits? Give yourself a reason to do it. You want to study for 3 hours a day? Why? Simon Sinek has written a book about it, and while his tips are often related to business, trust me the tips are important to your personal life as well. If you don’t have a strong enough why you will not continue the habit. If you feel like “Well then there isn’t a point because I know I don’t have a strong why so whatever”. Don’t quit quite yet. You can make yourself a why. Let’s stick with the studying example. (this can be applied to work or anything, to be honest. ) Here are some why’s you could implement for yourself even if they aren’t something that you believe 100% quite yet.
Wanting to improve in subject XYZ; it makes sense that if you want to study well you have to be better than before. The only way is to have a consistent habit of studying after school or before school and on weekends (or all of them together)
Wanting to be proud of yourself: This for me is super important. I feel like shit about being lazy and not amounting to as much as I want. I actually study relatively well. But I’m around the average, a little bit over. And I haven’t really put much effort into my studies. Expect at the last moment… That makes me wonder what could I have achieved if I had always done my best.
Having all the doors still open for you. The simple truth is, people rarely are aware of what they will want in the future. You might feel like you will never need math… well I thought that too. Thus I didn’t work hard for my math grades. But then I learned that I needed a very complete understanding of math to study Psychology in Finland… and now I am not studying Psychology. And really, it is all my fault. I am still shitty in math, but I could learn. It would take a lot of effort. It would have taken a lot less when I was in my 9th grade or even in high school…
So find your why. And think it through very carefully. Visualize every possible outcome that could happen in case of implementing and not implementing a habit into your life.
Best habits to implement right now!
If you have decided something stick to it. It is probably one of the most difficult habits to implement. I know that. But it will help you with all of your habit forming. If you are used to not sticking to what you promise yourself. Then you will never hold yourself accountable for anything. I mean if you just let yourself talk yourself out of studying every day… in the end, it won’t be a habit. If you will explain to yourself why you really need to eat that pie… well eating healthy/losing weight is going to be hella hard. You catch my point? So make it a habit to keep the promises you make to yourself. (to others too, but to yourself especially).
If you assume something will take x amount of time…double it, or even triple it. It doesn’t really matter what the task you are doing is. If you think you can finish an essay in 2 hours. Then assume it will be 4. Not so you can have time to scroll Instagram. But so you don’t fill your day too full. If you think about this in form of habits? Don’t assume that it will take only 21 days to form a habit. First of all, 21 days is a short time if you are used to doing something for more than 20 years… and some habits are easier to form than others. So assume it will take you up to 50 days. If it takes less then great, but at least you won’t have the possibility of being like “well it didn’t work in 21 days, so it probably won’t for me at all”.
If you fail, get back up. Do not change the habit you are trying to do. If every time you fail you give up. that becomes your habit. So make it your habit to get up when you fail.
Pick one routine and make it your backbone for everything. If it is your evening routine, it will make your morning better. If it is your morning routine it will make your day better. After that just build routines on top of the other routines. Until all of your life will be filled with habits.
If you are still unsure of the benefits and reasons to implement habits be sure to check out Tim Ferris, Tom Bilyeu, Tony Robbins, Oprah, Mel Robbins, Sorelle Amore or anyone who is successful on some level. If you find someone who is going to tell us that habits are not good for us and they have a hectic life and that is why they are so successful, I want you to link them for me. I really wanna read about them 😀
Thank you for reading! Here are some of my favorite habit and routine videos if you are interested and want to get inspiration. Before assuming you can change everything at ones and implement all of the habits and routines of famous successful people, remember my list 😉